Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Kiss My Dick
Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 25 of FULL BODY, things come to a head when Etya is confronted by her mother Mavra at The International. But just as they reach a truce and put down their weapons, Etya's father, crime boss Yuri Vlaovic, arrives on the scene to have his own showdown with Mavra, his ex-wife, back from the dead ...
EXT. 14TH STREET - AT THAT MOMENT
Yuri GALLOPS down the street. SNAPPING the reins.
Go! Go! Go! GO!
The horse stops. RAISES its front legs. WHINNIES.
What the fuck you stop for!
C’mon, let’s go! Giddy-fucking-UP!
Fucking HORSE. I said, GIDDY-UP, GODDAMMIT.
A beautiful WHITE MARE comes into frame.
Pulling a tourist carriage.
The stallion starts nuzzling the mare.
Yuri jumps off. The horse gives him a look. ‘Beat it.’
Okay, I’m sorry. I go.
Everybody getting laid but me.
EXT. THE INTERNATIONAL - FRONT ENTRANCE - AT THAT MOMENT
Etya races up the steps. FLINGS open the front door.
RUNS inside. SLAMS the door shut behind her. LOCKS it.
Wipes her brow. She’s a mess.
Filthy. Bloody. Sweaty.
Okay. Must get ready --
IN HER OFFICE
Etya goes to the safe. Opens it.
Pulls out a large chrome 357 MAGNUM.
Fondles it lovingly.
Is only fitting I use her gun.
She deserted us, and now comes back?
I spit on her, I -- I --
Drink to her demise.
She goes to the bar.
Opens a bottle of vodka.
Pours a stiff one.
Takes a sip. Walks into --
THE FRONT ROOM
Etya sits at the reception desk.
Puts down the drink.
No. Am sitting goose.
She goes to the lights.
Shuts them off.
IN THE DARK
Now. Where to hide?
Hide? Hide? HIDE?
I didn’t teach you to HIDE like a COWARD.
I taught you to CONFRONT danger,
meet it HEAD-ON, like WARRIOR.
Just flew in from Dubrovnik,
and boy are arms tired.
Turn on light. I want to see you.
Etya’s gun CLICKS.
Stay where you are.
Don’t move oyster.
I’m not going to hurt you, Etya.
(choking with emotion)
I came all this way -- to see you.
You -- did?
No. No way --
I don’t want to hurt you.
You’re my daughter.
Lights SNAP on.
Etya and Mavra face off.
Each with a gun.
But you’re -- pointing weapon at me.
I may be sentimental,
but I’m not an idiot.
They stare at each other.
Taking it all in.
You look good. Healthy.
A bit torn up from big chase scene,
but good. Really good. Where’s your father?
He’s on the way.
And if you try and kill him,
I’ll, I’ll -- kill you.
You won’t kill me. I’m your mother.
Who abandoned family.
I was made Zagreb laughingstock.
Your father never made love to me,
he drove me into arms of other men.
So now you’re saying I’m not
flower of father’s fertilizer?
Of course not. We use turkey baster.
Can’t you see resemblance?
(looks at her)
And you are even more beautiful --
You’re not going to butter me.
What is -- butter you?
Is compliment to get what you want.
But I -- just want you to love me.
Kiss my dick.
No, is true. Look. I put down gun.
You’re my daughter, my only child.
I love you, Etya. Please. Come to Momma.
Let me take you away from all this.
We can start our own crime family.
Etya lowers her gun.
Collapses into Mavra’s arms.
They hold each other.
Pull apart. Kiss.
MALE VOICE (O.C.)
And I thought I cornered market
on incestual longing.
SILKE comes into frame.
Pointing a handgun.
What’s that song by Echo and Bunnymen?
‘Lips Like Sugar?’
Etya WHIRLS, puts Mavra between herself and Silke.
JAMS her gun toward him.
Shut up, you, you -- house-wrecker.
Etya, don’t. Put down gun.
Let’s discuss this.
Silke. This wasn’t part of plan.
Plan? What plan?
You said you wanted revenge.
That I was to trust you.
Now MY baby’s dead,
and YOU have YOURS back.
If that was fucking PLAN,
it fucking SUCKS.
Now look what we have here.
Regular family reunion.
Is ‘Full House.’
steps into frame.
A GUN aimed at Mavra.
Another at Silke.
Mavra. Still lovely, as always.
Sight for sore eyes.
PUSH IN ON Mavra.
Eyes dancing with danger.
Yuri. Still with extension of penis, I see.