Saturday, August 15, 2009

Be All You Can Be

Ah, Saturdaze, a time for kicking back, putting your stiletto-heeled thigh-high black patent leather boots up on the desk, popping open a cold one, and getting your depraved crime groove on with That Killing Feeling ...

Onto today's episode of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY.

When we last left wanted fugitive/would-be screenwriter Friday Foster, she had just escaped Club Fuck, where she was being pursued by white slave trafficker/Marine Bland Loosener ...

Next up, we meet one of Friday's victims, Pulitzer Price winner/economist Dann Israel, who finds the glare of the media spotlight most ... confusing ...

And Friday repairs to her bungalow lair at the Chatteau Marmont with her 'catch of the day,' Dolly.

INT. CLUB FUCK - PLAYROOM - NIGHT
Bland SHOOTS him in the foot, BANG. The boy SCREAMS in pain.
Hits the floor. Holds his boot, blood pouring out.

TWEEKER BOY
You fucking shot me!

BLAND
Try dancing NOW.

CLICK, CLICK.

CARRIE
points her Glock against Bland’s temple.

CARRIE
Put the guns down, you ugly fuck.
Or else all you’re gonna hear
is the wind whistling through your empty,
‘be all you can be’ head.

Bland drops ‘em.

KELLY
watches, in awe.

KELLY
This is like out of a movie.

CARRIE
Shhh.

Bland takes advantage of the moment,
and in a BLUR OF SPEED,
GRABS Carrie and Kelly’s heads
and SMASHES them together.

He grabs his guns off the floor, races backstage.
Carrie leaps up. Unsteady on her feet.

CARRIE (CONT'D)
Whoah. Head rush.

EXT. CLUB FUCK - BACK ALLEY
Bland JUMPS on his motorcycle. KICK-STARTS the engine.
It ROARS to life. He takes off in a SQUEAL of rubber.

CARRIE
runs outside. Chases after the bike.

CARRIE
Come BACK HERE!

And, like some marathon sprinter, she catches up.
LEAPS in the air. GRABS him, and --
The bike, Bland and Carrie skitter across the parking lot.
And BANG, into the side of a dumpster.

Carrie SOCKS Bland in the jaw.
BANG, he goes out.
She whips out handcuffs, fastens him to the bike.

KELLY
appears. Rubbing his temples.

KELLY
Do you have any ibuprofen?

She rifles through Bland’s pockets. Finds the PICTURE.

CARRIE
Holy shit.

KELLY
It’s her.

CARRIE
And it looks like she’s made some pretty nasty enemies.

KELLY
Maybe he can lead us to where she is.

CARRIE
If we’re lucky.
(beat)
Or unlucky --

INT. NEWS STUDIO - AT THAT MOMENT
BOB O’HENRY (50’s). Hawk-like. Eyes blazing.
Mouth an arrogant sneer. Stares into the CAMERA. Scowling.
Sitting next to Bob is Friday’s old friend DANN ISRAEL.

BOB
Our next guest is Dann Israel, of the Lambert Institute. A think tank.

DANN
(deer in kleig lights)
Hello, Bob. Nice to be here. Thank you for having me.

BOB
The pleasure is all mind, Dann. This is
the first time we’ve had a Pulitzer Prize winner on the show.

DANN
Well, it’s the first time I’ve been on television,
so I guess we’re even, heh, heh, heh --

BOB
So let’s get down to it, Dann.
How in the HECK did you let a WOMAN overpower you?

DANN
I -- don’t understand.
I’m here to talk about emerging global markets.

BOB
We’ll get to that.
But first, what America REALLY wants to know
is WHY Friday Foster went on this rampage?
Can you shed some light on it?

PUSH IN ON Dann. Peeved.

DANN
I’m afraid you’ll have to ask her.

INT. BUNGALOW 5 - NIGHT
The door opens. In comes Friday and her catch of the day, DOLLY.
Both completely, utterly trashed. Giggly.

DOLLY
This is nice. Can I move in with you?

FRIDAY
One tryst at a time, luv.
This is a U-Haul-free zone.

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