It's Thursday. Do you know where your children are? Your parents? Your boss? Your spouse?Well, don't look now, but they're right here, on Wilshire Boulevard, getting their daily fix of steaming hot film hardboiled noir ...Screened a little gem of a flick last night that blew my fucking socks off. NO GOOD DEED, based on a story by Dashiell Hammett. What a nice surprise! Directed by the 70's icon Bob Rafelson, of FIVE EASY PIECES fame. It was obviously low-budget, but that don't matter when you've got a great, nasty little bank heist story like this one. Starring a fab Samuel L. Jackson and the delicious Milla Jovavich, in femme fatale mode. Great supporting cast including Stellan Starsgaard and Grace Ziebrieski. Just terrific. Really inspired me. Gonna buy this one ...
Onto today's two-fer from Wilshire Boulevard, and boy, is the plot thickening.
In Part 1, Yavo's transgendered offspring discovers the true nature of the porno she just shot for Ken Rice, and ...
In Part 2, Carrie arrives at Yavo/Flender Films, and works her charms on a cute little fillly in the front office.
INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
The shoot is over. Ken packs up his camera equipment.
Rat sits on the couch reading a comic book.
IN THE BATHROOM
Nikki freshens her makeup while Madea watches.
Does her lips. Opens her compact.
Shakes out some fairy dust. SNORTS a line.
Then ANOTHER. Shakes her head, clearing out the cobwebs.
She picks up the dog, goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob, and --
IN THE NEXT ROOM
the phone RINGS.
Ken places the shoot videotape on the back of the couch,
near Rat. Picks up his cell.
NIKKI
stays put. Listens.
KEN
answers the call.
KEN
Heavenly Pictures, this is Ken.
(beat)
Well, hello, David.
(beat)
Just shooting some test footage
of a promising new starlet I discovered.
(beat)
You know the drag review at the Cock Ring?
Guess who’s now in the show --
(beat)
Yavo’s son. Yavo’s SON is a TRANNY.
You know Klaus, the bartender?
He told me -- apparently she was bragging
about her old man in the movie biz --
(beat)
Last night. I bought her a drink
after the show and chatted her up.
I didn’t tell her I knew who her father was.
Told her I liked her look,
and would she like to stop by the location for a test shoot.
(beat)
You have a filthy mind.
NIKKI’S
eyes go wide. Shit.
This freak knows my FATHER?
She sees Ken over by the window,
his back to us. Rat on the couch.
Riveted to Action Comix.
Mouth slowly reading the words.
She gets down on her knees.
Crawls over behind the couch.
GRABS the videotape, just as --
KEN
hangs up. Turns.
Looks at Rat. Smiles warmly.
KEN (CONT'D)
That was my agent. Nice guy.
(brilliant idea)
Hey. How about getting a bite to eat?
My treat. We could go to Applebee’s.
(notices the tape is gone)
Hey. Where’s the --
He looks behind the couch. Sees Nikki.
KEN (CONT’D)
Hey, what the heck do you think you’re doing?
Nikki looks up. Wan smile.
NIKKI
I lost a -- an earring.
KEN
No you didn’t, you have my videotape.
Hand it over, NOW.
Nikki stands.
Holds the tape behind her back.
NIKKI
I never would have acted in this
if I knew you knew my FATHER.
KEN
Life’s tough, and so am I.
Hand it over, fella.
NIKKI
(winces)
I’m not a FELLA.
(panics)
If my father found out about this, he’d --
KEN
Rat? I need your help.
Rat sighs. Puts down the comic.
Damn. Right at the good part.
He stands. Turns. Reaches over.
Grabs Nikki by the throat with a big, meaty paw.
The dog starts YIPPING.
RAT
Hand it over. If you like breathing.
Nikki gives Ken the tape.
KEN
See now? That wasn’t so hard.
(to Rat)
Now, would you please escort the lady out?
Her services are no longer required.
Rat GRABS Nikki by the wrist,
pulls her toward the door.
The dog starts GROWLING.
NIKKI
I’ve got money, how much do you want?
KEN
See you at the movies.
Rat opens the door --
NIKKI
Please, if my father sees that --
And SHOVES Nikki out.
SLAMS it shut, BANG.
KEN
Well, that was most unpleasant.
RAT
How daya think I feel?
I had to fuck him.
INT. YAVO/FLENDER FILMS - FRONT OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
The harried-looking woman we saw earlier
furiously CLACK-CLACKS on her keyboard.
Meet JENNY LANE (32), stressed-out business affairs worker bee.
Manning the hive.
CAMERA gets closer.
We see she’s actually quite fetching.
The kind that grows on you.
Imagine if she could get some rest.
The phone RINGS.
She PUNCHES a button.
JENNY
(into her headset)
Yavo/Flender Films --
(listens)
And you are -- ?
(listens)
One moment, please.
Jenny STABS another button.
CARRIE
walks into the room.
Rakish in that slightly tipsy way.
Jenny looks. Does a double-take.
JENNY (CONT'D)
(into the phone)
Lief Weinrib on three.
(to Carrie)
Hi.
CARRIE
Carrie Love, PI.
Mrs. Flender hired me.
(beat)
Nice to see you again.
She hands Jenny her business card.
JENNY
Oh. Wow.
CARRIE
I’d like to snoop around a bit, ask a few questions.
JENNY
(reads the card)
Fast, cheap and out of control?
CARRIE
Marketing gimmick. Criminals love it.
JENNY
I’m sorry, but Roland’s not here right now.
CARRIE
I know. I just bumped into him in a bar
down the street waving a gun.
Had to disarm him --
JENNY
Roland? Down the street? With a, a g-gun?
CARRIE (V.O.)
We met once before when I crashed their Christmas party.
We had a couple dozen shots, hit it off,
and did some heavy petting by the copier.
The rest of the night is kind of a blur.
But nice.
Jenny worried look melts. She smiles shyly.
CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
I could tell she’d never been with another woman.
And that she wanted to.
Call it a sixth sense. Intuition.
Gaydar, if you will --
(beat)
She looked like she’d been beaten down by the job.
Life. But there was still a spark.
(beat)
Flickering right at me.
Carrie leans on the desk.
Puts her hand on her hip.
Raising her jacket.
Revealing her Glock in a shoulder holster.
JENNY
(eyes wide, sees the gun)
Who do you want to -- talk to first?
CARRIE (V.O.)
Showing the rod does it every time.
AN INSTANT MESSAGE
on her computer monitor starts FLASHING --
WHO IS THAT?!
JENNY’S
fingers FLY across the keyboard.
THE MESSAGE BOX
reads I’M ON A CONFERENCE CALL!
A nearby door SLAMS SHUT with a BANG.
JENNY
I could go first.
Carrie’s eyes work their strange magic.
Jenny fidgets.
CARRIE
I think you and I should go talk somewhere else.
Away from here. I have a feeling you’re the only one
that’ll give me the straight scoop.
JENNY
Okay --
PUSH IN ON Jenny.
Faking nonchalance. Badly.
CARRIE (V.O.)
Complete bullshit, of course.
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