Kiss My Dick

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of FULL BODY, things come to a head when Etya is confronted by her mother Mavra at The International. But just as they reach a truce and put down their weapons, Etya's father, crime boss Yuri Vlaovic, arrives on the scene to have his own showdown with Mavra, his ex-wife, back from the dead ...


EXT. 14TH STREET - AT THAT MOMENT
Yuri GALLOPS down the street. SNAPPING the reins.

YURI
Go! Go! Go! GO!

The horse stops. RAISES its front legs. WHINNIES.

YURI
What the fuck you stop for!
C’mon, let’s go! Giddy-fucking-UP!

Nothing.

YURI
Fucking HORSE. I said, GIDDY-UP, GODDAMMIT.

A beautiful WHITE MARE comes into frame.
Pulling a tourist carriage.
The stallion starts nuzzling the mare.

Yuri jumps off. The horse gives him a look. ‘Beat it.’

YURI
Okay, I’m sorry. I go.
(beat)
Everybody getting laid but me.

EXT. THE INTERNATIONAL - FRONT ENTRANCE - AT THAT MOMENT
Etya races up the steps. FLINGS open the front door.
RUNS inside. SLAMS the door shut behind her. LOCKS it.

Wipes her brow. She’s a mess.
Filthy. Bloody. Sweaty.

ETYA
Okay. Must get ready --

IN HER OFFICE
Etya goes to the safe. Opens it.
Pulls out a large chrome 357 MAGNUM.
Fondles it lovingly.

ETYA
Is only fitting I use her gun.
She deserted us, and now comes back?
I spit on her, I -- I --
(beat)
Drink to her demise.

She goes to the bar.
Opens a bottle of vodka.

Pours a stiff one.
Takes a sip. Walks into --

THE FRONT ROOM
Etya sits at the reception desk.
Puts down the drink.

ETYA
No. Am sitting goose.

She goes to the lights.
Shuts them off.

IN THE DARK

ETYA (V.O.)
Now. Where to hide?

MAVRA (V.O.)
Hide? Hide? HIDE?
I didn’t teach you to HIDE like a COWARD.
I taught you to CONFRONT danger,
meet it HEAD-ON, like WARRIOR.

ETYA (V.O.)
M-momma?

MAVRA (V.O.)
Surprise, boobala.
Just flew in from Dubrovnik,
and boy are arms tired.
Turn on light. I want to see you.

Etya’s gun CLICKS.

ETYA (V.O.)
Stay where you are.
Don’t move oyster.

MAVRA (V.O.)
I’m not going to hurt you, Etya.
(choking with emotion)
I came all this way -- to see you.

ETYA (V.O.)
You -- did?
(beat)
No. No way --

MAVRA (V.O.)
I don’t want to hurt you.
You’re my daughter.
(softly)
My baby.

Lights SNAP on.
Etya and Mavra face off.
Each with a gun.

ETYA
But you’re -- pointing weapon at me.

MAVRA
I may be sentimental,
but I’m not an idiot.

They stare at each other.
Taking it all in.

MAVRA
You look good. Healthy.
A bit torn up from big chase scene,
but good. Really good. Where’s your father?

ETYA
He’s on the way.
And if you try and kill him,
I’ll, I’ll -- kill you.

MAVRA
You won’t kill me. I’m your mother.

ETYA
Who abandoned family.

MAVRA
I was made Zagreb laughingstock.
Your father never made love to me,
he drove me into arms of other men.

ETYA
So now you’re saying I’m not
flower of father’s fertilizer?

MAVRA
Of course not. We use turkey baster.
Can’t you see resemblance?
(looks at her)
And you are even more beautiful --

ETYA
You’re not going to butter me.

MAVRA
What is -- butter you?

ETYA
Is compliment to get what you want.

MAVRA
But I -- just want you to love me.

ETYA
Kiss my dick.

MAVRA
No, is true. Look. I put down gun.
(tosses it)
You’re my daughter, my only child.
I love you, Etya. Please. Come to Momma.
Let me take you away from all this.
(meaningfully)
We can start our own crime family.

Etya lowers her gun.
Collapses into Mavra’s arms.

They hold each other.
Pull apart. Kiss.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
And I thought I cornered market
on incestual longing.

SILKE comes into frame.
Pointing a handgun.

SILKE
What’s that song by Echo and Bunnymen?
‘Lips Like Sugar?’

Etya WHIRLS, puts Mavra between herself and Silke.
JAMS her gun toward him.

ETYA
Shut up, you, you -- house-wrecker.

MAVRA
Etya, don’t. Put down gun.
Let’s discuss this.
(to Silke)
Silke. This wasn’t part of plan.

SILKE
Plan? What plan?
You said you wanted revenge.
That I was to trust you.
Now MY baby’s dead,
and YOU have YOURS back.
If that was fucking PLAN,
it fucking SUCKS.

YURI (O.C.)
Now look what we have here.
Regular family reunion.
Is ‘Full House.’

YURI
steps into frame.
A GUN aimed at Mavra.
Another at Silke.

YURI
Mavra. Still lovely, as always.
Sight for sore eyes.

PUSH IN ON Mavra.
Eyes dancing with danger.

MAVRA
Yuri. Still with extension of penis, I see.

To Protect And Kiss Pavement

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your darkest fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

As you've probably noticed by now, for a week or so I changed the format of the blog as an experiment. After my Facebook account was canceled, I tried posting a lot of what I did on there here -- and I gotta say, it was just too much damn work. Instead of just being able to quickly post something, I had to copy internet code, save it, post it, then open the blog again. Ug. And, not only that, but if people wanted to post comments, I had to first approve them, and then save and upload them. So, until the day I have a webmaster or an assistant, I'm going to return to the previous format -- nothing but the best in hardboiled-pulp-noir fiction, courtesy of yours truly. Thanks for understanding, and please visit my new Facebook page under the name 'Carrie Love' (how's that for an in-joke?), with the same avatar as before.

We now return to our usual programming ...

In Chapter 24 of FULL BODY, we return to the scene of the crime, where we're in the middle of a three-way chase scene, as Croatian crime boss Yuri Vlaovic is in hot pursuit of his ex-wife Mavra, who is chasing their daughter Etya, as they all race to The International, DC's premiere 'gentleman's spa,' and, very soon, also the scene of a bloody face-off ...


EXT. WASHINGTON, D.C. STREET CORNER - NIGHT
Mavra’s chopper turns, swerves.
Silke’s bike pulls alongside.

SILKE
This is wrong street!
Is eleventh street,
not seventeenth street!

MAVRA
What?

Distracted, Mavra doesn’t notice
an OIL SLICK on the street.

The bike turns, FLIPS, SKIDS,
CLATTERS against the pavement.

Mavra’s THROWN in the air like a rag doll.
BANGS into a storefront window.
EXPLODES in a million shards of glass.

Silke’s bike hits the oil,
FISHTAILS, PLOWS into a cafe.
Tables and patrons go FLYING.

The sidecar SEPARATES --
SHOOTS down the sidewalk,
BANGS off the curb into the street.

A CITY BUS
SLAMS into it with a ROAR. Gone.

MAVRA
picks herself up.
Brushes off broken glass.
Shakes a fist.

MAVRA
Idiot! My bike is RUINED!

Silke hobbles over.
Scraped. Bruised. Bleeding.

SILKE
I’m an idiot? YOU’RE an idiot!
Stupid bitch! Elvissa’s dead!
My daughter, my love, my everything!

MAVRA
Shut up! Time is wasting!
You can adopt, get new bride.
Like Woody Allen.

SILKE
Just go, alright?
I’ll catch up with you.
I -- need moment.

MAVRA
Moment? You have MINUTE.
And then get ass in gear,
I’m going to need backup.

He nods. She takes off on foot.

YURI
comes FLYING around the corner, just as --

A COWBOY COP ON HORSEBACK
comes galloping toward the ruined cafe.
He sees Yuri on the stolen police motorcycle.

COWBOY COP
You! Stop! Police!

Yuri WHIPS OUT his piece.
Takes aim.

COWBOY COP
Put down your weapon!

With lightening speed,
he pulls out his service revolver.
FIRES OFF a fusillade of shots --
BANG, BANG, BANG, BANG!

Yuri’s tires EXPLODE.
The bike FLIES out from under him.

He’s SLAMMED against a wall, OOF.
Lies dazed on the sidewalk.

The cop trots up. Stops.
Jumps off the horse. Takes aim.

COWBOY COP
Hands on your head, asshole.
(into his shoulder mike)
Officer requesting backup,
corner of Seventeenth and L.
(to Yuri)
Come on, up on your feet.

Yuri struggles.
Slowly, achingly stands.

COWBOY COP
(pulls out cuffs)
Hands behind you. Spread em.
And please, I’d really love it
if you gave me a reason
to blow your fucking
greaseball head to pieces.

YURI
Okay, okay. Relax, relax.
(turns around, low)
Greaseball is Mexican.
I am Croatian, asshole.

COP
(CLICKS cuff on left wrist)
WHAT did you say?

And, in a BLUR OF SPEED,
Yuri WHIPS the cuffs
in the air like nunchucks.

CRACKS the cop in the head.
BANG. He goes down.

Yuri shakes himself off.
Goes to the cop. Gets his keys.

YURI
(unlocks cuffs)
To protect and kiss pavement. Ha.
(looks at horse)
Hello, Horsie.
(climbs on)
Okay. Good horsie. Let’s go.

The horse turns around.
Looks at him.

YURI
What the fuck you looking at?

He KICKS the horse with this heels.
And they TAKE OFF.

EXT./INT. CHECKER CAB - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Etya drives like a maniac.
Reaches an intersection.

The light turns RED.
She JAMS on the gas.

ETYA
(out the window)
Out of way! Look out, look out!

She sees a INDIAN HOTDOG VENDER
pulling a cart into the intersection.

She HITS the brakes, slows,
but she’s too late --
and SMACKS into it, BANG.

Hotdogs, buns, condiments
SPRAY into the air.

And the VENDOR -- who FLIPS UP --
And lands on the hood of the cab, SMACK.

