Dazed, Beautiful & Bruised

Happy fucking Friday, kids. Boy, oh, boy -- have I had a day. Happy fucking 'May Day.'

Stayed up WAY too last night, and I'm hurting. But I did have a great time at my friend's show. Looks like I'm on board to write for his new series. Will have more details for you mid-May.

Facebook disabled my account because, you guessed it -- that lovely pic I posted yesterday of Cam in bed with her rifle. How Nazi-ish is that? There was NO NUDITY. Okay, sure, you could see her panties. But what the fuck? Censorship much? I've sent them an email asking why, and asking if the account can be reinstated, but for now it's on hold. I set up another, temporary account, where you can find me under the same name with the same picture. Big bummer, because I've been doing some major Hollywood networking on that fucking thing. I'll keep you posted as thing progress ...

I've decided to pull back on GUN-WILD for a few days, as I need to outline the next act. Also, my manager requested that I not post the whole screenplay here, as it can get stolen. So, what I'll do going forward is just post a few key scenes.

But don't worry. I haven't abandoned you. Since I started serializing GUN-WILD on April 1st, today I'm going unveil an older story of mine, DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, and start serializing that. (It's from about 5 years ago; none of you have read anything from it.) It's the second installment of my trilogy starring private eye Carrie Love, who you meet a couple of weeks ago in the opening to LEGS, which is part one. In that excerpt, Carrie awakened to find her lover's headless body in her hottub. Part 2, DAZED -- is actually a prequel, in which Carrie meets and falls in love with the future headless one. You'll meet Lana wood, porn star extraordiare. Carrie's romance with Lana is in the center of DAZED. And, it was taken from something that happened in my real life. The bitch left me, and it was amazingly cathartic to kill her.

Fictionally, of course.

Trust me, never fall in love with a porn star.

First up is opening prequel. Then, we meet Sparkle Plenty, future serial killer. Getting ready to move to Los Angeles. But first, she has to say goodbye to her dysfunctional family.

Let the games begin ...

***

FADE IN:

EXT. MULHOLLAND DRIVE - SCENIC VIEW - NIGHT

A swanky, deliriously kinky go-go groove --

My Life With the Thrill Kill Kult’s THE INTERNATIONAL SIN SET.

The glittering panorama of the San Fernando Valley twinkles below.

A big, silvery moon shines o’er the tackiness.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)

New York, New York -- the city so nice, they named it twice.

The city that never sleeps. But in Los Angeles, people are in bed by nine.

And they only named it once. Enough said?

A beat-up old PICKUP TRUCK filled with MEXICAN GARDENERS

comes tearing by in a crunch of gravel.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Actually, the full name is 'El Pueblo de La Neustra Senora,

Reina de Los Angeles.'The City of our Lady, Queen of the Angels.'

No wonder they shortened it.

Ever take a close look at this never-bustling metropolis?

Not exactly pure and chaste, huh.

A HUMVEE

comes into view. The absurd vehicle slows, parks.

IN THE CAR

an ARROGANT HIPSTER (25) and his GEN-Z GIRLFRIEND (21),

a whisper-thin young hottie start making out.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Like the song says, it’s a town without pity.

But that doesn’t stop the millions of boys and girls

that come here with stars in their eyes.

Almost none of them make it, of course --

but that doesn’t stop them;

those eager, fresh-scrubbed teeming masses

from the hinterlands with visions of celebrity

dancing in their empty heads.

The couple starts getting hot and heavy.

Hands go to private places.

HOTTIE GIRLFRIEND

No, I told you -- NO!

ARROGANT HIPSTER

C’mon, Tifney -- I promise I’ll respect you and shit.

HOTTIE GIRLFRIEND

You expect me to jerk your stick like some kinda sleazy cooz?

ARROGANT HIPSTER

Hey. I don’t get a happy ending -- you don’t get a happy ending.

Pause.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.)

But our story starts far away from this

airbrushed mecca of cigar-smoking goateed posers

and collagen-impaired faux-fatales --

in a tiny little berg on the wrong side of the tracks.

(beat)

Except there’s no tracks, and the one-mile stretch

of trailer homes makes a good case for selective breeding.

A pistol CLICK-CLICKS.

The girl SCREAMS --and gunshots POP-POP-POP.

FEMALE VOICE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Or maybe just a little ethnic cleansing.

INT. WHITE TRASH TRAILER - NIGHT

ROSCOE PLENTY, (40) a strange-looking nerd,

watches a shitty little black and white TV,

swills a bottle of cheap beer.

ROSCOE

(to someone off-screen)

C’mon honey, you’re missing the big number.

ON TV

in glorious Technicolor, SEVEN BRIDES FOR SEVEN BROTHERS.

A chorus line of grinning, super-masculine Hollywood cowboys.

SEVEN BROTHERS (ON TV)

(singing)

Bless your beoootiful hide --

INT. FILTHY KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

DOT PLENTY (33), Roscoe’s repulsive wife

eats dog food out of the can.

Sips her jelly-jar zinfandel.

Belly-T reveals folds of pale cottage-cheese.

‘Fat’ would be a compliment.

DOT

(sucking her fingers)

Fucking musicals. Fucking faggot -- shit.

(to him, loud)

I’m gonna go check on Sparkle, make sure she’s all clean!

IN THE LIVING ROOM

the drunk is riveted to the movie, drinks his longneck.

INT. TRAILER BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS

A steaming shower runs.

A FEMALE FORM behind the glass --

sings off-key some weird disco hit.

IN THE HALLWAY

the happy molester squeezes by, reaches the door.

Smiles.

IN THE BATHROOM

the door opens. In creeps lover-mom.

DOT

(throaty)

Does little Sparkle-ette need help cleaning those --

hard-to-reach places?

EXT. TRAILER - CONTINUOUS

Steam drifts out the bathroom window.

A knapsack FLIES OUT.

Out pops SPARKLE PLENTY (16),

teased-hair K-Mart adorable. Picture-pretty face.

What you call a ‘spinner.’

She JUMPS, lands on the ground.

Then runs, giggling.

IN THE BATHROOM

Coquettish, Dot opens the shower door --

DOT

Mmmmmm -- do I smell Soft Soap?

To reveal it’s empty.

A TAPE RECORDER
sits on the toilet.

The source of the singing.

A WINDOW SHADE

flaps against the open window.

IN THE LIVING ROOM

Roscoe sings along, having the time of his life. BURP.

IN THE BATHROOM

DOT

Roscoe, Sparkle escaped! Again!

EXT. HILLSIDE - CONTINUOUS

Sparkle looks down on her nest from hell.

Holds a remote trigger box in dainty hands.

SPARKLE

(punches a button)

Hasta la vista, incestual units --

THE TRAILER

EXPLODES in a massive fireball.

SPARKLE (O.S.)

Cause this chick’s going to Hollywood.

***