Blood of Life

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of Frankenstein In Love, brought-back-from-the-dead cheerleader Shayla tells science genius nerd Frankie she's tired of hiding out in his tree house, and that she wants to go out on a date. Meanwhile, Frankie's next door neighbor Vita, still in love with him since they were kids, tries her hand at conjuring a 'love spell' ...


INT. FRANKIE’S BASEMENT LAB - DAY
The electronic equipment near
the workbench is gone.

In it’s place is a gerbil in a cage.
A child’s chemistry set. Microscope.
An X-box and a stack of video games.

FRANKIE
My god, how dull.
(sighs)
Should work.

He SNAPS a padlock shut on a big cabinet.
Shuts off the lights. Goes to the stairs.

INT. FRANKIE’S KITCHEN - DAY
Frankie opens up the fridge.
Starts searching for a snack.
Then hears a car door SLAM outside.

He hurries out the back door.
Julie walks into the kitchen.
Puts down her bag. Sighs.

INT. TREE HOUSE - DAY
Shayla lays on the futon watching TV.
Eyes glued. Entranced.

SHAYLA
Tell him you’re pregnant.

The door opens. Frankie walks in. Closes it.

SHAYLA
You’re home early.

FRANKIE
Had an emergency I had to take care of.
What are you watching?

SHAYLA
Days Of Our World.
(looks at him)
I wanna go on a date.

FRANKIE
A date?

SHAYLA
(points at the TV)
Like them.
(beat)
Go outside. Feel cooped up.

She smiles. Sucks on the charger.
JUMPS as she gets shocked.

FRANKIE
Okay. We’ll go on a date.
Where do you wanna --

Frankie’s cell phone RINGS.
He answers it.

FRANKIE
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY
Josh weaves through the throng of kids
on their way to class talking
on his smart-phone.

JOSH
Where are you? You weren’t in chem lab.

FRANKIE
I had a -- emergency.

JOSH
Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.
(beat)
I can’t take it anymore, Frankie.
I’m gonna turn myself in.

FRANKIE
Please. Don’t do that.

JOSH
I can’t eat, I can’t sleep --
I can’t take it anymore, Frankie.

FRANKIE
Something’s come up.
I need to see you. It’s urgent.

JOSH
I don’t see the point in --

FRANKIE
PLEASE, Josh.
I can’t talk about it on the phone.
Meet me at Ohio Burger Kitchen
in half an hour, okay?
I need to talk to you.
It’s IMPORTANT.

JOSH
I dunno.

FRANKIE
Josh, we’ve been friends since we were SIX.
I gave you your first copy of PLAYBOY.

JOSH
Okay, okay. I’ll meet you there.

They both hang up.
PUSH IN ON Josh’s face. Exasperated.

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - DAY
Curtains are closed. Lights are out.
The room is lit by the trio
of candles on her altar.

She places the lock of
Frankie’s hair on the pentagram.

Vita looks at a piece of paper. Memorizing.
Mumbling to herself. She puts it away.
Closes her eyes. Concentrating.

Opens them. Reaches over. Grabs a needle.
Holds it next to her finger.

VITA
Goddess of Love -- may the power
of the symbolic love of Adam and Eve
make me strong, attractive, and desirable
so that I may enjoy your acts of love and kindness,
and make your joyful powers of love everlasting.

She PUNCTURES her fingertip.

VITA
OW.
(beat)
May the blood of life
seal our bond in eternity.

Puts it in her mouth.
Sucks on it. Looks at her watch.

VITA
Time for lunch. Better get back to school,
hunt down Frankie and see if it worked --

Uncoiling a Sidewinder

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 21 of Frankenstein In Love, CDC agent Beck Driver and local sheriff's deputy Chet Beverage prepare to grill Frankie Stein about the dead cheerleader he brought back to life ...


EXT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY
Chet and Beck stand on the front stoop.
Chet RINGS the bell.

BECK
Nobody’s home.
Let’s come back later.

CHET
Hold on a sec.
Maybe she’s moving her bowels.

BECK
That’s disgusting.

CHET
Haven’t you ever been uncoiling
a sidewinder and the doorbell rang?

BECK
First of all, I’m a petite flower.
I don’t ‘uncoil side-winders.’

CHET
Well, excuse me, big-city gal.
I guess your shit doesn’t stink.

BECK
You got THAT right.

He RINGS the bell again.
Looks at her. Pained.

CHET
I’m sorry.
I’ve got a splitting headache.
(off her look)
This is my first murder --
(goes off someplace, then)
She was a cheerleader.

BECK
Can you keep a secret?
(off his nod)
It’s mine, too.
(off his look)
I’m a scientist, not a cop.

CHET
Oh. I thought you were some
kind of government agent.

BECK
I like people to think that.
Easier to get what I want.
Nobody ever said, ‘run,
the scientists are coming.’
(beat)
I’ve got some Advil.
You want a couple?

CHET
Yeah, thanks.

Beck digs around in her purse.
Pulls out a blister pack of two pills.
Hands it to him.

BECK
Whattaya say we get some coffee
and come back later. My treat.

CHET
That would -- be nice.

They start walking to the car.
Chet opens the pack.

CHET
(swallows them)
You’re not such a tough nut after all.

BECK
Tell anyone, and I’ll fucking kill you.

A Room With A Womb

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of Frankenstein In Love, after Vita sees Frankie secretly bringing Shayla, the dead cheerleader he brought back to life, up into his tree house to hide her, she comes up with a plan to win back his heart. Meanwhile, local deputy Chet Beverage and CDC agent Beck Driver interview Vita's mother about the dead rat Frankie brought back to life ...


INT. TREE HOUSE - NIGHT
A surprisingly large room. Carpeted.
A futon in one corner.

Table and two chairs in another.
A small boombox.

Small love seat in front of a portable TV.
Half-size refrigerator.

The door OPENS.
In walks Frankie and Shayla.
She pulls down her hoodie.
Looks around. SQUEALS with joy.

SHAYLA
So CUTE.

FRANKIE
I thought you might like it.
(phone VIBRATES in pocket)
Hold on a sec.
(pulls it out, answers)
What’s up?
(listens)
Brilliant. Thanks. See you tomorrow. Bye.

He CLICKS it shut. Gestures to the couch.

FRANKIE
Have a seat. Take a load off.

Shayla smiles. Goes to the couch. Sits demurely.
Pats the cushion next to her invitingly.
He sits down. She takes his hands in hers. Leans in.

SHAYLA
Love nest.

And they kiss.

IN THE WINDOW
We see Vita’s face. HORRIFIED.

OUTSIDE
Vita pulls away from the window.

VITA
(whispers)
What the fuck?

EXT. VITA’S HOUSE - DAY
A bright, sunny day. Birds are chirping.
The wind whistles through the trees.
All that’s missing is ‘The Beaver.’

Chet and Beck stand at the
front door, side by side.

He takes off his shades.
Slips them in his shirt pocket.
RINGS the doorbell.

CHET
Remember, let me do the talking.

BECK
(bristling)
Of course.

PEGGY (O.C.)
(faint)
Just a minute.

The door OPENS. Peggy’s smile fades. Disappointed.

PEGGY
Officer Beverage. Nice to see you again.

CHET
(tips his hat)
Mrs. Heck.

PEGGY
Please. Peggy.
(beat)
Are you here about the rat again?

CHET
Yes, Ma’am.
(gestures to Beck)
This is Beck Driver, from
the Center For Disease Control.

PEGGY
Oh, dear.

CHET
Nothing to be alarmed about.
We’re just trying to --

BECK
This is going to sound strange,
but do you know of anyone doing any
medical experiments in the neighborhood?

PEGGY
Medical experiments?

BECK
Yeah. Believe it or not, the rat
was brought back from the dead --
and we’re looking for the person who did it.
(conspiratorial)
It’s a major medical breakthrough.

CHET
You’d be doing your duty for
your country, Mrs. -- Peggy.

Peggy blinks. Looks at them.

PEGGY
Well, there’s young Frankie Stein next door.
They say he’s a genius. Has a laboratory
in his basement and everything.

BECK
A -- basement lab?

PEGGY
Oh, yes.
His mother Julie isn’t allowed inside,
but she’s told me he does all kinds of
top secret things down there.
(brightly)
Is that helpful?

BECK
That’s VERY helpful. Thank you.

INSIDE THE HOUSE
Standing in the doorway
to the kitchen is Vita.
Listening. She grabs her backpack
and heads toward the door.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY
The joint is clogged with kids.
Frankie stands at his locker
working the combination.
Vita comes up behind him.

VITA
Frankie, we need to talk.

FRANKIE
(turns, looks)
Hey, Vita. Sorry, can’t talk now,
don’t wanna be late for class.

He turns to leave.

VITA
I saw you with Shayla last night.

FRANKIE
(stops, stares)
That’s crazy. She’s dead. Missing.

VITA
No, she’s not. She’s in your tree house.

