Long And Hard

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In today's blistering chapter from your favorite spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS, evil black ops spook Honey Almond, deep in her underground lair beneath Mann's Chinese Theater, gets the news that agents Cherry Nation and April Street have eluded their captors, and she is NOT pleased ...


INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - OFFICE - NIGHT
Honey sits at her desk, watches a stream of data on the computer monitor.
Pours a shot of whiskey. DOWNS it.
Leans down, HONKS up a fat line of coke.

Rock Vargas stands in the doorway.

ROCK
I have some -- news, chief.

Honey WHIRLS around.
Stares at him.
Eyes burning brightly.

HONEY
What the FUCK happened?

ROCK
Please.
Don’t shoot the messenger --

HONEY
What the fuck HAPPENED?
TELL ME.

ROCK
The FBI -- beat us to the target.

HONEY
WHAT? How did that HAPPEN?
(to herself)
Fucking Bagger.
Perverted sonofabitch --

ROCK
Bugs texted me.
It seems Bag-man picked up
an assistant on the way,
which slowed down his approach --

Honey LEAPS up.
GRABS a paperweight off the desk.
THROWS it at the wall.

Rock DUCKS.
It HITS the plaster, CRACK.

HONEY
That LOSER. GODDAMMIT.

ROCK
I know, I know, I know --

HONEY
So tell me the fuck what HAPPENED.

ROCK
Uh, Bibi got shredded into chunks in sauce --
and Street and Nation got away.

Honey stops.
Cocks her head.
Eyes blinking madly.

HONEY
Well, at least it’s not ALL bad news.

ROCK
I’ve taken the liberty of diverting
The Bagger onto Street and Nation --
(beat)
Just wanted you to know.

HONEY
(throaty)
Close the door.

Rock does. Looks at her. Quizzical.

ROCK
What did you want to talk about, chief?

Honey walks over to him.
Puts her hand on his crotch.

HONEY
Shut the fuck up, Jason Bourne
and give me your ultimatum.
(beat)
Long and hard.