Onto today's joint from LEGS, kids ... where we arrive at the next-to-last chapter of our story. (I know, it's exciting. Remain calm. We'll be serving drinks afterwards.)
And now we return to demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer's underground lair, deep below Club Fuck, where he has private eye Carrie Love and interpol agent/'dominatrix to the stars' Felina Bella Donna hostage ... and we discover that Carrie has a few tricks up her ... boot.
INT. - CLUB FUCK - BASEMENT - NIGHT
A knife flashes. SLITS ZIVA'S THROAT. She falls with a THUD.
The Bagger appears. Waving a red-smeared butcher knife.
Put 'em where I can see 'em, Speer.
And relax your sphincter muscles, cause I'm coming in.
He licks blood off the knife.
THE BAGGER (CONT'D)
Mmm, low T-cell count. Delicious.
Norman. Now this is a pleasant surprise.
Please come in. I hope you're still not mad at me.
The Bagger sees the women.
The set. The camera. Walks around.
I'm sorry to disrupt your creative process,
Speer, but we're going on a little trip.
Everybody FREEZE! You're under arrest!
stands in the doorway. With a pair of sawed-off shotguns.
I swear, either one of you so much as fart,
and I'll fucking blow your dick off.
Why is everybody so preoccupied with my willy?
Get on the fucking floor, now!
appears next to Valentine.
With a pair of service revolvers.
You heard the officer, DO IT.
They lie down.
O'Henry, you motherfucker.
Glad you could make it.
Hey, what are partners for.
I finished the puzzle.
EXT. CLUB FUCK - ROOF - NIGHT
A military HELICOPTER hovers over the roof.
COMMANDOS fly down on cables like lethal puppets in black.
EXT. CLUB FUCK - FRONT ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS
Dozens of FEDERAL AGENTS and SWAT COPS
prepare for battle behind blockades, shields, assault vehicles.
JOSH TOTT, the HIPSTER AGENT, shouts into a bullhorn.
Klaus Speer, this is the FBI!
We have the building surrounded!
Come out with your hands up and no one will get hurt!
I repeat -- this is the FBI!
Everyone please exit the premises IMMEDIATELY!
INSIDE THE CLUB
the music dies. Floodlights SNAP ON.
The crowd freezes, in shock.
They panic, SCREAM.
Stampede for the exits.
OUTSIDE THE CLUB
a tidal wave of leather, chrome and rubber rushes out.
IN THE STUDIO
the Bagger raises his wrists, Christ-like.
I haven’t had this much fun since brunch at Jeff Dahmer’s place.
And, fast as a whip -- so fast we almost can’t see it --
38 Specials FLY OUT from his cuffs -- SLAP into his palms.
Bullets RIP into Valentine and O'Henry, who hit the ground.
The assassin kicks their bodies out. He SLAMS the door.
Speer and the Bagger face off, weapons drawn.
Klaus’ face is now distorted. Swollen. Darker.
It would appear to be a checkmate.
That's stalemate, you fucking immigrant.
One of Klaus' ears falls off. Hits the floor.
He touches his hand to his head, looks at it. Sees the blood.
Jesus, that's disgusting.
Talk about a swelled head --
you look like that guy in "Scanners."
I warn you -- if your head explodes,
you better not fucking get any of it on me.
Carrie giggles. Riding the wave of toxic pleasure.
Hey look, it's Vincent Van Gogh.
Hey, Vinnie -- can you lend me an ear?
Carrie, don’t provoke him!
Shut up! All of you!
looks at Felina.
Gives the slightest of winks. Felina nods.
Fellas. I thought we were gonna have a party.
We got two guys, two girls -- really good drugs --
narrows his eyes. Thinks a moment.
Is that door secure?
Secure? It’s a bunker, a fallout shelter, bag-man.
They're gonna have to fucking drop the big one to get in here.
They lower their guns. Look at the women.
Go ahead, shut the bitch up.
Be the star of your own porno.
The Bagger smiles, loosens his belt.
Rape and pillage time.
Klaus goes to the camera.
The Bagger leers at Carrie.
THE BAGGER (CONT'D)
I'm gonna do you first -- you got bigger cans.
Fuck me, killer. Take me to the dark side.
zooms in. Focuses.
unbuckles his trousers.
That’s the idea, you fucking whore.
I’m gonna come -- and you’re gonna go.
Carrie eyes focus. A glimmer of fire.
She concentrates, and --
as CARRIE’S THEME rises up --
CLOSE ON --
The toe of her boot.
A shiny steel blade FLIES OUT.
She JAMS it in the Bagger's crotch.
He SCREAMS in pain.
Take THAT, mystery date from hell.
You’ve been voted OFF the island.
He doubles over, looks at Carrie, in shock.
She works her tongue, takes aim --
and SPITS her chemical weapon in his mouth. Gulp.
A little something to end your plague,
you fucking jack-off.
SHOUTING MALE VOICE (O.C.)
A battering ram POUNDS on the door. It BUCKLES.
A tear gas canister FLIES down from an air shaft --
Hits the floor, starts BILLOWING SMOKE.
Felina RIPS her hands free from the cuffs.
How the hell did you do that?
She pulls out a tiny saw, starts on Carrie's cuffs.
pulls out a grenade.
Smiles at Carrie and Felina.
Not so fast, women in peril --
time for a little plot twist.
Go ahead -- rock me, Amadeus.
He pulls the pin. Shakes his head.
Stupid bitch. Falco was Austrian.
An earth-shattering EXPLOSION rocks the studio.