He GRABS onto the windshield.
Screaming and cursing.

INDIAN VENDOR
Stupid fucking bitch!
You ruin my CART, motherfucker!

Etya STEPS ON IT.

ETYA
Fucking DOT-HEAD! I can’t SEE!

She SWERVES left, then right,
tries to shake him off.

Reaches the next intersection.
A CITY BUS goes by. Blocking the way.

She JAMS on the breaks.
The vendor goes FLYING over the car --

ETYA
(sings)
Say goodbye to Bollywood --

And CRASHES into a newsstand -- BANG.

ETYA
Say goodbye my bay-bee!

Steam rises from the hood.
The engine DIES with a COUGH.

ETYA
NOOOOOOO!

The INDIAN VENDOR appears in the window.
Battered and bloody.

INDIAN VENDOR
Instant karma, bitch.

ETYA
You!

Etya SUCKER-PUNCHES him, BANG.
Out like a light.

ETYA
I thought I smelled curry.

FULL BODY: Cock-Blocked

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of FULL BODY, the shit really starts hitting the fan. After the police have interrogated the girls about Reynolds Tan's murder, Etya gives them the rest of the night off, and they go their separate ways. Meanwhile, crime boss/club owner Yuri Vlaovic is in a hide speed chase with his ex-wife Mavra and her entourage, who are on their way to the club ... to get revenge ...


INT. POLICE PRECINCT - CORRIDOR - REAR ENTRANCE - NIGHT
Summer and Lindsey walk toward the rear exit.
Just as Ayanna and Catalina go out the door.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Lindsey.

LINDSEY
Gus, hey --

Gus appears. Smiling.

GUS
How was your interrogation?
Did you spill the beans?

SUMMER
(to Lindsey)
This is the guy you -- ?

LINDSEY
(nods, goofy grin)
Trained seal --

ETYA (O.C.)
Girls! There you are!
Come here, NOW!

ETYA
in the doorway.
Hands on hips. Impatient.

LINDSEY
turns. Looks at Gus.

LINDSEY
Sorry, beefcake. Duty calls.

GUS
Cock-blocked. Story of my life.

EXT. K STREET - NIGHT
The decadent, harlot on drugs trashy go-go snarl
of My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult’s
HOT BLOOD RISIN’ over --

Mavra’s chopper FLIES down the avenue.

A HOMELESS MAN staggers,
weaves into traffic.

The evil beauty FLINGS out arm.
SMACKS him in the head.

BANG. He goes down.

MAVRA
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Tires SCREECH. She turns a corner --

Silke’s bike,
Elvissa in the sidecar,
ROARS after them.

EXT./INT. YURI’S LAMBORGINI - MOVING
Yuri JAMS the gearshift. PUMPS the gas.
He TURNS. Fishtails on wet pavement.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - PARKING LOT
Etya holds open a cab door.
Gestures to the girls.

ETYA
Go somewhere,
take rest of night off.
Just don’t go back to salon.

SUMMER
What’s wrong?

LINDSEY
You look scared, what’s going on?

ETYA
(gets in, SLAMS door)
I can’t tell you, is emergency.
So make like rabbit feet
and be energized.
I’ll see you tomorrow.

And the cab TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.

CATALINA
(takes her hand)
I’m hungry. Wanna get a bite?

AYANNA
(bites Catalina’s arm)
Only if you bite back.

LINDSEY
C’mon, let’s grab a cab.
Before they eat each other.

SUMMER
Yeah -- and I just had an idea.
(smiles)
Lina.

LINDSEY
(smiles)
Where do you want to go -- Wednesday?

PUSH IN ON Summer’s face.
Eyes twinkling.

SUMMER
Surprise.

EXT. 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE - AT THAT MOMENT
The drum-and-bass propeller-swirling dervish
spy guitar of Paul Oakenfold's SWITCH ON takes off.

Mavra ROARS by the White House. Points. YELLS.

MAVRA
Is where lame duck lives!

Silke pulls up alongside her.
Shakes his fist.

SILKE
Imperialist pig!

ELVISSA
Not MY Bush!

They all LAUGH.

YURI’S LAMBORGINI
approaches from behind.

INT. YURI’S LAMBORGINI - MOVING

YURI
(sees Mavra, excited)
There you are, my little skakavak!
Come to Poppa!

Just then, the ENGINE DIES.
The car slows. Stops.

FEMALE ROBOTIC VOICE (V.O.)
Out of gas.

Yuri POUNDS on the steering wheel.

YURI
No shit, stupid cunt!

He KICKS open the door.
JUMPS out into the street.

WHIRLS around.
Looking. Looking. Then sees --

A WOMAN
getting into a Porsche SUV
parked on the other side.

YURI
sprints into traffic.
Cars WHOOSH by. Horns HONK.

ANGRY YOUNG GUY
Asshole!

YURI
Fuck your mother!

He reaches the Porsche.
GRABS the door handle.

WHIPS out a pistol.
BANGS on the window.

YURI
Open up! Open up!

The doors CLICK.
The WOMAN glances at him.
Weird smile.

Mouths ‘bullet-proof.’
GUNS the engine. TAKES OFF.

YURI
Shit! Shit! Shit!

He WHIRLS AROUND.
Looks. Sees --

AN ANGRY MUSTACHED MOTORCYCLE COP
pulls up behind him, lights FLASHING. Stops.

JUMPS off his bike.
WHIPS OUT his piece. Takes aim.

MUSTACHED MOTORCYCLE COP
Put the gun down,
or you’re hamburger meat!

YURI
Is alright, officer.
Have explanation.

He DROPS his piece.
It CLATTERS to the ground.

The cop walks over to Yuri, gun drawn.
Pulls out handcuffs.

MUSTACHED MOTORCYCLE COP
Who the fuck do you think you are,
Tony Soprano?

Yuri SUCKER-PUNCHES
the cop in the face, BANG.
He goes down.

YURI
Hell, no. He’s wimp. Goes to shrink.

Walks over to the cop’s bike.
Gets on. HITS the gas pedal.
The engine ROARS. Yuri smiles.

YURI
Fat fuck eats too much.
Disgusting, American pig.
And besides -- I’m real.

INT. CHECKER CAB - MOVING
Etya, in the back seat,
POUNDS on the window separator.

ETYA
Faster! Go faster!

The ANGRY BLACK CABBIE turns around.
YELLS at Etya.

ANGRY BLACK CABBIE
I’m going the speed limit!
I’m not gonna get a fucking ticket
for some skanky white bitch!

ETYA
Skanky white BITCH?!
Negro motherfucker!
How DARE you!

And, in an adrenaline rage,
Etya leans back.

Raises her legs.
KICKS OUT the separator.

Grips him in a headlock
with taught ankles.

The driver SWERVES.
Panicking. Gagging.

ANGRY BLACK CABBIE
Ak! Ug! Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Etya steers the wheel with her heels.
SHRIEKS with laughter.

ETYA
Hit the brakes, BOY.
Or I SNAP your chicken NECK!

He does. The car SWERVES.
Stops by the side of the road.

ETYA
Open the fucking door!

He does. GASPING for air.
And, like spinning a top,

she WHIRLS him out of the car
onto the pavement, THWAP.

Etya jumps in the driver’s seat.
SLAMS the door shut.

ETYA
Next time passenger say
to go faster, do it!
Customer always right!

FULL BODY: Better Latent Than Never

Happy Thursday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of FULL BODY, Portuguese masseuse Catalina Gil is being grilled by the cops over the death of The International's receptionist Reynolds Tan. Meanwhile, Croatian crime boss/club owner Yuri Vlaovic calls his daughter Etya to give her the bad news this his wife/her mother Etya is now on her way over, with revenge in mind ...


INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
Nassour drinks in Catalina. Smiles.

NASSOUR
Lovely name. What does it mean?

CATALINA
Apparently in this country,
some kind of salad dressing.

A loud BUZZING in her purse.
She pulls out her cell.

Reads the number.
Scowls. Silently curses.

NASSOUR
Would you PLEASE turn off
your cell phone, Ms. Gil?
This is IMPORTANT.

CATALINA
(fingers buttons)
I am -- I will. I’m sorry --

NASSOUR
Are you a lesbian, Ms. Gil?

CATALINA
No. I’m married, I have --

NASSOUR
Horseshit.
Many marriages are a ruse
for latent homosexuality.

CATALINA
I love my husband --

NASSOUR
Did you enjoy making love
with Ms. Prouxl?

CATALINA
Excuse me?

NASSOUR
In your -- session.

CATALINA
(blushes)
I don’t understand how this --

NASSOUR
You ENJOYED IT, DIDN’T you.

CATALINA
NO.

NASSOUR
What were you doing
on or about 10:45, Ms. Gil?

CATALINA
I was finishing the session
with Ay -- Ms. Prouxl, and --

NASSOUR
(whispers)
Did you come?

CATALINA
Excuse me?

NASSOUR
It’s not a hard question, Ms. Gil,
you either had an orgasm,
or you didn’t.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - PARKING LOT - AT THAT MOMENT
The doors BANG open.
Etya BARRELS down the steps.

WHIPS out a smoke.
FIRES it up.
FLIPS open her cell phone.

ETYA
Hello, Poppa?

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

EXT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - VALET PARKING STAND - CONTINUOUS
Yuri GRABS his keys
from a tiny, AFGHANI VALET.

Holding open the door to his
smokin’ hot gold Lamborgini.

YURI
(into the phone, getting in)
Etya! Momma got away!
(slams the door)
Fucking girl scout --

The VALET smiles. Scary.
Holds his palm for a tip.

YURI
(to the valet)
Take out Bin Laden, you get tip.

ETYA
Poppa! You have to come and get us,
the fucking cops --
(beat)
She did? I thought that --

YURI
(starts the car, PEELS OUT)
The cops vat?
Vhere are you,
vat happened?

The Lamborgini SHOOTS down the street.
Tires SCREECH.

ETYA
At the fucking COP SHOP.
Someone shot Reynolds Tan!

YURI
Vhat?! Who shot her?