FRANKIE
I, I can explain.

VITA
You fucking BETTER.
(grabs his hand)
Come with me.

She drags him into --

INT. GIRLS’ ROOM - DAY
Empty except for a YOUNG GIRL WITH BRACES
drying her hands with a paper towel.
She sees Frankie and BOLTS for the door.

VITA
What the FUCK, Frankie.
Did you bring her back to life?

FRANKIE
Yeah, but wait, I can explain.

VITA
A cop and woman from the CDC were at my
house this morning asking my mother about
the DEAD RAT that was running around
like crazy in my basement.
Did you do that, too?

FRANKIE
(sighs)
I was doing a dead-cell poly-zygote
electro-rejuvination experiment --
and it worked -- and then when
Shayla got hit by a car, I just --

He trails off. Gestures helplessly.

VITA
I can’t fucking BELIEVE it.
Do you realize how much trouble you’re in?
My mother told them about your basement lab.

FRANKIE
Oh, SHIT.
(realizes, freaks out)
Did you tell them you saw --

VITA
No, no, no. I’d never do that.
I want to help you.

FRANKIE
You w-want to help me? Why?

VITA
Don’t you remember the ceremony?

FRANKIE
We were TEN, Vita. That was kid’s stuff.

VITA
It doesn’t have to be.

Frankie stares. Be careful here.
You need her help.
He takes her hands in his.

FRANKIE
Can we -- talk about that later?
I’m kinda -- freaked out right now.

VITA
Of course, of course.
(thinks)
Here’s what you do.
Go to the nurse, say you’re sick,
then go home and hide anything
in your lab that can be used as evidence.
(realizes)
Oh, shit. Wait. The cop and the CDC lady
are probably there right now.

FRANKIE
No, it’s okay. My mom’s still at work.
She doesn’t get home until ten.
She did a double shift last night.

VITA
Perfect.

FRANKIE
Yeah. Okay.

VITA
Don’t worry. We’ll figure this out.

They hug. She secretly pulls out
a tiny pair of scissors.

Then, as they pull apart,
she deftly CLIPS a lock of his hair.
Shoves it in her pocket.

VITA
Now go, scoot -- go see the nurse. Hurry.

He nods. Then hurries out.

VITA
(watches him go)
You’re mine now, Frankie Stein. All mine.

The Jig's Up

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of Frankenstein In Love, Frankie and Josh move dead cheerleader brought back to life Shayla up into Frankie's tree house so she can 'have a view,' they get busted by Frankie's next door neighbor Vita, who still has the hots for him ...


EXT. FRANKIE’S BACKYARD - NIGHT
Dark and deserted at this late hour.
Frankie stands near the back door with Shayla,
who wears a hoodie over her dress,
the hood pulled up and tied
almost completely shut.

SHAYLA
Hard to -- see.

FRANKIE
Don’t worry. It’s just for a couple minutes.

Josh appears from around the corner of the house.

JOSH
Coast is clear.

FRANKIE
Great. You stay here, keep an eye out.

SHAYLA
Who’s -- that?

FRANKIE
A friend. He’s helping me move you.
(to Josh)
Keep an eye on the windows next door,
and if you see anyone, give the signal.

JOSH
Okay. Just hurry it up, okay?
I don’t wanna get busted.

FRANKIE
(to Shayla)
C’mon, let’s go.

He takes her by the arm, and they walk
toward the back of the yard.

Shayla shuffles slowly, stiffly, zombie-like.
They approach a big, old oak tree in a far corner.

SHAYLA
(looks up)
It’s -- beautiful.

ANGLE ON --

A TREE HOUSE nestled fifty feet up
in the big, thick branches.
Quite large, and beautifully made.

It’s been there for awhile,
almost completely hidden by leaves,
with a circular staircase
wrapped around the trunk.

FRANKIE
Gestures proudly.

FRANKIE
It’s something, huh?
Me and my dad built it when
I was a little kid. I designed it.

SHAYLA
I LOVE IT.

FRANKIE
Shhh. We don’t want to wake the neighbors.

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Vita lies in bed studying. Cocks her head.
Goes to the window. Looks out. Eyes grow wide.

VITA
Frankie? And who’s that with him?

EXT. TREE HOUSE - NIGHT
We see a circular staircase winding around the tree trunk.
Frankie guides Shayla over to the first step.

FRANKIE
Okay, here we go.

Shayla grabs the handrail. Lifts her foot.
Tries to take a step, but she suddenly can barely move.

SHAYLA
Can’t -- do it. Need more -- power.

FRANKIE
Oh, shit. Okay.
(thinks, then realizes)
My cell phone charger --

He pulls a small, black charger
out of his back pocket.
Hands it to her. Smiles.

FRANKIE
Never leave home without it.

SHAYLA
(takes it)
Thanks.

Shoves it in her mouth. Turns it on.
Starts SUCKING on it. Gets ZAPPED again.
Hops from foot to foot. Takes it out.

FRANKIE
Feel better?

SHAYLA
Hell, ya. That’s a powerful little fucker.
I feel reborn.

FRANKIE
Hold onto it. You’ll probably need it again.

She nods. They start going up the stairs.

VITA
Watches from her window. Leans out to get a better view.

VITA
What the hell?

JOSH
Sees Vita. Starts freaking out. Puts his hands
together to make a bird call. Blows into them.

JOSH
Coo, coo, coo.

FRANKIE
Hears it. Looks around. Doesn’t see anyone.
His cell phone VIBRATES in his pocket.
He stops. Takes it out. Whispers.

FRANKIE
What’s wrong?

JOSH
Looks up at Vita’s window.

JOSH
It’s Vita. She was hanging out her
window watching you. The jig’s up.

FRANKIE
Go talk to her. Distract her.

JOSH
(sees something)
Shit. Too late.

FRANKIE
What do you mean too late?

JOSH
She just came outside.

FRANKIE
SHIT. Then go head her off.
(to Shayla)
C’mon, let’s go.

SHAYLA
What’s wrong?

FRANKIE
Somebody could see us. C’mon.

He starts pulling her up the stairs.
Her feet find a rhythm, and they start moving faster.

VITA
Stands in her back yard, watching them climb.

VITA
Who’s that WITH him?

Josh walks over to the hedge at the edge of her yard.

JOSH
Hey, Vita. What are you doing out so late?

VITA
(turns and looks)
Josh? I could ask you the same question.

JOSH
Uh, Frankie’s on a date. I was the -- designated driver.

VITA
A DATE? Who with?

JOSH
New girl. Uh -- foreign exchange student.

VITA
Oh.

JOSH
So, uh -- it’s late. I gotta go. Have a good night.

VITA
Yeah. You too.

PUSH IN ON Vita’s face. Staring at the tree house.

Skull Fuckers

TGIF, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of Frankenstein In Love, when Frankie's mom calls to let him know she's working late, she overhears recently brought back from the dead Shayla in the background. Meanwhile, Frankie's childhood crush Vita plans on winning back his heart ... with a little witchcraft ...



INT. HOSPITAL - NURSE’S STATION - NIGHT
Very quiet at this late hour.
Julie Stein wears a nurse’s uniform,
sits at her desk at the
corner of two corridors.

A PLEASANT-FACED LARGE NURSE (40’s)
walks up to her.

PLEASANT-FACED LARGE NURSE
I’m going down to the cafeteria
to get coffee. Can I get you anything?

JULIE
I’d LOVE a coffee.
These double-shifts are KILLING me. Thanks.

Pleasant-Faced nods. Walks off.
Julie picks up the phone.
Dials a number. Listens.

JULIE
Hello, Frankie.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. FRANKIE’S BASEMENT LAB - CONTINUOUS
Frankie’s on the phone.
Shayla watches TV in the background.

FRANKIE
Hey, mom. What’s up?

JULIE
I’m so sorry, but Tammy called in sick.
I have to do a double-shift again tonight.

FRANKIE
That’s okay, mom.
I’ll just nuke a couple of Hot Pockets.

JULIE
Great. How was school today?

FRANKIE
Uh -- fine. School was -- great.

JULIE
Are you okay? Is something wrong?
You sound funny.

FRANKIE
(looks at Shayla)
No. Everything’s -- fine.
Just -- tired, that’s all.

Shayla raises her arms in the air. SHOUTS.

SHAYLA
KILL, KILL!

JULIE
What was that?

FRANKIE
Something on TV.
(gestures to Shayla to shush)
Sorry you have to work late again.

JULIE
(sighs)
Yeah, me too.
At least I get overtime.
See you in the morning, honey.

FRANKIE
Bye, mom. Good night.

JULIE
Love you.

FRANKIE
Love you. Bye.

He hangs up. Looks at Shayla.

FRANKIE
I’m sorry, my love -- but you need
to be quiet when I’m on the phone, okay?

SHAYLA
Sorry.

FRANKIE
What are you watching?

PUSH IN ON Shayla’s face. Smiling sweetly.

