Monday, February 9, 2015
The Candy Man
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 36 of FILLMORE, after Fillmore's friend Sammy pulls his impromptu 'concert,' the gang arrives in Alaska, where his posse hits the streets and start doing tricks while he gets ready for his big stage debut ...
INT. SMALL TOWN MEETING HALL - STAGE - NIGHT
Sammy stands onstage in front of the crowd,
stiffly moving his mouth to the words of the song.
Who can take a sunrise --
We see that Slim is actually singing.
Sprinkle it with dew --
Sammy continues ‘singing.’
Cover it with chocolate and a miracle or two --
Slim keeps on singing.
The Candy Man, oh the Candy Man can --
Sammy continues to lip-synch, now getting into it.
The Candy Man can cause he mixes it with love
and makes the world taste good --
Slim continues belting it out.
Who can take a rainbow, wrap it in a sigh --
Sammy starts dancing around while he lip-synchs.
Soak it in the sun and make a groovy lemon pie --
The Candy Man can --
INT. RECREATIONAL VEHICLE - MOVING - NIGHT
Blues music on the car stereo over --
Sammy, behind the wheel, driving.
Slim sits in the lounge area behind him
partying with the girls.
Doing lines of blow off the table.
Who can chop a perfect line?
Snort it up your nose?
Lay up on your back and make a trillion billion bucks?
The Candy Man can --
They crack up with laughter.
Slim suddenly turns serious.
And what the fuck was that Simms shit?
Ordering me around like I was some kind of butler.
You’re lucky I don’t smack you up.
Hey, you put me on the spot.
I was just playin’ the part you gave me.
Well, I ain’t NOBODY’S servant, you hear?
You try that shit again,
you’ll get my boot up your ass.
I said I was SORRY. It won’t happen again.
Slim HONKS up a line of blow. Honey hands him a joint.
Here, baby. Have some of this. Chill you out.
EXT. FREEWAY - DAY
The RV passes a sign that reads WELCOME TO ALASKA.
EXT. DOWNTOWN ANCHORAGE - HOTEL - DAY
The RV pulls into a fairly modern-looking hotel
in downtown Anchorage. Everyone piles out, laughing.
EXT. SNOWY FIELD - DAY
IN A LONG SHOT, we see Slim, Sammy and
the four girls stand in the snow,
looking up at the mountains.
Dwarfed by the great expanse of beauty.
Looking up in wonder.
IN MONTAGE, Slim watches Sammy and the girls RUN
through an open field in the snow, YELLING and LAUGHING.
Throw snowballs at each other.
INT. THE LAST FRONTIER NIGHT CLUB - DAY
Slim meets with CALLIE SMOOMS (40’s) the owner of the club.
A tough-looking but pretty mountain woman.
She and Slim sit at the bar, which is now empty,
except for EMPLOYEES setting up in the background.
I’m glad you could make it.
Don’t think nothin’ about it. Thanks for inviting me.
Well, I’m sure the pipeline workers are gonna love you.
And the Eskimos.
Eskimos? You mean with igloos and shit?
Well, most of them don’t live in igloos anymore --
Oh. One last thing.
I’m sure it’s not going to be a problem,
but I thought you should know --
The band is from the local Army base.
(off his look)
But trust me, they can really rock --
INT. THE LAST FRONTIER NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT
Slim’s onstage with an ARMY BRASS BAND
a group of men playing wind instruments --
trumpets, saxophones, trombones, etc. -- and a DRUM CORP.
They’re playing BIG BRASS MONKEY, but it sounds more like
half-time at the ball game than the blues.
They struggle to keep time, horns BLARING.
Slim sings his heart but, but makes strange faces,
looking at the band.
(trying to keep time with them)
All you want to do is -- ball and play --
You got the balls -- of a big brass monkey.
The band reaches a crescendo, and they finish with
the RAT-TAT-TAT of the snare drums. Cymbals CRASH.
The big bass drum BOOMS. Slim takes a bow.
(under his breath)
Semper Fi, motherfuckers.
EXT. DOWNTOWN ANCHORAGE - NIGHT
IN MONTAGE, we see snippets of the girls
working the street and Slim playing at the club.
Leans into the window of pickup truck
being driven by a PIPELINE WORKER (20’s)
a big bear of a fellow.
So I hear you guys lay some mean pipe.
BIG BEAR GUY
I’ll show ya a gusher --
Chats up another PIPELINE WORKER,
a young, eager-looking kid.
You’re really from Cali-forna? Wow.
Yep. And after I’m done with you,
you’ll wish they all could be California girls --
Is back onstage at The Last Frontier.
The band has added guys playing guitar and bass.
It sounds a lot better -- but still isn’t quite there yet.
Lawdy Miss Clawdy, sure like to ball --
A GROUP OF ESKIMOS
Sit in the empty theater, watching, stone-faced.
Stands on the corner, counting a big stack of money.
She smiles, nods. Shoves it in her purse.
A car pulls up to the curb.
A big LOCAL WOODSMAN (30’s) leans out the window.
BIG LOCAL WOODSMAN
Hey, baby. Ever done it with a trapper?
Ever had a snapper?
He laughs. Opens the door. She jumps in.
Leans into the window of an ANCIENT SEDAN
driven by an ESKIMO, a strapping young guy.
I could show you a different kind of Eskimo Pie --
BIG, STRAPPING ESKIMO
I like -- fish --
Your igloo, or mine?