ETYA
I don’t know!
That’s vhy they qvestioned -

YURI
Did YOU kill her?!
Am I going to have to GROUND YOU?

ETYA
No, I just met her!
Vhy would I --

YURI
Your TEMPER?
A SPURNED ADVANCE, maybe?
I told you to keep your hands off --

ETYA
I DIDN’T FUCKING SHOOT HER.
(low)
She vasn’t my type.

Yuri DOWNSHIFTS with a vengeance.
Stops a light.

YURI
Enough of this shit.
You have to get to salon, NOW.
Momma’s on her way --
and she has her boyfriend vith her.

ETYA
That fucking perv SILKE?
But we’re all here.
The girls, Rod --

YURI
Call a cab and get
the fuck over there, NOW!

ETYA
Okay. Meet you back at raunch.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - AT THAT MOMENT
Fleck and Nassour watch Rod Katz shuffle down the hall.

FLECK
We ready with the tail?

NASSOUR
Like Kasparov checkmate in three moves.

FLECK
You play chess?

NASSOUR
I was Beirut champion five years in row.

FLECK
I was Tel Aviv champ six years in row.

NASSOUR
Perhaps when we’re done with this --
we play game.

They look at each other.

FLECK
Nah --

NASSOUR
Nah --

FULL BODY - Beauty & The Feast

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In chapter 21 of FULL BODY, we return to the party at the Croatian embassy in DC, where evil assassin Mavra Vlaovic gets ready to exit on her Harley with her co-conspirator, Silke. But little does she know that her ex-husband, crime boss Yuri is hiding in the shadows watching her every move. Meanwhile, down at police headquarters French-African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl is being grilled about the death of Reynolds Tan ...


INT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - BALLROOM - NIGHT
The strangely hilarious cold war ghetto bubblegum synth-pop
of Rational Youth’s SATURDAYS IN SILESIA over --

Yuri, at the bar.
POUNDS down a shot.
Watches the throng.

Lights a cigar.
Nods to the music. Looks at --

OMAR TURGENOFF
rocking out with his FAT WIFE.
Beauty and the feast.

OMAR
(sings along)
'Saturdays in Silesia,
holidays are for heroes,
city lights, not quite Broadway' --

YURI’S
head SNAPS to the right. He sees --

MAVRA
strutting regally toward the terrace doors.

YURI
Mavra.

He grabs his drink. Follows her.

MAVRA
steps outside in the cool air.
Spies Silke and Elvissa.
Dark angels in the moonlight.

SILKE
There you are.
Resplendent with danger.

MAVRA
You’re such a tease.

ELVISSA
Hey. What about me?

Silke PINCHES Elvissa’s butt.

ELVISSA
Ow!

SILKE
(SMACKS her ass)
Don’t be jealous, love.
Daddy have plenty enough to go around.
(to Mavra)
So vat’s the plan?

YURI
moves in the shadows.
Steps behind a plant. Listens.

MAVRA
starts walking toward the gate.
Silke and Elvissa follow.

MAVRA
Come. We’re going to storm castle.
I trust you brought your toys.

YURI
watches them leave.
Pulls out his cell phone. Dials.

YURI
(listens)
C’mon, pick up, you little twat.

ON THE BALCONY
Dead Girl Scout lies in a pool of blood in the dark.
Her phone RINGS -- X-Ray Spex’s OH, BONDAGE UP YOURS.

Nearby, a GOTH COUPLE is making out.
The girl, a white-faced vision
in a blood-soaked white wedding dress pulls away.

GOTH BRIDE
Oooh. I love this song.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Ali scribbles some notes. Sits. Grins at Ayanna.
Slouched in a chair across from him. Glaring.

AYANNA
It’s pronounced ‘prool.’

NASSOUR
French?

AYANNA
French-AFRICAN. From Ghana.
Descended from the royal family --
my grandmother was the queen.

NASSOUR
(abruptly)
Did you kill Reynolds Tan?

AYANNA
Of course not.
This is ridiculous.
I want a lawyer.
I know my rights.

Nassour stands. Starts pacing.

NASSOUR
Are you a U.S. CITIZEN?

AYANNA
I, uh -- no,
but I have a visa,
I’m allowed to --

NASSOUR
A VISA? Do you have A WORK PERMIT?

AYANNA
Of course.

NASSOUR
May I see it, please?

AYANNA
I -- don’t have it with me.

NASSOUR
Do you realize that having
an attorney present is a
RIGHT granted to U.S. CITIZENS?

AYANNA
Are you going to -- arrest me?

NASSOUR
What were you doing on or about 10:45 PM?

AYANNA
I -- had just finished a session with --

Nassour stops. Leans into her. Menacing.

NASSOUR
A SESSION?
Don’t you mean an EROTIC MASSAGE?
Was it 'full body?'
Did you give him hand release?

AYANNA
No! He just -- watched.

NASSOUR
Watched WHAT?
What was he watching you do?

AYANNA
He was watching me -- make love.

NASSOUR
To?

Pause.

AYANNA
Catalina.

NASSOUR
One of the other girls --

AYANNA
Yes.

NASSOUR
Lovely name.
I bet she’s beautiful.

AYANNA
She is --

EXT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - VALET PARKING STAND - NIGHT
Mavra straddles her Harley.
Snaps on a shiny silver helmet with a spike.
Guns the engine.

MAVRA
Vat’s the address?

Elvissa climbs inside Silke’s
black BMW behemoth bike sidecar.
They strap on their helmets.

SILKE
(holds up slip of paper)
I’ve got it, just follow me --

MAVRA
(grabs it)
Silly boy. You forget who call shots?

YURI
appears in the shadows in the bushes.
Raises Dead Girl Scout’s rifle.
Takes aim. Hesitates.

His phone RINGS.

DEAN MARTIN (V.O.)
You’re nobody ‘til somebody loves you --

YURI
Shit.

He drops the gun.
Fumbles for his phone.

MAVRA AND SILKE
SNAP toward the noise.

MAVRA
Assassin, stage left --
gentlemen, START YOUR ENGINES.

She KICKS the throttle, the bike ROARS.
Silke GUNS his.

And they TAKE OFF --

YURI
stares at his cell phone.
Puts it to his ear. Listens.

YURI
This better be fucking good --

FULL BODY: Gaza Strip

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent, hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In chapter 20 of FULLY BODY, we return to the scene of the crime, where the massage girls from The International get questioned by the cops about the brutal murder of Reynolds Tan, former receptionist, and undercover spook. Meanwhile, at the Croatian embassy, hidden away in a VIP dungeon, Mavra has a tet a tet with Princess Stefanie von Taxi und Drang ...


INT. POLICE PRECINCT - INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
Two MEN look through a two-way mirror at SUMMER.
Sitting at a small table.
Fidgeting. Quietly freaking out.

WILD-EYED MAN
Bimbo under glass.
Wonder how much for a Gaza Strip?

Meet BEN FLECK (40’s),
Israeli DC homicide dick.
Small head. Bug-eyed, bowling pin-shaped.
Squeaky-voiced nebbish of law enforcement.
Right now, pacing. Licking his lips.

UNSHAVEN MAN
Vat do you care? Shiksa is not Kosher.

Meet ALI NASSOUR (30’s),
Palestinian-American head of the
federal organized crime task force.
Craggy-faced good looks.
Looks like he hasn’t bathed,
or shaved, in a few days.

FLECK
Ease off on the Middle East tension.
Okay, buddy?

Nassour pulls out a pen knife.
Starts cleaning his nails.

NASSOUR
You stop bombing our places of worship,
pray to Allah, then I MIGHT consider you ‘buddy.’

FLECK
You get circumcised, give me a holler.
We can have a sword fight.

NASSOUR
‘The chosen.’ Give me a break.
You chose to mutilate your cock.

They stare at each other. Seething.

FLECK
Go question the girl.
I want to observe your genius.

NASSOUR
You do it.
I like to watch body language.

Fleck shakes his head in disgust.
Goes to the door.

FLECK
There’s an ordinance against
rubbing one out on police property --

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Fleck sits across from Summer.
Reads off a clipboard.

FLECK
According to the United States government,
Summer Donovan doesn’t exist.

SUMMER
That’s my work name.
My W9 will be in my real name.

FLECK
Which is?

SUMMER
Wednesday. Wednesday Donovan.

FLECK
Unusual name.

SUMMER
My father read a lot of Raymond Chandler.

FLECK
How long have you worked at The International?

SUMMER
Actually, it’s -- my first day.

FLECK
I see. So you didn’t know Ms. Tan very well --

SUMMER
No.

FLECK
Are you aware of anyone
who would have a reason to kill Ms. Tan?

SUMMER
Well, I don’t know about killing her --
but no one likes her -- uh, liked her.
(beat)
She was a --

FLECK
Bitch?

SUMMER
Uh -- yeah.

INT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - VIP ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
The swooning, brittle, elegant decadence
of The Psychedelic Furs’ SISTER EUROPE over --

A dark garrote high in the catacombs in a turret.
We see a big, full moon through the barred windows.

Princess Stefanie lounges on a satin chaise.
Pours a tiny goblet of Absinthe.
Swirls it. Takes a sip.

Mavra sits down next to her.
Stefanie pours her a glass.
Revealing knife scars on her forearm.

MAVRA
(savors a bit)
Mmm. The drink of Van Gogh.
Picasso. Johnny Depp --
(looks around)
This is -- like dungeon.

STEFANIE
It could be -- if you wanted it to.

MAVRA
We don’t have time.
I need to make my move -- and quickly.

STEFANIE
(leans back)
How much do you need?

MAVRA
(gets closer)
I would think -- one-hundred-thousand.

STEFANIE
How about two-hundred,
and you stay for one last cock-tail?

Something palpable passes between them.
Somewhere in the distance a clock CHIMES.

Stefanie pulls out a knife.
It glints in the moonlight.

Mavra smiles. Puts down her drink.
Places a hand on Stefanie’s breast.
Takes the blade to her arm --

MAVRA
(whispers)
I never could say no, could I?

And leans in for a kiss.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Fleck looks at his clipboard.
Glares at Lindsey. Fidgety.

FLECK
And what is YOUR real name?

