Stump The Chick

Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, under-aged serial killer Sparkle Plenty tortures wannabe film director Bruce Ball in a sleazy motel bathroom. Meanwhile, homicide dick Carrie Love interrogates Bruce's 'producer' Dina Daerr ...


INT. FARMER’S DAUGHTER MOTEL - BATHROOM - DAY
Some perverse Serge Gainsbourg 60’s
go-go groove over --

Bruce Ball gagged and handcuffed
under a SCALDING HOT SHOWER.

Twisting and turning in agony
in a cloud of steam.

Sparkle talks into a microcassette
in her glitter-nailed fist.

In the other, a big,
shiny BUTCHER KNIFE.

SPARKLE
PSYCHO was released by
Universal Pictures in 1960.
It made forty-million at the box office,
a big hit back then, especially for
a black and white picture.
It made a star out of Tony Perkins --
and gave us the Bates Motel,
where check-out time is for good.

A muffled SCREAM under the duct tape.

SPARKLE (CONT’D)
And that’s our victim.
A petty, immature little man
with a big mouth.
Someone who looks at women
as objects -- not as people.

A loud KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

ISRAELI MANAGER (O.S.)
Miss Plenty!
Turn yo-ur museek down!
I’m not goink to tell yoo again!

AT THE DOOR
she opens it a crack
against the tiny chain.

SPARKLE
Oh gosh, I’m sorry Mr. Shlomo --
I guess I got that disco fever again.
I’ll keep it down, I promise.

ISRAELI MANAGER (O.S.)
Yoo better!
Else yoo have to leave, yoo hear me?
Yoo play that weird music, too loud,
alla time, too loud!

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - DAY
Dina sits alone at a table.
She picks up a pack of smokes.
Empty. SLAPS them down.

CARRIE (O.S.)
She’s going nuts by now.
It’s been three hours.

KEKO (O.S.)
Withholding nicotine.
Don’t remember learning
that one at the Academy.

Dina stands.
Walks over to mirror
filling the opposite wall.

Regards her reflection.
Adjusts her hair.

DINA
(to the mirror)
I know you’re back there.
I want my lawyer.
This is unconstitutional.

BEHIND THE MIRROR
in the darkness backlit
by the interrogation lamps --

KEKO
You hear that?
Lipshitz is gonna
pass a kidney stone.
We can’t just hold her
and not question her.

CARRIE
(looks at her watch)
Yes we can.
She’s gonna spill her guts
faster than a horny heiress
on a Barbara Walters special.
(beat, to the door)
C’mon -- let’s play stump the chick.

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Carrie lights a smoke,
takes a deep drag.
Exhales. Smiles.

CARRIE
You’re full of crap.
Someone killed Miss Runner-Up,
wanted to kill you --
and we both know who it was.
I’ve heard of loyalty to your boss --
but this is bordering on the domestic.

DINA
Bruce didn’t do it.
This white trash Paris Hilton --

KEKO
-- Just wandered in,
killed your actress,
and hung you up like a pinata
while Zalman King made his getaway?

DINA
Fuck you. I want to call my lawyer.

Carrie shakes out a smoke.
Teases her with it.

CARRIE
Shhhhh. Don’t worry.
I know you’re innocent.
I can smell it.
(holds it up to her nose)
Mmm. Even better after sex --

Something passes between them.

Dina GRABS the Marlboro.
Carrie lights it.

DINA
You promise me immunity?
Cut me a deal?

CARRIE
Is Lindsay Lohan back on Rodeo Drive?

DINA
Okay. Okay. Okay.
(takes a drag, orgasmic)
We were supposed to be
shooting a fake snuff film,
Bruce said we were using blanks,
but what he didn’t tell me was --