Take Me To Your Soundstage

Happy Wednesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, wannabe director Bruce Ball shoots a fake snuff film that turns deadly when real bullets are accidentally used ... and then gets interrupted by under-aged serial killer Sparkle Plenty, who cheerfully kidnaps him ...


INT. PRODUCTION OFFICE - BASEMENT - DAY
The PRETTY MODEL we saw earlier
testing for the beer ad is now
naked, gagged and tied to a chair.

A scrap of plywood across her chest.
Eyes screaming pure, animal terror.

Bruce frames the scene
through a digital video camera.

BRUCE
The lamp.
Move it just a little more.

DINA makes the adjustment.

DINA
This is gonna look so real.
(looks at the model)
I mean, check it out.
She really thinks she’s gonna die.

BRUCE
Shhh. Suspend your disbelief.
(beat)
Places, please.

Dina goes to the table.
Faces the bim.

BRUCE (O.S.) (CONT'D)
And -- action.

CAMERA POV
The statuesque beauty slowly
removes her lux jacket --

Revealing an hourglass shape
in a merry widow.

And a black leather shoulder holster.

She reaches behind,
slides out the Magnum --
and takes aim.

The Model jerks against the ropes,
muffled gagging screams.

DINA
(with relish)
By the power invested in me,
I now declare you to be a
complete waste of human life.
You did not cherish, honor
or obey -- anything.
You spent your days chasing fame,
fortune and the almighty dollar.
(beat)
I now sentence you to the
swift end of a pathetic life.
Your final gift to humanity
will be this short film --
a sacrifice to the
dark angel we pray to.

BANG. BANG. BANG.

CLOSE ON --
The model slumped over in the chair.
Bullet holes in the wood.
Blood seeping down her body.

DINA (O.S.)
Oh my god! Holy shit!
Holy fuck!
I’ve shot her!
You said we were using blanks!

BRUCE
stares in disbelief.
Then, the barest hint of smile.

BRUCE
We were -- I thought we were.
(beat)
At least now we know
it looks realistic.

DINA
Realistic? Realistic!?
I just fucking killed someone!

A doorbell RINGS.

BRUCE
Shit.

EXT. BALL’S PRODUCTION OFFICE - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS
It’s SPARKLE. Looking more than
a little cute in overall shorties,
platform clogs, hair in ponytails.

She presses the button again.

SPARKLE
I’ll huff and I’ll puff,
and I’ll blow your pants down.

She giggles.

IN THE BASEMENT

BRUCE
(goes to the door)
Calm down, calm down, calm down.
Stay here with the -- girl.
I’ll get rid of whoever it is.
Then we’ll come up with a plan.

DINA
That’s what you said
on that shoot in Darfur.

IN THE FOYER
Sparkle confronts Bruce
with her splendor.

SPARKLE
I’m sorry.
I didn’t mean to
interrupt anything.

BRUCE
No, not at all.
I’m glad you came by.
We were just downstairs
shooting someone. Something.
Shooting something.

SPARKLE
Cool. You still wanna --
shoot me?

BRUCE
I do, I do --
but now’s not a good time.
This actress, is uh --
difficult, and --

Sparkle whips out handcuffs --
and SNAP, click. Gotcha.

Pulls out a DERRINGER.
Aims, cocks it.

SPARKLE
Tough toenails.
Take me to your soundstage.
I’ve got a score to
settle with you, mini-man.