Monday, August 17, 2009

Let Sleeping Gangstas Lie

Monday, Monday ... so bad to me. Need a little jolt to awaken you from your dull, dreary 9 to 5 day jobs, crime hipsters? Then get your tight little asses into the coolest joint in town. Where the chicks are hot, the guns are hotter, and you can indulge in That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's episode from HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, and boy, are you in for a treat.

First up, wanted fugitive/would-be screenwriter Friday Foster's gal pal Dolly, upset about their aborted tryst, blows her head clean off.

Then, Friday must tangle with an extremely violent security guard ...

And THEN escapes to the bungalow next door, where she makes a deal with a certain gold-toothed gangsta for help with ... her getaway.

INT. CHATEAU MARMONT BUNGALOW - NIGHT
Friday listens at the bathroom door. Panicked.

FRIDAY
What are you gonna do, kill --

She realizes. HER GUN.
She races to the bedside.
Frantically rummages through her bag.

It’s GONE.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)
(runs to the door)
Dolly, no!

BANG.

Friday steps back. Braces herself.
KICKS open the door.

DOLLY
lies on the floor next to the toilet.
Back of her head, brains, blood,
bits of skull all over the wall.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)
I’ve just been cluster-fucked.

She pries the gun out of Dolly’s hands.
RACES INTO --

THE LIVING ROOM
and DASHES over to the TV.
PUNCHES it on. LOUD.
Frantically surfs channels until --
An 80’s ACTION MOVIE spews MACHINE GUN FIRE.

Someone BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANGS on the door.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)
Just a minute!

She composes herself.
Puts the gun in the small of her back.
Strides over to the door. To reveal --

A UNIFORMED SECURITY GUARD.
This guy makes Ving Rhames look like a shrinking violet.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
We had a report of gunshots -- coming from this room.

FRIDAY
Yeah. Chuck Norris just took out the Iraqui government.

He glances at the TV.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
Isn’t it a little early for action movies?

FRIDAY
I’m a casting agent, checking out Chuck.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
Yeah, right. Chuck Norris.

FRIDAY
I didn’t say I was A-list.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
(pulls out handcuffs)
Assume the position, bitch.

Friday walks backwards.
Toward where Dolly lies.

FRIDAY
I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
(coming toward her)
What you got in the bathroom, girlie -- a body?

FRIDAY
Don’t come any closer, I don’t want to hurt you.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
Hurt ME?

He stops. LAUGHS. Shakes his head.
Unhooks his billy club.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD (CONT’D)
This is gonna be fun --
I haven’t used this on a bitch in a long --

Lightening fast, Friday KICKS him in the jaw, CRACK.
He FLIES across the room, SLAMS into the wall, THWUNK.

FRIDAY
Who you calling a BITCH?

Huge catches his breath. Weaves a bit. Rubs his jaw.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
Fucking cunt --

Friday shadowboxes, dances on the balls of her feet.

FRIDAY
Hey, no use of the ‘C’ word. That’s uncalled for.

He LUNGES for her. SWINGING his stick.
Friday feints right, swerves left.
He CRACKS into the dresser. Drawers go FLYING.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
I’m gonna -- fuck you up.

Huge regains his balance. Paws at the floor like a bull.

FRIDAY
Looks like you’re kinda doing that to yourself.

He LUNGES, GRABS HER by the THROAT. Friday GAGS.
He BANGS her head against the wall, CRACK.
Friday struggles, kicks, PUSHES his fingers backwards.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
GAAAH --

Enraged, he PUNCHES her in the face, CRUNCH.
Friday FLIES backward, HITS the wall. OOF.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD (CONT’D)
Fucking CUNT.

FRIDAY
Great vocabulary. Where’d you get your graduate degree?

He CHARGES her. GRABS HER around the NECK.
SQUEEZES. HARD. Friday fights for air.
Eyes BUG OUT, arms FLAILING.

She feels around, GRABS a lamp. SMASHES IT on his head.
Huge swerves. Blinks. Damn, this fucker is STRONG.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD
Fucking bitch. I’m gonna kill you.

FRIDAY
Fucking cunt, fucking bitch.
That the best you can do, MANDINGO?

Huge RUSHES her. She GRABS the bathroom door knob.
Just as he reaches her, she steps to the side --
and SWINGS the door in his face, WHACK.
BANG. He crumples to the floor, THWUNK.

She grabs his ankles.
Drags him into the bathroom.
Quietly shuts the door.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)
Fucking asshole. Broke a nail.

Friday goes to the bed. Stuffs her bag.
Grabs the briefcases. Goes to the terrace doors.

FRIDAY (CONT'D)
Hope they don’t charge for early checkout.

EXT. BUNGALOW 5 - TERRACE
Friday climbs over the railing. Walks over to Bungalow 6.
Raises herself up, and climbs onto the terrace. Looks around.

FRIDAY
Should probably let sleeping gangstas lie.

INT. BUNGALOW 6 - EARLY MORNING
Friday tip-toes into the darkness.
A hulking FIGURE appears,
drinking from a gallon jug of milk.
It’s Gold-Tooth.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA
(British accent)
What are the bloody fuck are YOU doing here?

FRIDAY
Sorry to barge in, but I gotta jailbait suicide
and a comatose security guard back at my place,
and I didn’t think it would be a good idea
to stick around for housekeeping.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA
(impressed)
I understand.
(beat)
And you want to -- hide out here?

FRIDAY
Tempting, but I can’t, I have an appointment.
Big pitch meeting.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA
And what, you need a ride?

FRIDAY
Yeah. I’ll pay you a hundred bucks a mile. Plus gas.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA
Cash?

FRIDAY
(tosses him a wad of cash)
Your tip. In advance.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA
Madam, your carriage awaits.

No comments:

Post a Comment