Monday, August 25, 2014
There's No Place Like Hummer
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 31 of NOWHERE GIRL, Palestinian arms dealer Avi Abbas tries to flee the country, with disastrous results. Meanwhile, long-lost twin sisters April Street and Cherry Nation race to black ops spook Sledge Crafton's secret lair ...
INT./EXT. LIMOUSINE - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Avi sits in the back as the limo
cruises south on the 405.
He pulls out his cell.
PUNCHES in a number.
I’d like to reserve a ticket
on the next flight to Caracas --
A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.
What the fuck?
The driver’s window SLIDES DOWN.
I wasn’t speeding.
EXT. 405 FREEWAY - LIMOUSINE - CONTINUOUS
The limo pulls over.
A MOTORCYCLE COP pulls up behind it.
Stops. Parks. The cop dismounts.
Walks over to the window.
What seems to be the problem, officer?
The cop pulls out his SERVICE REVOLVER
and SHOOTS him. BANG.
IN THE REAR
Avi hears the shot. JUMPS.
The cop appears in the divider.
And SHOOTS him. BANG.
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - DAWN
A beautiful sunrise.
FIRE TRUCKS and PATROL CARS
make their way up into the hills.
NEWS CHOPPERS fly overhead.
INT. BOMB SQUAD TRUCK - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April punches in a number on her cell. Listens.
Lark? You there?
INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE
Lark sits at her workstation,
blowing on her hundredth cup of coffee.
Dark circles under haunted eyes.
I need Crafton’s location.
I can’t --
I thought this line was encrypted.
It is, but -- I can’t --
Wait a minute.
You never sent back-up because
you’re working for him, AREN’T you.
You’re a fucking MOLE.
My GOD am I STUPID.
A FIGURE IN BLACK SHADES
Appears at the end of the row of cubicles.
And you got Shag killed.
NO. That wasn’t -- my fault.
Give me his location. NOW.
Starts walking toward Lark’s workstation.
You’re a disgrace to your flag.
You KNOW that? This is your chance
to prove that not ALL American agents
Shag wasn’t corrupt!
But you got him KILLED.
Lark GASPS. Her eyes fill with tears.
Crafton’s HQ is in the Capitol Records building.
He’s got the whole top floor.
The figure reaches Lark’s cubicle.
He raises a 9mm Baretta with a silencer,
and SHOOTS her in the head -- THWIP.
Good girl, now you’re talking -- thanks.
She hung up.
She looks at Cherry, white as a ghost.
One of Crafton’s assassins.
I’m sorry, love.
I didn’t know how to tell you.
Poor Shag. My god.
He drove me crazy, you know?
But he meant well, he was --
such a great guy,
I don’t know what I’m gonna --
SHIT, my KIDS.
Can I borrow your cell phone?
April hands it over.
Cherry PUNCHES in a number. Listens.
Hello, Jamie? It’s mommy.
I miss you, too.
I’m sorry I woke you --
I’m so glad you’re having fun.
You love your Nanna, don’t you?
I have good news.
I might be coming home
sooner than I thought.
I love you, too.
Go back to sleep.
She clicks the phone shut. Relieved.
Thank god for small miracles, huh?
The truck is RAMMED from behind.
They JERK in their seats.
What the FUCK was that?
(looks in rear view)
We’re being tailed --
By a fucking HUMMER.
But this truck’s bigger than a Hummer.
Exactly. Hold onto your tits.
April JAMS on the breaks -- SCREEEEECH.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
The Hummer SMASHES
into the back of the truck.
IN THE TRUCK
April JAMS it into reverse --
and HITS THE GAS.
ON THE STREET
The truck starts PUSHING the Hummer backwards.
Cars HONK. SWERVE to get out of the way.
IN THE HUMMER
The DRIVER curses.
Pulls out an AUTOMATIC WEAPON.
Sticks it out the window. PUMPS it.
Gets SPRAYED with bullets.
IN THE TRUCK
April hands Cherry her Sig Sauer.
Here ya go, love --
shoot his fucking nuts off.
Cherry takes the gun.
Opens her window. Leans out.
Starts FIRING at the Hummer.
SPRAYS it with bullets.
THE DRIVER OF THE HUMMER
Aims for the truck’s rear tires.
Gets the left. BANG.
Then the right. BANG.
IN THE TRUCK
April SWERVES the wheel.
He’s shooting our TIRES. Get HIS!
Leans further out the window.
SPRAYS bullets on the Hummer’s front tires.
THE TRUCK AND THE HUMMER
Reach an intersection.
The truck’s wheels SCREECH on their rims,
PUSHING the Hummer into ONCOMING TRAFFIC.
A CITY BUS
SMASHES into the Hummer -- BANG. Bye-bye.
IN THE TRUCK
April pulls the truck over to the curb.
Looks at Cherry.
Well, since you asked --
I feel like I’m gonna puke.
(realizes, turns her head)
Peeler? You back there? You okay?
Cherry swivels in her seat.
Looks in the rear.
THE BACK DOOR
Is open. The compartment is empty.
He’s gone. Story of my life.
Welcome to the world of espionage.
The Spy Who Left Me.
C’mon, we gotta get new wheels --