Monday, July 9, 2012

Girls On Film

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

It's always exciting to present to you a new story on the blog. As some of you might know, I'm very close to having my own TV series. I don't want to go into the gory details about it's development because I don't want to jinx it, so let's just say I'm about to start meeting with a certain cable network about the show. But what's really exciting it looks like a very successful executive producer might be coming onboard. If I told you who he was, it would blow your mind. So please pardon me for all the secrecy, but I want to keep this project close to the vest.

The series is called LEGS, and the main character is your favorite private detective, Carrie Love. Today I'm going to start sharing with you episode two of the series, 'Bless Me Father, For I Have Fucked,' in which we continue right where we left off at the end of the pilot, with Carrie making love to her porn star girlfriend Laura Lang on the floor of her Venice Beach bungalow ...

I hope you enjoy.

Cavernous. Funky, comfortable furniture.
Giant sound system. Pin-up art.
Movie posters of iconic female action heroes.

A few dozen multi-colored candles
around the room dance in the cool night wind
coming in from the open skylight above.

LAURA LANG (20’s), blonde,
impossibly Brit-beautiful
is making love to our hero,
CARRIE LOVE (30’s), tall, dark and curvy
on the floor in front of a roaring fire.

It’s carnal. Animal.
Possibly vegetable.

Carrie MOANS with pleasure.
Laura makes low, guttural GROWLING sounds.

Heart-attack inducing stuff
for your average, red-blooded American male.
And more than a few females.

You’re probably thinking, wow.
She’s having sex with a porn star.
It’s gotta be fucking incredible.
I must confess it IS pretty gnarly.
But not for the reason you might think.
Sure, they know all the tricks -- literally --
but when someone has sex all day,
every day for a living --
trust me, it can get old. Real fast.
Kinda like asking a lawyer
you’re dating for free legal advice.
Or a doctor friend about that
cold that just won’t go away.
Most people like to leave work at work.
You don’t wanna fuck where you eat.
But when the cameras are off,
and there’s no one else around,
your average porn star
can let their hair down --
so to speak --
and be their real self.
Which, by the way, usually
isn’t much different from you and me --
the cliche of the perpetually horny
nymphomaniac victim of abuse
is just that, a cliche.
After all that pretending,
YOU’RE the one that’s
getting the real thing.
And I ain’t talking about Coke.
Oh. And since we’re
on the subject of cliches --
you know the one about lesbian foreplay?
How we like to spend hours and hours
fondling each other’s breasts?
Complete bullshit.
If I don’t come in five minutes,
I’m outta there.
Now where was I?
Oh, yeah --

Carrie SCREAMS with pleasure.
Achieves lift-off.

GRABS Laura for dear life.
Riding the love roller coaster.

Wave after wave washes over her
like a tsunami from hell.

Laura HOWLS like a dog. They clench.
Hold each other for dear life.

Breathe heavily.
We hold on this for a long beat.

Ohmifuckinggod was that incredible.

That’ll do in a pinch --

(starts to get up)
Need a cigarette.

Get one for me, too?

She nods.
Walks over to where her handbag
lies on the floor.

Gets her smokes. Her lighter.
Then sees something.

What the fuck?

She DASHES over to the big picture window.

What’s wrong?

There’s some fucking PERVERT
out there WATCHING us.

Carrie RUNS to the front door.
Opens it, RACES outside --

The wind WHIPS through
the small trees around her patio.

runs toward the front gate.

GRABS the handle, OPENS it,
and DASHES OFF into the night.

Carrie stands on the stoop,
eyes searching for the intruder.

Laura comes out,
leather jacket around her shoulders.

Who was it?

Didn’t get a good look at him.
Fucker had a video camera.
He was taping us.

Guess that’s my lot in life.
'Girls on film.'

Let’s go back in. I’m freezing.

I’m starving.

(grabs the doorknob)
C’mon. I’ll fix you a snack.

Great idea.
Then afterwards we can
have something to eat --

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