Take Me To Your Soundstage

Hello, Saturday. Nice to meet you. Sorry I was up a little late, but I had a hot date with Friday night ...

I'm gonna get right to the point today. It's Saturday, and I don't feel like getting up on my soapbox. On with the next installment from DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED. Bruce Ball accidentally shoots a little snuff scene -- and then Sparkle Plenty interrupts him in a most dangerous fashion ...

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INT. BALL’S PRODUCTION OFFICE - BASEMENT - DAY

The PRETTY MODEL we saw earlier testing for the beer ad

is now naked, gagged and tied to a chair.

A scrap of plywood across her chest.

Eyes screaming pure, animal terror.

Bruce frames the scene through a digital video camera.

BRUCE

The lamp. Move it just a little more.

DINA makes the adjustment.

DINA

This is gonna look so real.

(looks at the model)

I mean, check it out.

She really thinks she’s gonna die.

BRUCE

Shhh. Suspend your disbelief.

(beat)

Places, please.

Dina goes to the table. Faces the bim.

BRUCE (O.S.) (CONT'D)

And -- action.

CAMERA POV

The statuesque beauty slowly removes her lux jacket --

Revealing an hourglass shape in a merry widow.

And a black leather shoulder holster.

She reaches behind, slides out the Magnum -- and takes aim.

The Model jerks against the ropes,muffled gagging screams.

DINA

(with relish)

By the power invested in me,

I now declare you to be a complete waste of human life.

You did not cherish, honor or obey -- anything.

You spent your days chasing fame, fortune and the almighty dollar.

(beat)

I now sentence you to the swift end of a pathetic life.

You final gift to humanity will be this short film --

a sacrifice to the dark angel we pray to.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

CLOSE ON --

The model slumped over in the chair.

Bullet holes in the wood.

Blood seeping down her body.

DINA (O.S.)

Oh my god! Holy shit! Holy fuck! I’ve shot her!

You said we were using blanks!

BRUCE

stares in disbelief.

Then, the barest hint of smile.

BRUCE

We were -- I thought we were.

(beat)

At least now we know it looks realistic.

DINA

Realistic? Realistic!? I just fucking killed someone!

A doorbell RINGS.

BRUCE

Shit.

EXT. BALL’S PRODUCTION OFFICE - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS

It’s SPARKLE. Looking more than a little cute

in overall shorties, platform clogs, hair in ponytails.

She presses the button again.

SPARKLE

I’ll huff and I’ll puff, and I’ll blow your pants down.

She giggles.

IN THE BASEMENT

BRUCE

(goes to the door)

Calm down, calm down, calm down.

Stay here with the -- girl.

I’ll get rid of whoever it is.

Then we’ll come up with a plan.

DINA

That’s what you said on that shoot in Darfur.

IN THE FOYER

Sparkle confronts Bruce with her splendor.

SPARKLE

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt anything.

BRUCE

No, not at all. I’m glad you came by.

We were just downstairs shooting someone.

Something. Shooting something.

SPARKLE

Cool. You still wanna -- shoot me?

BRUCE

I do, I do -- but now’s not a good time.

This actress, is uh -- difficult, and --

Sparkle WHIPS OUT handcuffs --

and SNAP, click. Gotcha.

Pulls out a DERRINGER.

Aims, cocks it.

SPARKLE

Tough toenails. Take me to your soundstage.

I’ve got a score to settle with you, mini-man.

***