The Blue Light Special

Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 42 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, homicide detectives Bernie Keko and Jesus Valentine search teenage serial killer Sparkle Plenty's apartment for clues to her whereabouts ...


INT. CIRCUS OF BOOKS - SECOND FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT
Skinny leads Keko and
Valentine down a hallway.

SKINNY MAN
She is a bit odd -- but she
always pays her rent on time.
Sometimes early. Real cute.
Looks like Britney.
Has a lot of visitors.
If only I could get
that kinda action --

They get to her door.
Skinny fishes out his master key.

SKINNY MAN (CONT'D)
(tries to open the door)
Fucking cunt must’ve
changed the lock.

KEKO
(looks at Valentine)
I’ve got an idea --

VALENTINE
One, two --
And they KICK DOWN
the door -- BANG.

SKINNY MAN
Hey!

KEKO
(hands him his card)
City will pay for it --

INT. SPARKLE’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Keko, Valentine and Skinny
regard the decor.

SKINNY MAN
Ooo. I LOVE what she’s
done to the place.
Gotta real queer eye --

KEKO
(to Skinny)
Would you mind leaving
us alone for a bit?
Might turn out to
be a crime scene.

SKINNY MAN
(goes to the door)
I’ll go make some coffee.

And he leaves.

VALENTINE
I think he likes you.

KEKO
Fuck you.
(looks around)
It looks like that guy’s place
who was caught jerking off
in a movie theater.

They start searching the joint.

VALENTINE
Pee-Wee Herman.
Pee-Wee’s Playhouse.
Loved that show.
Did you know that Cowboy Curtis
was played by a very young
Lawrence Fishburn?
(does impression)
I know you are,
but what am I? ARRRRGHH!
(beat)
Most people don’t realize that
Paul Reubens is a gifted comic actor
who created a vast array
of hilarious characters,
but was unfortunately
typecast as Pee-Wee.

KEKO
And you’re going to be typecast
as an asshole who won’t shut the fuck --
(beat)
Hey, check it out.

He points at Sparkle’s pink I-Mac.
On the screen:

TO DO:
Clean weapons.
Shower and change.
Fill the tank.
Take the Clown Mart Hostage.
(Arrive at ‘magic hour’
for best coverage.)
Reunite Carrie and Bernie.
Kill them.

KEKO AND VALENTINE
stare at the monitor.

KEKO (CONT'D)
What the fuck is the ‘Clown Mart?’

VALENTINE
Discount store on Sunset.

KEKO
Then let’s go shopping.
Time for the blue light special --