Silence of the Cans

Happy Mother's Day, scenesters. Just got off the phone with my dear momma. She loved the card ... and the hollow-point ammo. Love my ma. She's an expert marksman. Taught me everything I know ...

Screened a nasty little piece of work directed by Neil LaBute last night: LAKEVIEW TERRACE. Wonderfully nasty. Samuel L. Jackson genius as always. Great screenplay. Smoldering, simmering tension that explodes into violence. Check it out if you haven't.

Onto today's joint from DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, and this one's a corker. Homicde dicks Carrie Love and Bernie Keko discover not one, but two -- of Sparkle Plenty's latest victims. A stunning tableau ...

***

EXT./INT. CARRIE’S PORCHE - DAY

Title card reads MEANWHILE...

A surf-guitar cop theme percolates under the action.

The ‘61 coupe whizzes around curves on Sunset Boulevard.

CARRIE

(on cell phone)

I’ve got a score to settle with him, the little fucker.

I can’t wait to --

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

EXT./INT. BERNIE’S LINCOLN SUV - CONTINUOUS

KEKO

(on cell phone)

What? Rough him up a little? Punch out his lights?

Do the tough girl, macho cop thing you do so well?

CARRIE

I seem to remember a time you liked the tough girl,

macho cop thing. Used to beg me for it.

KEKO

That was the problem, Carrie -- having to beg for it.

CARRIE

Well, you know what they say about passion, bucko.

(beat)

Sometimes you feel like nuts -- sometimes you don’t.

CLOSE ON --

Carrie’s face.

She smiles mysteriously, goes off somewhere.

Remembering --

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - DRIVEWAY - FLASHBACK - DAY

Carrie stands at her car. Opens the door. Slides in.

LAURA (O.S.)

So you’re going to leave without saying goodbye.

LAURA

stands in front of the house at the top of the steps.

Mock-hurt. Insinuating. Hands on hips.

CARRIE

turns, looks. Gulp.

CARRIE

(heart beating wildly)

I was looking for you, but you were -- you were --

Suddenly Laura’s right beside her.

LAURA

Working?

CARRIE

Uh -- yeah.

Laura leans into the car window.

Inches away.

LAURA

I’m going to Club Fuck tonight.

I’ll be with a date, but it’s a ruse.

(beat)

Doing anything later?

EXT. BALL’S PRODUCTION OFFICE - DRIVEWAY - DAY

Carrie and Bernie get out of their cars.

SLAM the doors.

CARRIE

And here we are. The House of Mirth.

KEKO

It looks so -- suburban.

They walk to the door.

Carrie RINGS the bell.

KEKO (CONT'D)
I wish we had a warrant.

CARRIE

(rings again)

Fuck the warrant. We’re going in.

They look at the door. No response.

CARRIE (CONT'D)

(pushes the door open)

C’mon, maybe we can catch the little shit in the act.

INT. BALL’S PRODUCTION OFFICE - BASEMENT STAIRS - CONTINUOUS

Twin flashlights sweep across the darkness.

Carrie and Bernie creep down the wooden steps.

CARRIE

Little perverts’ got quite a setup goin’ on here.

KEKO

Think he saw 'Silence of the Lambs?'

CARRIE

Found it.

The lights SNAP ON.

KEKO

Holy fuck.

IN THE CORNER

is the dead MODEL, still in her chair.

A bloody puppet.A clapboard on her lap

reads 52 PICK-UP. DELETED SCENE.

CARRIE (O.S.)

I think I’m gonna be sick.

KEKO (O.S.)

Fuck, there’s another one.

IN THE OPPOSITE CORNER

Dina dangles from a noose.

Dressed like a cheerleader.

Eyes closed forever.

And the poor baby wet her pants.

A clapboard on her waist reads

HEATHERS. BLOOPER REEL.

CARRIE’S

lips quiver. Livid. About to explode.

CARRIE

Of all the twisted -- fucked up -- depraved --

KEKO

The killer’s one hell of a freak.

CARRIE

This goes way beyond that.

She thinks she’s creating -- art.

Carrie goes to the gently swinging body.

KEKO

Don’t touch her. She’s evidence.

But she does. And flinches.

CARRIE

And still warm.

KEKO

Check her pulse.

Dina’s eyes SNAP open.

DINA

My pulse is fine.

(beat)

But my neck is fucking killing me.

***