SHAYLA
Real Housewives.

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
An altar has been set up on her dresser.
A few candles, a CD cover, a wine glass
and a kitchen knife have been
carefully laid out.

Vita regards her handiwork, pleased.
Looks at a scrap of paper in her hand.

VITA
I’ve got candles --
a wine glass will be my chalice,
which represents the woman --
and a knife -- which represents the man.
I found a pentagram on my Skull Fuckers CD --
and now I need something of Frankie’s,
like a lock of hair or a scrap of clothing --
(beat)
And then I can cast a LOVE SPELL on him.

Suspect

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of Frankenstein In Love, now that Frankie has brought dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie back to life so he can 'date' her, all is going well ... until she starts remembering her past life ...

INT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - BASEMENT LAB - NIGHT
Frankie sits at his workbench
eating a sandwich watching the news.
He smiles. Softly SLAPS the table.

FRANKIE
Willis is a suspect? NICE.

Shayla lies on her ‘bed’ leafing
through a fashion magazine.
She looks up, quizzical.

SHAYLA
What?

FRANKIE
Nothing, nothing.
(beat)
So you ready for the big move?

SHAYLA
(yawns)
Room with -- a view.

FRANKIE
Great. You’re gonna love it.
(notices)
Are you tired?

SHAYLA
Tired. Need more -- juice.

FRANKIE
Juice?
(realizes)
Oh. The electrical shock.
(thinks)
THAT’S why you got more energy.

SHAYLA
More energy, please.

Frankie goes to the frayed lamp cord.
Picks it up. Brings it over to her.
She takes the frayed part in her hands --

And GETS SHOCKED again.
ZZZZZZZ. A POOF of smoke.

SHAYLA
SWEET JESUS MOTHER OF GOD.

FRANKIE
Are you okay?

SHAYLA
Fuck, yeah. I feel like I just
mainlined a gallon of coffee.

Shayla cocks her head. Thinks.

SHAYLA
I’m starting to remember some things --

FRANKIE
(scared)
Oh? Like what?

SHAYLA
I used to be cheerleader.

FRANKIE
R-really?

SHAYLA
Something else --

FRANKIE
Wh-what’s that?

SHAYLA
My old boyfriend. Funny, huh?

PUSH IN ON Frankie’s face.
Freaking out. He swallows.

FRANKIE
Hilarious --

Scene Of The Crime

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of Frankenstein In Love, the local news reports on the sudden, horrifying death of head cheerleader and Pumpkin Queen Shayla Petrie ...


INT. HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY
CAMERA pans across a row of lockers.
Stops at one. Candles, flowers and
pictures of Shayla surround it.

A banner reads REST IN PEACE,
SHAYLA above a teddy bear.

A delicate, feminine hand
adds a BOUQUET OF ROSES.

INT. NEWS STUDIO - DAY
GRAPHICS FLY across the screen:
NEWS FOUR AT YOUR DOOR.

We see a PERT, FADED BLONDE ANCHORWOMAN
and a CHIPPER, DULL-LOOKING BLACK ANCHORMAN
seated at the news desk fake-chatting
with each other. Shuffling papers.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
News Four AT YOUR DOOR.
(beat)
With Candy Sprinkle --

Candy looks up. Gives a slight nod.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
And Kip Cartwheel.

Kip nods. Smiles briefly.
Cocks an eyebrow.

CAMERA ZOOMS IN on Candy.
Eyes bright with emotion.

CANDY
Welcome to News Four At Your Door.

Our top story tonight,
little Shayla Petrie,
a senior at Venison High,
who was killed in a
hit and run accident last night.

She stops. Tries to continue,
chokes back a muffled sob.

Kip sees this, nods,
looks into the camera.

KIP
Police have started a county-wide search
for the body of the missing teen,
who was captain of the cheerleading squad,
and was crowned Miss Pumpkin at
last year’s Harvest Festival.

Candy shakes her head.
Recovers her composure.

CANDY
Law enforcement officials won’t divulge
any details about their investigation,
and are still combing the
scene of the crime for clues.

KIP
We take you now to investigate
reporter Del Dunn, at the crime scene.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. OLD COUNTRY ROAD - CRIME SCENE - DAY
DEL DUNN (30’s), tall, thin, striking
with a brunette bob stands by the
side of the road in a short,
tight suit holding a mike.

She looks into the camera.
Eyes flashing. Nods.

KIP
So, Del. What’s the skinny?
Have you rooted out any intel for us yet?

DEL
Indeed, Kip. Although Venison’s finest
haven’t given me squat, this investigative
reporter has been sniffing out clues
like Andy Dick at a pharmacy.

KIP
That’s quite the colorful metaphor, Del.
So spill it. What did you find out?

DEL
Well, this hasn’t been confirmed yet,
but police haven’t ruled out her
boyfriend Willis Grub as a suspect.

KIP
Willis Grubb? That ne'er do well?
I thought she was dating
the football captain, Brent Brock.

DEL
Sometimes the heart wants
what the heart wants, Kip.
And even if you’re popular,
it can take you to a dark place.
(beat)
This is Del Dunn, coming to you
live at Old Country Road
on the outskirts of Venison, Ohio
in the heart of small town America.

CANDY
Thanks, Del. Quaint much?
(beat)
Next up, Delores DeVore has some
zesty recipes that’ll be sure to
spice up your next tailgate party --

The Big Jack-Off Theory

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of Frankenstein In Love, not happy with her Kardashian-inspired 'seductress' outfit, Vita decides to become a witch in order to seduce Frankie. Meanwhile, Frankie gets Josh to help him move recently reanimated dead cheerleader Shayla to his tree house ...


INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Very dark. Lit by a trio
of candles on the dresser.

Some dark, Lana Del Rey-ish
song plays on the stereo.

We hear a rustling in the closet.
The door opens, and out steps --

VITA. Wearing the pants,
crop top and boots.
Looks really uncomfortable.

She tentatively CLOMP-CLOMPS
over to the mirror.
Looks at herself. Sighs.

VITA
I look like Kanye’s whore.

She lies down on the bed.
Distraught. Looks around the room.

CLOSE ON --

A poster on the wall of the movie THE CRAFT.
Four cute, goth teenage witches, then --

Another poster. Willow the witch
from BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER,
casting a spell, then --

AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN.

VITA
BOLTS UPRIGHT in bed. Eyes full of fire.

VITA
My mother is a witch,
so I’m gonna be a witch, TOO --
(beat)
And cast a love spell on FRANKIE.

She grabs her tablet computer.
Boots up the Internet.
Types in a search --

ON THE SCREEN
We see a list of results for
HOW TO BECOME A WITCH.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL LUNCHROOM - DAY
The joint is packed with
LOUD STUDENTS eating lunch.

Gossiping, laughing, each clique
hanging out at their own table.

Frankie and Josh sit
alone in a far corner.

JOSH
So how was your first date?
(beat)
No, wait. Don’t answer that.
I don’t want to throw up
my Salisbury steak.

FRANKIE
It was so romantic.
(sighs)
I think I’m in love.

JOSH
In love? With a dead girl?

FRANKIE
She’s NOT dead. She’s -- different.

JOSH
Oh, she’s different, all right.

FRANKIE
There’s just one small problem.

JOSH
A problem? Like what? She’s COLD?
You have to keep her HIDDEN
because everybody’s LOOKING FOR HER?

FRANKIE
No, no, no. She told me
last night she wants -- a view.
(off his look)
You know, a window.
She says the basement
makes her feel -- confined.

JOSH
No SHIT.

FRANKIE
C’mon, I’m serious.
I need you to help me move her
up into the tree house.

JOSH
No way. Sorry. I’m done playing Igor.

FRANKIE
Aw, c’mon -- please?
I just need you to help me
do this one last thing,
and then I’ll never bring her up again.

JOSH
Well, that’s unless she gets buried.

FRANKIE
Please, Josh.
You’re my best friend in the world.
You’re the only one I can turn to
in this dark hour of need.

JOSH
(sighs)
You know I’m not very strong.

FRANKIE
All I need you to do is be my look-out.
No heavy lifting. Just watch my back.

JOSH
What’s in it for me?

FRANKIE
My undying friendship?

JOSH
And -- ?

FRANKIE
My Hit Girl, Harley Quinn and
Silk Spectre action figures,
still in the box, mint condition.

JOSH
Lame. NEXT.

FRANKIE
How about my signed Faster,
Pussycat, Kill, Kill movie poster.

JOSH
Signed by Russ Meyer?

FRANKIE
Uh, no. Sue Bernard.

JOSH
Who the fuck is Sue Bernard?

FRANKIE
She played the girl the go-go dancers abduct.
(beat)
Miss December, 1966, the first Jewish Playmate.

JOSH
Dude. You gotta get out more often.
(realizes)
Hey. What about your Kaley Cuoco fleshlight?

FRANKIE
My WHAT?

