The Garden Of Earthly Delights

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of DICK & HONEY, we meet Ponzi scheme fugitive Roland Forsythe, hidden away at his Big Bear lair, negotiating for new ID's so he can flee the country. Meanwhile, newly-minted bounty hunters Dick & Honey sit in a crappy coffee shop plotting on how they're going to find him ...


EXT. ROLAND’S BIG BEAR CABIN - DAY
A pictureseque log cabin atop
a snowy hill in the wilderness.

Smoke comes out of a chimney
on the roof.

INT. ROLAND’S BIG BEAR CABIN - DAY
Obviously the digs of
somebody that’s got dough.

ROLAND FORSYTHE (50’s), chubby, bland,
clean-cut, sits on the couch
in front of a roaring fire
talking on his cell phone.

ROLAND
Jorge, it’s Roland --
(listens)
It’s okay.
It’s a prepaid disposable.
About the ID’s --
I’ve decided to
move up my schedule.
Can you get them to me
today instead of tomorrow?
(listens)
Look, I’ll pay you DOUBLE.
(listens)
Terrific. Thanks.
(hangs up)
Greasy, refried wetback
piece of shit.
(beat)
Wonder if a leaf blower
works on snow --

INT. HORRIBLE COFFEE SHOP - DAY
Your typical brightly-lit,
low-rent coffee shop.

A light smattering of
RETIREES and LOSERS
mid-afternoon on a weekday.

Dick and Honey sit in a booth
in a window with coffees.

Dick looks through the file
while Honey works her tablet.

DICK
Okay.
The first phone number
on his cell phone bill
is to his home in Beverly Hills.
We should go talk to his wife.

HONEY
Yeah, but the number in Tarzana
is called alot more.

DICK
Skyrockets in flight?

HONEY
Afternoon delight,
most definitely.

DICK
Twenty bucks says
she’s an ‘actress/whore.’

HONEY
I’m not taking that bet.

DICK
(nods)
So we talk to her, too.

HONEY
I say forget the wife.
He’s taking the mistress
with him, not her.

DICK
You don’t know that.
What if she’s just a
'friend with health care?'

HONEY
You mean
‘friend with benefits.’

DICK
Well, excuse me for
trying out some new material.

HONEY
We’ve got three days
to get three month’s back rent
and you’re cracking jokes?

DICK
Can’t help it.
Comedy’s in my blood.
One of the many reasons
you love me so much.
(off her look)
Have I told you lately
how much I love you?
How beautiful you are?
How the very sight of you
fills my heart with joy?

HONEY
Alright, okay. You win.
We’ll see the wife.
Flattery’ll get you --

DICK
Laid?

HONEY
After we catch this knucklehead.
Then you may enter
the garden of earthly delights.

DICK
Hot socks.
(beat)
Can I bring my hoe?