Wednesday, August 4, 2010

The House of Hand Release

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side ... to a place where your most erotic, violent fantasies become sins of the flesh ... where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the action non-stop ... right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of FULL BODY, we return to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where newbie Summer Donovan meets Aussie spinner Lindsay Lette in the break room, where they commiserate over the sudden demise of 'Big Willie' Birmingham. Then Etya arrives and pulls Summer aside to prep her for her first client ... a mystery man who will be accompanied by The Secret Service ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - BREAK ROOM - NIGHT
Summer and Lindsey huddle around the coffee maker
in the kitchenette area.

Summer looks spooked.
Lindsey, in shock.

SUMMER
Nice to meet you, too -- I --

LINDSEY
Are you okay?

SUMMER
I should be asking you --

LINDSEY
Yeah.

SUMMER
Are you -- okay?

LINDSEY
The crusty old fuck croaked on my watch.
I’m not okay.
(beat)
I’ll be okay.
(beat)
It was fucking scary.

SUMMER
Yeah.

LINDSEY
Welcome to 'the house of hand release.'
How you like it so far?

SUMMER
The jury’s still out.
I haven’t had a client yet.
I had the -- 'instructional massage' from --

LINDSEY
Ayanna? The queen of pain?
(off Summer’s nod)
Stay away from her. She’s a mess.
Descended from royalty,
stripped of her trust fund,
she’s a party girl going straight to hell.
I wouldn’t trust her with a used tampon.

AYANNA (O.C.)
He was so fucking huge,
it took FOUR men to carry the stretcher.
They shoulda had one of those signs
that said ‘double wide.’

REVEAL Ayanna. Laughing.
Catalina trailing behind her.

CATALINA
You’re terrible.
He might die.

AYANNA
That’s why they call it ‘dead weight.’

LINDSEY
Well, at least he went out
with a smile on his face.

CATALINA
(to Summer)
You must be Summer.
Hi. I’m Catalina.

SUMMER
Like the dressing. Hi.

CATALINA
'The dressing?' What dressing?

SUMMER
When I was a kid,
my favorite salad dressing
was ‘Catalina,’
a sickenly sweet French dressing --
it was a bright red
that doesn’t exist in nature.
I eventually outgrew it.

AYANNA
Well, look who’s all bubbly and shit
with the childhood reminiscences.

ETYA (O.S.)
Girls. There you are.

ETYA
marches into the room. Imperious.

ETYA
That vas quite the commotion.
I’m glad you are taking little break
and recovering.
Female bonding
and sharing of life experiences.
Ah, the sisterhood.
Kind of like ‘The View,’ no?
And Summer is new co-host.
(weird smile)
Which makes me -- Barbara Walter?
(looks at watch)
Okay, break time over.
Go see Reynolds for next appointments.
(to Summer)
Ms. Donovan, I need to speak to you alone.

The other girls leave.
Etya’s eyes glint with lust.

SUMMER
Did I do something wrong?

ETYA
(walks over to her)
Of course not, my little tikva.
I just wanted to prep you
for your first client.

SUMMER
P-prep me?

Etya puts her hands
on Summer’s shoulders.

ETYA
He will have his own security with him --

SUMMER
His own security?

Etya leans closer.
A wolf ready to pounce.

ETYA
Ja. The Secret Service.

SUMMER
The Secret Service?
But that’s for --

PUSH IN ON Summer.
Pulling away.
Realizing the implications.

3 comments:

  1. Haha! I like that... "the House of Hand Release"... if you saw that listing in the Yellow Pages, there would be little doubt as to what "services" were offered there! Lol!!

    OMG!!! CAROLE!!!! "Catalina... like the dressing"?? Oh my god!! That was my FAVORITE for the longest time, growing up. I would not even look at a salad unless that bright red bottle was on the table!! HAHA!!! You are sooo right... it was sickenly sweet! Yes, I did outgrow it... now I prefer a nice vinaigrette. Did you like Catalina too?

    "Queen of Pain", huh? A dark, lustful, Croatian lesbian... Summer is going to have her hands full, dodging her co-workers advances as well as the clients... does she get hazard pay? lol!!

    OMG!!! The Secret Service?!?! Summer's first client isn't... NO!!! POTUS?! OMG!!!

    Well... if I wasn't on the edge my seat before.... this story just gets better and better!!! Come on, Thursday!! LOL!!

    xoxoxo <3

    ReplyDelete
  2. To fucking funny.

    YES, Catalina was my favorite as a kid. (I'm now into Paul Newman's balsamic vinagrette.) I often use stuff from my real life.

    Trust me, the hijinks are JUST beginning.

    And thanks for the props on your wall last night. Made my fucking day ... !

    xoxo<3

    ReplyDelete
  3. You're very welcome, sweetie... I enjoy it. :-)

    Mmm... I love Newman's Balsamic Vinaigrette... just the right amount of "zing"! For something lightly sweet and fruity, raspberry vinaigrette... mmm... mmm...mmm... but no one makes decent one commercially so we do from scratch... :) xoxoxo

    ReplyDelete