Flattery Will Get Your Dick Sucked

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of GUN-WILD, fugitive bank robbers Cam Clinch and Rod Funk hide out in a Venice beach dive bar to regroup and come up with a plan, but when a customer sees a news bulletin about them on TV, all hell breaks loose ...


INT. HINANO’S - NIGHT
A warm, cozy, dark, beachy dive. Old-school.
Sawdust and peanut shells on the floor.
Pool table. Neon beer signs.

The jukebox plays The Clash’s cover of
I FOUGHT THE LAW over --

A pair of LOCALS at end of the bar
watch a ball game on an old TV
suspended by chains up above.

Rod and Cam walk in.
All eyes turn and look.

THE BARTENDER (40’s), is a
large gal with a gorgeous face.

Biker-chic, with long red hair.
Harley T-shirt. Bandana. Boots.

FAT BARTENDER
ROD FUNK?
What the FUCK?
Where the hell have YOU been?

ROD
(smiles)
Rosie. Haven’t changed a bit.

ROSIE
Bull-shit.
I get fatter every year.
(looks at Cam)
And who is this?
You cheating on me?

ROD
This here is Cam.
Fastest gun at the beach.

CAM
Hey.

ROSIE
Pleased to meet you, doll.
(to Rod)
Am I getting older,
or are your fillies getting younger.

ROD
Don’t give me that shit.
You don’t look day over twenty-nine, baby.

ROSIE
Flattery will get your dick sucked.
Name your poison.
First round’s on the house.

ROD
Double shot of Jack,
and a bottle of Corona.

CAM
Works for me.

Rosie turns, grabs a bottle of Jack.
Pours three shots.
Slides two over.

Grabs two bottles from the cooler.
CRACKS them open.
Puts them in front of Rod and Cam.

ROD
(lifts his shot)
Much obliged.
(to Cam)
Honey? A toast?

CAM
(lifts hers)
To?

ROSIE
(raises hers)
Getting FUCKED UP.

They all smile. DOWN them.

ROD
(wipes his mouth)
Hit me again.
Fucking cold out there.

ROSIE
(smiles, pours)
So what do I owe the pleasure
of your company this fine evening?

ROD
Just in the nabe.
Haven’t been here in awhile,
thought it would be fun to --

ROSIE
(to Cam)
Did you know your fella
used to play 'Ring Around the Rosie?'

ROD
Rosie --

CAM
WHAT?

ROSIE
That’s right, dolly.
(glares at Rod)
Said he liked a gal with a little
MEAT on her bones.
(glares at Cam)
But now it looks like he prefers BONES --
with no MEAT.

CAM
What the FUCK?

ROD
Rosie --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Holy fucking SHIT.

A GRIZZLED REGULAR at the end of the bar
looks at Rosie.

GRIZZLED REGULAR
ROSIE. Turn on the news.
Them two are BANK ROBBERS.
Cops are lookin’ for ‘em.

ROSIE
Get the fuck outta here.

She turns around.
Flicks on the TV next to the register.

ON THE TV
We see Kim’s perfect drawing of Rod and Cam.

REPORTER (V.O.)
-- wanted in connection with the deaths
of three police officers and two civilians.
If you see them, contact
your local precinct immediately, and be careful.
They’re considered armed and extremely dangerous.
We go now to David Brazil,
on the scene at Venice Beach.

Rosie reaches under the bar --

ROSIE
You fucking ASSHOLE.
You have the nerve to come in here --
(raises up a baseball bat)
And FUCK with my BUSINESS.

Cam WHIPS out her Glock.
CLICKS the safety.

CAM
Put the fucking bat down, you FAT PIG --
or I’ll blow your TITS OFF.

ROSIE
You wouldn’t fucking DARE.

ROD
Cam, let’s just get the fuck outta here.

ROSIE
Beat it, WHORE.

CAM
CUNT!

Cam FIRES -- BANG.
The mirror behind the bar EXPLODES.

ROSIE
(swings the bat)
Fucking BITCH!

Cam PLUGS Rosie in the face.
BANG, BANG, BANG.
Her head EXPLODES.

She DROPS the bat, CRACK.
Hits the floor, THWUNK.

GRIZZLED REGULAR
(whispers)
Holy SHIT.

CAM
(to Rod)
Empty the register
and let’s get THE FUCK outta here.

Rod HOPS over the bar.
BANGS open the drawer.

Starts grabbing the money.
Turns and looks.

ROD
Why did ya have to go and do that?

CAM
(glaring)
She disrespected me.
Some boyfriend YOU turned out to be.
(lowers the gun)
Grab a couple bottles and LET’S GO.

Rod shoves the money in his pocket.
Grabs the booze.

Grizzled Regular stares at Cam.
Shaking with fear.

GRIZZLED REGULAR
Please don’t shoot.
We didn’t see nothing.
We-we-we won’t t-talk.

The other regular, a dumb-looking
CONSTRUCTION WORKER whispers into his cell phone.
Cam sees this. MARCHES over.

CAM
GIMMEE THAT PHONE.
(snatches it from him)
Who THE FUCK were you calling?
(looks)
911? GODDAMMIT.

She SHOOTS him in the head. BANG.
Dumb-looking falls off his stool.
Hits the floor. THUMP.

GRIZZLED REGULAR
Ohmigod, NO -- PLEASE, NO!

Cam puts the gun in the
waistband of her jeans. Smiles. Evil.

CAM
Don’t worry.
You get to live.
(beat)
Gotta leave someone
to tell the story.

Grizzled nods vigorously,
scared shitless.

CAM
You tell the fucking cops
that it was SELF-DEFENSE.
That the fat, fucking whore
was gonna ATTACK ME.
Got it?

GRIZZLED REGULAR
G-got it.
CAM
(to Rod)
C’mon.
Let’s blow this cluster-fuck.

And they RACE out the door.