Monday, August 23, 2010
FULL BODY: Party Like It's 1499
Happy Monday, crime motherfuckers! It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side, to a place where your most violent, hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 19 of FULL BODY, we return to Washington DC, where Princess Stefanie von Taxi und Drang is having her royal birthday party at the Croatian embassy, and where we find crime boss Yuri Vlaovic in attendance, and, unbeknownst to him, his dearly departed wife Mavra, recently 'risen from the dead' ...
INT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - BALLROOM - NIGHT
starts descending from above on a swing.
Resplendent as some kinda Marie Antoinette from hell.
Beautiful. Regal. High atop her bouffant do,
a small, lethal-looking guillotine.
Corks POP. The throng CHEERS.
The princess is lowered down, down, down
onto a gilded throne.
She waves. Haughty. Imperial.
She pulls a string.
The blade drops --
CHOPS a carrot in half with a CRACK.
Let them eat cock!
Just then, a HOODED, WINGED FIGURE
on a motorcycle ROARS into the ballroom.
POPS a wheelie.
People SCREAM with excitement.
The chopper SCREECHES to a stop before the throne.
Figure WHIPS OFF it’s hood. Revealing --
Scary-sexy as a vampire bat outta hell.
She approaches the throne.
Kneels. Stefanie offers her hand.
Mavra takes it, as if to kiss.
But she SLASHES the pale, thin wrist.
Mavra GRABS IT.
The princess swoons.
Mavra wipes her mouth. Stands.
Raises Stefanie’s arm in the air
in some kinda demented victory cheer.
Let us feast on the flesh of the gods --
and drink the blood of THE HOST.
speaks into the mike.
Let’s party like it’s 1499!
Music ERUPTS. The drum-and-bass/house-trance
rocket’s red glare of Paul Oakenfold's
FASTER KILL PUSSYCAT takes off.
And hey, isn’t that Brittany Murphy
on the deviant sex kitten vocals?
BRITTANY MURPHY (V.O.)
'Faster kill pussycat,
those high heels are not your friend' --
UP IN THE BALCONY
is Naughty Girl Scout.
With a scope rifle. She takes aim.
turns to the crowd.
Waves. Big, broad smile.
A RED DOT
appears on her collarbone.
sees it. PUSHES Mavra.
Mavra hits the floor.
What the FUCK?
Stephanie weaves over.
Helps her up.
There’s assassin in balcony!
You were about to be shot!
Come, to VIP safe room -
They dash off stage.
IN THE WINGS
A spiral staircase leads up into the rafters.
Stefanie starts up the steps.
Turns. Sees Mavra’s not following --
What are you doing?
Do you want to get shot?
I’ll be up in a sec.
I’m supposed to meet someone.
Crack open Cristal.
I’ll be there faster
than you can say 'muff diver.'
And she starts CLATTERING up the steps.
Mavra pulls a HANDGUN with a SILENCER
out of her bag.
Strides over to the edge of the stage.
Looks up at --
NAUGHTY GIRLS SCOUT
in the balcony.
Searching the crowd with opera glasses.
takes aim. Breathes.
Smiles. And SHOOTS.
NAUGHTY GIRL SCOUT
gasps. Looks cross-eyed
at the bullet wound on her forehead.
Crumples to the floor.
fake-blows smoke from the gun barrel.
I’ll take two boxes of de thin-mints.
ON THE DANCE FLOOR
a MAN in a tux makes out
with a YOUNG NYMPHET.
Hair in pigtails.
Mavra dashes over.
TAPS the man on the shoulder.
May I cut in?
The man pulls away.
Looks at Mavra.
We recognize SILKE.
A name tag on his lapel reads
‘Hi! I’m Humbert.’
Mavra. You look gorgeous.
Like you haven’t aged a day.
It would seem that death becomes me.
(looks a the girl)
This your accomplice?
The girl blushes deep red.
We see her name tag. ‘Lolita.’
Allow me to introduce you
to daughter, Elvissa.
Mavra offers her hand.
Charmed, I’m sure.
What delicious treat.
She has your eyes.
All in family.
And she can kill a man with bare hands.
Excellent. Let us blow popsicle stand.
We have places to go, people to kill.