LINDSEY
Lina Best. Call me Lina.

FLECK
Ms. Best, how long have you worked at --

LINDSEY
Too long, almost a year.

FLECK
Did you know Ms. Tan well?

LINDSEY
Sort of, we never hung out or anything,
she wasn’t very, uh --

FLECK
Friendly?

LINDSEY
(nods)
But I don’t think she was a bad person.

FLECK
Did she have any -- enemies --
that you knew of?

LINDSEY
Well, she and Ayanna didn’t get along,
but I don’t think Ayanna wanted to kill her --

FLECK
Why didn’t they get along?

LINDSEY
Ayanna was next in line for receptionist?
But Reynolds ended up getting the job.

FLECK
How did she do that?

LINDSEY
She, uh -- fucked the boss.

FLECK
(looks at notes)
That would be -- Etya?

LINDSEY
No, that was Victor, who Yuri fired.

FLECK
Because of that?

LINDSEY
Yeah.
(beat)
And because he embezzled a half-million bucks.

FLECK
Where is he now?

PUSH IN ON Lindsey's face. Now scared.

LINDSEY
I dunno.
Last I heard -- he disappeared.

FULL BODY: Party Like It's 1499

Happy Monday, crime motherfuckers! It's once again time to take a trip to the dark side, to a place where your most violent, hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of FULL BODY, we return to Washington DC, where Princess Stefanie von Taxi und Drang is having her royal birthday party at the Croatian embassy, and where we find crime boss Yuri Vlaovic in attendance, and, unbeknownst to him, his dearly departed wife Mavra, recently 'risen from the dead' ...


INT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - BALLROOM - NIGHT

PRINCESS STEFANIE
starts descending from above on a swing.
Resplendent as some kinda Marie Antoinette from hell.
Beautiful. Regal. High atop her bouffant do,
a small, lethal-looking guillotine.

Corks POP. The throng CHEERS.

The princess is lowered down, down, down
onto a gilded throne.
She waves. Haughty. Imperial.
Beaming. Glorious.

She pulls a string.
The blade drops --

CHOPS a carrot in half with a CRACK.

PRINCESS STEFANIE
Let them eat cock!

Just then, a HOODED, WINGED FIGURE
on a motorcycle ROARS into the ballroom.
POPS a wheelie.

People SCREAM with excitement.

The chopper SCREECHES to a stop before the throne.
Figure WHIPS OFF it’s hood. Revealing --

MAVRA.
Scary-sexy as a vampire bat outta hell.

She approaches the throne.
Kneels. Stefanie offers her hand.
Mavra takes it, as if to kiss.

But she SLASHES the pale, thin wrist.
Drawing blood.

Mavra GRABS IT.
Sucks greedily.

The princess swoons.
Smitten.

Mavra wipes her mouth. Stands.
Raises Stefanie’s arm in the air
in some kinda demented victory cheer.

MAVRA
Let us feast on the flesh of the gods --
and drink the blood of THE HOST.

DEVIL
speaks into the mike.

DEVIL DJ
Let’s party like it’s 1499!

Music ERUPTS. The drum-and-bass/house-trance
rocket’s red glare of Paul Oakenfold's
FASTER KILL PUSSYCAT takes off.

And hey, isn’t that Brittany Murphy
on the deviant sex kitten vocals?
Sick hot.

BRITTANY MURPHY (V.O.)
'Faster kill pussycat,
those high heels are not your friend' --

UP IN THE BALCONY
is Naughty Girl Scout.
With a scope rifle. She takes aim.

MAVRA
turns to the crowd.
Waves. Big, broad smile.

A RED DOT
appears on her collarbone.

STEFANIE
sees it. PUSHES Mavra.

Mavra hits the floor.

MAVRA
What the FUCK?

Stephanie weaves over.
Helps her up.

STEFANIE
There’s assassin in balcony!
You were about to be shot!
Come, to VIP safe room -

They dash off stage.

IN THE WINGS
A spiral staircase leads up into the rafters.
Stefanie starts up the steps.
Turns. Sees Mavra’s not following --

STEFANIE
What are you doing?
Do you want to get shot?

MAVRA
I’ll be up in a sec.
I’m supposed to meet someone.

STEFANIE
You sure?

MAVRA
Go, dahling.
Crack open Cristal.
I’ll be there faster
than you can say 'muff diver.'

STEFANIE
(giggles)
Muff diver!

And she starts CLATTERING up the steps.

Mavra pulls a HANDGUN with a SILENCER
out of her bag.

Strides over to the edge of the stage.
Looks up at --

NAUGHTY GIRLS SCOUT
in the balcony.
Searching the crowd with opera glasses.

MAVRA
takes aim. Breathes.
Smiles. And SHOOTS.

NAUGHTY GIRL SCOUT
gasps. Looks cross-eyed
at the bullet wound on her forehead.
Crumples to the floor.

MAVRA
fake-blows smoke from the gun barrel.

MAVRA
I’ll take two boxes of de thin-mints.

ON THE DANCE FLOOR
a MAN in a tux makes out
with a YOUNG NYMPHET.
Hair in pigtails.

Mavra dashes over.
TAPS the man on the shoulder.

MAVRA
May I cut in?

The man pulls away.
Looks at Mavra.
We recognize SILKE.

A name tag on his lapel reads
‘Hi! I’m Humbert.’

SILKE
Mavra. You look gorgeous.
Like you haven’t aged a day.

MAVRA
It would seem that death becomes me.
(looks a the girl)
This your accomplice?

The girl blushes deep red.
We see her name tag. ‘Lolita.’

SILKE
Allow me to introduce you
to daughter, Elvissa.

Mavra offers her hand.
They shake.

ELVISSA
Ma’am.

MAVRA
Charmed, I’m sure.
(to Silke)
What delicious treat.
She has your eyes.

SILKE
All in family.
And she can kill a man with bare hands.

MAVRA
Excellent. Let us blow popsicle stand.
We have places to go, people to kill.

FULL BODY: Let Them Eat Cock

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent, hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of FULL BODY, we return to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where security guard Rod Katz and evil criminal mastermind Hiroko eliminate undercover op/receptionist Reynolds Tan -- on tape. Meanwhile, Princess Stefanie Von Taxi Und Drang is celebrating her birthday at the Croatian embassy, and mob boss/club owner Yuri Vlaovic is in attendance. But what he doesn't know is a certain femme fatale is also there ...


EXT. THE INTERNATIONAL - REAR ALLEY - NIGHT
Thievery Corporation’s percolating reggae-dub remix
of Mother Africa’s FUN-DA-MENTAL over --

Reynolds. Having a smoke.
Pissed off. Business as usual.

ANGLE ON --

A DUMPSTER near the end of the alley.
A large CARDBOARD BOX lies on top of it.
A small hole in the middle faces us.

IN THE BOX
is Hiroku.
Focusing his 24 frame digital video camera.

HIROKU
(into headset)
Subject is in position.
Rolling tape.

The rear door opens.
Out comes Rod.

Walks over to Reynolds.
Holding a cigarette.

CAMERA POV
Reynolds in close up.
Sees Rod. Makes a face.

ROD (O.C.)
Hey. Gotta light, partner?

REYNOLDS
I’m not your fucking partner.
(offers lighter)
I didn’t know you smoked.

ROD (O.C.)
There’s a lot you don’t know about me.

REYNOLDS
You’re confusing me with
someone who gives a fuck.
Now go smoke somewhere else.
I’ll contact you when I need you,
you fucking scumbag.

ROD (O.C.)
What a waste of such hot snatch.

REYNOLDS
EXCUSE ME?

HIROKU
pulls out a small remote.
Fingers a button.

A MAILBOX
at the opening of the alley EXPLODES.

REYNOLDS
sees it.

REYNOLDS
What the fuck?

ROD
whips out a sawed-off shotgun.
Takes aim.

ROD
Me love you long time --

He SHOOTS -- BANG.
Reynold’s head EXPLODES
in a million pieces,
SPRAYING BLOOD and BRAINS.

ROD
No tickie, no washie.

INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - CORRIDOR - MOMENTS LATER
Summer and Lindsey brush by Rod.

SUMMER
It was a gunshot, I heard it.

LINDSEY
No, it was an explosion.

ROD
(stops, turns)
It was an explosion,
AND THEN a gunshot.

AYANNA and CATALINA appear.
Holding hands.

AYANNA
Well, whatever the fuck it was,
let’s get the fuck outta here,
the place is going to be crawling with cops.

ETYA appears.

ETYA
Everyone remain calm.
Was probably car backfire.
Why don’t you all take small break.
Calm nerves a bit.
There’s no need to be --

BANG. The rear door FLIES OFF its hinges -- BANG.
In storms A HALF-DOZEN UNDERCOVER COPS in riot gear.

ETYA
Scared?

EXT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - NIGHT
The trashy, go-go stripper-sleaze of
My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult’
HEELZ AFIRE over --

A turn-of-the-century mini-castle
on a bustling DC avenue.
Lit like the Kremlin.

Clogged with limos.
Glittering dignitaries slide inside
the gate on depraved wings.

INT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - BALLROOM - CONTINUOUS
Cavernous expanse turned club/brothel/dungeon/throne room.
It’s Princess Stefanie von Taxi und Drang’s fantasy ball.

Decadent. Glamorous.
With a royal coat of arms.

Mirrored balls, Klieg lights FLASH over --
A pair of MARINES in dress whites. Holding hands.

A masked MAN dressed like a cowboy rides a
NAKED WOMAN on all fours wearing a saddle.

A DEVIL spins records. Leers.
Pops pills. Shakes his tail.

A QUADRUPLE AMPUTEE DRAG QUEEN
on a divan carried by a quartet
of BEEFY MUSCLE MEN in black leather.

A pair of NUBILE TWINS done up like showgirls
make out at the bar.

BARTENDER watches with greedy eyes.
Licks a joint.

A NAKED WOMAN on a horse
sways to the music.
Sips champagne.

TOWERING DOMINATRIX snaps a leash.
Pulls along a SLAVE BOY.

