Lemon-Fresh

Happy Thursday, crime kids! It's time once again to take a little trip to the dark side. A place where things are settled at the wrong end of a gun. A place where evil lurks in the hearts of men ... and women ... at That Killing Feeling.

Into today's chapter of the spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April Street hunker down in their mobile safe house trying to learn the location of their evil nemesis Honey Almond ... Meanwhile, 'assassin to the stars' The Bagger has found their location, and is on his way ...


INT. SERGE’S MOTOR HOME - NIGHT
Serge sits at a workstation against one wall of the main room.
Looks at a computer monitor, which is flashing rows of data.
Cherry and April crowd around and watch.

SERGE
These are all the calls she made in the last month.

APRIL
(points)
Look. Alot of the numbers are the same.

CHERRY
How much you wanna bet that’s Honey’s number?

SERGE
Exactly.
(punches on the keyboard)
Problem is, the location is encrypted.
So, I need to decipher it.
I’ve got a copy of this Al Qaeda program
on the black market that --

APRIL
Al Qaeda? REALLY?

SERGE
Yes. It’s state-of-the-art.
Developed by the Russians.
It can decrypt almost any --

He closes his eyes. Sighs.

CHERRY
What’s wrong?

SERGE
I just realized.
The only copy I had is back at the safe house.

APRIL
SHIT. I just realized something --

CHERRY
What?

APRIL
OUR location can be tracked on Bibi’s PHONE.

SERGE
MERDE!

He GRABS the phone.
THROWS it to the floor.
SMASHES it with his boot. CRUNCH.

CHERRY
I hope we were in time.

APRIL
Let’s not stay around long enough to find out, okay?

SERGE
Oui. It is time, as they say, to get out of Dodge.

EXT. VENICE BEACH PARKING LOT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Bagger and Lemon carefully approach the parking lot.

BAGGER
We go in through the roof. Air vent.

LEMON
I’ll go in first, because I’m smaller --

BAGGER
Not to mention lemon-fresh.

LEMON
You wish.

BAGGER
Shit. I better check in.

He pulls out his cell phone.
Ducks down behind a old pickup truck.
Dials a number. Lemon joins him. Crouches down.

BAGGER
Hello, chief. It’s the Bag-man.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - PRIVATE OFFICE - NIGHT
The blinds are closed. She’s sitting on the desk,
skirt up around her waist, being serviced by Rock.

A red phone on her desk RINGS.

HONEY
Shit.

ROCK
Ignore it.

HONEY
(looks)
I can’t. It’s 'The Assassin To The Stars' --

He stops. Looks crestfallen.
She grabs the receiver.
Motions for him to continue.
He shakes his head 'really?'
Then starts thrusting HARDER. FASTER.

HONEY
(into the phone)
You get the -- French tart?

She GASPS. Approaching liftoff.

BAGGER
Didn’t have to. Feds got there first,
blew her clit to kingdom come.
Froggie had to be scraped into a dozen evidence bags.

HONEY
Nice. And what about Betty and Veronica?

BAGGER
Uh, they escaped.

HONEY
(moans, starting to climax)
Uhhhhhh --
(shakes her head)
What did you say?
(POUNDS on the desk)
They GOT AWAY?

BAGGER
Not to worry, I followed them.
They’re holed up in a shitty,
old RV at the Venice Beach parking lot.
I’m about to approach.
(cups the phone, to Lemon)
I think she’s having sex --

HONEY
Good work, Bag --
(gasps)
Ah, ah, ah, AHHHHHHH --

She lets out an EAR-SPLITTING SHRIEK of pleasure.
The Bagger holds the phone up to Lemon.
She smiles. Gives a thumbs-up.

BAGGER
Boss? You there? Everything okay?

Rock dismounts. Pulls his pants up. Triumphant.
Honey lights a cigarette. Smiles dreamily.
Exhales a big cloud of smoke.

HONEY
Never better. I was being defiled.
(beat)
Uh, debriefed. I was being debriefed --