Never A Dull Moment

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of LEGS, Episode Two, Israeli Mobster Nuri Hadar eagerly awaits provisions from his ne'er do well son Yago, who, little does he know is right now getting 'up close and personal' with his sister Marnie. Meanwhile, porn star Laura Lang calls private eye Carrie Love from jail, after being picked up for prostitution at the Ritz Carlton ...


INT. NURI’S SAFE HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Tal sits on the couch,
texting on his smart phone.

Leron fools around with Yago’s laptop.
Nuri paces back and forth.

LERON
Is still working --
(moves the mouse)
But is fucking SLOW.

NURI
Where the fuck IS he?
I’m STARVING.

TAL
I’ll give him call.

He dials a number. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARNIE’S MOTEL ROOM - DAY
Marnie and Yago sit on the bed.
The groceries he bought
are spread out like a big picnic.

Marnie sips from a bottle of wine.
Yago drinks from a bottle of vodka.

MARNIE
I can’t believe you came over.

YAGO
I can’t believe you invited me.

Yago’s phone RINGS.
He picks it up. Looks at it.

YAGO
Shit. It’s Tal. What should I do?

MARNIE
Answer it.

YAGO
What should I tell him?

MARNIE
Tell him -- the store’s crowded,
there’s a long line.

YAGO
(nods, answer it)
Tal. What’s up?

TAL
What the fuck’s taking so long?

YAGO
The store is crowded, man.
There’s a long line. Sorry.

TAL
Well, hurry it the fuck up.

YAGO
Okay, okay.
I’ll call you when I’m leaving, okay?

TAL
Okay.

They both hang up.

MARNIE
See? That wasn’t so bad.

He smiles. Leans over. Kisses her.

YAGO
But that was better --

INT. CARRIE’S VINTAGE PORSCHE - MOVING - DAY
Carrie drives. Meg rides shotgun.
They both look tense.

Carrie’s phone RINGS.
She grabs it. Looks at it.

CARRIE
Laura, nine-one-one.

MEGAN
Never a dull moment.

CARRIE
(gives her a look, answers it)
Laura? What’s wrong? You okay?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - CORRIDOR - DAY
Laura stands in the corridor near
a row of cells talking on a pay phone,
eyes red from crying.

LAURA
Carrie, thank god --
(beat)
Ohmigod.

CARRIE
What’s wrong? What happened?

LAURA
I’m -- in jail.

CARRIE
In JAIL? What for?

A cop walks by,
eyes her appreciatively.

LAURA
Prostitution, but I wasn’t DOING THAT.

I went to the The Ritz Carlton
to meet that director, Nick Orleans,
but he didn’t show,
so I had a couple of cocktails,
and these assholes were in my face
propositioning me --

CARRIE
And you made them an offer
they refused.

LAURA
Yeah. The cops picked me up
as soon as I left the joint.
(gasps)
Can you come bail me out?

CARRIE
Of course -- but right now
I’m in the middle of a case.
I’m sorry, but you’re gonna
have to wait a little bit --

LAURA
You mean to tell me you’re
TOO BUSY?

Another cop walks by.
Raises his eyebrows. Chuckles.

CARRIE
I’m in the car on my way
to tangle with some Israeli mobsters
who tried to kidnap me.
Trust me, I’d much rather
come pick you up.

LAURA
Oh.
(beat)
Israeli mobsters? Really?

CARRIE
Really.

LAURA
Alright, but just hurry it the fuck up.
They body cavity searched me twice
after recognizing me from my pornos,
and I’m afraid they’re gonna do it again.

CARRIE
Twice? Really?

LAURA
Really.

CARRIE
I’ll get there as fast as I can.
Promise.
(looks out the window)
I’m sorry, but I gotta go.
We’re here.

LAURA
Okay. Hurry.

CARRIE
I will. Bye.

She hangs up. Pulls over.
Kills the engine. Looks at Meg.
Eyes bright with tears.

CARRIE
Please. No jokes.
I’m not in the mood.

MEGAN
It’s okay.
I know she’s really special to you.

CARRIE
Yeah.

MEGAN
(grabs the door handle)
So let’s go bust
Moe, Larry and Curly
so you can go rescue
your damsel in distress.

Carrie tries to smile. Touched.
Grabs her door handle.

CARRIE
Thanks, Meg.
You’re a good friend.

MEGAN
Hey. I’ll take what I can get --

Witness For The Persecution

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Episode 15 of LEGS, Episode 2, Carrie's brother Nate and Todd meet with their attorneys to try and screw her out of her inheritance. Meanwhile, at the crime scene, Carrie gets into a fight with her ex-husband Bernie Keko ... and her ex-girlfriend Megan Paul ...


INT. LAW OFFICES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
A burnished, glossy, airbrushed joint
where Glenn Close would feel right at home.

Todd and Nate sit in giant chairs
on one side of the table with their
ATTORNEYS (50’s), a pair of stone-faced,
smooth-looking hawks.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY, a big, jovial-looking fellow
sits on the other side.

TODD
Where the hell is she?
I told her the meeting was at one.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
When did you tell her?

TODD
This morning.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
So she said she’d be here?

Pause.

TODD
I sent her an email.

NATE
I told you to call her.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
You sent an email the same day as the meeting?
Didn’t it occur to you that she might be busy?

TODD
Oh, I’m sure she’s 'busy' --

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Your mother told me she’s a private detective.
I would imagine that sometimes involves
long hours on a stakeout?

TODD
Maybe. I guess.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
'You guess?'
From what I gather,
you don’t have a very close relationship,
possibly even a hostile one.
It would seem to me that you
avoided informing her of the meeting
until the last minute
for your own personal gain.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
What’s that supposed to mean?

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Her not showing up makes her
look bad in your eyes,
gives you more ammunition
for making your case --
that’s she’s immature, irresponsible --
when in fact, she’s a hard-working woman
attending to her business.

TODD
That’s a good one.
She wouldn’t know the meaning of
'hard work' if it bit her on --

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Todd.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
That’s right. How could I forget.
You mother tells me you’re a --
(looks at his notes, smiles)
‘Wedding videographer.’
I’m sure that’s even harder work
than chasing dangerous criminals.

TODD
HEY.

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
Todd. Calm down.

TODD
But he --

HAWK-NOSED ATTORNEY
(to Carrie’s attorney)
We’ll reschedule the meeting,
without prejudice.

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
(stands)
Have your office do it through mine.
(smiles)
And Nate?

NATE
Yeah?

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
Can I give you a little unsolicited advice?

NATE
What’s that?

CARRIE’S ATTORNEY
You might want to consider the possibility
that you’re siding with the wrong sibling.
Do you really think you can deny
what’s due to your older sister?
(nods)
Gentlemen.

And he leaves.

NATE
Wow.

TODD
What do you mean, wow?

NATE
Maybe he’s right.
I mean, dad did change his mind
about leaving her something.
He just couldn’t do anything about it
because of the irrevocable trust.
(off Todd’s look)
But if he intentionally destroyed
the original signed copy of the will --

Their attorneys exchange glances.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Carrie stands in the middle of the room
with Bernie and Megan.

She CLICKS her cell phone shut.
Looks at them.

BERNIE
Where are they?

CARRIE
Not far. Safe house is up in Venice,
right off Speedway. Take five minutes.

MEGAN
Hot sox. Let’s go.

The two Uniform Cops walk into the room.
MIKE HUNT (30’s), a giant,
hyper-masculine hulk shrugs.

MIKE
Place is clean.

The other uniform cop, CLIFFORD SIM (20’s),
tall, thin, great-looking
and totally metrosexual chimes in.

CLIFFORD
Yeah. They have horrible taste,
but nothing we can bust them for --
(beat)
Although the sculpture of an
eagle killing a rodent
SHOULD be against the law.

MIKE
You get their location?

BERNIE
Yep. Carrie will take the lead,
I’ll follow her, and you two follow me.

CARRIE
Hey. Who’s the giving orders around here?
This is my case.

BERNIE
Be my guest --

CARRIE
Meg and I will go in my car,
and you all follow me in yours.

MEGAN
Isn’t that what Bernie just said?

CLIFFORD
Oh, wow. Now I get it.
I thought there was
major tension in the room --
(off their looks, to Megan)
You’re the girl Carrie shacked up with
after she left Bernie.

MEGAN
How did you --

CARRIE
Jesus Christ.
Does the whole force know?

MIKE
Are you kidding?
You’re a legend.
The whole department wanted
to take a crack at her.

MEGAN
They did?

BERNIE
So if Carrie’s a legend,
what does that make me?

CLIFFORD
You don’t want to know.

CARRIE
C’mon, kids.
What is this, high school?
Let’s get a move on.

Carrie’s cell phone RINGS.
She fishes it out. Answers it.

CARRIE (CONT’D)
This is Carrie --

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. LAW OFFICES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Todd stands near the window
away from the conference table
talking on his cell phone.

TODD
Where the hell ARE you.
We have a MEETING.

