Onto today's joint from LEGS, where we are nearing the exciting conclusion. I've skipped a few scenes ... and we're now at the point where private eye Carrie Love and Interpol agent Felina Bella Donna have gone undercover at Club Fuck, where demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer has his evil lair ... and are about to try and bring him down ...
EXT. QUEENS ROAD - AERIAL SHOT - NIGHT
The Aston Martin twists and turns down through the Hollywood Hills.
They say there's a million stories in the naked city.
I wish this was one of them.
Ever feel like your life is like a cheesy syndicated action hour?
Hell, I'd settle for even that. Because at least on TV,
the good guy always wins. Here in Tinsletown, the best looking,
the most art-directed always wins.
Here in the City of Angels, it's style over substance, babe.
Wait a minute. Maybe we've got a chance after all.
EXT. CLUB ILLUSIONS - ENTRANCE - NIGHT
Dance music pumps, shrieks from inside.
Ziva takes cash from a tall, SCARY DRAG QUEEN.
Hey there, Miss flawless runway thing.
Gonna get a little midnight snack?
SCARY DRAG QUEEN
Honey, It's all about beef, pork --
and maybe a little chicken.
(on her way in)
I'll try to bring you a doggie bag.
Carrie and Felina approach.
Well, if it isn't the magnificent twosome.
Feeling like a little change of pace tonight,
or did you lose your butt plug?
(slaps money in her palm)
We're here to see the show, darling.
Maybe get some fashion tips.
INT. CLUB ILLUSIONS - BACK BAR - CONTINUOUS
Carrie and Felina stake out the back of the club.
Can you say "deja vu?"
There's no place like home.
The BARTENDER approaches, a muscle-bound jock-cretin.
Ladies, you two are fuckin' hot.
I almost thought you were real.
Let me buy you a drink.
Real? Listen, closet case --
(to the Bartender)
Do you have coffee?
We'd kill for a couple of cups of Joe.
Hearing their voices, he realizes they're "real."
Yeah, sure. Hey, listen, I'm sorry --
INT. CLUB FUCK - IN A DARK CORNER - MOMENTS LATER
Felina twiddles an earring with her thumb and forefinger.
They're Japanese chemical weapons --
still experimental, but I've been classified to beta-test them.
The target is infected with a non-communicative
cross-strain of Leprosy and the Bubonic Plague --
full-blown, in three minutes.
Makes swine flu look like kid stuff.
That's totally evil.
And so cool.
Felina takes them off. Hands one to Carrie.
And what, you throw it?
Felina instructs. Pops it in her mouth.
You keep it under your tongue --
and when the time is right --
you spit the little bugger.
Dead, you’re it.
(puts it under her tongue)
But what if you swallow it?
You make like a bulimic, darling.
Carrie lurches over to the sink.
Are you okay?
She turns on a faucet. Splashes her face.
The fucking coffee -- I think it's --
She collapses to the floor. TWUNK.
(tries to revive her)
Come on, baby, wake up, wake up, wake up.
(getting no reaction)
I don't get it. How could it affect her, but not --
(convulses, hits the floor)