A MASKED MAN
in a tux, very James Bond,
sips an oversized martini.

Speaks to a YOUNG NYMPH.
Naughty in a girl scout uniform.

CAMERA pulls in.
We realize it’s YURI.

YURI
You need protection
from big, bad wolf?

NAUGHTY GIRL SCOUT
(giggles)
Oh, yes.
He said he wants to eat my --porridge.

YURI
What if I’M big, bad wolf?

NAUGHTY GIRL SCOUT
You’ll huff and you’ll puff?

YURI
And I blow panties down.

The music STOPS.

DEVIL DJ
leans into the microphone.

DEVIL DJ
Ladies and gentlemen!
I am proud to present
the royal flower of Dalmatia!
The Honorable Princess
Stefanie von Taxi und Drang,
Empress of the Fantasy Ball!
(beat)
Happy fucking BIRTHDAY!

PRINCESS STEFANIE
starts descending from above on a swing.
Resplendent as some kinda
Marie Antoinette from hell.

Beautiful. Regal.
High atop her bouffant do,
a small, lethal-looking guillotine.

Corks POP.
The throng CHEERS.

The princess is lowered down,
down, down onto a gilded throne.

She waves. Haughty. Imperial.
Beaming. Glorious.

She pulls a string.
The blade drops --

CHOPS a carrot in half with a CRACK.

PRINCESS STEFANIE
Let them eat cock!

INT. STADIUM FINANCE OFFICE - DAY - FLASHBACK
We hear ROCK MUSIC playing outside. But muffled inside.

Two FEMALE EMPLOYEES (20’s)
sit at the money counting table
in the middle of the room.

Kelsey and Ronan are now dressed as guards
and stand by the front door with guns.

IN THE STORAGE ROOM
Chick sits just inside the doorway
with a machine gun trained on the guards
and other employees, now bound and gagged.

IN THE FINANCE OFFICE
Ludo sits under the front counter
with a machine gun aimed at
the female employees
at the money counting table.

A buzzer RINGS.

Kelsey goes to the door.
Opens it.

A uniformed GUARD (20’s) stands there,
carrying a big bag of money.
He eyes Kelsey appreciatively.

Another GUARD is behind him,
his piece at the ready.

FLIRTING GUARD
(hands her the bag)
Well, hello there.
Haven’t seen you here before.

KELSEY
(takes it)
Let’s keep it that way, huh?

FLIRTING GUARD
Ouch.

GUARD WITH GUN
She got you good.

RONAN
Barking up the wrong tree, fellas.
She prefers ‘the other white meat’

FLIRTING GUARD
So that’s the way it is, huh?
Your loss, honey --

KELSEY
And my gain.
See ya later, fellas.

They smile and walk away.

KELSEY
(to Ronan)
What’s with the dyke stuff?

RONAN
Blue collar male bonding.
It would have looked funny
if I didn’t crack a stupid joke.
(beat)
You know guys --

KELSEY
Too well.

Ronan brings the cash box over
to the girls at the counting table.

One girl starts stacking up the cash.
Under the table are the duffle bags,
which the other girl start filling.

The girl stacking up the cash
starts HAVING A SEIZURE.

FALLS off her chair.
Starts THRASHING and JERKING
on the floor, having SPASMS.
Her eyes roll back into her head.

EPILEPTIC GIRL
GAAA --

RONAN
What the FUCK?

KELSEY
She’s having a SEIZURE.

RONAN
Is she gonna DIE?

KELSEY
I DON’T KNOW.

The other girl JUMPS UP,
looks at Epileptic in horror.

CASH ROOM GIRL
She's epileptic.
You need to put something
under her tongue,
or she’ll SWALLOW IT.

KELSEY
Like what?

CASH ROOM GIRL
A pen, a spoon,
something like that.
You want me to do it?

KELSEY
Yeah, DO IT.

Cash Room RACES over
to the Mr. Coffee machine.
Grabs a plastic spoon off the counter.

RACES back.
JAMS it in Epileptic’s mouth.
She CLAMPS her teeth on it. WRITHING.

Cash Room holds her tight.
Comforts her. Looks up at Kelsey.

CASH ROOM GIRL
It’s happened before --

Gradually, Epileptic starts calming down.

KELSEY
What started it?

CASH ROOM GIRL
(carefully)
Uh, stress --

KELSEY
But she’s okay?

CASH ROOM GIRL
Yeah. But she needs to
lie down for a while. Can I --

KELSEY
Yeah. Take her back with the others.
(to Ronan)
Would you help her?

RONAN
Okay.
(walks over to her, turns his head)
Close call, huh?

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Relieved. Heart still pounding.

KELSEY
No fucking shit --

Shoot It Or Lose It

Happy Thursday, crime kids! Sorry I disappeared on ya yesterday, but my internet connection got a bit wonky. But NOTHING will keep me from bringing you another tale from the dark side, here at the coolest hardboiled crime joint here in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of FULL BODY, we return once again to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa.' In today's episode, newbie Summer Donovan dreams of singing on stage while she services black ops spook Dwight Blank. Meanwhile, Croatian mob boss/club owner Yuri Vlaovic gets a little revenge on the man who helped his wife Mavra fake her death ...


INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - NIGHT
Achingly kinky Parisian trip-hop.
Vanessa Daou’s DEVIATE.

From the side,
we see Summer working on Dwight.

He lies on his back,
knees up, obscuring the details.
The spook moans an eerie rasp of dark pleasure.

Summer’s exhausted.
This has been going on for a while.

Beads of sweat on her brow.
Wipes it with her wrist. Sighs.

DWIGHT’S
face is a rictus of concentration.
Eyes rolled back.
Sharp pink tongue of a serpent,
demented flicks on cracked lips.

THE CLOCK
reads ‘10:24.’

SUMMER
sighs. Looks over at the bar.
Closes her eyes.

INT. CLUB - NIGHT - FLASHBACK
Small, smoky hipster dive.
Posers and pros on the prowl.
Standing on a tiny stage is SUMMER.

Retro-cool in a Mondrian print dress.
Silver go-go boots and headband.

She raises a pink martini.
Takes a sip. Toasts the crowd.

SUMMER
This one’s a cover.
Guess the artist,
and I’ll buy you a round.

Spazzy surf-guitar and flute.
Outer-space bongos.

The Supreme Beings of Leisure’s GOLDDIGGER.

SUMMER
(sings)
Just a lazy cat
in a dog eat dog world --
You know the early bird
always catches the worm --
Golddigger --

She shimmies and sways.
Knocking ‘em out. Leans in close.

SUMMER
Gotta rocket in your pocket
and it’s straight to the top --
Golddigger, who says you can’t have it all?

INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - CONTINUOUS
Summer peers down at her ridiculous mission.
Looks at the clock.
It reads ‘10:29.’
She SMILES. Eyes darting.

SUMMER
Time’s almost up.
Shoot it or lose it.

Dwight’s eyes open.
He GRABS her wrist.

DWIGHT
No. Wait. I haven’t come --

She WHIPS him away.
THROWS a towel over him.

SUMMER
Then I guess you’ll have to
die another day, Mr. Bond.

PUSH IN ON Summer. In control.
Getting the fuck outta there.

INT. BATHHOUSE - SAUNA - AT THAT MOMENT
Nightmare on Wax’s sinister hep-cat
drum and bass cover of
Ennio Morricone’s CHI MAI over --

Yuri sits with BERYL JOHANNESSEN (30’s),
Finnish albino. Ghostly white.
Sweating like shit in the clouds of steam.

YURI
Is good for circulation.

BERYL
Yeah -- but don’t you think
it’s up kinda high?

YURI
(pulls out coke snifter)
I like it high.
Speaking of high, care for bump?

BERYL
Aren’t we supposed to be
sweating that out?

He smiles. Takes it.
Does a hit. And another.
Hands it back to Yuri.
Tucks it back into the folds of his towel.

BERYL
You’re not doing any?

YURI
Doc said I be careful,
have to watch heart.
Have done daily ration.
(beat, dramatic effect)
I thank you for coming on such short leash.

BERYL
Yeah, sure. What’s up?

YURI
My wife.
My dear, departed wife.
I miss her so.
Is not same without her.

BERYL
It was a tragedy --
I’m so sorry, Yuri.
What’s it been -- a year now?

His eyes go glassy.
Try to focus. Yuri watches.

YURI
Funny thing is,
turns out she’s ALIVE.
And my sources tell me
you HELPED HER fucking TRICK ME.

BERYL
(stares)
I -- I --
(looks down)
I -- can’t move --

YURI
Is animal tranquilizer.
For rhinos, elephants, big game.
Fucking American kids
call it ‘Special K.’
Some kind of fucked-up party drug.
Who the fuck would take something
that make you unable to MOVE?
(shrugs)
But it sell good.

He SLAPS Beryl on the face. HARD.

YURI
Just business -- huh, sport?
(another SLAP)
But now it’s personal.

BERYL
Please, stop! I’m sorry,
I’ll do anything you want!

YURI
You got that right,
you adulterous FUCK.

Yuri leans down.
Picks up a brown paper bag.

Pulls out a STUN GUN.
Hefts it in his hand.
Crooked smile.

YURI
She might be a lying,
cheating WHORE,
but she’s my WIFE,
the mother of my CHILD.
And you fucking FUCKED HER.

BERYL
Please Yuri, don’t --
I’m sorry, she said you were separated,
what do you want, money? I can --

YURI
SHUT UP!
I’m gonna fry your fucking balls
like perogi in OIL.

Yuri JAMS the weapon in Beryl’s crotch.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!

Beryl SCREAMS IN PAIN.

And AGAIN.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!
He STUFFS a RAG in his mouth.

YURI
Fifty-thousand volts is NOT ENOUGH.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZAP!
Muffled screams.

Yuri stands.
Pulls a knife out
from the folds of his towel.
Beryl’s eyes blink tears of terror.

YURI
Now is time for --
Scarlet Letter.
(giggles)
Scarlet Letter,
that is good one --

CLOSE ON
Beryl’s head, from the side.
Yuri leans over, starts with the knife.
Like pumpkin carving on Halloween.

