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Tuesday, February 24, 2015
The Gangsta Lean
Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 47 of FILLMORE, after working in prison as a hospital aide and an officer's cafeteria waiter, Slim gets lucky and befriends the warden and ends up getting a gig as his personal chauffeur ...
INT. PRISON - INFIRMARY - DAY
Slim sits at his desk, doing paperwork.
A gaggle of NURSES (20’s)
stand by the water cooler,
gossiping and giggling.
A BUZZER goes off.
They ignore it, keep chatting away.
CHATTY NURSE
(to Slim)
Would you go see what he wants?
(fake smile)
Thanks!
SLIM
(gets up, mutters to himself)
Lazy motherfucking bitches.
They supposed to be nurses.
I ain’t nothin’ but an aide,
but I gotta do all the WORK --
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
A SICK PRISONER (30’s) lies in bed
in the dimly-lit room.
Hooked up to tubes and wires and monitors.
Slim comes in. Picks up his clipboard,
checks his vitals. Then comes over.
SLIM
What’s wrong?
SICK PRISONER
I’m in pain, man.
Can you give me something?
SLIM
I’m sorry, I can’t.
I’m just an aide.
SICK PRISONER
Can you get somebody who CAN?
SLIM
I’ll see what I can do.
INT. SLIM’S JAIL CELL - NIGHT
Slim lies in his bed,
staring at the ceiling.
Listening to the sounds of the prison.
INT. TEXARKANA PRISON - OFFICER’S DINING ROOM - DAY
A big, surprisingly fancy dining room
for the prison officers.
Slim wears a waiter’s uniform.
Serves them lunch.
He gets to a RED-FACED OFFICER.
Starts to serve him.
RED-FACED OFFICER
Clarence. How are you today?
Slim smiles, nods. Serves him.
RED-FACED OFFICER
I checked on the date
for your parole hearing.
It’s next Tuesday.
SLIM
Thank you, sir.
I appreciate it.
He continues moving down the table.
The WARDEN (50’), a white, serious-looking
but friendly guy walks in.
Sees Slim. Comes up to him.
Slim smiles, deferential.
SLIM
Good afternoon, Warden.
WARDEN
Good afternoon, Clarence.
(beat)
I was wondering if
you would do me a favor?
SLIM
What’s that, sir?
WARDEN
The guards tell me
you know all about Cadillacs --
SLIM
I know a little.
WARDEN
Well, I’ve got a Caddy
that’s been giving me problems.
I want you to take a look at it.
SLIM
Be my pleasure.
INT. PRISON YARD - MOTOR POOL - DAY
Slim and the Warden stand and look
at his classic vintage
Cadillac Humpback sedan.
WARDEN
You got transferred here
from the medical facility
in Springfield, right?
SLIM
Yes, sir.
WARDEN
Do you like working in the kitchen?
SLIM
Yeah. I like it fine.
Even get to eat a steak
once in awhile.
What’s not to like?
WARDEN
Thanks for the tip about the spark plugs.
I didn’t know that spark plugs
had to have an exact gap.
Always thought a spark plug
was a spark plug.
SLIM
Don’t worry about it.
My pleasure.
WARDEN
I really like the baby seat
up front between the seats.
It’s so convenient.
The wife loves it.
Slim starts LAUGHING.
The warden smiles.
WARDEN
What’s so funny?
SLIM
With all due respect, sir.
That’s not a baby seat.
It’s an arm rest.
(gestures)
May I?
WARDEN
Sure.
Slim gets in the car.
Leans onto the armrest
with his right arm.
Pantomimes steering the car.
SLIM
This is what we call
the gangsta lean.’
He takes his arm off.
Flips it up.
Then back down.
Looks at the warden. Nods.
WARDEN
Clarence, I’m making you
my personal driver --
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