If You've Got The Crime, I've Got The Time

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love meets with her client Dick Daerr, who hires her to find his missing stripper daughter, Dina. Then, moments later, as she gets in her car to leave, she's propositioned by porn star Laura Lang, who asks for a 'date' ...


INT. DICK'S MANSION - STUDY - DAY
The standard Masterpiece Theater overdone,
manly joint stuffed with too much expensive shit.

Shelves crammed with books
that have never been read.
‘Study Gone Wild.’

Dick sits behind his desk
like the captain of industry
he wishes he was.

Carrie sits in a chair
in front of him.

DICK
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.

CARRIE
Id you’ve got the crime,
I’ve got the time.

DICK
THAT should be your slogan --

Carrie pulls out a notepad and pen.
Looks up.

CARRIE
What’s your daughter’s name?

DICK
Dina. Dina Daerr.
We’re big on alliteration
in my family.

CARRIE
It would appear so --
(beat)
So how exactly did you
find out she was missing?

DICK
The owner of the club
said she hadn’t shown up
for work the last couple of days.

CARRIE
(nods, scribbles notes)
And the owner’s name?

DICK
Cor Cirac.
He’s French Canadian.
Has one of those funny accents.
You know --

CARRIE
Did Dina have any enemies?
You know, like ex-lovers --
anyone that would
want to do her harm?

DICK
Not that I know of.
I mean, she’s fucking GORGEOUS.
People tend to give her
anything she wants --
(beat)
If you know what I mean.

CARRIE
Trust me, I know --
(beat)
She ever been in
trouble with the law?

DICK
The usual kid stuff,
but nothing serious, no.

Carrie stands.
Puts her notebook away.

CARRIE
Okay.
I’ve got enough to get started on.
What I’d like to get from you
is a list of all her friends.
My email address is on my card.

DICK
I’ll do that right away.

Dick gets up.
Walks over to her.
Hands her a check.

CARRIE
(looks at it)
Five-K?
That’s quite a retainer --

DICK
I’m a generous guy.
(smiles)
Thanks again for your help.
(they shake)
What do you think your
chances are of finding her?

CARRIE
Don’t worry, Dick.
I haven’t lost a case yet.

PUSH IN ON Dick’s face.
Smiling. Relieved.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Of course, I didn’t tell him
this was my first case --

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - DRIVEWAY - DAY
Carrie stands at her car.
Opens the door. Slides in.

LAURA (O.C.)
So you’re going to leave
without saying goodbye.

LAURA
Stands in front of the house
at the top of the steps.

Mock-hurt.
Insinuating.
Hands on hips.

CARRIE
Turns, looks. Gulp.

CARRIE
(trying for casual, not successful)
I l-looked for you,
but you were -- you were --

Suddenly she’s right beside her.

LAURA
Working?

CARRIE
Uh -- yeah.

Laura leans into the car window.
Inches away.

LAURA
I’m going to Club Fuck tonight.
I’ll be with a date,
but it’s a ruse.
(beat)
Doing anything tonight?