JOSH
C’mon. Cough it up.
You don’t need it anymore.

FRANKIE
What makes you think I have --

JOSH
You showed it to me on New Year’s Eve
when we got drunk on apricot schnapps.
Said you proved the big jack-off theory.

Pause.

FRANKIE
Oh, yeah.

JOSH
Just make sure it’s CLEAN, okay?

A Little Local Color

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of Frankenstein In Love, Vita gets her new 'sexy' outfit in the mail, and gets humiliated by her mother who realizes she wants wear it to try and seduce Frankie. Meanwhile, local small-town deputy Chet Beverage convinces big-city CDC agent Beck Driver to help on her investigation into the dead rat that Frankie brought back to life ...


INT. VITA’S HOUSE - FOYER - NIGHT
Vita comes in the front door.
Closes it. Looks tired. Beat.

PEGGY (O.C.)
Is that you, honey?

VITA
Hi, Mom.

Peggy appears. Holding a pop tart.
She takes a bite.

PEGGY
(mouth full of food)
How was Math Club?

VITA
A fraction of what it used to be.

PEGGY
(SPRAYS out food)
Oh, that’s FUNNY.
(wipes mouth with the back of her hand)
Your FedEx package arrived.

VITA
Oh, wow. Where did --

PEGGY
(takes another bite)
I put it on your bed. What did you get?
(beat)
If you don’t mind my asking.

VITA
Just some -- stuff.

PEGGY
(chewing)
Oh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.

VITA
(sighs)
Some -- pants -- and a top. And some boots.

PEGGY
(SPRAYS food out her mouth)
You bought an OUTFIT?
Looks like my little tomboy is g
etting in touch with her feminine side --
(off her stare, excited)
It’s Frankie Stein, isn’t it.
He finally asked you out.
(off her stare)
Oh, I’m sorry.
I’m butting in again.
You go on upstairs.
Dinner’ll be ready in
about half-an-hour. Okay?

She takes another big bite of pop tart.
Talks, mouth full.

PUSH IN ON Vita’s face.
Beyond humiliated.

VITA
Sure thing, mom. Can’t wait.

EXT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - PARKING LOT - NIGHT
Beck walks briskly to her rental car.
Presses the key chain auto-lock, THWIP.
Chet appears out of nowhere.

CHET
Ms. Driver -- ?

BECK
Jesus fucking CHRIST.
You scared the shit out of me.

CHET
Sorry about that.

BECK
What do you want?
I’m tired and I just want to go
back to my bland, suburban hotel room,
get drunk and watch some porn.

Chet stares. Wow.
A real ‘big city’ girl.

CHET
I just wanted to -- offer my services.

BECK
Sorry, doll -- hate to burst
your drool-bubble,
but you’re not my type.

CHET
Gosh, no -- I didn’t mean THAT.
I meant with the investigation.

BECK
Thanks, but no thanks. I work alone.
(off his look)
No hard feelings, okay, champ?
I’m sure you need to go patrol the diner,
the pool hall -- maybe check on the sock hop.

CHET
Listen, lady -- I don’t know what’s
got your dander up, but I was
just trying to be helpful.
(beat)
Small town folks won’t take too kindly
to a big-city government agent
snooping around askin’ a lot questions.
(off her look)
Unless they have a little local color with ‘em.

Pause.

BECK
Okay. Tell you what.
Meet me here tomorrow morning at nine-sharp.
But let ME do all the talking, capiche?

CHET
(beaming)
Sure thing. Thanks. You won’t regret it.
You’ll see. We’ll make a great team.

BECK
(rolls her eyes)
I have no doubt about that.

CHET
You got it. My pleasure.

BECK
Oh. One more thing.

CHET
Sure.

BECK
What the fuck’s a ‘dander?’

Love Nest

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of Frankenstein In Love, agent Beck Driver from the CDC goes to the city morgue to examine the dead rat that Frankie brought back to life. Meanwhile, down in his basement lab, Frankie has his first 'date' with his crush Shayla, the dead cheerleader he brought back to life ...


INT. MORGUE - DAY
Cold, sterile. Right out of Quincy.
Chet and Beck stand next to the
MEDICAL EXAMINER (50’s),
a tall, bird-like chap.

Wisps of white hair fleck a bald head.
Piercing eyes like steel.

MEDICAL EXAMINER
Most unusual.
We don’t usually handle animals.

He goes to a steel drawer.
They follow him.

He slides it open to reveal --
a tangled mess of blood, bones and
fur in a glass case marked ‘biohazard.’

BECK
Jesus. What HAPPENED to it?

CHET
I shot it, but it kept coming at me.
I finally got the little fucker by
smashing his skull in with my nightstick.

MEDICAL EXAMINER
I’ve never seen anything
like it in my entire career.
It was dead -- but still moving around.

BECK
And you know that from
examining a tissue sample?

MEDICAL EXAMINER
Indeed. It died twelve hours
before the nightstick incident.

CHET
(looks at Beck)
What do you think?
How could this have happened?

BECK
It would seem that someone --
brought it back to life.

CHET
Brought it back --

MEDICAL EXAMINER
To LIFE?

BECK
Yeah. I need to take it back to
Washington and run some tests on it.

CHET
This used to be such a sleepy little town.
Now all this crazy shit’s going on.

BECK
What else is going on?

CHET
The head cheerleader was killed
in a hit and run. And then abducted.

BECK
She was abducted AFTER she was killed?

CHET
Yeah. What? You look -- strange.

BECK
If this means what I think it means --

MEDICAL EXAMINER
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?

INT. FRANKIE’S BASEMENT LAB - NIGHT
The sickly-sweet shag carpet
‘soft rock’ sound of Bread’s
I WANT TO MAKE IT WITH YOU over --

Frankie and Shayla, sitting at a
small card table having a candlelit dinner
of fish sticks and sparkling cider.

He wears a sport coat. Shayla, one
of Frankie’s mother’s old dresses.
And tons of garish make-up, poorly applied.

She turns her head to look at something,
and the scarf that hides her
smashed-in skull slips off.

Frankie barely notices.

FRANKIE
So I said to Josh,
‘I said nitrate, NOT titrate.’

He chuckles, pleased with his joke.
Shayla cocks her head.
Pokes at her food with her fork.

SHAYLA
Don’t -- understand.

FRANKIE
Silly me. I’m sorry.
Let’s talk about something else.

The song ends. The mix segues
into The Carpenter’s CLOSE TO YOU.

Shayla recognizes it.
JUMPS UP from her chair.

SHAYLA
I love -- this song.

She starts awkwardly moving to the music.
Gives Frankie her best ‘come hither’ look.

SHAYLA
(sings along)
Just like me, they want to be -- close to you --
(to Frankie)
Come -- dance with me.

Frankie gets up. Goes to her.
They start slow dancing.

You know the kind.
That classic high school dance,
rocking back and forth, holding
onto each other for dear life.

SHAYLA
(touches his hair)
You saved me.
(looks down)
Oooh. Looks like -- somebody’s
getting -- excited.

FRANKIE
Sorry --

SHAYLA
It’s -- okay. It means --

Frankie’s body JERKS.

FRANKIE
Oh, man.
(beat)
I’m sorry.

SHAYLA
It’s okay.
(beat)
I think I’m used to it.

FRANKIE
I’m really sorry, Shayla.
You’re so beautiful, I --

ANGLE ON --

A long extension cord on the floor,
plugged into another one.

We see the wires near one of
the plugs is frayed.
She steps on it, and --

SHAYLA
Gets ZAPPED with electricity. ZZZZZZZZ.

She JUMPS.
PULLS BACK from Frankie,
in shock. Literally.

SHAYLA
YOW.

FRANKIE
(looks down)
Omigod, I’m so sorry.
I meant to fix that.
Are you okay?

SHAYLA
Okay?
(eyes glowing)
I feel fucking FANTASTIC.

FRANKIE
But you just got shocked --

SHAYLA
Hell, yeah. I’m on FIRE, baby.
I haven’t felt this good since --

She looks around the room.

SHAYLA
There’s no windows.

FRANKIE
Well, yeah. It’s a basement.

SHAYLA
(pouts)
I want a view.

FRANKIE
A view.

SHAYLA
Yeah. It’s claustrophobic.

FRANKIE
Well, we can’t have that.

He stares off into space, thinking. Then --

FRANKIE
I’ve GOT IT.
It’ll be PERFECT.
The TREE HOUSE.

SHAYLA
Tree house?

FRANKIE
Yeah.
(beat)
Can you say ‘love nest?’

Hit and Run Holiday

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of Frankenstein In Love, the cops comb every inch of the crime scene where head cheerleader Shayla Petrie was killed in a hit and run accident. Meanwhile, Center For Disease Control agent Beck Driver arrives on the scene to investigate the dead rat that science genius nerd Frankie Stein brought back to life ...


EXT. OLD COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
We recognize the spot where Willis
kicked Shayla out of the car.

