Fifteen Minutes Of Shame

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In chapter 40 of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, it's a media circus outside the Beverly Hills courthouse when fugitive screenwriter Friday Foster learns her fate before the judge ... and then stars in the first episode of her new reality show 'American Outlaw.'


EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MUNICIPAL COURTHOUSE - DAY
The by now ubiquitous MEDIA CIRCUS.
The day of the locust.

The day of reckoning.
They shoot horses, don’t they?

A swarm of NEWS VANS.
COP SUV’S, PATROL CARS.

SPECTATORS crush against
the BARRICADE like fans
at the Oscar red carpet.

Media HELICOPTERS swirl in the sky.
Did I mention it was a zoo?

CAMERA
glides along a
row of REPORTERS,
each with their crew.

REBECCA DIAZ,
Crime Time News anchor.
Dazzling smile. Dimples.

REBECCA
On this sun-drenched day
in Beverly Hills --

CHERRY BLAZER,
Action News Network.
Thrusts her chest out.

CHERRY
Friday Foster is waiting
to hear the verdict --

COOPER TUCKERSON,
INN News.
Cocks his salt-and-pepper
J. Crewcut. Eyes blazing.

COOPER
From the jury in
the packed courthouse --

BLITZ WOLFOWITZ,
MSMSM online. Chubby.
Glasses. Grey beard twitching.

BLITZ
Where earlier today
she pleaded guilty --

DIEGO LUNA,
network veteran. Smarmy. Oily.
Mustache glistening.

DIEGO
At which point the spectators
in the courtroom erupted in CHEERS --

LEWIS BLACK
stands in front a van
that reads LAFF LAND.
Royally pissed.

LEWIS BLACK
So JUDGE LITO had to CLEAR OUT
the fucking COURTROOM,
including all THE MEDIA.
Goddammit, people --
WHAT THE FUCK?

LIVELY MANN
Smirks. So totally excited.

LIVELY
So I ask you,
Bob and Betty Nielson,
what do YOU think?
Should Friday Foster
be locked up?
Or let go with a
slap on the wrist?
(winks)
You decide.
Call, right now --
1-800-Free-Friday.
That’s 1-800-Free-Friday.
Operators are standing by --

IN THE COURTROOM
Friday sits at a table
with her ATTORNEY.
Facing the JUDGE.

A STENOGRAPHER
click-clicks on her keyboard.

The DISTRICT ATTORNEY
paces. Looks out
at the empty courtroom --

Except for a small
VIDEO CREW to
the left of the Judge.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY
What the fuck
is taking so long?
She plead guilty.

A BAILIFF
comes through a door in the back.
Walks up to the judge.

Hands him a note.
Judge Frito reads it.

JUDGE FRITO
The jury has reached a verdict.
(to the jury foreman)
What say you, jury foreman?

The JURY FOREMAN (50),
egg-shaped, quietly intense,
eyes dancing with delight,
reads from a piece of paper,
finger pointed in the air
like the orator
he wishes he could be.

JURY FOREMAN
We the Jury,
find the defendant,
Friday Foster,
guilty as charged.
(beat)
We recommend
two years of probation.
As she’s a celebrity and stuff.
(a whisper)
Any way I can
get an autograph?

Judge Frito BANGS his gavel.

JUDGE FRITO
Quiet in the court!
We’ll have no celebreality
pandering in MY courtroom.
(looks at Friday, stern)
On behalf of the State of California,
we the people sentence Friday Foster
to ten years in a maximum security
correctional facility.

People GASP.

JUDGE FRITO
Do you have anything
to say for yourself, Ms. Foster?

Friday STANDS.
Faces the judge.

FRIDAY
Yeah.
(pumps a fist)
Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica! Attica!

THE CAMERAMAN
whispers to the LIGHTING TECHNICIAN.

CAMERMAN
She’s a natural --

JUDGE FRITO
(BANGS his gavel)
BAILIFF. Take the prisoner AWAY.

A SNAZZY THEME SONG over TITLES:
AMERICAN OUTLAW.

RYAN SEACREST
Welcome to -- AMERICAN OUTLAW --

SHAKY HAND-HELD FOOTAGE --
Friday is taken down a corridor
in manacles and restraints.

A row of COPS HOOT and JEER
at her as she goes by.
She sees the CAMERA CREW.

FRIDAY
What the (BEEP) are you DOING?
(BEEP-BEEP-BEEP.)
You said you weren’t going to
(BEEP-BEEP) shoot this part!

CAMERMAN
We lied.