In Blonde We Trust

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of Frankenstein In Love, after bringing Shayla's dead body back to life, Frankie goes to school the next day, only to discover that the whole town, and the media, are freaking out over her disappearance ...


INT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Students stream down the hallway carrying books.
Most of them looks sad, in shock, lost.

A pair of STONERS stand in
front of the water fountain.

They sport the standard ripped jeans
and Metallica T-shirt uniform.
You can practically smell them on the page.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
Dude. It’s The case of the missing snatch.
What do you think happened to her?

FRIZZY-HAIRED STONER
I dunno. It’s a loss to humanity, bro.
That was some righteous pink taco.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
(nods solemnly)
In blonde we trust.

CAMERA finds a group of NERDS
huddling around a locker.

BIG GLASSES NERD
She was swallowed into a
space-time continuum, I tell you.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
God, you’re such a fucking nerd.
She probably just ran away from home.

BALD NERD
Maybe she got KIDNAPPED
and sold into white slavery.

BIG GLASSES NERD
Maybe she got sucked into a black hole.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
Hey. Who you calling a BLACK HOLE?

CAMERA WHOOSHES OVER to a pair of jocks
walking down the hallway. Heads hung low.
Trying to process the information.

RED-FACED JOCK
So is it still okay to jerk off to her?

TALL JOCK
I dunno.
(low, to himself)
What a waste of major boobage.

RED-FACED JOCK
Maybe I can dry-hump Misty --
and think about her?

TALL JOCK
NICE.

They SLAP PALMS.

RED-FACED JOCK
Gone, but still jizzed-on.

CAMERA glides away. Finds Shayla’s cheerleader friends
AURA and AMBER. Teary-eyed, they hustle down the hall.

AMBER
I don’t understand. Where did she GO?

AURA
I feel -- empty, like when I got kicked off Facebook --

AMBER
Yeah. It’s like you texted someone,
and they didn’t text you back.

They look at each other. SHRIEK.
RUN into the girls’ room.

CAMERA finds Frankie and Josh,
walking toward the exit.

JOSH
I dunno, Frankie.
Maybe we should confess.
It doesn’t feel right.

FRANKIE
Yeah, sure. What are we supposed to say?
She’s dead, but I brought her back to
life and she’s down in my basement?

JOSH
I had bad dreams last night, Frankie.
I’m not sure if I can handle this.

FRANKIE
HANDLE this? You HAVE to handle this.
She’s mine now, and I’m not
going to let her go.

JOSH
But she’s DEAD, Frankie. She’s DEAD.
What good is she to you like that?

FRANKIE
GOOD to me? Tonight’s our first date.
(beat)
And she’s not dead anymore --

They reach the front entrance. Walk outside.

EXT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - FRONT LAWN - DAY
A horde of NEWS VANS are parked outside.
A few REPORTERS with CAMERA CREWS
are interviewing students.

A FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
thrusts a microphone into a fat girl’s
tear-streaked face.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
Did you know Shayla well?

FAT GIRL
No. But we all looked up to her.
She was so -- perfect.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
(nods, looks into the camera)
It’s been one day -- and we still don’t know
what happened to little Shayla Petrie.
Perhaps it was an unhealthy desire
for perfection that drew her to the dark side.

FRANKIE AND JOSH
Watch the hubbub from the front steps.

JOSH
Geez. They’re like vultures circling a fresh kill.

FRANKIE
That may be. But I’VE got the body, not them.

JOSH
‘The body?’ Don’t say that. It sounds -- creepy.

FRANKIE
Chill, bro. It’s an expression.
I’m not gonna go full Harvey Weinstein on her.
I’m a lover, not a producer --