And the curve in the road
where she was plowed over
by the hit and run driver.

But instead of being isolated,
it’s now a CRIME SCENE.

A gaggle of CRIME TECHS
search the area for clues.

In the background is
the same media circus,
now behind barricades,
kept back by a handful
of UNIFORMED OFFICERS.


Chet talks to the CHIEF OF POLICE,
a pasty-fasted big fella squeezed
like a sausage into a cheap suit.

Meet CAPPY WIND (50’s), Venison’s
low-rent version of the high command.

CHET
He’s kind of a fuck-up, chief.
But I don’t think he had anything
to do with her disappearance.
He was genuinely surprised to
find out she didn’t come home.

CHIEF WIND
But you said he acted kinda guilty.

CHET
Yeah, but not because of any foul play.
He wouldn’t admit that they’d been drinking,
but he told me she threw up all over
the inside of his vehicle.
(beat)
You know teenagers.

CHIEF WIND
Too well.
But we got an anonymous tip
from someone who said he liked to hit her.
As of now, he’s our chief suspect.

An INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
looks up from his work

INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
We got bits of skull and brains here, chief.

CHIEF WIND
So she was definitely killed.

He nods. Points at a spot
on the side of the road.

INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
And we’ve got tire tracks that show
a vehicle screeched to a stop here.
(points)
And there’s traces of blood here.
(points)
And these marks suggest that
a large object was dragged --
(points)
Over here.
And see here where they stopped?
The body was moved.

CHET
What do you think happened?

INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
If you ask me, she was hit by a car,
then dragged off into another car
and taken away.

CHET
Jesus CHRIST.
Who the hell would do THAT?

CHIEF WIND
That’s what we’re gonna find out, son.
NOBODY steals the dead body of
the head cheerleader in MY TOWN.
(mutters to himself)
That nubile, young flesh.

CHET
Of course not, sir.
(thinks)
Actually, uh -- I think they did. Sir.

CHIEF WIND
Shut up, Beverage.
You know what I meant.
We’re gonna find the culprit, GOT IT?

CHET
Got it. Sir.

CHIEF WIND
And I’m putting YOU in charge of the case.

CHET
Sir?

CHIEF WIND
I want you to comb EVERY INCH
of this bucolic, lower-middle-class
paradise and FIND this monster.

CHET
Yes, SIR.

CHIEF WIND
I want the good people of Venison
to know that we will HUNT DOWN
and BRING TO JUSTICE anyone who
DARES to abduct our objects of desire.

INT. VENISON POLICE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
The usual drab, puke-colored institutional joint.
Strange details scream out ‘built in the 70’s.’

A LARGE COP sits at the front desk
working a crossword puzzle.

Beck Driver MARCHES up to him briskly.

BECK
Excuse me.

LARGE COP
(eyes on the paper)
Gimme one sec.

BECK
Beck Driver, CDC, here to
see Officer Chet Beverage.

LARGE COP
(looks at her)
What’s a five-letter word for fat?

BECK
Obese.

LARGE COP
That’s IT.
(writes it down, looks up)
How may I help you?

BECK
Beck Driver, CDC, here to
see Officer Chet Beverage.

LARGE COP
Beck? Like the musician?

BECK
It’s short for Rebecca.
(low)
I’m here about the rat.

LARGE COP
Oh. That.
You need to go to the morgue. Downstairs.
I’ll have him meet you down there.

Beck nods. Marches off.
Large picks up the phone.
Watches her.

LARGE COP
Nice rack --

In Blonde We Trust

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of Frankenstein In Love, after bringing Shayla's dead body back to life, Frankie goes to school the next day, only to discover that the whole town, and the media, are freaking out over her disappearance ...


INT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Students stream down the hallway carrying books.
Most of them looks sad, in shock, lost.

A pair of STONERS stand in
front of the water fountain.

They sport the standard ripped jeans
and Metallica T-shirt uniform.
You can practically smell them on the page.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
Dude. It’s The case of the missing snatch.
What do you think happened to her?

FRIZZY-HAIRED STONER
I dunno. It’s a loss to humanity, bro.
That was some righteous pink taco.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
(nods solemnly)
In blonde we trust.

CAMERA finds a group of NERDS
huddling around a locker.

BIG GLASSES NERD
She was swallowed into a
space-time continuum, I tell you.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
God, you’re such a fucking nerd.
She probably just ran away from home.

BALD NERD
Maybe she got KIDNAPPED
and sold into white slavery.

BIG GLASSES NERD
Maybe she got sucked into a black hole.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
Hey. Who you calling a BLACK HOLE?

CAMERA WHOOSHES OVER to a pair of jocks
walking down the hallway. Heads hung low.
Trying to process the information.

RED-FACED JOCK
So is it still okay to jerk off to her?

TALL JOCK
I dunno.
(low, to himself)
What a waste of major boobage.

RED-FACED JOCK
Maybe I can dry-hump Misty --
and think about her?

TALL JOCK
NICE.

They SLAP PALMS.

RED-FACED JOCK
Gone, but still jizzed-on.

CAMERA glides away. Finds Shayla’s cheerleader friends
AURA and AMBER. Teary-eyed, they hustle down the hall.

AMBER
I don’t understand. Where did she GO?

AURA
I feel -- empty, like when I got kicked off Facebook --

AMBER
Yeah. It’s like you texted someone,
and they didn’t text you back.

They look at each other. SHRIEK.
RUN into the girls’ room.

CAMERA finds Frankie and Josh,
walking toward the exit.

JOSH
I dunno, Frankie.
Maybe we should confess.
It doesn’t feel right.

FRANKIE
Yeah, sure. What are we supposed to say?
She’s dead, but I brought her back to
life and she’s down in my basement?

JOSH
I had bad dreams last night, Frankie.
I’m not sure if I can handle this.

FRANKIE
HANDLE this? You HAVE to handle this.
She’s mine now, and I’m not
going to let her go.

JOSH
But she’s DEAD, Frankie. She’s DEAD.
What good is she to you like that?

FRANKIE
GOOD to me? Tonight’s our first date.
(beat)
And she’s not dead anymore --

They reach the front entrance. Walk outside.

EXT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - FRONT LAWN - DAY
A horde of NEWS VANS are parked outside.
A few REPORTERS with CAMERA CREWS
are interviewing students.

A FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
thrusts a microphone into a fat girl’s
tear-streaked face.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
Did you know Shayla well?

FAT GIRL
No. But we all looked up to her.
She was so -- perfect.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
(nods, looks into the camera)
It’s been one day -- and we still don’t know
what happened to little Shayla Petrie.
Perhaps it was an unhealthy desire
for perfection that drew her to the dark side.

FRANKIE AND JOSH
Watch the hubbub from the front steps.

JOSH
Geez. They’re like vultures circling a fresh kill.

FRANKIE
That may be. But I’VE got the body, not them.

JOSH
‘The body?’ Don’t say that. It sounds -- creepy.

FRANKIE
Chill, bro. It’s an expression.
I’m not gonna go full Harvey Weinstein on her.
I’m a lover, not a producer --

The Living Dead

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of Frankenstein In Love, suburban drones Adelle and Brub Petrie report their missing cheerleader daughter Shayla to the police. Meanwhile, science genius nerd Frankie Stein has secretly brought Shayla's dead body down to his underground lab so he can bring her back to life ... and 'date' her ...



INT. PETRIE HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Brub and Adelle sit on the couch.
Chet sits across from them on a big,
overstuffed chair. Jots down notes.

CHET
And you say she’s never late for dinner?
BRUB
NEVER. Our daughter is a model citizen.
She was PUMPKIN QUEEN.

ADELLE
(dabs her eyes with a tissue)
She’s the head cheerleader.
(sniffles)
What are they gonna do without her?

She HONKS on her tissue.

CHET
Oh, I know. I haven’t missed a game.
She’s -- lovely.

BRUB
You need to FIND her, officer, NOW.
Something TERRIBLE could have happened to her.

CHET
Well, we can’t file a missing persons report
until twenty-four hours have passed.

BRUB
But we can’t WAIT twenty-four hours.

CHET
Not to worry, Mr. Petrie. I can still do
little unofficial snooping around on my own.

ADELLE
Oh, THANK GOD. Thank you, officer Beverage.

CHET
Please. Call me Chet.
(off her weak smile)
Is Shayla dating anybody right now?
That might be a good avenue to explore.

BRUB
Yes, she is. Willis Grubb, that low-life.
Crazy girl broke up with Brent Brock,
the football captain.

ADELLE
AND prom king.

BRUB
To go out with HIM.

CHET
I see.
(stands up)
Well, thank you for letting us know.
I’ll go check on Willis, and tomorrow
we’ll start our investigation.
Don’t worry, we’ll find your daughter,
dead or alive.

ADELLE
(BURSTS into tears)
DEAD or alive?

Brub GLARES at him. CLENCHES his fists.

