Bits And Pieces

Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 35 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, teenage serial killer Sparkle Plenty cuts up the body of the Hollywood industry hack she just murdered, while giving us her review of the film American Psycho ...


INT. MOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - DUSK
Sparkle stands naked over
the body in the bath tub.

She’s covered in blood.
Cutting up the body.

CAMERA stays on her
as she leans over,
saws off pieces.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
AMERICAN PSYCHO was widely
misunderstood by the critics.
But then, who could blame them?
The book it was based on
was a misogynistic piece
of yuppie masturbatory crap.

She raises up an arm.
Salutes it.

Tosses it in a garbage bag.
Returns to her work.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
The film is actually a black comedy --
a satire of the go-go
Reagan eighties in Manhattan.
It almost derailed when
Leo DiCaprio came on board,
causing the low-budget indie
to bloat overnight into a
fifty-million-dollar mega-production.
Thank god for Leo’s handlers,
because he ended up
getting cold feet.

She raises up a leg.
Makes a face.

Chucks it in the bag.
Grabs the saw. Continues.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
As fun as it is, this flick
didn’t completely satisfy this critic.
I mean, there’s no point
to Jason Bateman’s killing, is there?
He’s just a psycho --
there’s no story, no plot, per se.
It’s completely random.
It’s hilarious, sure, but it’s
the cinematic equivalent of a Happy Meal --
goes down fast, but devoid
of any creative nutrition.

Sparkle saws harder.
This one’s tough.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
This installation -- this piece --
this reinterpretation is the
stuff of real meaning. Of truth.
A commentary on the banalities
of the modern mating ritual.
It is my intention to desconstruct
and then reinvent the American family.
Show the world that you
don’t have to be a victim.
That you can create your own
family, control your own destiny --

The killer cutie finishes. Smiles.
Raises up the Industry Hack’s head --

SPARKLE (V.O.)
And make your own fucking movie.

And kisses him on the mouth.