Does A Bear Do Shots?

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of DICK & HONEY, after bombing at the comedy club, Dick and Honey return home to their West Hollywood apartment, only to get bad news from their landlord ...


EXT. WEST HOLLYWOOD APARTMENT COMPLEX - NIGHT
A brick building on a side street
just off Santa Monica Boulevard.

Dick and Honey stand
at the wrought-iron gate.

Honey punches in the
security code.

HONEY
It’s gonna be a long,
hard road, Dick.
Nobody makes it overnight.

DICK
Comedy is not pretty.

HONEY
Love the Steve Martin reference.

DICK
What were you expecting,
Carrot Top?

INT. APARTMENT COMPLEX - COURTYARD - NIGHT
Dick and Honey walk
toward their apartment.

Pass a waterfall bubbling
into a pool of water.

Get to their door.
Honey pulls out her keys.

The door beside it opens.
Out walks ROBERT LUNA (30’s),
Hispanic, good-looking.

He lights up a smoke.

DICK
Hey, Robert. Que pasa?

ROBERT
We’re watching my screener
of the new Clytemnestra movie.
Show biz perk.

HONEY
That’s the big, black guy
that dresses like a woman?

ROBERT
Yeah. Perry Lester.
He’s a genius.

HONEY
I heard his films were
campy, broad, sentimental
to the point of being maudlin
and riddled with racial stereotypes.

ROBERT
(big smile)
I know.
(beat)
The landlord was here
a few minutes ago
looking for you.
Boy, was he pissed.

DICK
Shit.

EFFEMINATE MALE VOICE (O.C.)
C’mon, Robert.
We wanna see the movie.
Hurry up.

ROBERT
Gotta go. Bye.

He ducks back in.
Closes the door.

High-pitched SHRIEKING
from within.

Dick and Honey exchange glances.

HONEY
I don’t care what you say.
They have every right
to get married.

DICK
Excuse me, it’s Adam and Eve,
not Adam and Steve.

HONEY
What about the ancient Greeks?

DICK
You know I don’t like diner food.
(makes a face)
Feta cheese.
What the fuck’s
up with that? Disgusting.
It’s all clumpy and shit --

Honey rolls her eyes.
Unlocks the door.

Sees a yellow piece
of paper underneath it.

Dick follows her eyes.
Sees it, too.

DICK
I’ll get it.

He reaches down, grabs it.
Reads it as they walk in.

INT. DICK AND HONEY’S APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A decent-sized room.
Shelves lined with CD’s, DVD’s and books.

Dining table in the rear.
Kitchenette to the left.

Open doorway into a tiny bedroom
in the rear.

DICK
Jesus Christ on a hot dog
on a stick.

HONEY
What is it?

DICK
It’s a three-day notice.

HONEY
That ancient leprechaun,
potato famine fuck.

Dick looks at her.
They lock eyes.

DICK
Copious amounts of alcohol?

HONEY
Does a bear do shots?