CARRIE
Oh, yeah.
Mom told me about that.

TODD
I sent you an EMAIL.

CARRIE
Yeah, same day as the meeting.
I’m in the middle of a case right now,
little brother, so you’re
gonna have to reschedule.
And this time, give me more notice,
you fucking control freak.

TODD
How DARE you --

CARRIE
How dare YOU.
Have your people call my people,
THEN you can shove it up your ASS.
(CLICKS the phone shut)
Fuck-tard.

BERNIE
Your brother?

CARRIE
Ten points for the cuckold.
How did you guess.

MEGAN
Easy. You always invent new swear words
when it’s about your family.

BERNIE
'Cuckold?' What’s a cuckold?

CLIFFORD
I told you didn’t want to know --

On The Rebound

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of LEGS, Episode Two, private detective Carrie Love discovers that her client Marnie Hadar has another brother, Yago, who's right now on the way to buy groceries for their Israeli crime boss father to bring back to the safe house he's holed up in ...


EXT. ROLLS ROYCE SEDAN - MOVING - DAY
The giant white behemoth
cruises down Wilshire Boulevard.

INT. ROLLS ROYCE SEDAN - MOVING - DAY
Yago sits behind the wheel driving.
Talks on his cell phone.

YAGO
A private detective? Gnarly.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. THE STARLET MOTEL - MARNIE’S ROOM - DAY
Marnie sits on the bed with her laptop.
Talks on her cell.

MARNIE
Yeah. And she said she was
gonna bring a cop friend
with her for protection.
Something bad must of gone down
if they’re hiding out at your place.

YAGO
But you’re okay.
You’re safe --

MARNIE
Yeah. I guess so.
Not much fun hiding out
in a shitty motel room, though.
Did they tell you what happened?

YAGO
No. They never tell me anything.

MARNIE
Will you keep me posted
on what they’re up to?

YAGO
Of course.

MARNIE
Okay, good.
I’m gonna call the detective
and let her know where they are.

YAGO
You mean, she and the cop
are gonna come to the safe house?

MARNIE
Yeah. So it might be a good idea
for you to stay away for awhile.

YAGO
Shit. I’m on my way
to get groceries for them --

MARNIE
Go do that.
Then go surfing or something.
I’ll make sure they don’t come
until after you’re gone, okay?

YAGO
Okay, cool. Thanks.

MARNIE
I miss you.
I wish things could be --
the way they used to be.

YAGO
Don’t even talk about that.
If dad found out we were even talking --
(sees out the window)
I’m here. Gotta go.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
A pair of COPS IN UNIFORM search the joint
while Bernie talks with Carrie and Megan.

BERNIE
(to Megan)
Nice to see you again -- officer.

MEGAN
(nods, curt)
Detective.

CARRIE
Children, play nice.
(to Bernie)
You have no right to be upset.
I came to you first.

MEGAN
You DID?

CARRIE
I WAS married to him
for ten years, Meg --

MEGAN
And I’m just the
‘on the rebound’ quickie?

BERNIE
You said it, not me --

Carrie’s cell phone RINGS.

CARRIE
Just chill, okay?
Both of you.
(answers it)
This is Carrie.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. THE STARLET MOTEL - MARNIE’S ROOM - DAY
Marnie sits at the table by the window,
watching the traffic go by,
talking on her cell phone.

MARNIE
Detective Love, it’s me, Marnie.

CARRIE
Call me Carrie. What’s up?

MARNIE
Carrie. How did it go with my dad?

CARRIE
He and your brothers
assaulted and kidnapped me
and a police officer.
We escaped.
There’s now a warrant
out for their arrest.

MARNIE
Holy shit.
(beat)
I just found out where they are.
My brother Yago called me --

CARRIE
You have ANOTHER brother?

MARNIE
He didn’t go into the family business.
He called from my dad’s safe house
in Venice after they got there.
They told him I was causing a problem,
so he called to see if I was okay.

CARRIE
What was he doing at the safe house?

MARNIE
Daddy lets him stay there, rent-free.
(beat)
It’s a long story.

CARRIE
Give me the address.

MARNIE
Hold on a sec.
Yago’s out getting groceries for them.
I told him you wouldn’t go over there
until after he got back
and was able to get out of there.

CARRIE
If you don’t give me
the address right now,
I’ll arrest you for
obstruction of justice.

MARNIE
But what about Yago?

CARRIE
Call him and tell him
to go somewhere else.
Maybe come over
and hang with you.

MARNIE
Oh. Why didn’t I think of that --

CARRIE
I’m gonna ask one more time.
The address?

MARNIE
One-five-two-two Ocean Front Walk.
It’s a big, old house right on the sand.
You’ll call me afterward
and let know what happens?

CARRIE
You can count on it.
We might need someone
to identify the bodies.

Fucking Zuckerberg

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of LEGS, Episode Two, porn star Laura Lang gets into trouble at the Ritz Carlton waiting for her lunch date that never shows when she tangles with a pair of arrogant baby tech moguls ...


INT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - BAR - DAY
Laura sits at the bar,
now three sheets to the wind.

She drains her martini.
Flags down the bartender.

LAURA
Can I --
(hiccups)
Get another?

BARTENDER
You sure that’s a good idea?

LAURA
Are you fucking kidding me?
Martinis are always a good idea.

An INVESTMENT BANKER (50’s)
next to her raises his glass.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
I’ll drink to that.
(to the bartender)
Serve the lady. On me.

Bartender rolls his eyes.
Turns to go make it.

LAURA
Thanks, love.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
(nods)
You look familiar.
Are you an actress?

LAURA
That’s funny.
You don’t look the type.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
The type of what?

LAURA
I guess everybody DOES watch porn.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
Oh. So you’re a --

Bartender serves her.
She smiles grimly.
Takes a sip.

LAURA
I was supposed to be meeting
Nick Orleans about starring in
'Battlestar Cracktica,'
but it looks like he stood me up.

A couple of YOUNG STUDS (20’s)
on the other side of her look,
nudge each other.

Whispering to themselves.
Snickering.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
'Battlestar Cracktica?'

LAURA
So I guess it’s your lucky day.
Wanna take me out for a spin?
I’ll only charge half-price,
since it’s a matinee.

STUFFY INVESTMENT BANKER
Of all the vulgar --
(throws money on the bar)
Well, I never --

He gets up off his stool,
storms away in a huff.

LAURA
Apparently not.

The Young Studs,
grinning Stepford Son types,
turn and leer.

DARK-HAIRED STEPFORD SON
You’re Laura Lang.

LAURA
Well, look what we have here.
A two-fer.

DARK-HAIRED STEPFORD SON
Hi. I’m Whit --
(points at his friend)
And this is Heath.

HEATH
Hey, there.

WHIT
We were wondering if
you’d like to go a party --
on my yacht.

In the background,
we see Stuffy Investment Banker
talking to Hotel Manager.

He points at Laura.
Then leaves.

LAURA
That might be arranged.
I might even give
you boys the group rate --
or should I say 'grope rate?'

She sips her drink. Chuckles.
The Stepfords exchange glances.

WHIT
PAY for it?
I never PAY for it.

HEATH
Do you realize who he IS?

WHIT
Of course she doesn’t.
Fucking whore wouldn’t recognize
a tech start-up mogul
if it bit her on the fake tits.

Laura THROWS her drink at him.
Gets up.

Whit SPUTTERS.
Grabs a napkin.
Wipes his face.

LAURA
That’s for calling me a 'whore,'
you fucking Zuckerberg.
Go jerk each other off
on your fucking BOAT.

She storms off.
Bartender CALLS OUT after her.

BARTENDER
HEY. You didn’t pay your BILL --

CAMERA finds Hotel Manager,
speaking on his cell phone.

WHIT
Thank you, officer.
I’d like to report a
prostitute on our premises --
(listens)
The Ritz Carlton.

OUTSIDE IN FRONT
Officious Valet brings
Laura’s Dodge Dart around.
Hops out.

Hands her the keys.
Laura takes them.
Gets in. Drives away.

Officious watches her angrily.
Shakes his fist.

HOTEL MANAGER (O.C.)
Medium height, blonde, British.
She just left, driving an old,
light green Dodge Dart Swinger --
(listens, chuckles)
Well, I guess you’re right.
There’s no such thing as a
NEW Dodge Dart Swinger, is there?

Locked Up Like A Veal

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of LEGS, Episode Two, Israeli crime boss Nuri Hadar and his sons Tal Leron arrive at their safe house in Venice Beach where Nuri's ne'r do well other son Yago is staying, where they start making plans to kill private eye Carrie Love ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH HOUSE - DAY
A classic, old, weathered-looking big house
nestled between two giant, gleaming condos
right on the sand.

It’s surrounded by giant hedges
and trees taller than the joint
that makes the tiny yard around it
shadowy and dark -- and very private.

INT. VENICE BEACH HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Large and airy, with a great view of the ocean.

YAGO HADAR (20’s) sits on the couch
working a laptop.

