The Land Of Celluloid Dreams

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 40 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, teenage serial killer Sparkle Plenty prepares for her big 'night on the town.' Meanwhile, homicide detective Carrie Love gets ready for her date with destiny ... with Sparkle.


INT. SPARKLE’S APARTMENT - BATHROOM - DUSK
Sparkle stands in front of the tiny
mirror in her tiny bathroom.

A vision in dayglow fuschia battle fatigues.
Giant pink ten-inch moon-boot platforms.

Centerfold makeup, fake lashes.
Some kinda Spice Girl on acid
from 'Taxi Driver' hell.

She pours a shot of
Jaegermeister, raises it.

SPARKLE
You’re very good.
(downs it)
Come on, ma!
I’m trying to do my thing down here.
I got a big show to get ready for.
(beat)
Alright, I’ll turn it down.

She BURSTS into hysterical laughter.
Opens the medicine cabinet,
takes out a bottle.

Shakes out a handful of pills.
GULP. Pours another glass.

SPARKLE (CONT’D)
What’s so fuckin’ funny? Huh?
What’s so fuckin’ funny about me?
What -- do I make you laugh, huh?
Do I a-muse yoo? What am I,
some sorta clown?
Make you fuckin’ laugh? What.
What’s so fuckin’ funny about -- me.

The psychette GIGGLES.
Then remembers something.

Takes a red Bozo nose
out of her pocket. Pops it on.

SPARKLE (CONT’D)
(at her reflection)
But Mommy, I don’t want
to go the circus,
the clowns are scary.
They make me cry.

She GRABS a set of hair clippers,
FLICKS it on -- BUZZZZZ.

SPARKLE (CONT’D)
Well, then -- take me to the big top.

And starts shaving the side of head,
long, beautiful blonde hair cascading
in waves, floating like feathers --

SPARKLE
scrapes off foam with
a pink razor, revealing --
A big, beautiful blonde mohawk.

IN THE MIRROR
SPARKLE
You talkin’ to me?
You -- talkin to me ?
(beat)
Me? You talkin’ to -- me?
(raises gun, sticks it in her mouth)
‘Cauhz tha no-uhn elth heah.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - PAWN SHOP - DUSK

CARRIE (V.O.)
You know Hollywood is actually
a pretty shitty part of town.

A crappy, bile-green 1970
Dodge Dart Swinger pulls up, parks.

CARRIE (V.O.)
It’s nothing but pawn shops,
guitar shacks, tourist shit, strip joints,
star maps, sleazy bars, street trash
and hustlers of indeterminate gender.

Sparkle gets out.
Locks the car. Looks around.

No one notices, no one looks.
She blends.

CARRIE (V.O.)
A far cry from 'the
land of celluloid dreams.'

We follow the young woman
marching down the sidewalk.
No one looks at her twice.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Not only is it a mecca for the
sea of humanity yearning to be famous --
it’s also a vicious black hole of hell,
sucking in a staggering array of psychotic,
self esteem-challenged social misfits,
driven by rage, sin -- and a
pathetic desire to be famous.
(beat)
Almost none of them make it, of course.
So the town is strewn with the litter
of faded dreams, broken hearts,
and a hell of alotta whores.

Sparkle reaches a store.
An old, original facade.

THE BARGAIN CLOWN MART.
She smiles devilishly.

SPARKLE
Well, alrighty then.
Let’s check out
what’s under the big top --