IN THE CORRIDOR
Yuri at the temperature controls.
Turns it up ALL THE WAY.
Pulls Oogie out from his robe pocket.
Gently pets him.

YURI
Was too hot for you?
Come, we go home.
Break bread.

IN THE SAUNA
Clouds of steam billow over Beryl.
In permanent dreamland.

A bloody ‘M’ on his forehead.
Like a third eye.

Making Whoopee

Happy Tuesday, crime kids! Time to take another trip to the dark side, where your most violent, hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of FULL BODY, we return once again to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where French-African gazelle Ayanna continues her session with the Surgeon General, who brings her a surprise -- Portugeuse beauty Catalina. Meanwhile, security guard Rod Katz, having been busted by undercover Federal agent Reynolds Tan, hatches an evil plan for Reynolds. We then return to Aussie spinner Lindsay Lette and Navy Seal Gus Harden, who reach a most unusual climax ...


INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
The French-Brazilian bossa-novelle of
Pink Martini’s NO HAY PROBLEMA over --

Ayanna. Doing a little dance.
Sipping champagne.

Chick does a strange shuffle.
Puffs on a joint. Passes it.

AYANNA
Thanks. You’re not so bad for an old geezer --

CHICK
Geezer? Why, I’ll have you know
I won the Cha-cha contest
at the Brown Derby in ‘46.
Used to be quite the hoofer,
if you must know --

The door opens.
In comes Catalina.
All smiles. Then smells --

CATALINA
You’re smoking marijuana?

CHICK
Don’t be alarmed.
I slipped the security lad a C-note.
We could kill someone in here
for all he cares.

Chick takes the joint from Ayanna.
Another toke.

CATALINA
So what’s your pleasure, doctor?

CHICK
My pleasure is --
(nods at Ayanna)
Her pleasure.
It seems my friend here
has quite a hankering for you --

CATALINA
(stares at Ayanna)
A hankering -- for me?

AYANNA
Sur-priii-ise.

CHICK
And I thought it would be fun
if you two -- made whoopee --
while I watched.

CATALINA
Make -- whoopee?

CHICK
(hands her a roll of bills)
One thousand reasons to say yes.

Catalina stares at the wad.
Eyes wide. Nods.

Ayanna entwines her arms
around the gazelle.
Eyes druggy slits.

AYANNA
Come on, don’t tell me --
you never thought about it.

CATALINA
(blushes, whispers)
Actually, I, I -- have.

Ayanna picks Catalina up.
Carries her to the table.

Gently lies her down.
Slides on top.
Starts caressing her.

Chick’s eyes grow wide with wonder.
He sits. Slides a hand
into the folds of his robe.
Starts working it. In ecstacy.

Catalina moans.
Starts KISSING Ayanna.
Which inflames her.
She slowly puts her hand up
Catalina’s skirt.

CHICK
Suffering succotash!
Not now! Not yet! I -

Chick’s body JERKS.
He lets out a weird, high-pitched YIP.
Stops. Eyes go glassy.

The girls keep going at it.
Hot and heavy. Oblivious.

INT. SECURITY WATCH ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Rod watches on a monitor.
Face red. He POUNDS the console.

ROD
Goddamn fucking dyke --
this woulda out-sold
fucking Paris Hilton
and Pamela Anderson COMBINED.

He picks up the phone.
Dials. Listens.

ROD
Henry?

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. LOFT - AT THAT MOMENT
Dark, cavernous. Windows blacked out.
Banks of computers. Video game consoles.
Porno movie posters. A gamer’s lair.

On the mega-stereo,
the deviant-bitch electro-death-pop
of Ladytron’s DESTROY EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH over --

HIROKU TAKEO (27), heavyset with a giant,
round head, geek extraordinaire, slurps noodles.
Speaks into his headset.

HIROKU
Hiroku, asshole. What’s up?

ROD
Why can’t I just call you Henry?

HIROKU
Because THAT’S NOT MY NAME.
(beat)
What -- do -- you -- want, ROD.
(low, to himself)
Retard --

ROD
Okay, lookit.
We got trouble.
I got busted today --

HIROKU
The cops? The fucking cops?

ROD
No, worse. A -- Federal agent.

HIROKU
You fucking inbred IDIOT.

ROD
Hey now, calm down --
she was undercover, HERE --
how was I supposed to know?
And now she says I gotta
help her bring the place down --
or else it’s my ass in a sling.

Hiroku smiles. Piggy eyes pondering.

ROD
Hen -- Hi-row-koo?
You still there?

HIROKU
Interesting visual image.
Limited market,
but it might be worth exploring.

ROD
So whadda we gonna do?

HIROKU
We make her -- go away.

ROD
So you’ll -- make the flight plans?

HIROKU
Yes.
(eyes light up)
I just had a brilliant idea.

ROD
What.

He SLURPS a long, fat noodle.

HIROKU
We videotape it.

PUSH IN ON Rod’s face.
Greedy eyes darting.

INT. BLUE MASSAGE ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Gus and Lindsey fuck for all their worth.
It’s animal. Vegetable. Mineral.
He arches his back. Beaming. In ecstasy.

Lindsey’s fingers race through his hair.

LINDSEY
Fucking CHRIST --
I’m gonna, I’m gonna --

GUS
So AM I!
Goddamn fucking Jesus CHRIST!

And, in a moment of pure cinema --
They CLIMAX simultaneously.
He bucks, HEAVES. She shakes, GRINDS.

They grip each other.
Sweaty. Salty. Spent.
Then pull apart.

Gus gets a towel.
Wipes himself.
Ties it around his waist.

GUS
That was -- fucking awesome.

LINDSEY
(goofy grin)
Yeah.
(beat)
Goddammit.

GUS
We gotta do that again sometime.

LINDSEY
Any time.

Gus motions to the door.

GUS
Well, I guess I gotta --

LINDSEY
Yeah.
(beat)
Oh. One last thing --

GUS
Sure. What?

Pause.

LINDSEY
(brightly)
That’ll be a thousand dollars.

A Little Slap & Tickle

Happy Monday, clusterfucks! It's time once again to take a little trip to the dark side. Come with me on a journey of mayhem, violence, murder ... a little deviant sex ... at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, right here ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of FULL BODY, we return to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where things are heating up when club owner/crime boss Yuri Vlaovic brings his darling daughter Etya a most violent present. Meanwhile, Aussie spinner Lindsay Lette and Navy Seal Gus Harden get down and dirty in a VIP room, and newbie Summer Donovan must fight off the pervy advances of black ops spook Dwight Blank.


INT. ETYA’S OFFICE - NIGHT
The sublimely ridiculously catchy Austrian 80’s
power-pop of Falco’s AMERIKA over --

Etya. Cleaning a gleaming Sig Hauser.
Vodka bottle and shot glass nearby.

She nods to the music.
SLAMS down the magazine.

ETYA
How DARE she think
she can come into my life --
and FUCK with it -- AGAIN.

Etya pours a shot. Raises it, a toast.

ETYA
To family.
(giggles)
Death in family --

Downs it. She pours another.
Stands. Downs it.

Starts doing a drunken, demented twist.

ETYA
(sings)
Amerika, wo, wo, wo, wo --
Amerika --

A KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK on the door.
She shuts off the music.

ETYA
Is open. Come in.

Yuri ambles in.
Hands in pockets.
Eyes dancing.

YURI
I come bearing gift, darling daughter.

ETYA
Oh! I love gift --
but what about security you promise?

Yuri pulls twin UZIS out of this pockets.
Smiles.

YURI
They bring out the black in your eyes.

ETYA
Oh, Poppa -- you know just what
to give a girl.
I think I’m going to cry --

INT. BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
The liquid, bubbling Fraulein-trance of Iio’S RAPTURE over --

Lindsey and Gus in a clinch.
Devouring each other.

Gus has her up against the wall.
Ravaging her. Hungry. Needy. Horny.

GUS
You are so --

LINDSEY
Fucking -- hot --

GUS
(pulls back)
I want you. I’ve gotta --

LINDSEY
Shhhhh. The walls have ears. And eyes.

IN THE MASSAGE ROOM
Lindsey looks at the camera
high up on the wall.

She walks directly below it.
Presses her ass into the corner.

LINDSEY
Peek-a-boo, I can’t see you --
(breathy)
Now where were we?

Gus comes to her.
Runs his fingers through her hair.

GUS
Fucking our brains out?

He lifts her skirt.
Starts to slide in.

LINDSEY
Hey.

GUS
SEALS ride bareback, baby.
Gotta problem with that?

LINDSEY
(pulls out a condom)
Yeah, I do.
No glove, no love.
No deep stealth without it.

She deftly RIPS it open,
pops it in her mouth. Smiles.

FROM BEHIND LINDSEY
we see her head move down to his crotch. SNAP.

GUS
Ow.

LINDSEY
Hey -- no pain, no gain.

FROM BEHIND GUS
we see him THRUST into her.
Hard. Then harder. Claws at her.

She writhes with unbelievable pleasure.

LINDSEY
Holy fucking shit --

GUS
Permission to come, MISS --

LINDSEY
Permission -- GRANTED.

INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
The silky, suave, international-intrigue
of Thievery Corporation’s INCIDENT AT GATE 7 over --

Summer, standing at the end of the massage table.
Holds a coke inhaler to her nose.
SNORTS. Rubs it. SNORTS. Smiles.

DWIGHT (O.C.)
Took him out in one shot
from a range of three hundred yards.
In the dark. And I had a cold.

SUMMER
But he was a bad guy, right?

Dwight comes into frame.
Towel wrapped around his waist.

SLAPS down a large bundle of bills.
Takes the snifter.

DWIGHT
(SNORT)
El Presidente?
Elected by the people? Nah.
The White House was pissed
that he wouldn’t trade weapons for blow.
(points at the cash)
That’s about five grand.
Should be enough for
a little slap and tickle.

He comes over.
Puts hands on her waist.
She backs away.

SUMMER
'Slap and tickle?'

DWIGHT
Wang dang sweet poontang, baby.

SUMMER
We can’t have intercourse.
It’s against the rules.
Now c’mon, get up on the table,
let me give you a massage.