He resembles the family,
except his hair is bleached blonde
and he’s dressed ‘early surfer.’

Nuri, Tal and Leron walk into the room.

YAGO
What are you doing here?

TAL
Is safe house,
what do you think?

LERON
Sorry to disturb social networking.

NURI
After what you did to this family,
you’re lucky to be living ANYWHERE.
Last time I looked, I paid the bills --
and YOU get to shack up for free
and keep eye on joint.

TAL
And keep refrigerator stocked.

He heads off toward the kitchen.

YAGO
So -- what happened?

NURI
Marnie -- is causing problem.

YAGO
Gee, I wonder why.
It’s not like you keep her
locked up like a veal --

Nuri walks over, KICKS
the laptop off the coffee table.

It HITS the wall with a CRACK.
CRASHES to the floor, BANG.

YAGO
HEY.

NURI
Don’t HEY me,
you fucking goldbrick.
I BOUGHT it, I can BREAK it.

YAGO
How am I supposed to finish
my online massage therapist exam?

NURI
'Massage therapist exam?'
I didn’t raise you
to become fucking FRUIT.

YAGO
I thought you wanted me
to find a job.

NURI
Only because you won’t
join FAMILY BUSINESS.

Tal comes back in.

TAL
Hey, pop. Cupboard is bare.
(to Yago)
What’s up with that?

Leron points at the bong
on the coffee table.

LERON
Looks like Jeff Spicoli
spent his allowance on
four-twenty instead of FOOD.

NURI
'Jeff Spicoli?'

LERON
You haven’t seen
Fast Times At Ridgemont High?
Sean Penn plays stoner,
is funny like heart attack.
Is also notable for VERY
sexy scene with Phoebe Cates in bikini.

He makes a jerking off motion
with his hand.

Nuri shoots him a look, disgusted.
Pulls out his wallet.

Hands Yago a fistful of cash.
Points at the door.

NURI
Go. Now. Get some food. Good stuff.
Whole Foods, like that.
And get wine, liquor.
And ice. Lots of ice.

YAGO
Yeah, sure. Okay.
(carefully)
My car is low on gas?

Nuri sighs.
Pulls out his keys.
TOSSES them to him.

NURI
Take the Rolls.
But if you get ONE SCRATCH on it,
I send you to kibbutz, GOT IT?

YAGO
Got it. I’ll be careful, pop. Promise.

He slinks away.
Nuri looks at Tal and Leron.
Shakes his head.

NURI
Is embarrassment to crime family.
Thank god I have you boys.

LERON
Maybe he’ll come around someday.

NURI
When Gaza Strip freezes over.
(beat)
Okay. We need to come up with plan
on how to find Marnie. Any ideas?

LERON
I can start checking on all her friends.
Maybe one of them knows something.

NURI
How you propose doing that?

LERON
On Friendbook.
I’m on there as ‘Misty,’
one of her friends,
You should SEE
party photos she posts.

NURI
Excellent --
(makes a face)
But spare me details.

TAL
I’m gonna pay visit
to that private detective she hired --
and MAKE her tell me where she is.

The Way Of The Cunt

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of LEGS, Episode Two, porn star Laura Lang arrives at the Ritz Carlton in the Marina for a 'lunch date,' and causes quite a stir. Meanwhile, Carrie, Bernie and Meg break into the Israeli mobster's joint, only to discover they've escaped ...


EXT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - DAY
A giant stone edifice to wealth and power,
right on the marina.

A cluster of Beamers, Benzes and Bentleys
are parked in front awaiting their glitzy owners.

A pea-green piece-of-shit
Dodge Dart Swinger
pulls up to the entrance.

EXT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - ENTRANCE - DAY
Laura gets out of the Dodge.

She’s garishly made-up,
wearing a more-than-daring
black cocktail dress,
towering in six-inch bondage heels.

She hands her keys
to the OFFICIOUS VALET (20’s),
who looks at her wide-eyed
as he hands her a ticket.

LAURA
Be sure not to scratch it, love
(beat)
Ah, so you’re a fan.
If I had a dollar for every time
you jerked off to one of my movies,
I could afford to stay here.

A RICH COUPLE (40’s)
waiting for their car stare at her.

Officious Valet angrily
pulls out a walkie talkie.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - FRONT DOOR - CORRIDOR - DAY
Bernie and a pair of UNIFORMED OFFICERS
carrying shotguns stand nearby.

Carrie and Megan stand back
near the entrance to the stairs.
Bernie POUNDS on the door.

BERNIE
POLICE.
Open the door or we’re COMING IN.

Silence.

One of the uniforms,
a tall, hulking brute,
looks at Bernie.
He nods.

Hulking steps back
and KICKS the door in.
They all RUSH IN --

INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
To find it empty.
Bernie nods at the uniforms.

BERNIE
Go check the bedrooms.

CARRIE
I’ll show you the closet
where we were tied up.
Our DNA’s gotta be
all over the place.
(off his look)
God, you’ve got a dirty mind.

INT. RITZ CARLTON HOTEL - BAR - DAY
A JAZZ TRIO (40’s) plays in the corner over --
Very plush, with understated elegance.

A smattering of HOTEL GUESTS
and RICH LOCALS enjoy their liquid lunch.

Laura takes a seat at the end,
away from the BARTENDER (20’s)
a preppy Tommy Hilfiger wannabe
in khakis and polo shirt.

She checks her watch.
Scans the crowd for her ‘date.’

In the background we see Officious Valet
and the STUFFY HOTEL MANAGER (40’s).

Officious points at her.
Stuffy nods.

Laura leans forward,
tries to get Preppy’s attention,
but he’s chatting up a
tipsy COUGAR DIVORCEE (40’s).

Laura waves at him,
trying to get his attention.

Preppy sees her out of
the corner of his eye.
Ignores her.

LAURA
Who do I haveta blow
to getta fucking DRINK around here?

The hushed conversations stop.
The band looks, keeps playing.

BARTENDER
Excuse me?

LAURA
Excuse yourself.
Just get Cat On A Hot Tin Roof’s
phone number and bring me a COCKTAIL, darling.
My cooch is so parched it could
give the Sahara a run for it’s money.

An OLDER COUPLE (60’s) near her look.
It’s obvious from the way the HUSBAND
is staring that he recognizes her.

LAURA (CONT’D)
(to the wife)
Looks like your hubby’s a big fan.
(off her look, to him)
So what’s your favorite film of mine?
'The Way Of The Cunt?'
'Jungle Beaver?'
'The Color of Runny?'

Their grey faces turn red.
They get up and shuffle away.
Preppy glides over to her.

PREPPY BARTENDER
Could you keep it down, please?
You’re starting to bother our guests.

LAURA
Starting to bother?
(off his look)
I’ll have a Jack and Coke,
heavy on the Jack,
light on the Coke --

Mamma Warned Me To Stay Off The Pole

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love and officer Megan Paul escape from the Israeli mobsters by climbing out the window and jumping onto the roof of the building next door, much to their chagrin ...


INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Nuri leads Tal and Leron toward the kitchen.

TAL
What are we gonna do
about private dick and cop?

NURI
We keep them on ice
until we talk to Marnie.

LERON
Nice. Use them as bargaining chip.

NURI
Exactly.
(smiles)
Until we cash them in.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM - CLOSET - CONTINUOUS
Carrie’s gotten her hands free.
She starts untying Megan.

MEGAN
Thank fucking god.
I was starting to
feel like a pot roast.

CARRIE
Okay --

MEGAN
You know how they’re
tied up with string?

CARRIE
You’re confusing me with
someone who knows how to cook.

MEGAN
How can I forget.
'Miss Take-Out.'

She finishes.
Meg rubs her wrists.

CARRIE
C’mon. Let’s blow this shtetl.

They open the closet door.
Walk into the room. Look around.

See two windows.
Carrie goes to the one
facing the street.

CARRIE
There’s a telephone pole.
Bit of a jump, but I think
we can make it.

Meg goes to the other window.
Looks out.

MEGAN
We could jump onto the roof next door.
The buildings are really close together.

CARRIE
(comes over, looks)
Much quicker than climbing down a pole.

Carrie tests the window. Opens it.
Looks down. Then at Meg.

CARRIE
Mamma warned me to stay off the pole.

IN THE ALLEY
We see Carrie FLY across
and LAND on the next building.

ON THE ROOF
Carrie looks at the windows
of Nuri’s building to make sure
she wasn’t seen.
Then motions to Meg to go.

IN THE ROOM
Meg RACES toward the window,
steps on the ledge, and --

IN THE ALLEY
FLIES across onto the roof
of the next building, SLAP.

EXT. SPEEDWAY - AT THAT MOMENT
Bernie stands at the entrance
to Nuri’s building,
reading the names on the buzzers.
Carrie and Megan walk up to him.

CARRIE
Bernie.

BERNIE
(turns, looks)
You’re okay.

CARRIE
Bastards held us hostage.

MEGAN
But we escaped.