BRUB
GET OUT. Get out RIGHT NOW.
You’re upsetting my WIFE.

CHET
Ohmigosh, I’m so sorry.
I, I -- didn’t mean --
(beat)
I’m gonna go now.

He nods. Hurries out the door.
Brub rushes over to Adelle.
Tries to comfort her.

BRUB
Don’t worry, my little flower.
They’ll find her.

PUSH IN ON Adelle’s face. Now livid.

ADELLE
They fucking BETTER.

INT. FRANKIE’S BASEMENT LAB - NIGHT
Shayla lies on the workbench.
All the blood has been cleaned off.
She looks almost peaceful.

A scarf now drapes where the
side of her head was smashed in.

Wires have been attached to
various points on her body.

He attaches one on her right
temple, then her left. Done.

FRANKIE
Now it’s time to find out
if we have chemistry.

FRANKIE rubs his hands together. Excited.
Goes to his laptop. Starts PUNCHING
commands on the keyboard. Humming softly.

THE MONITOR
Shows the now-familiar graphs that
read HEART, LUNG and BRAIN.
Each reads zero percent.

Frankie reaches over, picks up a GIANT syringe.
Much bigger than the one he used on the rat.
He SQUIRTS it.

FRANKIE
This is gonna hurt me alot more than it hurts you.

And INJECTS IT into her neck.
Pushes the plunger all the way DOWN,
then quickly PULLS IT OUT.

He turns to the transformer.
Starts FLIPPING the series of switches.
It starts to HUM. Frankie watches her intently.

A NEEDLE
On the transformer starts SLOWLY
moving from left to right.

FRANKIE
Watches it. Shakes his head.

FRANKIE
C’mon, c’mon.
(beat)
Fucking Radio Shack.

He TAPS the side of it.
The needle JUMPS into the red.

FRANKIE
We have LIFT-OFF.

Frankie FLIPS down the metal bar, and --

SHAYLA
Gets ZAPPED with electricity. BUZZZ.

THE GRAPHS
Jump to ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.

FRANKIE
PUMPS a fist.

FRANKIE
Let there be LIFE.

Shayla’s body starts SHAKING.
Begins to VIBRATE.

Tendrils of SMOKE fly off her.
Frankie watches, bug-eyed.

FRANKIE
C’mon, baby -- you can DO IT.

Her eyes OPEN. She BOLTS UPRIGHT.
Blinks. Looks at Frankie quizzically.
Opens her mouth to speak.

FRANKIE
Shayla. You’re BACK.

SHAYLA
(slowly, with difficulty)
Who’s -- Shayla?

FRANKIE
You’re Shayla.

SHAYLA
Don’t -- know --
(beat)
Shayla.

FRANKIE
You don’t remember who you are?

She looks at him. Confused. Shakes her head.

FRANKIE
Do you remember anything?

SHAYLA
No. Who -- are you?

Frankie stares at her. Holy shit.

FRANKIE
I’m Frankie.
(beat)
Your boyfriend.

Shayla nods her head slowly.
Looks around the lab.

SHAYLA
Where -- am I?

FRANKIE
You’re home. This is where we live.

SHAYLA
(feels her head)
What -- happened to me?

FRANKIE
You were in an accident.
But now you’re okay.
You’re home now.

She nods slowly.
Looks like she’s about to cry.

Frankie starts taking the wires off her.
She watches. Confused.

SHAYLA
Would you -- hold me?

Frankie gulps. Takes her in his arms.

FRANKIE
(under his breath)
Thought you’d never ask --

Day of the Dead

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of Frankenstein In Love, dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie's ex-boyfriend comes home after school feeling guilty about what he did to her. Meanwhile, science genius nerd Frankie Stein and his pal Josh bring Shayla's dead body downstairs to his basement lab ...


EXT. SHITTY, RUN-DOWN HOUSE - NIGHT
On the wrong side of the tracks.
If there WERE tracks.

The cheap seats. Threadbare lawn.
Grey picket fence. Sagging foundation.
A dim light flickers behind dirty windows.

Willis’ truck pulls into the driveway. Parks.

INT. WILLIS FAMILY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Like the carpet and drapes,
it matches the outside.

Piles of pizza boxes, newspapers,
empty beer cans litter the joint.

Willis’ father BUCK (40’s), fat
and sloppy, sits on the shitty,
faded couch watching a ball game.

Wolfing down a TV dinner and
chugging a bottle of cheap beer.
Willis walks in.

WILLIS
Hey, pop.

BUCK
(eyes on the screen)
Hey, kid. You’re home kinda late.

WILLIS
I was hanging out with Shayla.

BUCK
Picked up some of those
Hungry Man dinners.
They’re in the freezer.
Help yourself.
Have two if you want.
They were on special.

WILLIS
Thanks.

He starts walking to the kitchen.

BUCK
Oh, and your mother called.
Said you could stay a few more days.
She’s gonna work in Vegas awhile longer.

WILLIS
(over his shoulder)
Cool.

INT. WILLIS FAMILY HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
‘Bare bones’ would be a compliment.
Willis puts a TV dinner in the microwave.
Turns it on. Looks around guiltily.

WILLIS
(under his breath)
Fucking bitch.

INT. FRANKIE'S VOLKSWAGON BUS - NIGHT
Frankie and Josh roll up Shayla
in a brightly-colored bed sheet.

Frankie looks at it. Makes a face.

FRANKIE
Spiderman sheets?

JOSH
Shut up. They’re from when I was a kid.

FRANKIE
I bet you still sleep on them.

JOSH
Fuck you. C’mon. Let’s move it.
I don’t wanna get caught.

EXT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - SIDE YARD - NIGHT
Frankie and Josh carry Shayla’s
wrapped-up body around the side
of the house toward the back door.

INT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Frankie sets down his end.
Reaches for the back door knob.

FRANKIE
(looks around)
So far so good. No one’s seen us.

JOSH
Thank god. She’s fucking heavy.
Come on, hurry it up.

In the window, a light
TURNS ON in the kitchen.

FRANKIE
Shit. DUCK DOWN.

Josh DROPS Shayla. Gets down.
She hits the grass with a THUD.

JULIE’S FACE
Appears in the window.

Looks around. Shrugs. Disappears.
The lights SHUT OFF.

FRANKIE AND JOSH
Breath a sigh of relief.
Pick her back up.

JOSH
Jeez. Now I know how Dexter feels.

FRANKIE
Enough wisecracks, Igor.
Let’s get her down to the dungeon.

INT. FRANKIE’S BASEMENT LAB - NIGHT
Shayla lies on a makeshift bed.
An inflatable mattress on top of
a piece of plywood on a couple of sawhorses
covered by the Spiderman sheet.

She looks like some kind of ungodly doll.
The left side of her head looks fine.

Face still pretty. But the right side
has been smashed in and flattened.

Skull exposed. And she’s
pretty much COVERED in blood.

JOSH
She doesn’t look so good, Frankie.

FRANKIE
Nonsense. We’ll get her cleaned up,
maybe put a nice scarf around her head.
Get one of my mom’s old dresses.
She’ll look great.

JOSH
It’s late. I’m gonna split.

FRANKIE
(still staring at her)
Okay. Thanks for all the help.

Josh nods. Starts for the stairway.

JOSH
See you tomorrow in school.

But Frankie’s entranced. Ignores him.

JOSH
Be sure to wear protection.
(off his silence)
Whatever.

He leaves. Frankie leans down.
Pushes her hair behind her ear.
Strokes her cheek.

FRANKIE
Everything’s gonna be okay.
(beat)
I’m gonna save you.

Keeping Up With Cuntdashians

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of Frankenstein In Love, science genius nerd Frankie Stein and his friend Josh transport cheerleader Shayla's Petrie's dead body to his underground lab for 'rejuvenation.' Meanwhile, his lovesick neighbor Vita Heck shops online for an ensemble that will help her seduce him ...


INT. FRANKIE'S VOLKSWAGON BUS - NIGHT
Frankie drives. Mind reeling.
Deep in thought.

Josh stares out the window.
Miserable.

JOSH
So where are you going to put her?

FRANKIE
In my basement lab, of course.

JOSH
Are you fucking KIDDING me?
That’s crazy. Your mom will find her.

FRANKIE
No, she won’t.
She’s forbidden to go down there.
It’s my domain. It’s not just my lab,
it’s also my bedroom, where I sleep.

JOSH
You’re going to sleep in the same room
as a DEAD BODY?

FRANKIE
She’s not going to be dead very long, Josh.

JOSH
Yeah. That’s what I’m AFRAID of.

EXT. STEIN RESIDENCE - NIGHT
Frankie’s car pulls into the driveway.

INT. FRANKIE'S VOLKSWAGON BUS - NIGHT
Frankie parks. Shuts off the ignition.

FRANKIE
We can’t move her now.
We have to wait until my mom is asleep.

JOSH
WE?