DWIGHT
No fucking? Ah, man -- what a gyp.
This sure as shit isn’t Thailand.
In Phuket? You can get a
thirteen-year-old virgin for twenty bucks.
For the NIGHT.
And she doesn’t give you any fucking lip.

SUMMER
Well, this isn’t Thailand.
And you better get your butt in gear
if you want to feel my splendor.

DWIGHT
(raises hands)
One squeeze. Each tit. One hundy.

She nods. Pained. He GRABS them.

DWIGHT
(squeeze-squeeze)
Honk-honk!

SUMMER
Ow! Not so hard!
That’s your first warning!

He giggles. Turns away.
Takes off the towel.

Reveals a bony white ass.
Gets up. Lays on his stomach.

DWIGHT
Jeez. Such a delicate creature.
C’mon, lighten up.
This IS a service industry, you know --
(turns his head toward her)
How about a hundred for a blumpkin?

Ride The Dragon

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! It's time once again to get your ass in gear over to the dark side, and come with me to a place where your darkest hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh ... sins of desire ... and unholy acts of violence, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of FULL BODY, we return once again to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa.' First up, Croatian crime boss Yuri Vlaovic blackmails a city councilman with pictures of him dressed like a Hooters girls. Then, French-African gazelle Ayanna Prouxl accepts the Surgeon General's offer of a little heroin to get the party started. Meanwhile, 'The Angel of Lisbon' Catalina's client shocks her with a VERY dangerous sex act ...


EXT. WASHINGTON MONUMENT - REFLECTING POOL - NIGHT
Yuri sits on a park bench. Talks on his cell.

YURI
Just sit tight.
She just got here,
she’s going to wait for perfect moment,
she wants to torture us.
Nothing will happen tonight.
(listens)
Calm down, calm down.
I’ll get you more security.
And after I finish this deal,
I put out hit on the cunt.
(listens)
I’m sorry. Your mother --

A FIGURE IN BLACK approaches.
Yuri sees him.
Picks up Oogie.
Puts him in his pocket.

YURI
I must go now, ljubavnik.
Client is here.
(beat)
Love you, too --

He hangs up.
Looks at the FIGURE (40’s).

Tall, lean, Kennedy-esque.
The grim version. Anxious. Pissed.

YURI
City Councilman Hassig.
Nice to see you.

HASSIG
You fucking bastard.

YURI
Kill strip club ordinance,
make sure vote don’t pass,
and maybe I have second thought.

HASSIG
You’re a scumbag.

YURI
And you’re stimulating conversationalist.
Would be shame for gossip rags
to get picture of you
dressed like Hooters girl.

HASSIG
I’ve got your money,
you greasy bastard.

He pulls a fat envelope
out of his jacket pocket.
Tosses it.

Yuri smiles grimly.
Looks inside. Nods. Stands.

YURI
Pleasure doing business.

He offers his hand to shake.
Hassig SPITS.

HASSIG
Business, right.
You’re a fucking lowlife thug,
a blight on this nation’s capitol.

YURI
That might be --
but I don’t dress like cheerleader
and stick large vegetable in asshole.

INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Dr. Almond sits on the table.
Gestures to a small,
jewel-encrusted mirror
with four tiny lines laid out on it.

CHICK
Prepare to ride the dragon, princess.

He hands her a silver tube.
A diamond glints on the end.
Ayanna bends over.
Inserts the straw.

AYANNA
It’s -- brown? Is that --

CHICK
Heroin? Indeed.
Please, don’t tell me
you’ve never done smack.
I thought you were a woman of the world.

AYANNA
I am, but I’m not some fucking junkie --

CHICK
It’s not addictive if you snort it.
I’ve been gacking for over forty years now.
(sighs, remembering)
In London you register with the government,
get it free --

Ayanna stares. Wheels turning.

CHICK
Oh, come on,
two little lines won’t hurt you.
And you won’t get addicted.
Don’t forget I’m a doctor.
(beat)
A very rich doctor --

AYANNA
How’s your bedside manner?
(does a line, rubs her nose)
Doesn’t burn as bad as --

Ayanna CLUTCHES her stomach.
Turns green.

CHICK
You might want to run to the loo.

She does. Like a rabbit.
RETCHING in the next room.

CHICK
Splash some water on your face!
Now comes the fun part!

Ayanna weaves back into the room.
Dreamy, shit-eating grin.

CHICK
Someone looks orgasmic.
How do you feel?

AYANNA
Like I see Jesus --
and she’s really fucking hot --
and I want to fuck the shit out of her.

CHICK
Splendid idea!
I think we need to get a little play-toy
for you to snack on --

AYANNA
(dreamy)
Play-toy --

CHICK
Do you have anyone in mind?

AYANNA
Yeah -- I do.

PUSH IN on Ayanna’s hungry eyes.

AYANNA
Cat-a-li-na --

DISSOLVE TO:

CATALINA’S FACE
as she looks down.
Working her magic.

OMAR (O.C.)
God, yes. That’s so fucking GOOD.

INT. BLACK MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
From Omar’s head POV,
we see Catalina working on him.

(His head obscures what she’s doing --
we only see her arm down to her elbow.
But we can tell she’s pumping him.)

CATALINA
Such a good boy --
are you ready, baby?

OMAR
God, yes -- hell, no --
s’too good --

Her eyes register pain.
Lips, a big fake smile.

She keeps working it.
Omar GROANS.

CATALINA
That’s right,
close your eyes,
feels so good --
(looks at watch)
We’re getting near
the end of the session, baby --
don’t you want to finish?

OMAR
Okay, okay --

Suddenly he GRABS his tie.
YANKS on it. HARD.

CATALINA
What are you DOING?
You’re going to choke!

OMAR
(releases a little, gurgles)
Don’t stop! Don’t stop! Keep going!

CATALINA
Alight, alright!

He YANKS on the tie.
Face red. Eyes bulge.
Tongue lolls out.

CATALINA
Stop! You’re going to kill yourself!

OMAR
Gaaaaaa -- gonna cuh -- gonna cuh --

CATALINA
Do it, baby! Do it for me!

He FLINGS away the tie.
SPASMS like a bull on steroids.
A primal, animal BRAY at the moon.

OMAR
YEAAAHHHHHHH -- ARGGGHHH!

Omar JERKS like a rabid puppet.
Stops, as if in mid-air.

OMAR
Goddammit to FUCK.
That was fucking INCREDIBLE.

Catalina grabs a towel.
Covers him.

CATALINA
What is the thing --
with the tie?

Omar sits up.
Glazed, evil smile.

OMAR
Just a little trick I picked up
in the south of France
from an 80’s rock singer.
(beat)
But he didn’t do it right.

Money Shot

Happy Thursday, crime kids! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most hardboiled fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, and the action hotter ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of FULL BODY, we return once again to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where things are really heating up. Aussie spinner Lindsay Lette starts her session with new client Navy Seal Gus Harden, where more than sparks fly. Meanwhile, security guard Rod Katz is videotaping the session, and gets busted by an undercover federal agent, and newbie Summer Donovan begins a nightmare session with black ops spook Dwight Blank, who is more than handful ...


INT. BLUE MASSAGE SUITE - NIGHT
Jordan James’ so-ridiculous-it’s-cool shimmering-pulse
Eurotrance cover of Bon Jovi’s LIVING ON A PRAYER over --

Lindsey, sitting in the spa.
Sipping a large blue martini.

GUS HARDEN
steps into frame (27).
Chiseled, rock-hardbody. Gleaming.

And right now, with his
perfect bare ass to the CAMERA.

GUS
Reporting for duty -- miss.

LINDSEY
(laughs)
Holy shit.

GUS
(gets in water)
Holy shit what?

LINDSEY
You’re fucking gorgeous.
And you’re a SEAL.

GUS
And I’m trained.

LINDSEY
That’s my joke --
(beat)
So what on earth are you doing here?

GUS
Pulled out my back in Nepal.
(beat)
And my wife is pregnant.

LINDSEY
(reaches over, strokes his arm)
Dangerous mission?

GUS
Danger is my middle name.
(leans in to kiss)
I’m not supposed to do this --

LINDSEY
Definitely against the rules --

And they kiss. Softly. Then hungrily.

ON A TELEVISION MONITOR
we see them make out. Hot. Heavy.
Thrashing in the water.

INT. SECURITY WATCH ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Rod Katz watches. Eyes glazed.
Hand moves down to his crotch.

ROD
Yeah, c’mon -- fuck her.
Give me the money shot --

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK on the door.

ROD
Who’s there?

REYNOLDS (O.C.)
It’s Reynolds. Can I come in?

ROD
(to himself)
Okay, be cool, be cool.
(rubs his hands on his pants)
Yeah, sure -- hold on.

He goes to the door.
Unlocks, opens it.

Reynolds comes in.
Holds a manilla shipping envelope.

REYNOLDS
Hello, Katz.

ROD
Hi -- it’s Rod.

REYNOLDS
I know. Sit.

He does, perplexed.

ROD
So what’s up?

REYNOLDS
Here’s what’s up.
(whips out her badge)
I’m with a federal agency
organized crime task force,
and I’ve just busted you
selling your little home movies on Ebay.
(pulls out a DVD)
Brazen, I must admit.
But extraordinarily stupid.
You’re under arrest, asshole.

ROD
Shit. No -- wait, I can explain --

REYNOLDS
Shut the fuck up and listen to me,
you fat, fucking greasy tub of shit --

He nods. Blinking.

ROD
Okay, okay --

REYNOLDS
You are going to help me
gather evidence that the perversion
I saw on this DVD
is business as usual.
AND, that the girls engage
in sexual intercourse for money.
You cooperate, I’ll give you immunity.
Maybe.

ROD
Shit.

REYNOLDS
You in?
Or do I take you to
federal lockup right now --

ROD
I’m in. I’m in.
(beat)
Shit.

REYNOLDS
What’s wrong? Scared?

ROD
No.
(beat)
I -- shit my pants.

