The Energizer Pussy

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, porn star Laura Lang gets an electro-shock in her privates on the set of her latest film. Meanwhile, under-aged serial killer claims her next victim, a film industry development executive ...


INT. SOUNDSTAGE - DAY
A real soundstage.
A surprisingly good set.

This is a porno with a budget.
Production value. A CREW.

Laura is on a chrome gurney,
very Barbarella in plastic and vinyl.

Bored look covering her dread.
Her creeping panic.

KLAUS
Take number 4 and 5 up
a bit more, please.

BURLY GRIP
Brighter? More brighter?

KLAUS
No. Make it darker.
So we can’t fucking see her.
(mutters to himself)
Non-union idiot.

LAURA
What are you, taking
a fucking light reading?

KLAUS
Hold your horsies,
my little turtle-dove.
(to a tech)
Let’s try the music.
Check the levels.

TECH (O.S.)
Scary gothic Nazi tunes
coming right up.

The soaring, over-the-top
stormtrooper-in-love sound of
Ultravox’s LOVE’S GREAT ADVENTURE
blasts at full-volume.

KLAUS
Ja. Too sexy for my fucken T-shirt.
(to a PA)
The dry ice! Start the dry ice!

A dense fog sweeps into frame.
Circles his waist.

Klaus hands Laura a CONTROL BOX,
demonstrates the knobs.

KLAUS (CONT'D)
This one controls the amps --
this one for the watts -- this,
for the frequency modulation --

LAURA
And the Energizer Pussy just
keeps on getting electrocuted.

KLAUS
You snicker now, my bitter Fraulein,
but you have never scaled the heights
that the Pandora Box will take you.
Never felt such pleasure,
such ecstacy, such bliss.

Laura slowly turns a knob,
gets a JOLT in her privates.

LAURA
Ow, FUCK! Bollocks!
(beat)
Fuckin’ bliss is gonna
blow my bloody fusebox.

KLAUS
Yes! She’s angry! That hurts!
But it feels so good!
Ach de lieber -- mein chubby!
(throws up his arms)
Speed! Roll video! Magic time!

INT. TRASHY, FUCKED UP HOTEL ROOM - AT THE SAME TIME
Dollshead’s slinky, feminine, Middle-Eastern
syncopated cover of YOU PUT A SPELL ON ME.

The kind of room where you don’t
need a black light to see the stains.

Sparkle sits on the bed, very pin-up.
In nothing but a teddie and a big smile.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
(about the music)
I like this, who is it?
It was in that film --
what was it, uh --

SPARKLE
DollsHead. The film was
'Random Acts of Architecture,’
a dark little indie coming of age
flick about a teenage girl
who has her first orgasm.
She kills the guy who gave it to her --
and then goes on a cross-country road trip
where she has a bunch of episodic adventures
on a journey of self-discovery.

ANGLE ON:
The MAN she’s talking to,
a FILM INDUSTRY HACK (50’s), scary
in black Gucci boxers, cigar.

FILM INDUSTRY HACK
That’s right. I read about that.
(slides onto the bed)
Ever smoke before sex?

SPARKLE
You make me laugh. Long and hard.
Fucking chat room 'LOL' time, slick.
Can I add you to my buddy list?
Wanna cyber-fuck?
Can I instant massage you?
Give it to you up the avatar?
Wanna SOCIAL NETWORK?

She starts laughing maniacally.
Cracks herself up.

FILM INDUSTRY HACK
Oh. My. God. I totally forgot.
I got this -- thing tonight.
How could I forget.
God, am I an asshole.

She WHIPS out a big, chrome
HANDGUN from behind her back.

JAMS it in his mouth.
Whispers, a’la Dirty Harry.

SPARKLE
You got that right, buster.
Now shut the fuck up
and get on your knees.
It’s time for you to play
'spin the dickhead' and beg
for your fictional life.
Ride the 45 caliber pony.
Time to give a Chuck Heston blow job,
go down on the NRA -- and swallow.

CLOSE ON --
Her face. Having a ball.

We hear the sickly THWIP
of a silencer, and --
blood splatters her
perfect bone structure.

SPARKLE
Cut, print -- that’s a TAKE.