FRANKIE
C’mon. I need your help.
We’re in this together.

JOSH
We ARE?

FRANKIE
You just helped me remove a dead body
from the scene of an accident.
If that’s not ‘in this together,’
I don’t know what is.

JOSH
(sighs)
What time should I be here?

FRANKIE
Midnight.

JOSH
Should I bring anything?

FRANKIE
If you find your balls,
that might help.

Josh rolls his eyes.
Opens the car door.

JOSH
Very funny.

FRANKIE
Hey, come on.
I’m just messing with you.
Thanks for helping me out.
I owe you one.
You’re my best friend.

JOSH
Are you TRYING to scare me?

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The Cure’s queasy, plaintive,
over-the-top romantic dirge
PICTURES OF YOU plays on the stereo.

Dark, like a cave. Candles burning.
Horror movie and goth rock band
posters dot the walls.

Vita sits at her desk,
cruising the web.

She picks up her cell.
Punches a number.

VITA
Imogene -- ?
(listens)
Yeah, It’s me.
We’re not playing tonight.
(listens)
I’ve got this gnarly cold.
I’ve been coughing up chunks.
(listens)
Yeah. I’ve called the others.
(listens)
Yep. We’re on for next week.
(listens)
Beware The Phantom Brigade.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Shakes her head.

Starts working the
mouse and keyboard.

ON THE SCREEN
We see the ZARA website.
Vita clicks on APPAREL.

We see a series of ‘young, hip’
fashions: pants, tops and shoes.

VITA
Scrunches up her face.
Moves the mouse.
Examines the choices.

VITA
Okay. Time to keep up
with the cunt-dashians.
(beat)
I’ll take ‘fucking with the dark side’
for fifty, Alex --
(beat)
How about a pair of black skin-tight
low rider bell-bottoms --
even though I don’t have a huge ass --

ON THE SCREEN
She adds it to her shopping cart.

VITA
Looks at the screen.
Moves the mouse.

VITA
And how about a saucy little
midriff-baring top?
For that ‘hard to please’
flat chested gal.’
Eat your heart out
Taylor not-too-swift.
(beat)
Now for some shoes --

She clicks the mouse again.

ON THE SCREEN
A page of shoes appears.
Flats. High heels. Boots.

VITA (O.C.)
Black fabric ankle boots?
Bella Legosi’s alive after all --

VITA
Smiles. Fingers CLACK-CLACK
across the keyboard.

VITA
Because when the going gets tough --
the tough buy shit online.

She CLICKS the mouse.
PUNCHES ‘send.’

She gets up from the desk.
Goes to the window.
Looks out at Frankie’s house.

VITA
Watch out, Frankie Stein.
There’s a new archetype in town --

Suzy Homemaker

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace.

In Chapter 6 of Frankenstein In Love, we meet bland suburban couple Brub and Adelle Petrie, who are waiting for their teenage cheerleader daughter Shayla to come home for dinner after school, but what they don't know yet is that poor little Shayla was just killed in a hit-and-run accident, and is now in science genius nerd Frankie Stein's basement lab, about to be brought back to life ...


INT. SUBURBAN HOME - KITCHEN
Suzy Homemaker’s dream come true.
A riot of stainless steel and
off-white in the heart of suburbia.
Top Chef, ahoy.

A WOMAN (40’s), pert, smiling,
very attractive is studiously
cooking at the stove.

She tastes the sauce
with a wooden spoon.
Mmm. Delicious. Got Milf?

Meet ADELLE PETRIE, Shayla’s mom.
The perfect wife, mother, bookkeeper,
maid, chauffeur. You know the drill.

ADELLE
(calls into the next room)
Dinner’s almost ready, honey.
Did Shayla get home yet?
I didn’t hear her come in.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Not yet. You want me to
call her on her cell?

BRUB PETRIE (40’s),
Shayla’s father walks in.

Tall and fit, with rugged good-looks.
Right out of a Sears catalogue.

I mean, could this family be
more picture-perfect or what?

ADELLE
I’m sure she’ll be along in a sec.
She’s NEVER late for dinner.

BRUB
Gosh, honey.
That’s smells terrific.
Is that a new recipe?

ADELLE
How’d you guess?

BRUB
When it comes to your cooking,
I’ve got a nose for adventure.

ADELLE
Oh, YOU.
Do me a favor and set
the table for dinner?

BRUB
Of course, my love.
Anything for you.

They gaze at each other
with undying love.

Brub suddenly SHITS HIS PANTS
with a ROAR OF FLATULENCE.

ADELLE
(waves her hand in the air)
Jesus fucking Christ, Brub.
Get the fuck out of here,
you’re shitting up the KITCHEN.

BRUB
Don’t use that tone
with me, BETTY CROCKER.
You want the belt again?

ADELLE
Oh, go ahead, Mr. Macho.
Why don’t you just fucking HIT me?
I told you to wear fucking Depends,
but NO. Mr. Irritable Bowel Syndrome
just HAS to ruin his new Dockers.

Brub glowers.
Storms over to the doorway.
Over his shoulder.

BRUB
I’m going to take a shower,
and when I come back, dinner
BETTER be served. Capiche?

Adelle blinks.
Cocks her head.
Smiles brightly.

ADELLE
Sure thing, honey-bun.
Comin’ up in jiffy.

Reanimator

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of Frankenstein In Love, CDC scientist/agent Beck Driver is alerted about the dead rat come back to life in Venison, Ohio. Meanwhile, Frankie spies on his cheerleader dream girl Shayla on a sex motel 'date' with her Jack Daniels-swilling abusive boyfriend, who shoves her out of his truck after she pukes all over the dashboard -- but when she gets moved over in a freak hit and run, Frankie takes her dead body back to his lab to bring her back to life ...


INT. CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL - OFFICE - DAY
A cluttered office filled with
book shelves and filing cabinets.

Paperwork EVERYWHERE. A tall,
intense-looking SCIENTIST (30’s)
talks on the phone.

Meet REBECCA ‘BECK’ DRIVER.
Great-looking.

Even with glasses
and hair in a ponytail.

BECK
Don’t get me wrong,
I love Dustin Hoffman,
but OUTBREAK was ridiculous.
The virus was --
(sees something)
My other line. Hold on a sec.
(PUNCHES a button)
This is Beck.
(listens)
REALLY? How long had it been dead?
(listens)
I’ll be there as fast as I can.
(listens)
Got it. Bye.
(PUNCHES another button)
I’m back. You’ll never believe what
was just found in Venison, Ohio.
(listens)
A dead rat brought back to life.
(listens)
Of course I’ve see RE-ANIMATOR --

EXT. VENISON - THE CAMELOT MOTEL - DUSK
A seedy, shitty adult motel
on the outskirts of town near a park.

Frankie’s VW bus sits at the
opposite side of the gravel
parking lot far away from Willis’ truck.

JOSH
I’m cold, I’m hungry,
and I gotta take a piss.

FRANKIE
You can go if you want to.

JOSH
I’m not gonna walk home.
It’s too far.

FRANKIE
Relax.
They’re not gonna be much longer.
They both have to go home for dinner.

On cue, a motel door OPENS.
Shayla and Willis walk out.

Dishevelled, with that
‘just had sex’ look.
And a bit tipsy.

They look around, make
sure they’re not being seen.

Willis holds a bottle
of Jack Daniels.
Takes a long swallow.

They both get in the truck.
It starts driving away.

IN FRANKIE’S VAN

He starts the engine.

FRANKIE
Okay, here we go.

IN WILLIS’ TRUCK
Shayla grips her stomach.
Turns green.

SHAYLA
Stop the car.
I’m gonna get --

And PROJECTILE VOMITS
all over the dashboard.

WILLIS
Fucking BITCH. Look
what you did to my TRUCK.
(reaches over,
YANKS her door open)
Get OUT.

SHAYLA
But, but --

Willis SHOVES her out of the seat.
She FLIES OUT the door.

IN THE VAN

Frankie and Josh see
Shayla HIT the pavement.
And Willis’ truck ROAR away.

Shayla stands up.
Shakes a fist. SCREAMS.

SHAYLA
You fucking ASSHOLE.

ON THE STREET

A CAR comes CAREENING
around a corner.

IN THE CAR

The DRIVER (20’), drunk, dishevelled,
takes a swig from a pint bottle of booze.

ON THE STREET
The car heads right toward Shayla --
and CLIPS her with the front fender.

She FLIES into the air like a rag doll --
and HITS the pavement, THWUMP.

FRANKIE’S VW BUS

SCREECHES to a halt beside
Shayla's motionless body.

Frankie and Josh jump out.
Walk over.

Frankie gets down on his knees.
Takes her pulse.
Shakes his head sadly.

FRANKIE
No, no, no, NO --

JOSH
She’s dead.
We gotta call the cops.

FRANKIE
The COPS?
Are you fucking KIDDING me?

JOSH
What else could we --
(realizes)
Oh, no. No WAY.