INT. GOLD MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Propellerheads’ drum-and-bass acid-jazz cover of
ON HER MAJESTY’S SECRET SERVICE over --

Summer, in a spa next to DWIGHT BLANK (30’s).
Flabby, strange-looking. Mouth a sneer.
Black, beady eyes flicker like
secret butterflies.

Sips cognac.
Looks like he needs a bath.

And he’s IN one.

DWIGHT
C’mon. Sit on my lap.

Summer smiles faintly.
Manouvers on top of him.

DWIGHT
Nice.
(looks around)
I like this place.
I’m going to have to
come here all the time.
(squeezes her boobs)
And request YOU. Ha.

SUMMER
(SMACKS his hands away)
NO!

DWIGHT
But I thought that we could --

SUMMER
You have to negotiate
for things like that.

DWIGHT
Oh, I see --
kind of like when you’re in Africa,
and you need missile launcher parts --
and all you have
to bargain with is a camel.

Pause.

SUMMER
Yeah. Like that.

DWIGHT
So how much to squeeze your tits?

SUMMER
Uh -- fifty dollars. Each.

DWIGHT
(grabs, SQUEEZES her boobs)
Whoooooooo!

SUMMER
Hey! No! Stop that!

DWIGHT
But I thought for a hundred clams --

SUMMER
We were still negotiating!

DWIGHT
Are all the women here
so passive-aggressive?

SUMMER
Okay, look.
You’re obviously a newbie.
Here’s the deal --
the GIRL calls the shots.
You get two chances to behave.
On the third, you get thrown out.
Got it?

DWIGHT
Got it.
(beat)
Bet you’re really good with a riding crop.

SUMMER
What?

DWIGHT
Hey. I’ve got an idea.
Wanna do some blow?

SUMMER
You have -- coke?

DWIGHT
US government pharmaceutical grade, baby.
Opens doors in Nicaragua --
(beat)
Whaddaya say we get on the table
and play ‘drug mule and the sheik?’

Summer takes a sip of cognac.
Makes a face.

SUMMER
Okay. But no camels.

Smooth, Round, Hard

It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh. Where the chicks are hot, and the action hotter, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of FULL BODY, we return to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where the girls are now starting sessions with their new clients. First up, French-African gazelle Ayanna starts to work on Chick Almond, the Surgeon General, who has a little surprise in his doctor's bag. Meanwhile, Portuguese goddess Catalina has to deal with Omar Turgenev, the very 'grabby' Turkish ambassador ...


INT. RED MASSAGE SUITE - NIGHT
Ayanna lounges in the spa. Drinks champagne.

In steps DR. CHICK ALMOND (70’s).
A tall, gaunt, wizened shadow of a man.
Large eyes, like a Keane child.
He eases grey, hairless, ruined limbs
carefully into the water.

AYANNA
So have you found the cure for AIDS yet,
Dr. Almond?

CHICK
Chick. Call me Chick.

AYANNA
What, are you gay?

CHICK
It’s a name from another era, I’m afraid.
Sort of like ‘Edna’ or ‘Slim.’
Can I get a bit of that bubbly?
Water’s hot.
(winks)
And so are you.

AYANNA
Honey, if my skin wasn’t so dark,
you’d see me blush.

CHICK
Honey, the last time you blushed
George Bush was knee-deep
in Bolivian booger sugar.
(beat)
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha --
just fucking with you.
Get what you pay for, eh?

AYANNA
(pours drink, haughty)
Sometimes what you think you’re buying
turns out to be a rental.
And the price is too high.

CHICK
Touche.
I see you’re not a strumpet.
Speaking of ‘high’ --

AYANNA
What the fuck’s a strumpet?

CHICK
Ah, vocabulary.
A -- lady of the evening.

AYANNA
Hell, no. I went to the Sorbonne.
Speak four languages.
AND am descended from Ghanaian ROYALTY.
Don’t make me laugh.
(beat)
You said ‘speaking of high.’
You have something naughty
in your little black bag?

CHICK
I thought you’d never ask.

AYANNA
I would imagine the Surgeon General’s office
has only the best.

CHICK
Sweetie. You have no idea.

INT. BLACK MASSAGE SUITE - AT THAT MOMENT
Catalina steps out of the spa.
Wraps a towel around her.

OMAR TURGENEV (45) watches.
Smooth, pretty boy,
the ‘Turkish Victor Mature.’
Adjusts his groin under a jet of water.

But why is he still wearing his tie?

CATALINA
You grab me like that,
you have to pay extra.
Pulling on me like I was Turkish taffy.

OMAR
Come back in. Please.
I keep my hands to myself.

CATALINA
I think we should start your massage.
This is only a forty-five-minute session.
(sexy, teasing)
And I thought ambassadors
made out like bandits.

OMAR
(starts to get out)
We do. It’s just that Madame Turgenev and I
are attending the Croatian embassy ball tonight.
And if I’m late, it’s my head on a wrought iron post.

He goes to the bar.
Grabs his drink.
Takes a sip. Smiles.

CATALINA
Come. Let the angel of Lisbon
take you to new heights of pleasure.

Omar goes to the table.
As he passes her, SLAPS her rear.

CATALINA
Hey!

OMAR
Whoops. Was that your ass?
(puts drink down)
I’m sorry. I’m a bad boy.
Forgive me?

He hops on up.
Catalina turns her head.
Silently curses.

OMAR
Did you say something?

CATALINA
That’s fifty dollars added to your tab.

OMAR
Worth every penny.
Smooth. Round. Hard.
You should be proud.
(lays down his head)
Ready for new heights,
my Latin goddess.

She squirts oil on her hands.
Big smile. Eyes full of hatred.

CATALINA
Then let’s start climbing --

On A 'Need-To-Rub' Basis

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. You say you're pissed off? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Feel like you wanna scream your head off and punch a hole in the wall? Well, then you've come to the right place, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of FULL BODY, we return to The International, DC's most exclusive 'gentleman's spa,' where Croatian lesbian office manager Etya gets a phone call from her 'dead' mother Mavra, who threatens to kill her father Yuri, the owner of the club. Meanwhile, receptionist Reynolds Tan gives the girls their next 'massage' assignments ...


INT. ETYA’S OFFICE - NIGHT
tATu’s Eastern-Eurotrash Russian-lesbo-bimbo cover
of The Smiths’ HOW SOON IS NOW over --

The empress of the damned reviews the books.
Picks up a bottle of vodka.
Pours a shot. Slugs it down.

ETYA
This place is cash cow.
One hundred fifty-thousand per week.
(pours shot, raises it)
Capitalism -- the God I pray to.

Knocks it back.
She dabs her mouth with a sleeve.
Rubs her hands together.

Goes to the safe.
Starts working the dial.

The door CLICKS. Opens.
Etya pulls out a banded wad of hundreds.
Stuffs it in her pocket.

The phone RINGS.

ETYA
Ach.

She closes the safe. THUNK.
Goes to the phone.
Picks up. Listens.

Her eyes bug.
Face turns white.

ETYA
Is not possible!
You are dead!
(listens)
Who is this? Tell me!
(listens)
But we buried you -- we --
(listens)
I’m not afraid of you!
You can go fuck yourself!

Etya SLAMS down the phone.
Starts pacing. Freaked.

ETYA
Is not possible --
I kiss her goodbye --
close lid --
is like magic trick --

She goes to the desk.
GRABS the bottle.
Takes a big chug.

PUNCHES numbers on the phone.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. WASHINGTON MONUMENT - REFLECTING POOL - NIGHT
Yuri sits on a bench. Squinting, trying to read a newspaper
in the dim light of a street lamp.

A COUPLE passes by.
Yuri lowers the paper.
Watches them.

YURI
To be young and have horniness.

He pulls out a bag from his coat pocket.
Fishes out a heel of dark bread.
Breaks off a piece with his teeth.
Chews.

A MOUSE jumps up on the bench.
Whiskers sniffing.

YURI
Hello, little fella.
You hungry?

He breaks off a small piece.
The mouse rears up on his hind legs.

Yuri gives it to him.
Rapid-fire CHEWING.
Gulp.

YURI
Is good, no?
Croatian peasant bread.
Oats and barley. A few nuts.
Is good for long winter.
And bowel movement.

Yuri gives him another piece.
Smiles, childlike.

YURI
You are cute little fella.
I call you -- Oogie.

A RINGING in his pocket.
He fishes out his cell.

SNAPS it open. Listens --

ETYA
Poppa, she’s ALIVE.
Mavra is ALIVE.
She called me --

YURI
Is not possible,
we BURIED her.

ETYA
I know that,
but body must be
switched at last moment.
How else do you explain?

YURI
I don’t know.
(scared)
What did she say to you?

ETYA
She said she was going to --
kill you.

YURI
But she always said that.
What make you think it different now?

ETYA
I don’t know --
maybe she knows
you tried to POISON her?

INT. RECEPTION AREA - AT THAT MOMENT
Reynolds gazes levelly at Summer, Lindsey, Ayanna and Catalina.
Picks up a clipboard. Taps it with her pen.

REYNOLDS
Alright, listen up. Ayanna.
You have Dr. Almond,
from the Surgeon General’s office.
In the Red Suite.

AYANNA
Guess it’s time for my physical.

REYNOLDS
Lindsey, you get Lieutenant Gus Harden,
United States Navy. He’s a SEAL.

LINDSEY
Trained?

REYNOLDS
Funny. He’s in the Blue Suite.
(beat)
Catalina, your next client is Omar Turgenoff,
the Turkish Ambassador. In the Black.

CATALINA
I hope he’s a -- young Turk.

REYNOLDS
All of you with the jokes.
(scans the sheet)
Ah. And Summer --
you get Dwight Blank.
In the Gold Suite.

SUMMER
At least he sounds normal.
What’s he do?

REYNOLDS
Classified. He’s a spook. Black OPS.
On a ‘need to rub’ basis only.

SUMMER
Great. More national security.

REYNOLDS
Consider it an initiation.
Kind of like a sorority hazing.

LINDSEY
Then what are we doing standing around?
We’ve got work to do. Men to please.
Towels to soil.

PUSH IN ON Summer’s face. Hiding her fear.