Death Takes A Holiday

Let us commenorate our brave brothers and sisters who died in battle protecting our country ... by curling up with another slice of noir heaven from the underbelly of Hollywood ... on Wilshire Bouelvard.

Screened an oldie but goodie last night, HIS KIND OF WOMAN, with Robert Mitchum and Jane Russell, who were great as usual -- but for me the big surprise was Vincent Price, playing against type as a famous actor on vacation in Mexico. Weird RKO mix of noir and screwball comedy. A lot of Howard Hughes' productions were weird, and this one is strange, indeed. But still a lot fun. Check it out if you haven't.

Time to take a spine-tingling trip down Wilshire Boulevard. In today's installment, private eye Carrie Love arrives at the murdered producer's production company, and is confronted with a bizarre group of characters swimming in the underbelly of Hollywood ...

WILSHIRE BOULEVARD - BANK - AFTERNOON

The big-band swoon of The Brian Setzer Orchestra’s

bourbon-drenched TOWN WITHOUT PITY

blares its seedy swing over --

A FAT, HOMELESS WOMAN in a wheelchair

festooned with a flag, pinwheel whirling in the breeze.

Giant lobster-red legs scuttling crab-like movements down the sidewalk past --

A 70’s-era red brick bank in the no-man’s land just west of Bundy.

The SIGN reads ‘FI_ST NATIONAL PHILIPPINES B_NK.’

CAMERA

glides up the path to the front entrance.

Doors OPEN.

PIGGY SECURITY GUARD sits at the desk, a human hog.

Shakes his jowls. Let’s loose a HORRIFYING SNEEZE.

PIGGY SECURITY GUARD

A-CHOOOOOOOO!

He HAWKS UP a big glob of phlegm.

SPITS behind the desk.

It hits the bottom of the wastebasket with a PING.

CAMERA moves left, revealing a GLASS DOOR.

YAVO/FLENDER FILMS, LTD

stenciled in plain black lettering.

The door OPENS.

CAMERA glides in.

THE LOBBY

isn’t much to look at. More like the front room.

Cheesy TV-movie posters abound.

We ZOOM IN on one.

A FADED TV-ACTRESS in a Santa hat brandishes a gun.

DEATH TAKES A HOLIDAY.

CAMERA glides by --

In the corner, desk against the plate glass,

a HARRIED WOMAN, (30’s).

Winsome, dark-haired. Sleepy-eyed.

Cute in denim mini and red Ramones T-shirt.

She murmurs into her headset.

HARRIED WOMAN

Stretch limo, smoking, with DVD player,

first priority hair and makeup?

CAMERA

continues its journey, glides past --

AN OPEN DOORWAY

where we see a red-faced INTENSE GUY (30’s).

Persian good looks. Shaved head.

Bloodshot eyes burning with self-important, bipolar rage.

Meet MODI FARAHT, head of legal.

He POUNDS on his keyboard.

BARKS into the phone.

MODI

ONE MILLION? Go fuck yourself!

We paid Marsha Day Wallace three-hundred-fifty,

and she’s an OSCAR WINNER.

CAMERA CONTINUES down a narrow hallway.

On the walls, FRAMED ONE-SHEETS

of Yavo/Flender’s TV movie masterpieces --

MURDER ON THE BELTWAY: FOR THE LOVE OF A SNIPER

BILLY! THE BILLY JOHN STORY

GUYS AND DOLLS: THE NEXT CHAPTER

CAMERA reaches the end, turns right, where we see --

A HORRIBLE, PIG-FACED WOMAN

sitting at a large work area. Papers everywhere.

Furiously CLACK-CLACKING on her keyboard.

A dead ringer for Anne Ramsey

from THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN.

She speaks into her headset.

HORRIBLE PIG-FACED WOMAN

There’s more beer in the garage, Larry.

But I thought you were working today --

CAMERA MOVES

past her, to another workstation.

Behind a computer sits

an ODD-LOOKING SAD-FACED MAN

reading Variety.

ODD-LOOKING SAD-FACE

I brought that margarine in the squeeze-top bottle

I was telling you about.

HORRIBLE PIG-FACED WOMAN (O.C.)

That’s convenient --

A tiny, wild-eyed cigar-smoking FURIOUS MAN (60’s)

appears in his office doorway.

Meet ROLAND YAVO, the senior partner,

a bundle of manic energy. Bluster. Bravado.

And right now, last producer standing.

YAVO

BETTY! Where THE FUCK is my conference call?

Pig-Face turns her head. Looks.

BETTY

It got cancelled on account of --

(beat)

What happened.

YAVO

WHAT? I’ve GOT to close this FUCKING DEAL.
We’ve had cops and media all over the place,
and nothing’s getting DONE.

BETTY

I’ll see if I can get Izzy on the line.

YAVO

You do that.

He storms back into his office.

The phone RINGS.

Odd-Looking answers it.

ODD-LOOKING SAD-FACE

Yavo/Flender Films. This is Fleming.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

EXT. WILSHIRE BLVD. - CARRIE’S CAR - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie drives, talks on her cell. Wind WHIPPING her hair.

CARRIE

Hi. My name is Carrie Love,

I’m a private eye.

Gay Flender hired me.

Fleming looks at Betty.

Mouths ‘it’s a private detective.’

FLEMING

Uh-huh --

CARRIE

I’d like to swing by and talk to you.

All of you, actually.

FLEMING

Well, we’ve had a lot of visitors today.

Right now isn’t such a good time.

CARRIE

What if I gave you a hundred clams?

FLEMING

Really?

CARRIE

Really.

FLEMING

(low)

Come around six-o’clock.