FRANKIE
Yes fucking way.
It worked on the rat.
And now it’s gonna work on her.

JOSH
This is SICK, Frankie.
You just want to be with her.
No WAY am I getting involved in this.
We could go to jail for a LONG time.

FRANKIE
So we don’t get caught.
We have to save her.
Now help me put her
in the back of the van.
(off his silence)
C’mon, don’t you want us to
go down in medical history
and be rich and famous?

JOSH
I’ll take the feet.
You grab her arms --

Eat, Pray, Fuck

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of Frankenstein In Love, science genius nerd Frankie Stein fights back against a pair of bullies, then discovers that his dream girl is being physically abused by her boyfriend, so he follows them with a view to rescuing her ...


EXT. ROGER CORMAN HIGH - DAY
School’s out. Students leave the
building like a stream of ants.
Laughing and shouting as they walk.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - DAY
Frankie and Josh walk
towards Frankie’s car.

JOSH
But that’s CRAZY.
You can’t do that.
I’ve seen the movie.
It DOESN’T end well.

FRANKIE
Well, I read the book
and seen the movie --
and that’s because he
used body parts
from several people --
but what about reanimating
a whole person?

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hey, LOOK. THERE they are.
Don’t ask, don’t SMELL.

Reveal WILLIS GRUBB (18),
big and massive --
and Shayla’s boyfriend,
with his cohort KIRK KIRK, JR. (18),
even bigger.

Jocks Gone Wild.
Staring at them.
Fists clenched.

KIRK
And where are you
two love birds off to?

WILLIS
Wait -- don’t tell me.
They’re gonna Eat, Pray, Fuck.

They both BURST into laughter.
High-five each other.

FRANKIE
I don’t know what the hell
Shayla sees in you,
you swollen steroid.
You don’t DESERVE her.

JOSH
(whispers)
Frankie.

Willis’ face turns red.

WILLIS
I’m gonna fucking KILL you.

Frankie KICKS him in the balls.
Willis keels over in pain.

WILLIS
OW!

KIRK
You little SHIT.

Josh WHIPS OUT pepper spray
and SHOOTS it in Kirk’s eyes.

KIRK (CONT'D)
(wiping them)
My EYES, my EYES.

And they take TAKE OFF.

EXT. FRANKIE’S VOLKSWAGON BUS - CONTINUOUS
Frankie and Josh pile
into Frankie’s van.
SLAM the doors.

JOSH
I can’t believe you fucking DID that!

FRANKIE
Neither can I!

INT. FRANKIE’S VOLKSWAGON BUS - CONTINUOUS
Frankie JAMS the car into gear.
Josh turns around and looks
out the back window.
Sees something.

JOSH
Wait. Don’t go. Hold on a sec.

FRANKIE
Are you fucking crazy?

He starts pulling out of his parking space.

JOSH
WAIT. It’s Shayla.

FRANKIE
What?

Frankie turns around. Looks.

EXT. SCHOOL PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
Willis SLAPS Shayla. GRABS her.
SHOVES her into his pickup truck.

SLAMS the door. PEELS RUBBER
out of the parking lot.

IN FRANKIE’S CAR
He looks at Josh. Open-mouthed.

FRANKIE
The rumors are TRUE.
He DOES hit her.

Frankie HITS THE GAS
and drives toward the exit.

JOSH
What are you DOING?

FRANKIE
What does it look like?
I’m gonna FOLLOW them.

EXT. SUBURBAN STREET - DAY
Frankie’s car follows Willis’
truck down the street.

INT. FRANKIE’S VOLKSWAGON BUS - CONTINUOUS
Josh looks at Frankie.

JOSH
You’re fucking crazy.
What are you gonna do when
you catch up with them?

FRANKIE
(grinning maniacally)
Rescue her.

A Little Devil

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of Frankenstein In Love, suburban homemaker Peggy Heck greets uniformed officer Chet Beverage at the door, responding to her 911 call about a rat that's invaded her house. There's also another problem. It's dead, and has been brought back to life ...


INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Plain and ordinary, but comfy. Homey.
We hear SQUEALING and BANGING
from behind a closed door.

Vita’s mother PEGGY (40)
morbidly obese,
talks on the phone,
chain-eating cookies.

On the counter we see
a book with the title:

THE GOOD WITCH:
SPELLS FOR HOME AND HEALTH.

PEGGY
Nobody’s come yet.
Can they hurry it up?
It’s making such an awful racket.

DISPATCHER (O.C.)
(electronic)
You don’t need to call
nine-one-one more than once, Ma’am.
An officer should be there any minute.

PEGGY
Okeydokey. Sorry to bother you.

The doorbell RINGS.

PEGGY
That must be them. Thanks, bye.

She hangs up, waddles out of the room.

AT THE FRONT DOOR
Peggy opens it.

A UNIFORMED OFFICER walks in.
Young. Decent-looking.
Trying very hard not to smile.

UNIFORMED OFFICER
Mrs. Heck?

PEGGY
Please. Call me Peggy.

UNIFORMED OFFICER
Peggy.
(nods)
Officer Beverage.
You reported a wild rat invasion?

Meet CHET BEVERAGE (30’s),
small town peace officer.

A bit paunchy from living the good life.
Great with getting cats out of trees.

Never fired his weapon.
On purpose, that is.

PEGGY
Yes, I did. Thank god you’re here.
Come with me. I’ll show you.

INT. SUBURBAN HOME - KITCHEN - DAY
Peggy and Chet stand in front
of the door to the basement.

Frankie’s reanimated rat SQUEALS
and BANGS against the door.

PEGGY
I opened the back door
to take out the garbage,
and it ran in here
like a little devil.
It shot right down to the basement.

CHET
Why didn’t you call an exterminator?

PEGGY
Because it’s, uh --
(eyes wide)
Already dead.

Cheerleaders On Fire

Happy Fridaze, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of Frankenstein In Love, teenage science nerd Frankie is accosted by his lovelorn next-door-neighbor Vita about playing Dungeons and Dragons later that night. In a hurry to go to school, he blows her off. Later at school, he sees his dream girl, head cheerleader Shayla ... who laughs in his face.



EXT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - DAY
A small, plain four-bedroom colonial job
just like all the others on the street.

Frankie walks out the front door.
Starts walking over to his car,
a decrepit, old Volkswagon bus.
Fumbles with his keys.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hey, Frankie.

He turns and look, sees --

VITA HECK (17), his next-door neighbor.
Dressed in black. Rail-thin.

Pale skin. Dark makeup. Wild hair.
Siouxsie Sioux has nothing on her.

FRANKIE
Hey, Vita. What’s up?

VITA
Finally fixed the motherboard.
Got two-hundred screaming gigs of power.

FRANKIE
(distracted)
That’s -- great.

He opens the car door.
Gets in. Starts the engine.
Vita walks over to the car.

VITA
A bunch of us are gonna play
Dungeons and Dragons tonight.
Can I pencil you in as the wizard?

FRANKIE
I haven’t played that
since we were kids.

VITA
I know, but hope springs eternal.
Play your cards right, and I’ll
let you loot and pillage.

FRANKIE
I’m sorry, Vita. I gotta go.
Don’t wanna be late for school. Sorry.

He drives away.
She SHOUTS after him.

VITA
I’ll let you be dungeon master --

EXT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
Out of a John Hughes movie.
Old and stately. Manicured lawn.
Manicured kids from good homes.

The joint’s abuzz with dozens of
STUDENTS on their way to class.

Frankie walks with his friend
JOSH BOHNER (17), small and intense.
Makes Christopher Mintz-Platz look macho.

JOSH
You mean it WORKED?

FRANKIE
Yeah. I tweaked the enzyme,
stripped the double helix,
swapped out the nucleiods,
then zapped it with ten thousand watts.

JOSH
That’s amazing.
Do you realize what this MEANS?

FRANKIE
That I’m a genius?

JOSH
Yeah. You’re gonna be rich and famous.
(sees something)
Uh-oh. Here come the archetypes.

A trio of CHEERLEADERS
glide by the boys.

Three scoops of blonde
bathed in golden sunlight.

Frankie sighs. Stares at --

SHAYLA PETRIE (17),
the head cheerleader.

She sees Frankie staring.
Whispers to her friends.
They ERUPT in laughter.

FRANKIE
(whispers)
Shayla Petrie.

JOSH
I can’t believe you
have the hots for her.
She just laughed in your face.

FRANKIE
I don’t care. She’s perfect.

JOSH
Hello? Reality check?
She’s WAY out of your league.
(tugs on his sleeve)
C’mon, we’re gonna be late for chem lab.

They start walking inside.

FRANKIE
I would KILL to be with her.

JOSH
Careful what you wish for.

SITTING UNDER A NEARBY TREE
We see Vita, watching them.
Writing something in a notebook.

CLOSE ON --

The book.

We see a drawing of
CHEERLEADERS ON FIRE.