Greetings, hipsters. Feeling frustrated with life? A little hot and bothered? Things getting you down? Then why not get your ass over to the coolest crime scene in town ... and get your daily fix of hardboiled/pulp action ... at That Killing Feeling ...
Onto today's joint from HIT & RUN HOLIDAY. And get ready folks, because we're about to set the scene for a REALLY big chase scene ...
But first up, Lux LeBon, the waitress that wanted fugitive/would-be screenwriter Friday Foster terrorized at that Venice Beach cafe (remember 'bonus points if you pee your pants?) is now famous due to that YouTube video, and appears on The Howard Stern Show ...
Then, white slave trafficker/Marine Bland Loosener, having been captured by Friday's ex/suspended cop Carrie Love, makes a daring escape ...
While Friday gets a ride to her date with destiny by a certain gold-toothed gansta, who sells her her very own Uzi ...
INT. RADIO STUDIO - THE HOWARD STERN SHOW - MORNING
Howard sits at his console. Leans into the mike.
Uh, Lux LeBon was the waitress that --
GARY DEL’ABATE, the producer, escorts in
LUX LEBON (25) who we recognize
as the waitress at the Cracked Earth Cafe.
There she is. WOW.
You are smokin’ HOT.
Look at the bod on YOU --
Lux sits on the couch.
Haughty in a Melrose Avenue minidress.
You are the waitress that Friday Foster
threatened with a gun in the YouTube video.
It’s had over five million hits.
leans into his microphone.
She is SMOKIN’.
Who would want to point a gun at HER?
She said I was rude to her.
Were you? Rude to her?
And thank fucking God.
Since that video went up,
my agent’s phone’s been ringing off the hook.
I just got my own fucking REALITY SHOW.
That’s great. What’s it called?
PUSH IN ON Lux. Big, Cheshire grin.
'Who Wants To Be A Bitch?'
EXT. WEST HOLLYWOOD - ALLEY - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie’s piece-of-crap Olds idles behind a strip mall.
INT. CARRIE’S CAR - CONTINUOUS
Carrie sits behind the wheel. Kelly rides shotgun.
In the back is Bland, hands cuffed in his lap.
On the car stereo, DJ Sammy’s glistening trance-cover
of CALIFORNIA DREAMIN’ punctuates the early morning light.
What is this shit?
Don’t worry about it, listen to me --
I like it. It’s kinda peppy.
I’m offering you a deal.
You help us find her,
and the charges will be dropped.
Help us -- before she gets in more trouble.
It’s a sacrilege.
‘California Dreaming’ is a CLASSIC American song,
and now it’s all faggy and shit.
Carrie CRANKS the volume.
Do we have a DEAL?
Bland looks at his feet.
Winces. Shakes his head.
He LURCHES FORWARD,
jerks the chain around Carrie’s neck.
Turn it off! Turn it off!
Carrie GAGS. Her eyes BULGE.
She THRASHES against the seat.
Kelly shuts off the music.
Stop it! Stop it! You’re gonna kill her!
Give me the gun! The gun, the gun!
Kelly GRABS it, gives it to him.
Bland RELEASE Carrie with a flourish.
She GASPS for air.
Uh, uh, uh, uh --
Bland CRACKS Kelly on the side of the head --
Swivels, KICKS OPEN the car door.
Hops out, and DASHES AWAY.
Criminy! There he goes!
(looks at Carrie)
Are you okay? Are you okay?
My head, my head --
She uses all her strength,
PUSHES open the car door.
Gets out. Unsteady on her feet.
Where are you going?
I’m gonna go fucking get him.
(reels, stops, looks at him)
Stupid ass. You gave him my gun.
He was gonna strangle you.
That’s no excuse.
And she TAKES OFF --
(rubs his temples)
I bet Woodward and Bernstein
never had to deal with all this folderol.
INT. HUMVEE - MOVING - MORNING
The Clash’s POLICE AND THIEVES reggae-punks the car stereo.
GANGSTA drives. Friday ride shotgun. Cradles an Uzi.
I used to go by ‘The Game,’
but that asshole fucking stole it.
Should of copyrighted that shit.
Well, you gotta come up with something else,
because ‘Lester’ doesn’t cut it.
(strokes the gun)
I love how this feels.
I’ll give you five-k for it.
Five-k? That’s COST.
And that’s without ammunition.
Okay, six, and a couple hundred for ammo.
All you have.
Seven POINT FIVE -- and we have a deal.
She grins. They shake. Light up.
Friday looks at his smokes.
Can I ask you a dumb question?
You can ask. But I might not answer.
Why do so many black people smoke menthols?
He stares at her a long beat.
Then BURSTS into laughter.
C’mon, I’m not joking.
Most black folks are poor,
and they can’t afford to go on vacation,
so everything they do IS a vacation.
Everything has to be flavored stronger, hotter, sweeter.
Malt Liquor. Flaming hot Doritos. Grape Soda.
Buying lottery tickets --
That’s gambling. Another thing entirely.
File that under ‘ghetto behavior.’
So what are you planning to do with your bright,
new shiny gun? Rob the movie studio?
Nah. There’s no money there --
So why all the weapons?
Let’s just say I’ve got a beef --
(a’la Dirty Harry)
And its time to fire up the grill.
Hey. I like that.
Yeah. Sounds -- meaty.
He looks at her.