Wednesday, April 7, 2010

It Only Hurts When I Punch Someone

Happy Hump day, crime humpsters! Are you ready for another blast of hardboiled action? Then get your asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the drinks are cold, and the chicks are HOT ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's action-packed chapter from the spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street take cover in black ops spook Serge's safe house on wheels. Meanwhile, 'assassin to the stars' The Bagger is hot on their trail ... as is the FBI ...


EXT. VENICE BEACH BOARDWALK - NIGHT
Deserted at this hour.
Except for a few piles of humanity
wrapped in rags, dozing peacefully.

Serge, Cherry and April walk briskly
toward the parking lot at the north end.

CHERRY
(to April)
How’s your leg?

APRIL
Hurts like a motherfucker.
How’s your arm?

CHERRY
It only hurts when I punch someone.

SERGE
We’re almost there.

They get to the lot.
There’s a few old, trashy MOTOR HOMES parked at the end.
Ratty, painted with crude bright colors.
Blacked out windows. Graffiti. Weird shit piled on top.

Serge walks up to the largest one.
It has a sign on the window.
JESUS WAS HOMELESS.

SERGE
And here we are. Be it ever so humble --

He looks around. Satisfied that no one is following them.
Unlocks the door. Opens it. Beckons them inside.

SERGE
Entre, s’il vous plait.

Cherry and April exchange glances.
Shrug. Start up the steps.

INT. MOTOR HOME - CONTINUOUS
Breathtakingly beautiful. Plush carpet. Giant plasma screen.
State-of-the-art communications and computer technology.
New galley. Comfy furniture. The works.

CHERRY
Wow, this joint is THE BOMB.

APRIL
We be riding in STYLE.

Serge closes the door.
SPINS a wheel, LOCKS it, CLICK.

SERGE
We have rations for a month.
Global satellite tracking.
A complete arsenal, including heat-seaking missiles.
(smiles)
And it sleeps two comfortably.
Three is a bit of a squeeze,
but I think we can manage.

April blushes.

CHERRY
No time for shenanigans, kids.
We’ve got to get on the stick, pronto.
Uncle Sam wants our ass like grass.
(to Serge)
C’mon, let’s upload Bibi’s phone data and check out her intel.

Serge pulls Bibi’s cell out his pocket. Holds it up. Smiles.

SERGE
Let your fingers do the spying --

EXT. STREET CORNER - NIGHT
Down the street, Bugs’ SUV comes to a stop
where the street ends at the boardwalk.

INT. BUGS SUV - CONTINUOUS
The Bagger leans out the window,
looks through binoculars.
Turns and looks at Lemon.

BAGGER
Bingo. They went into that motor home.

LEMON
(looks)
One of those shitty homeless RV’s? Ew.

BAGGER
No, it’s brilliant. Perfect cover.
(opens the door)
C’mon, let’s go open us a can of vagina.
(turns to Bugs)
You come, too. The more the merrier.

BUGS
(big toothy smile)
Let’s rock-n-rolla.
(pulls out his weapon)
Lock, stock and two smoking BARRELS.

They pile out of the vehicle.

EXT. STREET CORNER - CONTINUOUS
The Bagger pulls out a 9MM Baretta with a silencer.
SHOOTS Bugs in the head. THWIP.
He falls into a row of shrubs, THUD.

LEMON
What did you do THAT for?

BAGGER
I fucking HATE Guy Ritchie --

EXT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
It’s a madhouse. Medical techs are taking away
dead FBI agents on stretchers.
Crime scene techs are sifting
through the rubble looking for evidence.

Sunday and Max stand nearby, watching.
Sipping coffee. Sunday is listening
to someone on her cell phone. She nods slowly.

SUNDAY
(on the phone)
Excellent, Monsterburg.
You get a gold star.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Put it in her pocket.

MAX
It would seem that our plucky lasses
escaped by the skin of their teeth.

SUNDAY
Not so fast, super sleuth.
I just received word from HQ
that La Salle’s cell phone is still active.

MAX
Then that means --

SUNDAY
They’ve got it.
And we can track their tight, little asses with it.

MAX
(looks at hers)
Speaking of tight, little asses --

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