BERNIE
(pulls out his gun)
Sounds like I came just in time.

MEGAN
No, don’t.
There’s at least three of them up there.
Let’s go back to your car,
call for back-up.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - CORRIDOR - DAY
Tal unlocks the door to the guest room.
Looks inside.

Sees the open closet,
then the window.

TAL
God-DAMMIT. They ESCAPED.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - KITCHEN - DAY
Nuri and Leron sit at the table, eating.
Tal RUNS into the room, wild-eyed.

TAL
Bitches escaped out WINDOW.

NURI
Shit.

LERON
Fuck.

TAL
What do we do?
They gonna call cops.

NURI
We go to safe house.

TAL
Acch. I hate Venice.

LERON
Is not so bad.
Builds character.
See how other half lives.
Camus once said --

NURI
Enough kibitzing.
I’ll get the car warmed up.
You two go grab Zivah.
Put in trunk --

Say Hello To My Little Fren

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love and officer Meg Paul are being held hostage by Nuri Hardar and his Israeli crime family. Meanwhile, Carrie's ex, homicide detective Bernie arrives on the scene to try and rescue them ...


INT. DETECTIVE’S SQUAD ROOM - DAY
The joint is deserted. Everybody’s at lunch,
except for BERNIE, at his desk,
looking at his computer screen.

BERNIE
(reading)
Extortion, racketeering, money laundering --
importing ecstacy --
(reading)
Suspected of murder --
(beat)
Shit.
(picks up the phone, dials)
Hey, Roscoe. I need the address and phone number
of Nuri Hadar in Marina Del Rey.
(listens)
Yeah, the mob guy.
(listens)
Sure. I’ll hold.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM - CLOSET - DAY
Carrie and Meg sit on the floor of the closet,
bound and gagged, facing away from each other.

Carrie chews at the stocking across her mouth.
It RIPS apart. She SPITS it out.

CARRIE
Thanks fucking god.

MEGAN
(mumbles through the gag)
Mhow yuh duh dat?

CARRIE
I broke a tooth a couple days ago.
My being too cheap to go to the dentist
just saved our asses.
(works her wrists)
Now if I can just get this off my wrists -
(keeps trying, then)
I’ve got an idea.

MEGAN
Greah.

CARRIE
On the count of three, let’s stand up.

MEGAN
Cahn duh ih.

CARRIE
Yes, you can.
Press your back against mine,
then slowly stand up.
C’mon. One. Two. Three --

And they slowly start rising up.

EXT. SPEEDWAY STREET - DAY
A one-way street that runs north
behind the beachfront properties.

Bernie’s unmarked Crown Vic cruises slowly south,
going the other way.

An OLD, HOMELESS HIPPIE cruises by
on a bicycle festooned with d
ozens of bags of crap tied to it.

OLD, HOMELESS HIPPIE
You’re going the wrong way, asshole.

BERNIE
(yells out the window)
I’m a fucking COP, asshole.

EXT. VOYAGE STREET - CONTINUOUS
We see Carrie’s car, parked near the sand.
Bernie’s car pulls up behind it.
He gets out. Looks around at the opulence.

BERNIE
I’m in the wrong business.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - GUEST BEDROOM - CLOSET - DAY
Carrie and Meg are now standing,
leaning against the wall,
tied together at the waist.

Carrie’s arms are raised.
She’s rubbing her wrists
on a nail sticking out of the ceiling.

MEGAN
Huhree. Theh mih cuh bah.

CARRIE
I’m doing the best I can.
(keeps sawing)
I don’t know what’s scarier,
being held hostage,
or understanding what you’re saying --

EXT. NURI’S CONDO - BALCONY - AT THAT MOMENT
Nuri lies on a lounge chair, smoking a cigar,
looking out at the ocean.
Zivah sits on his lap.

ZIVAH
I’m cold. I want to go back inside.

NURI
But I need comforting.
My little baklava has gone astray.

ZIVAH
'Gone astray?'
You fucking scared her off.

Nuri SLAPS Zivah on the cheek.
SHOVES her off him. Stands up.

NURI
How DARE you speak to me like that.

ZIVAH
How dare you fucking HIT me,
you crusty, old FUCK.

Nuri pulls out a GUN WITH A SILENCER.
SHOOTS her. THWIP.

NURI
Say hello to my little fren.

Tal and Leron come out onto the balcony.

LERON
Everything okay, pop?
(sees the body)
Aw, jeez.
That’s the third one this year.

NURI
Women.
Can’t live with them,
can’t shoot ‘em.
(beat)
You get ahold of Marnie yet?

TAL
(shakes his head)
Keep getting voice mail.

LERON
I couldn’t get ahold of Itzak.
His wife says he’s out of town
at Holocaust reenactment.

NURI
'Holocaust reenactment?'
(gets up)
All this tsuris has made me hungry.
Do we have any more of Rachel’s perogis?

LERON
I think so.
(gesture at the body)
But what about --

NURI
We take care of later.
Come. We nosh --

Don't Shoot The Messenger

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love and patrolwoman Megan Paul visit Israeli mobster Nuri Hadar with a message from his daughter Marnie, which doesn't go over well ...


EXT. NURI’S CONDO - FRONT ENTRANCE - DAY
Carrie and Megan stand at the door.

CARRIE
(presses the intercom)
Let me do the talking.

TAL (O.C.)
(electronic)
Hello?

CARRIE
Hi. My name is Carrie Love.
I’m a private investigator.
I’d like to speak to Nuri Hadar
about his daughter, Marnie.

TAL (O.C.)
Is family business.
Please go away.

CARRIE
I’m sorry,
but it’s my business, too.
Marnie just hired me.
She’s my client.

The door BUZZES.

INT. NURI’S CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Nuri sits in a big wing chair facing the couch,
where Carrie and Megan sit with cups of coffee.

Leron and Tal stand on either side of him.
You could cut the tension with a knife.

CARRIE
Beautiful place you’ve got here.
Love the Picasso print.

NURI
Is not print.

MEGAN
Great coffee. Ethiopian blend?

NURI
Enough with pleasantries.
What is your business?
Why did Marnie hire you?

CARRIE
First of all, I’d like you to know
that we’re not here to cause any trouble.
I’m just acting on her behalf.
You understand?

NURI
Of course.

CARRIE
And that what I’m
going to tell you might upset you --
and you need to know that
I’m just the messenger,
providing a service for my client.
I don’t have anything against you.
I wish you no harm.

Tal pulls out a HANDGUN.

LERON
Put that away, idiot.
She comes in peace.

He puts it back in his jacket.
Glowers.

NURI
I’m beginning to lose patience.

CARRIE
Marnie is very -- upset about
what happened to the producer she met with,
and she feels that what happened
might seriously affect her acting career --

NURI
And --

CARRIE
She’s afraid if it happens again,
no one will consider her
for any acting jobs --

NURI
AND --

CARRIE
She doesn’t want to
see you for awhile --
(gingerly)
And she’d like to be
emancipated from the family.
(quickly)
It’s not that she doesn’t love you --

Nuri’s eyes BUG OUT.
He LEAPS out of his chair.

GRABS an ashtray,
THROWS it against the wall, CRACK.

NURI
Tell me where she is.

CARRIE
I’m afraid I can’t do that.
Client confidentially.
I hope you understand.

NURI
Do you realize WHO I AM?
What I CAN DO to you?

CARRIE
We were hoping you’d be
reasonable about this.

NURI
I’ll give you one last chance.
Tell me where she is. NOW.

CARRIE
You know, you’re making this
more difficult than it needs to be --

NURI
TELL ME.

Leron and Tal WHIP OUT their guns.
CLICK the safeties.

CARRIE
Please, let’s talk about this.
Don’t do anything stupid.

Leron PISTOL-WHIPS Carrie.
She HITS the floor, THWUMP.

Tal PUNCHES Megan in the stomach.
She goes down, THWUMP.

Tal and Leron rifle through
the girls’ purses.
Check their ID’s.

LERON
She is private dick --

TAL
Other one is cop.

NURI
Put them in cold storage.
Then call Itzak.

LERON
'Itzak the Ice Pick?'
Isn’t that a little -- extreme?

NURI
Not to worry.
I just want to scare them.
(beat)
Not.

He BURSTS into MAD LAUGHTER.

Your Burka Or Mine?

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of LEGS, Episode Two, we meet Israeli mob boss and Marnie's father Nuri Hadar, who's wondering where his daughter is, not knowing that she's hired private eye Carrie Love to disengage herself from the family. Meanwhile, Carrie and officer Megan Paul arrive at Nuri's door to deliver the bad news ...


EXT. BEACH FRONT CONDO - DAY
A white, four-story edifice to fancy living
right on the sand on the Marina Peninsula.

But the paint is flaking off in places,
and the foundation is cracked and crumbling.

INT. BEACH FRONT CONDO - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mournful Israeli folk music plays over --

NURI HADAR, (50’s), Marnie’s father,
Standing in front of a giant window.

