Saturday, August 29, 2009

Gangsta Gang-Bang

Happy Saturdaze, crime slicksters. Feelin' a little bored? Disgruntled? Like you wanna climb up on the roof and start picking off pedestrians with a high-powered rifle? Then congratulations ... you've got That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's crackling hot episode from HIT & RUN HOLIDAY.

First up, we see aftermath of disgraced homicide cop Carrie Love getting shot in the stomach ...

While the executives of White Line Pictures make their 'Escape from LA' ...

Meanwhile, the rioter have 'entered the building' and are on their way upstairs ...


INT. WHITE LINE PICTURES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
A sharp CRACK through the window. A bullet WHIZZES by.
Carrie clutches her stomach. OOF.

CARRIE
Huh?

A red stain appears on her shirt. Starts growing.

FRIDAY
NO.

Friday takes Carrie in her arms.

CARRIE
(tiny voice)
I’ve been -- shot.

FRIDAY
Shhhh. It’s gonna be okay.
(to the group)
Somebody call a fucking ambulance!

Jimmy Joe pulls out his cell. Punches in 911.

CARRIE
Funny -- I don’t feel anything.

FRIDAY
Shhhh, save your strength. You’re in shock.
(to Jimmy Joe)
Well?

JIMMY JOE
It’s jus’ ringin’ and ringin’ --

EXT. WHITE LINE PICTURES - FRONT ENTRANCE
A large mob of UNRULY RIOTERS POUND on the front door.
Mr. George stands behind the glass. Shakes his fist.

MR. GEORGE
Heathens! Go away!
We haff nothin here for yoo to take!

A HUGE BLACK GUY KICKS the door.

HUGE BLACK GUY
I saw dat ‘Drive-By 3!’
It wazza piece-a SHIT!
I want my money back!

LOUD BLACK GUY
You be dissin’ niggaz wit dat SHIT!

He lifts a FIRE EXTINGUISHER and SMASHES IT through the door.

IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM
Friday looks out the window. Sees the GANG pouring in.

FRIDAY
We gotta get the FUCK outta here,
or else we’re dead white meat.
(to Jimmy Joe)
Where’s that fucking AMBULANCE?

JIMMY JOE
(closes his cell)
Fucking riot, they’re all busy --
said it would be about an hour.

FRIDAY
An hour? We DON’T HAVE AN HOUR!

DON
Like I could give two fucks.
(to Hans)
Hans. You drive your Hummer to work today?

HANS
Yah, of course --

GARY
Great idea. The parking garage is secure.

HANS
And ve make like Escape From LA.

DON
Shut up, Hans. Gimme your fucking keys.
(takes keys, to Friday)
You’re on your own, bitch.
Good luck getting out of here alive.

They race outta there. The assistants follow.
Friday strokes Carrie’s hair. Rocks back and forth.

FRIDAY
Everything in my life turns to shit.
(to Jimmy Joe)
We’ve gotta do something.
(a lightbulb POPS)
Hey. You’ve got rich and famous friends.
Any of ‘em have a chopper?

JIMMY JOE
Fuck, yeah.
(pulls out his cell, dials)
Yo, Ridley? Yeah, it’s me, Jimmy Joe.
(listens)
Oh, nothin’ much,
just about to be stormed by
an angry mob of marauding rioters --
an’ we gotta lady thas’ been shot in the belly.
How you doin?’
(listens)
Beverly Hills. Over at White Line Pictures.
You still have that chopper?
(looks at Friday)
All gassed up an’ ready to go?
And you sure yer not usin’ it?
(listens)
Yer in Morocco with Russell? Nice.
So kin I borrow it? It’s an emergency.
(listens)
Thanks, Ridley-boy. I owe ya one.
(listens)
I gotta think about it. Thanks.
(hangs up, to Friday)
Ridley’s gonna let me borrow his personal chopper.
It’s on its way over.
(beat)
An I got a part in his next picture -- if I want it.
Not sure if I wanna play a Shiite terrorist, though.

FRIDAY
Ridley -- ?

JIMMY JOE
Scott, yeah. We’ve wanted to work together for years.
Just haven’t found the right project.
(beat)
Hey. So listen, while we’re waitin’ --
can I ask you a question. Kinda personal?

FRIDAY
How personal?

JIMMY JOE
Well, see -- I never met a woman like you before,
an’ I always wanted to.
(meaningfully)
The Native Americans say you have special powers.

FRIDAY
That’s a myth. I’ve seen life from both sides,
and they both suck. What’s your question?

JIMMY JOE
So, uh --
(beat)
Which orgasm is better?

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.
A horde of feet STOMP down the hallway outside.

FRIDAY
Shit.

Jimmy Joe puts a finger to his mouth -- shhhhhhhh.

A BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
sticks his head in the room.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
(to the rest outside)
Hey. In here. We gotta couple-a live ones.
(sees Bland)
He dead?

FRIDAY
Just resting.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
(sees Carrie)
She dead?

FRIDAY
Almost.

Three more LARGE BLACK GUYS walk in.
Carrying pipes. Knives.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
(sees Friday)
That’s the bitch’s been on da news.
I’m gonna hit dat. Have my first celeb-ritee.

LEERING GANGSTA
Back off. I’m doin’ her first.

KNIFE-WEILDING GANGSTA
Homes, they three inputs --
we kin have a gangsta gang-bang.

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