Happy Sunday, lazy bones. Hope you had a nice, ultra-violent day of rest. I did. Fucking gorgeous today at the beach. Was very hard to chain myself down and get the pages done. But I did.And now, here we are.
Made the mistake of trying to watch XXX last night --NO, the Vin Diesel flick. OHMIGOD was that a piece of shit. Great opening sequence, then downhill from there. HORRIBLE script -- ridiculous one-liners. Diesel was wooden, stupid -- guess this was the point where he was starting to get full of himself ... his attitude dripped off the screen. Punched it off and saved the evening with another screening of GUN CRAZY.
Thank god for wayward blondes and dumstruck guys who love to rob banks.
Thank god for wayward blondes and dumstruck guys who love to rob banks.
Onto today's installment from DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED. And it's a two-parter. Cause it's Sunday, and I felt like it.
In part one, we meet soon-to-be pornographer Bruce Ball, who is right now testing a nice, young piece of eager flesh.
In part two, Carrie Love gets into a scrape -- quite literally -- with a wannabe mugger, an old Chinese woman, and an irate bystander.
Let the games begin ...
***
INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE - NIGHT
Dean Martin’s YOU’RE NOBODY UNTIL SOMEBODY LOVES YOU over --
A small tri-level house converted into a groovy work space.
BRUCE BALL, six-feet of attitude in a tiny, squishy body, is testing talent.
The auteur squints into the camera lens.
BRUCE
It’s called getting into character.
(beat)
Okay. You are so fucking excited about
drinking the delicious Genuine Cold Ice Draft Lager
that you’re about to come.
This is the best fucking beer you’ve had
in your short, meaningless life.
A pretty young MODEL (18) holds a can of beer, vaguely insulted.
Topless, covers her nipples with her other arm.
BRUCE (CONT’D)
Action.
MODEL
(sexy)
When I get really thirsty,
I gotta have a cold one.
CAMERA POV
The bim drops her arm, rubs the can on her breasts.
MODEL
But when I get really hot, I reach for a--
BRUCE
No, stop! This isn’t a PORNO.
Why are you rubbing it on your tits?
Have you ever seen that in a beer commercial?
MODEL
But you said you wanted me to come.
BRUCE
I said LIKE you were gonna come,
it was a metaphor, a --
SULTRY FEMALE VOICE(O.S.)
Bruce, I hate to interrupt,
but that weird German guy just called.
BRUCE
(excited)
The shoot? Was it about the shoot?
In walks DINA DAERR, production VP.
The kind of woman who spends more on her haircut
than most people do on their car payment.
Flashes a 100-watt smile.
Arches a perfect, razor-thin brow.
DINA
Yeah, he said the call time has been moved up,
you’re supposed to be there --
(looks at watch)
Now.
BRUCE
Hot stuff, my first feature.
MODEL
You’re going to go work on a movie?
BRUCE
Yeah. I’ll see if there’s a part for you.
Let you know.
DINA
(to the model)
You might not want to be in this kinda flick.
MODEL
Why not? What’s it called?
Burt glares at Dina. Eyes yell at her to shut up.
DINA
Uh -- Harry Bottom and the Sorcerer’s Pole.
INT. UNDERCOVER VEHICLE - MORNING
Carrie sits behind the wheel of an idling late-model sedan.
Holds a container of coffee. Breathes in the steam. Shivers.
CARRIE (V.O.)
Can’t wait to get home and take a long, hot shower.
Wash off that ‘eau de gutter.’
Wash off that ‘eau de gutter.’
She pulls out a flask. Pours in something brown. Toasts.
CARRIE (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But then, if I keep this up -- what’s the difference?
EXT. VENICE BEACH ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
An OLD CHINESE WOMAN trundles by carrying a bag of laundry.
Suddenly a young STREET KID runs up.
GRABS her handbag -- and DASHES down the street.
OLD CHINESE WOMAN
Hey! Muthafucka, yoo come back here!
And, big surprise -- she takes off after him.
CARRIE
sees the commotion --
CARRIE
Goddammit!
JAMS the car into gear -- and TAKES OFF.
The coffee FLIES in the air, drenching her shirt, her lap.
CARRIE (CONT'D)
Fuck!
(out the window)
Hey, you! Stop! Police!
EXT. VENICE BEACH ALLEY - CONTINUOUS
The kid TEARS ASS down the alley at lightning speed.
Carrie’s car SCREECHES up right behind him, and --
just as it looks like she’s going to run him over --
He feints left, then DASHES to the right --
into a narrow alley between buildings.
CARRIE
flies by. SCREECHES to a halt.
JAMS into reverse. Fishtails.
CRUNCHES the gravel.
She HITS the gas, ROARS into the alley.
CARRIE
They’re gonna kill me at the auto pool --
IN THE ALLEY
The thief gets to the other end. Trips. OOF.
CARRIE’S CAR
BARRELS down the alley,
the sides of the frame SHRIEKING,
SCRAPING against the buildings, sparks FLYING --
THE KID
gets up. Sees Carrie’s vehicle coming toward him.
Takes off.
CARRIE’S CAR
reaches a door stoop at the end of the alley.
Her right front fender CRUNCHES into it.
Headlight POPS.
The sedan’s wheels SPIN madly in the soft earth.
She shuts off the engine.
It SPUTTERS, CLANK.
CARRIE
This day is not getting off to a very good start.
Just then, BANGING on the passenger-side window.
IRATE BUILDING OWNER
Hey! What the FUCK do you think you’re doing?
CARRIE
(flashes her badge)
Police business, you fat fuck.
Get the fuck out of my face.
And, to add insult in injury --
the CHINESE WOMAN appears in front of the car.
With the kid in a choke-hold.
She SHOVES him onto the ground.
GRABS her purse. Yells --
OLD CHINESE WOMAN
If you be doing yoo job,
I no have to ruin ten-dolla shoes!
She stomps off.
IRATE BUILDING OWNER
(leans in the window)
Jesus. You really a cop?
You reek of booze.
CARRIE
At least I don’t reek of BO, asshole.
Now get the fuck outta here
before I cite you for smelling like shit.
IRATE BUILDING OWNER
Jeez. No need to be nasty.
CARRIE
Listen, doll. Nasty’s my middle name.
And trouble’s my business.
(beat)
You really wanna be a customer?
***
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