Big and tall, with snow white close-cropped hair
with a matching geometric close-cropped beard.

He’s quite the stylish mob boss,
resplendent in designer sweats,
gold chains and a Rolex.

Smoking a huge cigar.
Staring at the ocean. Thinking.

The song ends.
He look at the old-school component stereo.
Shakes his head wistfully.

NURI
They don’t sing ‘em like that anymore --

A GORGEOUS MODEL-TYPE (30’s)
lies on a nearby couch, smoking a cigarette,
poking and texting her smart phone, looks up.

GORGEOUS MODEL TYPE
No shit. Thank god for small miracles.
You got any Joan Jett?

Meet ZIVAH OPHIR, Nuri’s girl-toy.
Rail-thin. Black hair down to her ass.
Long, dagger-like nails.

NURI
That is classic folk song, Zivah --
about our homeland.

ZIVAH
The homeland can kiss my Louboutins.

Leron and Tal walk in the room.
In unison, they pull out cigarettes,
LIGHT them with a CLICK of their lighters.

NURI
Any word?

LERON
No one has seen her.

TAL
Is like she disappeared off face of earth.

NURI
Try and do something nice for someone,
and this is thanks I get.
(sighs)
How is producer?

LERON
Still in coma.

NURI
Goddammit.
I said work him over,
not fuck him up.

TAL
Is fine line, father.

EXT. MARINA PENINSULA - SIDE STREET - DAY
Carrie’s vintage Porsche
is parked right near the sand.

INT. CARRIE’S PORSCHE - CONTINUOUS
Carrie and Megan sit in the front seat,
munching on fast food. Sipping sodas.

CARRIE (O.C.)
Since Bernie wouldn’t help me with the case,
I asked Meg. You know the drill.
Strength in numbers.
(beat)
That’s right.
When the going gets tough,
the tough get laid.
(beat)
I still had feelings for Meg
and really wanted to be friends.
I just hoped I wasn’t
taking advantage of her good will.
I think if I asked her to
go hitchhiking in Afghanistan,
she’d say ‘your burka or mine?’

Carrie finishes her fries.
Wipes her mouth with a napkin.

CARRIE
Thanks for coming along, Meg.

MEGAN
Hey. I can’t think of a better way
to spend my lunch break.
In N’ Out burgers,
then meet a vicious Israeli mob boss.
What’s not to like?

CARRIE
It’s probably better that
he doesn’t know you’re a cop.

MEGAN
Right.

She pulls out her gun.
Opens the glove compartment.

Puts it in. Closes it.
Looks at Carrie.

MEGAN
Don’t worry.
I’ve got another one
strapped to my ankle.
Just in case.

CARRIE
But you’re a tourist wrangler.

MEGAN
In Venice Beach.

CARRIE
Touche.

Pause.

MEGAN
So -- is she better in bed?

CARRIE
I’m not gonna go there.
(off her look)
It’s apples and oranges.
We have chemistry.

MEGAN
Better living through chemistry --

The Vagina Tech Massacre

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love goes to visit her ex-husband, homicide detective Bernie Keko for a little help with her new case ...


INT. DETECTIVE’S SQUAD ROOM - DUSK
The bullpen. Various DETECTIVES sit at desks
reading files, interviewing suspects, shooting the shit.

Homicide dick BERNIE KEKO (40’s),
big and bulky, good-looking on a budget,
talks on the phone.

BERNIE
Better watch out.
He’s gonna be up your ass
faster than a college football coach
in a basement rec room --
(strange voice)
Better relax your sphincter muscles
little fella, cause I’m comin’ IN.

Carrie walks in.
She heard that.
Makes a face.

Bernie sees her.
Face goes white.
Into the phone --

BERNIE
Just stay away from him, capiche?
Gotta go. Thyroid Mary just walked in.

He SLAMS the phone down.

CARRIE
'Thyroid Mary?'
That’s a new one.

BERNIE
Oh, you should hear all the names
we’ve got for you. I
t’s a game we play.
Endless hours of amusement.

A FAT DETECTIVE (30’s),
turns, looks, smiles.

FAT DETECTIVE
Lezzie Borden.

A TALL, SKINNY DETECTIVE (50’s)
raises his cup of coffee.

TALL, SKINNY DETECTIVE
Snatchwoman.

A BUTCH FEMALE DETECTIVE (30’s)
winks at Carrie.

BUTCH FEMALE DETECTIVE.
Sapho Hawkins.

An ASIAN DETECTIVE,
not looking up from his file, chimes in.

ASIAN DETECTIVE
The Vagina Tech Massacre.

The GREY-HAIRED CHIEF OF DETECTIVES (60’s)
steps out from his office.
Raises a flask.

GREY-HAIRED CHIEF OF DETECTIVES
Ellen Degenerate.

CARRIE
Wow. I’m really feeling the love, people.
(goes to Bernie’s desk, sits)
I kinda like Snatchwoman.
Maybe I’ll make up some T-shirts.

BERNIE
I’m sorry, Legs,
but I don’t have time
for your shenanigans today.
I’ve got a triple murder to solve.

CARRIE
You mean the crazed gunman
that shot up a Starbucks this morning?

BERNIE
Yeah, lucky for us
he ordered a decaf.
Place was packed.

CARRIE
I need your help, Bernie.
It’s urgent.

BERNIE
The judge ruled
‘no alimony payments,’ remember?

CARRIE
No, seriously.
It’s my new client.
Her father’s the head
of an Israeli crime family.

BERNIE
Not my bailiwick.
Go to the Feds.
Homey don’t do mobsters.

CARRIE
It’s not about THAT.
She’s an actress.
Met with a producer about a role,
and her father’s goons
did a Godfather on him as a warning --

BERNIE
They put a HORSE’S HEAD in his bed?

CARRIE
No. They beat the shit out of him
with a baseball bat.
He’s now in a coma.

BERNIE
So what did she hire you to do?

CARRIE
She wants to be emancipated.
I’m supposed to go talk to him about it.
Figured I could use a little backup.

BERNIE
Why don’t you bring
The Horse Muncher?

CARRIE
That’s over, Bernie.

BERNIE
Oh, that’s right.
Heard you were shacking up
with a porn star these days --

CARRIE
How did you --
(beat)
Never mind.

Bernie looks at her. Sighs.

BERNIE
I’m sorry, Carrie.
But the press is having
a field day with this one.
If we don’t get this perp pronto,
it’s not gonna be safe to order
a chai soy latte in this town.

CARRIE
(gets up)
Can’t blame a gal for trying.
(beat)
Have you lost some weight?

BERNIE
Sorry. Not gonna work.

CARRIE
Okay. See ya.

Carrie turns to go.

BERNIE
Be careful, okay?
And let me know what happens.

CARRIE
Will do.

She starts to leave.

BERNIE
Can I ask you something?

CARRIE
(stops, over her shoulder)
What?

BERNIE
Is it true what they say
about fucking a porn star?

CARRIE
(as she leaves)
That’s for me to know,
and you to eat out --

As Jim Rockford Is My Witness

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love meets with her new client, Marnie Hadar, wannabe actress and the daugher of an Israelli crime boss, who has a most unusual request for her ...


INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Carrie and Marnie sit on the giant
sectional couch facing each other
across the coffee table.

Marnie sips a Diet Coke.
Stares at the ‘Bondage Barbie’ on the table.

MARNIE
Thanks.

CARRIE
Wait until you get my bill.
(beat)
So what’s going on with your father?

MARNIE
You’ll keep this confidential?

CARRIE
As Jim Rockford is my witness.

MARNIE
(looks at her quizzically)
My father is -- in organized crime.
He doesn’t know that I know.

CARRIE
Italian?

MARNIE
Jewish.

CARRIE
Your father’s in the Israeli mob?

MARNIE
If you want to call it that, yes.

CARRIE
What’s his name?

MARNIE
Nuri. Nuri Hadar.

CARRIE
I read about him.
He’s a crime boss, on trial
for racketeering, arms dealing,
and importing a shitload of Ecstasy.

MARNIE
That may be, but he loves me.
(beat)
A little too much.

CARRIE
How so?

MARNIE
Well, I met this producer
at a party a couple of days ago,
and he invited me
to have dinner with him
to discuss a film
he’s about to make.
I’m an actress --

CARRIE
I think I see where this is going --

MARNIE
I know.
I wasn’t sure if he
just wanted to bang me,
but you never know, right?
And besides, I’ll take
any excuse I can get
to get out of the house.
It’s like a fortress.

CARRIE
So what happened?

MARNIE
So I have dinner with him,
and we had a great time.
He’s a really nice guy, very funny,
and really into helping out
someone who’s just getting started.
He even said I could
audition for the lead.

CARRIE
Wow.

MARNIE
I’m not stupid.
I knew I’d never get it,
but there’s other parts, right?
I’m a good actress.
I just need a break.

CARRIE
So what happened?

MARNIE
Well, I’m driving home afterwards,
all excited, and then a friend calls
and tells me someone
beat the crap out of him.
I mean, so bad that
he’s in the hospital --

CARRIE
And you think your father’s responsible?

