Yippee-Kai-Kay, Tuna-Fuckers

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side ... a place where your deviant, hardboiled dreams become sins of the flesh, here at ... That Killing Feeling.

In today's action-packed chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation are under attack by black ops spook The Bagger, and must fight for their lives ... !

INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - MOVING - NIGHT
April CLICKS her phone shut. Stares at it.

CHERRY
(over her shoulder)
Any luck?

APRIL
He’s on an op. Said he’d call me back.

Just then, a metal cannister FLIES DOWN from the ceiling.
HITS the floor. A cloud of GREEN SMOKE starts BILLOWING.

APRIL
What the FUCK?

SERGE
(turns around)
What’s going on?

CHERRY
SMOKE BOMB.
We’re being ATTACKED.
PULL OVER.

The compartment has filled with GREEN SMOKE.
April and Cherry CHOKE on the fumes.
Serge holds a handkerchief to his mouth.

CHERRY
What the fuck IS THIS?

SERGE
It’s CHLORINE GAS.
It’ll KILL US.
Open THE WINDOWS.

GAGGING and CHOKING,
they go to the windows.

Serge YANKS one open.
The gas starts to escape as --

Lemon FLIES DOWN from the ceiling,
HITS the floor wearing a gas mask.

A BEAM OF LIGHT on her rifle
starts sweeping through the smoke.

LEMON
Yippee-kai-yay, tuna-FUCKERS.

April sees her, DUCKS.
ROLLS across the floor.
GRABS her by the ankles.

She FALLS OVER, THUD.
Starts FIRING blindly.

Bullets PING-PING-PING around the trailer.
POP. ZZZZZZT.
The plasma screen bites the dust.

Cherry RACES over.
PUNCHES her in the stomach, OOF.
RIPS the mask off her face.

LEMON
(choking)
GAAAAA -- NO!

The Bagger LEAPS through a open window,
also in a gas mask. He raises an Uzi --

BAGGER
Parting is such sweet sorrow, MOTHERFUCKERS.

And starts blindly SHOOTING through the fog
in a SPRAY OF BULLETS.

Serge RACES up behind him.
GRABS him a bear hug.

Cherry GRABS Lemon,
WHIRLS her around so she’s facing The Bagger.
Her body gets SPRAYED.
JERKING like a rag doll.

Serge HEAD-BUTTS The Bagger.
He TRIPS, falls over.

April RACES OVER.
GRABS his gun.
CRACKS him on the head with it.

But Bagger’s one vicious thug.
He tries to GRAB it from April.

They HIT the floor, roll around,
fighting for control.
PUNCHING, KICKING, HITTING each other.

Serge pulls out a Walther PPK 22 caliber pistol.
Tries to take aim at his head,
but can’t get clear a shot.

April and Bagger continue fighting.
Get near Cherry,
who’s got her Glock out,
also trying to get a shot.

Cherry STOMPS on the floor
with the heel of her boot.

A ten-inch steel blade FLIES out of the toe --
And she SHOVES it in his face
with a sickening CRUNCH.

He stops moving.
A pool of blood starts forming on the carpet.

APRIL
(wide-eyed)
Where did you get THAT?

CHERRY
(RIPS it out of his head)
Sorry. Forget to tell you --

She wipes the blood off on Bagger’s shirt.
KICKS the floor with the blade.
It SHOOTS back inside.

CHERRY
Beta test, from Apple.
(smiles)
The I-Blade.