Let's Blow This Cluster-Fuck

Happy Friday, crime scenesters! It's once again time to strap on your piece, throw down a few shots of your favorite poison, and head on over to the dark side, where the hardboiled action is non-stop ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, agents Cherry Nation and April Street are riding motorcycles through Macy's, pursued by evil ninja assassins lead by Shao Lin on bicycles. It's a non-stop thrill-ride you don't want to miss ... !


INT. MACY'S DEPARTMENT STORE - ROOF- NIGHT
Cherry and Simon KICK-START their engines with a ROAR.
Then FLY down the stairs --

Just as Shao, Nashi and Suzu appear.
Shao STOMPS her foot.

SHAO
AFTER THEM.

And they RACE down the steps.

ON THE NEXT ROOFTOP
Cherry and Max pile into their
SUV. ROAR away back down the ramp.
The other vehicles follow them.

INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING
Max turns the wheel furiously, negotiating the turns.
Sunday BARKS into her cell phone.

SUNDAY
We’ve got ‘em trapped in the building next door.
I want every exit SEALED, you got me?
(listens)
Well, then get MORE BACK-UP.
(listens)
Just DO IT. NOW.

She CLICKS her phone shut with disgust. Looks at Max.

SUNDAY
I can’t believe the ATTITUDE of some of these kids --

MAX
Guess we’re a long way from 'Be all you can be,' huh.

SUNDAY
Yeah. More like An Army of NONE --

INT. MACY’S DEPARTMENT STORE - CONTINUOUS
The top floor. Sporting goods. Rows of bicycles. Skateboards.
Skis. Athletic equipment, all shiny and new.

Cherry’s bike RACES down the aisle.
Takes a turn, KNOCKS OVER a display of in-line skates.

Simon’s bike follows right behind.
ROARING after her.
April holding on for dear life.

SHAO, NASHI AND SUZU
Come RACING after them on foot. See the bicycles.
They each GRAB one and JUMP ON,
start furiously PEDALLING after them.

INT. ESCALATOR - CONTINUOUS
Cherry FLIES down the stairs,
the front wheel BANG-BANG-BANGING on each step.
Gets to the bottom. Stops.

Simon FLIES down, right after her.
SKIDS to a stop.

SIMON
Why did you stop?

CHERRY
Just making sure you were behind me.
C’mon, let’s GO.

Just then, Shao and the girls
come flying down the stairs on their bikes.
Shao starts SHOOTING at them.

Nashi THROWS knives.
Suzu WHIRLS a spiked metal ball on a chain.

CHERRY
Holy SHIT.
We’re in The House of Flying Daggers, MOVE IT.

And she TAKES off, Simon and April right behind her.

Suzu HURLS the spiked ball.
It WHIZZES over their heads.

Cherry GUNS the engine.
ROARS down an aisle of furniture, Simon follows.

April pulls out her gun.
Starts SHOOTING at them.

She HITS Suzu in the head, BANG --
And she goes FLYING in the air.
LANDS on a bed, THWUNK. Dead.

One of Nashi’s daggers HITS
Simon in the shoulder, THWICK.

APRIL
(sees it)
SIMON.

SIMON
Deal with it LATER.

And GUNS the engine, following Cherry.

AT THE NEXT ESCALATOR
Cherry ROARS down the steps, Simon right behind her,
DUCKING Shao’s hail of bullets.

Simon looks behind.
Gets an idea. Smiles. Evil.

His bike gets to the bottom,
and he SLAMS on the brakes,
turns the motorcycle sideways,
and Shao’s bike BANGS into it -

And she goes FLYING in the air --
and CRASHES into a chest of drawers -- SMASH.

Nashi’s bike SMASHES into them.
She JUMPS off, PULLS out another dagger,
and JUMPS on April.

April WHIPS out her Glock.
FIRES in her face. BANG.
Nashi’s head EXPLODES in a red mist.

CHERRY
Looks behind her. Sees Simon’s not there.
TURNS the wheel, CRASHES through a display of curtains,
SPINS in a circle, and ROARS back after them.
Curtains draped on her, the bike.

SHAO
LEAPS off the bed. JUMPS on Simon.
GRABS the knife in his shoulder. YANKS it out --

SIMON
GAAAA --

APRIL
Sees this. SCREAMS.

APRIL
NOOOOOO.

Pulls out her Glock. Takes aim.
And SHOOTS Shao in the head, BANG --
just as she PLUNGES the knife in Simon’s NECK.
Blood GOES FLYING from both of their heads.

NASHI
Sees this and SCREAMS.

NASHI
You kill my BOSS.

CHERRY
ROARS up on her bike and SMASHES into Nashi. SPLAT.
SPINS the wheels on her, THRASHING her body into a bloody pulp.

Silence.

April and Cherry stare at each other.

APRIL
(eyes tearing)
Simon’s -- dead.

CHERRY
I know. I’m sorry.
(looks at the bodies)
We gotta get the fuck outta here.

APRIL
(nods)
We better ditch the bike, makes too much noise.

CHERRY
I bet the joint’s completely surrounded by now.

APRIL
No shit. That’s why we’re going underground.

CHERRY
The basement?

APRIL
Yeah. All these malls have
underground tunnels that connect the stores.

CHERRY
How you know that?

APRIL
Spent a summer as an impressionable,
young teen working at Hello Kitty --
and if you tell anyone, I’ll fucking kill you.

CHERRY
Nuff said. Lead the way, MacDuff.
Let’s blow this clusterfuck.