MARNIE
Haven’t you seen The Godfather?

CARRIE
Right. The horse’s head --

MARNIE
Exactly. It’s happened before,
but I was too stupid to see it.
I got in trouble at school with the principal,
and the next day he was gone.
They said it was 'a skiing accident.'

CARRIE
Well, things like that do happen.

MARNIE
But he was old and fat.
And he didn’t ski.

CARRIE
So what do you want from me?

MARNIE
I want to be emancipated
from my family.

CARRIE
What about your mother?

MARNIE
She died when I was young
in a boating accident.

CARRIE
I detect a pattern here.
(beat)
So what do you want from me?
You can file emancipation papers in court.

MARNIE
If I do that, he’ll go ballistic.
I was thinking you could
ask him really nicely.

CARRIE
You want me to tell a mob boss
to stay away from his daughter?
Do you realize how DANGEROUS that is?
It’s a suicide mission.

MARNIE
Please, I need your help.
If word gets out that my father
will beat the shit out of anyone
who doesn’t hire me,
my acting career is over
before it even starts.

Carrie reaches for her Diet Coke.
Takes a sip. Thinking.

MARNIE
I’ll pay double your normal rate.

CARRIE
I charge two-hundred bucks a day.
Plus expenses.

MARNIE
Not a problem.

CARRIE
Yeah, but if I’m dead --

MARNIE
You know anyone who could help you?

CARRIE
You mean like a cop?

MARNIE
Yeah.

CARRIE
Actually, I do.
My ex-husband.

MARNIE
Perfect.

CARRIE
You haven’t met Bernie --

Fast, Cheap And Out Of Control

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of LEGS, Episode Two, private eye Carrie Love gets a call from her mother telling her that her brothers are trying to cheat her out of her inheritence. Then she gets a call from a new client, wannabe starlet Marnie Hadar ...



INT. CARRIE’S MINI-OFFICE - DAY
Carrie’s phone RINGS.
She goes to the desk.
Picks up the phone.

CARRIE
Carrie Love Investigations,
this is Carrie.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - BEDROOM - DAY
A luxurious spread right out of Town and Country.

Splayed out on the bed like the diva she is
is MARGO LOVE (60’s), Carrie’s mother.

Pert WASP good looks
right out of Ralph Lauren.

She grips her cell,
picking at her breakfast on a tray.

MARGO
I see somebody’s bright-eyed
and bushy-tailed this morning.
I expected to get your voice mail.

CARRIE
You know what they say
about the early bird.

MARGO
Please. I haven’t 'gotten the worm'
since your father died.

CARRIE
What’s up, Mom?

MARGO
You have a meeting this afternoon
at three with your brothers
and their attorneys.

CARRIE
I do?

MARGO
It’s about your father’s estate.

CARRIE
But we haven’t even
had the funeral yet.

MARGO
You know Todd,
the greedy little bastard.

CARRIE
But I thought they couldn’t
find a signed copy of dad’s will.

MARGO
Indeed.
And as you know,
when that happens,
the estate goes intestate.

CARRIE
I know.
We split the money
evenly between us,
even though I was
cut out of the will.

MARGO
Well, that’s true -- in theory.

CARRIE
What do you mean in theory?

MARGO
Well, I’m afraid Todd
isn’t terribly happy about it,
so he convinced Nate to
lawyer up with him and contest it.

CARRIE
WHAT?

Laura leans in into the doorway.
Listening. Concerned.

MARGO
They even got you an attorney.

CARRIE
I can get MY OWN attorney,
thank you very much.

MARGO
Relax. I suggested him.
He’s my attorney.
And I’m paying his bill.

CARRIE
What is this, a conspiracy?

MARGO
Nonsense.
I just wanted you
to have a fighting chance.
Todd hired a real tiger.

CARRIE
So where’s the meeting.

MARGO
Todd said he emailed you
the details.

CARRIE
I’ll have to check my schedule
and get back to him.
Gotta go, Mom. Love you.

She hangs up.
Puts her head in her hands.

Laura comes in,
gently rubs Carrie’s shoulders.

LAURA
I take it that was bad news.

CARRIE
You could say that.

LAURA
Why don’t I fix us some breakfast
and you can tell me all about it.
(off her look)
Hey. Just because I’m a porn star
doesn’t mean I don’t know how
to scramble a couple eggs.

The phone RINGS again.
Carrie looks at it. Laura nods.

LAURA
Answer it.
When you’re done,
breakfast is served.

RING. Carrie nods.
Laura smiles. Leaves.
Carrie picks up.

CARRIE
Carrie Love Investigations,
this is Carrie --

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. CHEAP MOTEL - DAY
One of those post-war jobs up on stilts
with parking below.

We see THE STARLET written on the wall
in cursive lettering.

INT. THE STARLET MOTEL - ROOM - DAY
Beyond bland and cliched.

Was probably kind of cool,
once upon a time.

Maybe during
the Kennedy administration.

Marnie sits on the bed,
talking on her cell.
Beyond freaked out.

MARNIE
Is this Carrie Love?

CARRIE
The one and only.

MARNIE
Your website says
F'ast, cheap and out of control -- '

CARRIE
Viral marketing gimmick.
Cuts through the clutter.
What can I do for you?

MARNIE
It’s about -- my father.

CARRIE
Isn’t it always?

Pole Position

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of LEGS, Episode Two, wannabe movie starlet Marnie Hadaar finds out that the producer she had dinner with, Jackie Flowers, was beaten up and put in the hospital. Meanwhile, equestrienne police officer Megan Paul visits her former flame, private eye Carrie Love, only to find her 'fresh out of bed' with porn star Laura Lang ...


EXT. WILSHIRE BOULEVARD CANYON - NIGHT
A BLACK MERCEDES COUPE whizzes through light traffic
headed west toward the beach.
Then stops at a light.

INT. MERCEDES - NIGHT
Behind the wheel is MARNIE HADAR (20’s),
budding starlet deluxe.

Two scoops of vanilla,
brought to you by the letters D&G.

Tousled mane of strawberry blonde.
Easy on the eyes.

She grips her smart phone
in her glitter-nailed fist.
Speed-dials a number. Listens.

MARNIE
Amber, it’s me. Pick up.

AMBER (O.C.)
(electronic)
Hey, I was just gonna call you.
You had dinner with that
producer tonight, right?
Jackie Flowers?

MARNIE
Yeah. It went GREAT.
I got the audition.
I’m so excited I could plotz.

AMBER (O.C.)
I just saw on TMZ that somebody
beat the shit out of him.
He’s in a coma.

MARNIE
WHAT? But I just SAW him --
(beat)
Oh, shit -- what about my audition?

AMBER (O.C.)
You think maybe your father
had something to do with it?

The light changes to green.

MARNIE
What do you mean?

AMBER (O.C.)
You know, like in The Godfather.
The horse’s head in the bed --

MARNIE
(whispers)
Oh, no.

Her eyes bug out.
A car behind Marnie HONKS.

AMBER (O.C.)
Marnie? You there?

EXT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - DAY
The early morning sunlight dances through the trees
on Carrie’s leafy Venice walkway street.

A FEMALE COP riding a horse
comes CLIP-CLOPPING down the cracked boulevard.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I know what you’re thinking.
A hot chick cop on a horse?
What the hell?
And she makes house calls?

Meet MEGAN PAUL (25),
cute, curvy and freckled,
sitting astride the stallion
like the archetype she is.

Holding the reins in one hand,
a to-go bag in the other.

CARRIE (V.O.)
I met Meg at Girl Bar
the night I left Bernie --
and when I found out she was
an equestrienne for LA’s finest,
I hitched a ride faster
than you can say 'pole position.'

They approach Carrie’s wooden gate.
The horse NUDGES the door open,
and they CLOP-CLOP onto the patio.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Brought a new meaning
to the phrase riding bare-back --

INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Laura walks into the room wearing a robe.
She goes to her purse.

Pulls out a pack of smokes.
Lights one up. Sees Megan.

LAURA
Holy shit.
(over her shoulder)
CARRIE. There’s a COP outside.
On a HORSE.

ON THE PATIO
Megan dismounts, holding the bag.
Walks up to the front door.

CARRIE
Races into the room,
also wearing a robe.
Sees Meg’s horse.

CARRIE
Meg.

LAURA
You know her?

The doorbell RINGS.

CARRIE
She’s -- a friend.

LAURA
You used to fuck a COP?

Carrie goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.

CARRIE
Shhh.
(beat)
Would you go make some coffee?

LAURA
Are you fucking kidding?
I’m staying right here.
This is gonna be fun.

The doorbell RINGS again.

CARRIE
Thanks a lot.

She opens the door.
Meg stands in the doorway, smiling.

MEGAN
Hey, there. I was in the nabe.
Brought you a coffee and croissant from --
(sees Laura)
Oh. Wow.
(beat)
I’m sorry. I should’ve called.

