Solid Gold Siren

It's 'Hump Day,' crime junkies. You what that means, don't you? Time to get laid? Naw ... it's time for a mid-week jolt of pure adrenaline to the solar plexus. So ask yourself punk, do you feel lucky? Then get ready to rock the casbah with private eye Carrie Love ...

Screened LIVE FREE AND DIE HARD last night, and what a thrill-ride that was. So satisfying to see Bruce Willis back in the saddle as detective John McClane. The story is beyond over the top, but that's the whole point. Funny script, great action, and just alot of old-fashioned fun. Timothy Olyphant was just supberb as the hacker from hell -- and I didn't even mind Kevin Smith in a small role as 'The Warlock.' Check it out if you haven't. Good times, indeed.

As some of you saw on my Facebook page yesterday, I've started a new story -- LITTLE GIRL BLUE, about a stripper who suppposedlly committed suicide -- and her sister, fresh off the boat, who goes undercover in the strip club where she worked to find out what really happened. I'll post the first scene later today ... but for now ...

Onto Wilshire Boulevard. The land of celluloid, murderous dreams. In today's two-parter, we once again meet hitman/wannabe director Phillie Pfugg, who's cutting his masterpiece ... and then private eye Carrie Love, who's interviewing former flame Gay Flender, who has hired Carrie to find out who murdered her husband.

Let the games begin ...

***

INT. PHILLIE PFUGG’S JOINT - HOME STUDIO - DAY

Phillie sits at his computer workstation.

PUNCHES a button on his reel-to-reel.

We hear --

MALE VOICE (V.O.)

It’s a simple job. Five thousand now,

five thousand after it’s done.

Do we have a deal?

PHILLIE (V.O.)

Deal.

MALE VOICE (V.O.)

And remember, you have to get rid of the body.

How is up to you.

He PUNCHES the tape off.

Grins. Pleased with himself.

PHILLIE

Got you by the balls, sucker.

Chinette walks into frame.

CHINETTE

Get rid of the body? I heard someone say

GET RID OF THE BODY.

PHILLIE

Darling, let me explain --

CHINETTE

Explain? You said you retired,

and now I hear someone hiring you to do a JOB.

PHILLIE

That’s ADR for Head Shot, sugarplum.

Looping. I’m timing the lines to make sure they fit.

(beat)

Bruce Campbell. Hell of an actor.

I’m still pinching myself --

CHINETTE

Bruce Campbell? I LOVE Bruce Campbell.

I saw him do Evil Dead in the Park.

PHILLIE

Well, Head Shot is gonna make Evil Dead

look like High School Musical, love-muffin.

And YOU’RE gonna be on the red carpet with ME,

waiving to the all the fans.

CHINETTE

Oh, Phillie, you know just what to say to a girl --

(suggestive)

What do you say we go upstairs?

PHILLIE

I’m sorry, hun -- but it’s not -- healed yet.

CHINETTE

I thought the infection was --

(alarmed)

Is it -- okay?

PHILLIE

Not to worry, my pet.

It just needs -- a little more time.

Pretty soon I’ll be riding you

like a well-oiled Harley.

PUSH IN ON Chinette’s face. Dreamy.

CHINETTE

Kick-start my heart, baby --

EXT. FLENDER RESIDENCE - AT THAT MOMENT

A super-sized faux Tudor monstrosity on a leafy cul de sac.

Porsches, Beemers and Benzes dot the landscape.

A HISPANIC HOUSEKEEPER waters a garden in the dappled sunlight.

INT. FLENDER LIVING ROOM

Carrie sits in a big wing chair. Sipping a beer.

Eyes roaming the large, lush room.

Slowly nodding. She looks at --

GAY FLENDER (mid-30’s), splayed out on the couch.

The kind of blinding beauty that stops traffic. Azure eyed.
Chestnut mane. Curvy. With shiny, toned gams.

The stuff of dreams.

CARRIE (V.O.)

And there she was. A solid-gold siren

from the right side of the tracks.

(beat)

The problem with a sex addiction is

it spills over into your professional life.

Gay lights a cigarette with trembling hands.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Take Gay Flender. I had met her at her dead husband’s office --

and within one hour we were playing ‘frisk the perp’

at the Motel Starlet on the wrong end of Pico.

Gay rummages in her Prada bag.

Pull out a prescription bottle. Pops a pill.

Takes a sip from her designer water.

CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)

Guess it was a combination of my carnal knowledge --

and the three martini lunch.

Of course, I had to cut if off right away.

I mean, I was working for her husband’s partner.

And I learned the hard way that mixing work and play

is like looking for love at the Neverland Ranch.

Carrie sips her beer. Smiles grimly.

CARRIE (CONT'D)

Nice joint you have here.

GAY

Thank you. We just did a complete re-model.

We used Brendan of --

(gasps)

Thanks for -- coming on -- such --

She breaks down. Softly sobbing.

CARRIE

I’m so sorry -- Gay.

Pause.

GAY

The fucking bastard had it coming.

CARRIE

Excuse me?

GAY

Don’t get me wrong, I loved the jerk,

but he was a fucking crook.

Carrie takes a pull from her bottle.

Narrows her eyes.

CARRIE

How so?

GAY

He’d pad the budget on his movies

and pocket the difference,

never paid profit participation, and he --

(whispers)

Stole people’s projects.

CARRIE

So he was old-school Hollywood.

(off Gay’s nod)

This is the point where I ask you if he had any enemies --

GAY

Enemies? The whole town hated him.

But watch, now that he’s dead, he’ll be a martyr.

Full-page ads in Variety, a Peter Bart column, the works.

(beat)

Isn’t it a bit early in the day for a beer?

CARRIE

I’m having a -- personal crisis of my own.

GAY

What happened?

CARRIE

Let’s just say -- I’m unlucky in love.

GAY

I’m so sorry --

(stares, thinking)

Are you sure you’re up for this?

Carrie drains the beer.

Eyes bore into Gay like kleig lights.

CARRIE

(quiet, terse)

I never let my personal life affect my work.

In fact, when I’m upset and my nerves are frayed,

my focus becomes razor-sharp.

GAY

That’s nice.

CARRIE

(stands)

So where should I start? I mean, if the whole town --

GAY

(gets up)

Start by checking out the freaks at his production company.

CARRIE

The whole company?

GAY

Don’t worry. It’s now only five people.

PUSH IN ON Carrie.

Lighting up a smoke.

CARRIE

Now that’s what I call a mini-major --