Me Kill You Long Time

Happy Thursday, hardboiled crime kids! It's time once again to take a trip to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the action is hot, the drinks are cold, and the chicks are COLDER ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, while agents April Street and Cherry Nation wait for assistance from black ops spook Simon Cain, evil mastermind Honey Almond plots her next move, deep in her underground lair ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge and Cherry survey the damage.
Cherry points to the communication center,
now riddled with bullet holes.

CHERRY
We’re FUCKED. No more intel --

SERGE
It’s not a total loss. I still have my laptop --

April comes out of the bathroom.
Walks over to them.

APRIL
Simon’s on his way.

CHERRY
The Black Widow scores again.

APRIL
Excuse me?

CHERRY
Well, didn’t you dump HIM?
And now he’s racing to the rescue?

APRIL
Cherry, they have your CHILDREN.
And in case you didn’t notice,
we were almost just KILLED.
We’re the most wanted women on THE PLANET,
and there’s nothing WRONG about asking for HELP.

CHERRY
You’re right, I’m sorry.
I guess I’m a little -- stressed.

SERGE
(to Cherry)
It’s human nature to go to ex-lover for help.
It’s comfortable. Familiar.
(to April)
So while we wait for your friend,
we need to move to another location.
And you two need to transfer the intel
on the hard drive onto my laptop.

APRIL
Are you always so CALM?

SERGE
(shrugs)
I’m French --

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - COMMAND CENTER - NIGHT
Honey walks by a row of OPERATIVES at their work stations,
monitoring intel on their computer screens.

HONEY
(to Monsterburg)
What do you mean you’ve LOST CONTACT?

MONSTERBURG
Bugs doesn’t answer.
Neither does The Bagger.
Complete radio silence.

HONEY
Well, maybe they’re in the middle of a GUNFIGHT?
Ever thought of THAT?

MONSTERBURG
Yes, Sir. But I’ve been trying for over an hour,
and according to my statistics,
the average exchange of gunfire
lasts for ten-point-two minutes.
(gulps)
I’m afraid they’ve been terminated, Sir.

HONEY
GODDAMMIT.

She pulls a GLOCK from under her jacket.
Points it at him.

HONEY
Terminate THIS.

His eyes bug out. About to faint.

ROCK
Honey, please.
We’re short enough on man power as it is.

Honey lowers the gun. Holsters it.

HONEY
(mumbles)
Yeah. I got an email from HR about that --

ROCK
I think we should send in another operative.

HONEY
No shit, IDIOT. I’m THINKING.

ROCK
Perhaps we could send -- Shao Lin?

HONEY
Shao Lin? Interesting choice.
Mixed martial arts expert.
Advanced marksman --

ROCK
She finished that op at the brothel in DC.
Now taking a breather in --
(swipes his I-phone)
Universal City.
Guess she’s doing the studio tour thing.
(smiles)
She’s right nearby.

HONEY
BRILLIANT.
And she still has the two assistants?

ROCK
Always.
(looks at phone)
Uh -- they’re now incognito
as part of a tour group of Japanese students,
but they can be deployed immediately.

HONEY
Call her, IMMEDIATELY.
(smiles)
Death by sweet and sour.
Has a nice ring to it.

ROCK
(smiles)
Me kill you long time --