CARRIE
It’s okay.
(gestures)
Laura, Meg. Meg, Laura.

LAURA
Good morning, officer.

MEGAN
Hi.
(hands Carrie the bag)
Here.

CARRIE
Thanks. Wanna come in?

MEGAN
Oh, gosh. No, thanks.
I just remembered --
(turns to go)
I’ve gotta go -- do this thing.

CARRIE
I’ll call you.

Carrie closes the door.
Looks at Laura. Sighs.

LAURA
She’s kinda cute.

CARRIE
You’re positively evil.

LAURA
Was it serious?

CARRIE
I dated her after I left my husband.
You know, on the rebound --

LAURA
Looks like she’s still smitten.

CARRIE
Maybe you two can start a club --

Like Fifteen-Year-Old Labia

Happy Wednesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of LEGS, episode two ... we meet Jackie Flowers, old-school movie producer, who arrives back home from a dinner at a Hollywood 'power restaurant,' where he's met by a pair of Isreali mobsters who make him 'an offer he can't refuse' ...


EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
West of the strip.
The home of the one-percent.

A glitzy array of lux mansions
hidden behind walls and hedges fly by.

INT. BENTLEY SEDAN - MOVING - NIGHT
All soft leather, polished wood and brushed silver.

Behind the wheel is JACKIE FLOWERS (60’s),
old-school movie producer.
Tall and rangy, with craggy good looks.

Right now he’s driving,
talking on his cell and smoking a joint.

JACKIE
Harrison, it’s Jackie.
You read the script yet?
(listens)
Well, get on the stick.
It’s not like the offers
are just rolling in, you know --
(listens)
Okay, okay. Keep your pants on.
Call me after you’ve read it.
(ends the call)
'Air Force Two.' Oy vey’s mir.

EXT. JACKIE’S JOINT - FRONT GATE - NIGHT
The Bentley pulls up to a large,
ornate gate that starts slowly opening.
The car glides through.

EXT. JACKIE’S JOINT - NIGHT
A giant faux-Tudor monstrosity.
The Bentley heads down the long drive
toward a four-car garage.

INT. JACKIE’S JOINT - KITCHEN - NIGHT
A culinary orgy of steel, glass and chrome.
The door to the garage opens.
Jackie walks in, talking on his cell.

JACKIE
I told you, Alan, I don’t wanna make
a fucking PIMP movie. Stop asking me.
(listens)
Later.
(hangs up)
Much.
(sighs)
Fucking hack.

He goes to the fridge.
Gets a bottle of beer. Opens it.

Takes a swig. Walks into the next room.
INT. JACKIE’S JOINT - STUDY - NIGHT
Dimly lit. A real power-office.
Bookshelves filled with books, music, movies --
and a ton of awards.

The door opens. Jackie comes in.
FLICKS ON the lights.

Sitting behind his desk
is a GIANT HULKING BRUISER (30’s).

GIANT HULKING BRUISER
How was dinner?
I hear steak at Palms
is tender like fifteen-year-old labia.

Meet LERON HADAR,
two-hundred-fifty pounds of Israeli muscle.
Slick in Armani. Slicked-back hair.

Real slick.

JACKIE
Who the hell are YOU?

Standing to the side with his
hands behind his back is another THUG (30’s),
small and wiry, but somehow
even more menancing-looking.

Gitanes filterless dangling on his lip.
But hey, somebody should tell him
the Versace silk shirt
needs to go out with the Eurotrash.

SMALLER THUG
Sit down. We’ll ask the questions.

Meet TAL HADAR, Leron’s brother.
If you did a Google image search
for 'Napoleonic Complex,'
you’d find his picture.

JACKIE
I will NOT sit down.
I DEMAND to know what you
shit-heads are doing in my house.

Tal pulls a baseball bat
from behind his back.

SWINGS IT at a lamp, SMASHING it -- BANG.
Smiles, gold teeth flashing.

TAL
(softly)
If you don’t sit down,
your kneecaps are next on deck.

Jackie sits in a leather chair
opposite the desk. Glowering.

JACKIE
What the fuck do you want?

LERON
You had dinner tonight with young lady.

JACKIE
Yeah, so what. What’s it to you?

LERON
You two discussed movie
you’re about to make,
and role she would like to play.

JACKIE
How do you know about that?

LERON
We are her brothers.

JACKIE
So?

LERON
We are here to strongly suggest
you give her part.

JACKIE
Look, here’s the deal.
I met her at a party,
and I had dinner with her
just to be nice.
The role she wants is the lead,
but she’s too green.
She doesn’t have any credits.
The lead has to be a name.
If I cast her,
the investors will pull out.
(off their looks)
The best I can do is give her
a day player role.
She’ll get one line,
and she’ll be onscreen.
And it’ll get her into the union.
How does that sound?

Tal SWINGS the bat again.
SMASHES a flat-screen on the wall.

JACKIE
HEY. That’s BRAND-NEW.

LERON
This is your last chance.
Cast the girl in the lead,
or you’ll be eating
through straw at Cedars.

JACKIE
You can go fuck yourself.

LERON
(starts swinging the bat)
Hey, batter-batter -- SWING.

He WHACKS Jackie in the stomach. OOF.
Then takes out a knee with a CRUNCH.
Then the other. CRACK.

TAL
Three strikes and you’re OUT.

Girls On Film

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

It's always exciting to present to you a new story on the blog. As some of you might know, I'm very close to having my own TV series. I don't want to go into the gory details about it's development because I don't want to jinx it, so let's just say I'm about to start meeting with a certain cable network about the show. But what's really exciting it looks like a very successful executive producer might be coming onboard. If I told you who he was, it would blow your mind. So please pardon me for all the secrecy, but I want to keep this project close to the vest.

The series is called LEGS, and the main character is your favorite private detective, Carrie Love. Today I'm going to start sharing with you episode two of the series, 'Bless Me Father, For I Have Fucked,' in which we continue right where we left off at the end of the pilot, with Carrie making love to her porn star girlfriend Laura Lang on the floor of her Venice Beach bungalow ...

I hope you enjoy.


INT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Cavernous. Funky, comfortable furniture.
Giant sound system. Pin-up art.
Movie posters of iconic female action heroes.

A few dozen multi-colored candles
around the room dance in the cool night wind
coming in from the open skylight above.

LAURA LANG (20’s), blonde,
impossibly Brit-beautiful
is making love to our hero,
CARRIE LOVE (30’s), tall, dark and curvy
on the floor in front of a roaring fire.

It’s carnal. Animal.
Possibly vegetable.

Carrie MOANS with pleasure.
Laura makes low, guttural GROWLING sounds.

Heart-attack inducing stuff
for your average, red-blooded American male.
And more than a few females.

CARRIE (V.O.)
You’re probably thinking, wow.
She’s having sex with a porn star.
It’s gotta be fucking incredible.
(beat)
I must confess it IS pretty gnarly.
But not for the reason you might think.
Sure, they know all the tricks -- literally --
but when someone has sex all day,
every day for a living --
trust me, it can get old. Real fast.
(beat)
Kinda like asking a lawyer
you’re dating for free legal advice.
Or a doctor friend about that
cold that just won’t go away.
Most people like to leave work at work.
You don’t wanna fuck where you eat.
(beat)
But when the cameras are off,
and there’s no one else around,
your average porn star
can let their hair down --
so to speak --
and be their real self.
Which, by the way, usually
isn’t much different from you and me --
the cliche of the perpetually horny
nymphomaniac victim of abuse
is just that, a cliche.
After all that pretending,
YOU’RE the one that’s
getting the real thing.
And I ain’t talking about Coke.
(beat)
Oh. And since we’re
on the subject of cliches --
you know the one about lesbian foreplay?
How we like to spend hours and hours
fondling each other’s breasts?
Complete bullshit.
If I don’t come in five minutes,
I’m outta there.
(beat)
Now where was I?
(beat)
Oh, yeah --

Carrie SCREAMS with pleasure.
Achieves lift-off.

GRABS Laura for dear life.
Riding the love roller coaster.

Wave after wave washes over her
like a tsunami from hell.

Laura HOWLS like a dog. They clench.
Hold each other for dear life.

Breathe heavily.
We hold on this for a long beat.

CARRIE
Ohmifuckinggod was that incredible.

LAURA
That’ll do in a pinch --

CARRIE
(starts to get up)
Need a cigarette.

LAURA
Get one for me, too?

She nods.
Walks over to where her handbag
lies on the floor.

Gets her smokes. Her lighter.
Then sees something.

CARRIE
What the fuck?

She DASHES over to the big picture window.

LAURA
What’s wrong?

CARRIE
There’s some fucking PERVERT
out there WATCHING us.

Carrie RUNS to the front door.
Opens it, RACES outside --

EXT. CARRIE’S BUNGALOW - BACK PATIO - NIGHT
The wind WHIPS through
the small trees around her patio.

A FIGURE IN BLACK
runs toward the front gate.

