The Killer Insider Her

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, under-aged serial killer Sparkle Plenty toys with her latest victim, porn director Bruce Ball. Meanwhile, after homicide dick Carrie love illegally interrogates Ball's producer Dina Daerr, police chief Larry Lipshitz suspends her ...


INT. FARMER’S DAUGHTER MOTEL - BATHROOM - AT THE SAME TIME
Bruce lies in the tub,
trussed up like a pig on a spit.

He moans.
Sparkle leans over,
blows him a kiss.

SPARKLE
Playing with you is like
eating a box of chocolates.
(beat)
Afterwards you gotta stick
your fingers down your throat.
(beat)
Now don’t move a muscle,
Mr. Murder victim.
I want you to stay right
here while I go shopping.
I’m gonna bring home a big surprise.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - CORRIDOR - EXIT - NIGHT
Larry chases after Carrie and Bernie.

LIPSHITZ
I hate surprises, Legs.
Tell me what she said.

CARRIE
(pushes the door open)
We can’t tell you yet, Lare --
don’t want to let the
cat out of her pants.
But I promise, when I do --
you’ll be the first to know.

KEKO
(blocks the door)
She’s lying, Carrie.
You’re so full of shit
it makes my head spin.
(to Larry)
We got bupkiss, chief.

CARRIE
'Bupkiss?' Nice vocabulary.
Get the fuck out of my way.

KEKO
Nice mouth. Officer.
(to Larry)
She promised Miss Range Rover immunity --
and all she did was give up her boss.

CARRIE
I’ll give you something if
you don’t get out of my way.

LIPSHITZ
Stop right where you are, you two.
You’ve got some ‘splaining to do.

CARRIE
The Ricky Ricardo routine
isn’t gonna work this time, chief.
Just let me do my job.
Don’t I always get results?

Pause.

LIPSHITZ
I like you Carrie, I really like you.
In spite of your attitude, your insults,
your total disregard for procedure --
I like you.
(beat)
That’s why this kills me.
But I’m afraid I’m going to have to
ask for your badge and your gun.
You’re suspended for a week.

CARRIE
What?

KEKO
Yes!

CARRIE
You’re suspending me?

LIPSHITZ
Like a Catholic girl who’s been caught
with her hand in the cookie puss.
(beat)
Your badge and your gun, Carrie. Please.

She bitterly, painfully -- hands them over.

LIPSHITZ (CONT’D)
You wanna know what the straw was
that bent the camel’s dick?

CARRIE
To be honest with you, Lare --
I could really give a shit.
There’s a copycat serial killer
working her way through
the hot 100 movie murders --
and you’re gonna take
me out of the game?

LIPSHITZ
Consider it a seventh-inning stretch.
(beat)
Daerr’s lawyer hit the roof.
You kept the ice princess
in a holding cell for an hour --
and then an interrogation room for three.
Without counsel. A phone call.
Or a trip to the fucking head.
When the shyster finally got to her,
after her father called him --
she’d wet her pants.

KEKO
That’s a shame.
Those were nice pants.

CARRIE
I was trying a new strategy.

KEKO
Nicotine withdrawal’s a bitch.
And so are you.

LIPSHITZ
Do you know who the fuck
her father is?

CARRIE
Some rich asshole?

LIPSHITZ
Think dinosaurs.
Feel-good concentration camp comedies.
Cuddly, sexless aliens.

PUSH IN on Carrie’s face.
Light bulb flickering.