Hit and Run Holiday

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of Frankenstein In Love, the cops comb every inch of the crime scene where head cheerleader Shayla Petrie was killed in a hit and run accident. Meanwhile, Center For Disease Control agent Beck Driver arrives on the scene to investigate the dead rat that science genius nerd Frankie Stein brought back to life ...


EXT. OLD COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
We recognize the spot where Willis
kicked Shayla out of the car.

And the curve in the road
where she was plowed over
by the hit and run driver.

But instead of being isolated,
it’s now a CRIME SCENE.

A gaggle of CRIME TECHS
search the area for clues.

In the background is
the same media circus,
now behind barricades,
kept back by a handful
of UNIFORMED OFFICERS.


Chet talks to the CHIEF OF POLICE,
a pasty-fasted big fella squeezed
like a sausage into a cheap suit.

Meet CAPPY WIND (50’s), Venison’s
low-rent version of the high command.

CHET
He’s kind of a fuck-up, chief.
But I don’t think he had anything
to do with her disappearance.
He was genuinely surprised to
find out she didn’t come home.

CHIEF WIND
But you said he acted kinda guilty.

CHET
Yeah, but not because of any foul play.
He wouldn’t admit that they’d been drinking,
but he told me she threw up all over
the inside of his vehicle.
(beat)
You know teenagers.

CHIEF WIND
Too well.
But we got an anonymous tip
from someone who said he liked to hit her.
As of now, he’s our chief suspect.

An INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
looks up from his work

INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
We got bits of skull and brains here, chief.

CHIEF WIND
So she was definitely killed.

He nods. Points at a spot
on the side of the road.

INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
And we’ve got tire tracks that show
a vehicle screeched to a stop here.
(points)
And there’s traces of blood here.
(points)
And these marks suggest that
a large object was dragged --
(points)
Over here.
And see here where they stopped?
The body was moved.

CHET
What do you think happened?

INTENSE-LOOKING TECH
If you ask me, she was hit by a car,
then dragged off into another car
and taken away.

CHET
Jesus CHRIST.
Who the hell would do THAT?

CHIEF WIND
That’s what we’re gonna find out, son.
NOBODY steals the dead body of
the head cheerleader in MY TOWN.
(mutters to himself)
That nubile, young flesh.

CHET
Of course not, sir.
(thinks)
Actually, uh -- I think they did. Sir.

CHIEF WIND
Shut up, Beverage.
You know what I meant.
We’re gonna find the culprit, GOT IT?

CHET
Got it. Sir.

CHIEF WIND
And I’m putting YOU in charge of the case.

CHET
Sir?

CHIEF WIND
I want you to comb EVERY INCH
of this bucolic, lower-middle-class
paradise and FIND this monster.

CHET
Yes, SIR.

CHIEF WIND
I want the good people of Venison
to know that we will HUNT DOWN
and BRING TO JUSTICE anyone who
DARES to abduct our objects of desire.

INT. VENISON POLICE HEADQUARTERS - DAY
The usual drab, puke-colored institutional joint.
Strange details scream out ‘built in the 70’s.’

A LARGE COP sits at the front desk
working a crossword puzzle.

Beck Driver MARCHES up to him briskly.

BECK
Excuse me.

LARGE COP
(eyes on the paper)
Gimme one sec.

BECK
Beck Driver, CDC, here to
see Officer Chet Beverage.

LARGE COP
(looks at her)
What’s a five-letter word for fat?

BECK
Obese.

LARGE COP
That’s IT.
(writes it down, looks up)
How may I help you?

BECK
Beck Driver, CDC, here to
see Officer Chet Beverage.

LARGE COP
Beck? Like the musician?

BECK
It’s short for Rebecca.
(low)
I’m here about the rat.

LARGE COP
Oh. That.
You need to go to the morgue. Downstairs.
I’ll have him meet you down there.

Beck nods. Marches off.
Large picks up the phone.
Watches her.

LARGE COP
Nice rack --