GRABS the handle, OPENS it,
and DASHES OFF into the night.

Carrie stands on the stoop,
eyes searching for the intruder.

Laura comes out,
leather jacket around her shoulders.

LAURA
Who was it?

CARRIE
Didn’t get a good look at him.
Fucker had a video camera.
He was taping us.

LAURA
Guess that’s my lot in life.
'Girls on film.'

CARRIE
Let’s go back in. I’m freezing.

LAURA
I’m starving.

CARRIE
(grabs the doorknob)
C’mon. I’ll fix you a snack.

LAURA
Great idea.
Then afterwards we can
have something to eat --

Like Thelma And Louise

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 39 of BLUE HOTEL, we reach the thrilling conclusion of our story, in which Holly and Alona consummate their relationship, and then have their last stand with the cops at 3AM on the roof of the Starlight Hotel in Venice Beach ...

EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - ROOF - NIGHT
Alona and Holly lie naked on the tar-papered roof.
Making love in the moonlight.

Alona has her hand between Holly’s legs.
Holly bucking slowly like a simmering bronco.

HOLLY
Uhhh --

ALONA
(kissing her neck)
I knew it would be amazing with you.

HOLLY
(gasps)
I’ve never -- felt like this before.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
The closet door is open.
Beggar’s wrapped-up body
has fallen onto the floor.

Danette goes to the bed.
Looks under it.

Finds Oscar’s body.
Her jaw DROPS.

DANETTE
SHIT.
(to someone off-camera)
There’s another one under the BED.

BERNIE (O.C.)
Jesus fucking CHRIST.

He shuffles into the room.
White as a ghost.

BERNIE
Two more in the bathroom.
One of them half-cut
into pieces and bagged.

DANETTE
Is one of them the hooker?

BERNIE
No. Both guys.

DANETTE
So Alona and Holly must be friends.

BERNIE
Roger that.

Danette pulls out her radio.
CLICKS it on.

DANETTE
Hello, dispatch?
This is officer Day,
Venice Beach substation.
We’ve got a ten-fifty-five
at the Starlight Hotel
on the boardwalk.
Send all available units.
(listens)
Four bodies.
Send as many evidence techs
as you’ve got.
(listens)
You don’t want to know.
It’s a real horror show. Over.

She holsters her radio.

BERNIE
So where you think they went?

A woman’s voice CRIES OUT in ecstacy.
A ROAR of blood-curdling animal passion.

HOLLY (O.C.)
OH-MY-FUCKING-GOD-YESSS!

BERNIE
They’re up on the fucking roof.

HOLLY
And they’re fucking up on the roof.

Danette dashes over to the window.
Starts climbing out on the fire escape.
Bernie follows.

EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - ROOF - AT THAT MOMENT
Alona holds Holly in her arms,
as wave after wave of pleasure
washes over her like ripples in the ocean.

Finally finding release.
Trembling, climaxing over and over,
again and again.

HOLLY
I almost can’t TAKE IT -- It’s SO GOOD.

DANETTE (O.C.)
DON’T MOVE. THIS IS THE POLICE.

DANETTE AND BERNIE
Stand near the ladder, on the roof.
Weapons drawn.

ALONA AND HOLLY
Stare at them. Freaked.
Alona grabs her top. Covers up.

ALONA
Don’t shoot, DON’T SHOOT.

DANETTE
I want both of you to get up
very slowly and put your clothes on.

Alona stands.
Carefully steps into her skirt.

Holly gets up.
Turns her head.
Stares off into space.

DANETTE (CONT'D)
Ms. Land, please put your clothes on.

ALONA
Holly, get dressed. It’s over.

HOLLY
(to the cops)
She’s not the killer. I am.
(to Alona)
I’m bad, Alona.
I tried to tell you.

She turns.
Steps up onto the ledge.
Sways in the hot wind.

ALONA
HOLLY.

DANETTE
Ms. Land, please step away
from the ledge.

HOLLY
(to Alona)
I killed a guy at school
who date-raped me --
(beat)
And I liked it.
(beat)
And that -- scared me.
(beat)
Also kinda fucked up my sex life.
(beat)
Until now, with you --
(looks at the cops)
Of course, now that’s over.

She looks down. Shivers.
Alona steps onto the ledge.

BERNIE
Both of you, get down off there.
Nothing’s worth dying for.

ALONA
(takes Holly’s hand)
Holly, please. Don’t go.
Stay with me.

HOLLY
Where? In PRISON?

Alona closes her eyes. Shudders.
Danette holsters her gun.

Starts slowly creeping toward them.
Bernie watches.

HOLLY
Come with me.
We’ll be like Thelma and Louise.
Go out in a blaze of glory.

ALONA
(opens her eyes)
That would be nice --
(off Holly’s smile)
But I wanna LIVE.

And she YANKS Holly back onto to the roof.
The movement causes Alona to PLOW into Danette,
knocking them both over.

DANETTE
HEY!

Bernie draws his piece.

Holly JUMPS off the ledge,
GRABS his gun.

SHOOTS him in the head, BANG.
He falls over, THWUMP.

Danette WHIPS OUT her Glock,
but Holly’s too fast,
and SHOOTS her, BANG.

She hits the ground, THWUMP.
Shot in the heart.

Alona gets up slowly. Exhales.

ALONA
Holy shit.
(wide-eyed)
Nice -- shooting.

An evil pout flickers across Holly’s lips.

HOLLY
You tried to trick me.
We were gonna be SOULMATES,
and you RUINED IT.

She raises her gun. Takes aim.

ALONA
No, wait -- Holly, PLEASE.
Don’t shoot.

HOLLY
Check-out time.

She SHOOTS Alona.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

Her body HITS the rooftop
with a dull THUD. Lights out.

PUSH IN ON Holly’s face.
A tear streams down her cheek.

HOLLY
Told you I was bad --

Bigger Fish To Fuck

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 38 of BLUE HOTEL, we hurtle toward the exciting conclusion of our story in this, the second-to-last chapter, in which Holly and Alona hide on the roof of the hotel, as police officers Bernie and Dannette go door to door, searching for them ...


INT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Danette and Bernie stand in front
of Verne’s open doorway.

Verne stares at them,
very deer-in-the-headlights in his
Family Guy boxer shorts.

Which he’s just wet.

DANETTE
(hands him a photo)
Have you seen this woman?
She’s a guest at the hotel.

VERNE
(takes it, looks)
I think so. Maybe.
It’s hard to tell --
(hands it back)
Sorry.

DANETTE
(hands him her card)
She’s wanted in connection
with several murders.
If you see her, stay away,
she’s very dangerous.
Call me right away. Okay?

VERNE
Okay, thanks. I will.
Sure. Good night.
(beat)
Uh, good morning.

He smiles weakly.
Shuts the door.

BERNIE
You see that?
Poor guy pissed his skivvies.

DANETTE
Probably thought we were
gonna bust him for possession.
Smelled like Cheech and Chong in there.
Lucky for him we’ve got
bigger fish to fuck.
(beat)
Uh, fry --

EXT. HOTEL STARLIGHT - ROOF - AT THAT MOMENT
Alona and Holly sit on the
front ledge of the building.
Look out at the ocean. Pensive.

HOLLY
I say we split, get out of Dodge.
You snagged Beggar’s car keys.
Let’s vamoose.

ALONA
But there’s a dead cop
in the trunk.

HOLLY
Details.
We’ll dump him somewhere,
head down to Mexico.
(beat)
My head is vibrating.
You have another joint?

ALONA
Yeah.

She digs into her purse.
Pulls one out.

Fires it up.
Hands it Holly.

She takes a bit hit.
Holds it in. EXHALES.

Passes it back.
Looks over the ledge.
Strange smile flickering.

HOLLY
We could do a Thelma and Louise.

ALONA
That’s not funny.

Holly takes another hit.
Stares at Alona intently.

HOLLY
Would you -- make love to me?

ALONA
Now?

HOLLY
Please?
(whispers)
I’ve got a feeling
this isn’t going to end well.

She breaks down. Starts crying.
Alona takes her in her arms.
Soothes, comforts her.

ALONA
Shhhh, it’s gonna be okay.

Alona kisses her softly.
Holly responds. She likes it.

They start devouring each other.
Licked by flames of passion.

INT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - CORRIDOR
Bernie and Danette stand in front of Alona’s door.

DANETTE
This is the hooker’s room, right?

Bernie checks his notepad.

BERNIE
Alona Tal. Twenty-three.
This is it.

Danette nods.
KNOCKS-KNOCKS-KNOCKS.

DANETTE
Ms. Tal? This is the police.
Please open the door.
We want to ask you some questions.
(beat)
ALONA TAL, this is the POLICE.
Open the door, NOW.
(listens, to Bernie)
Maybe she’s not there.

BERNIE
Guy at the desk
said she hasn’t left.

Danette pulls out her gun.
Nods at Bernie.

Bernie nods.
Unholsters his piece.
Raises it --

And BANG, KICKS the door down.
They BURST into the room.