Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRL, the Al Qaeda sleeper cell terrorists have their way with their Hollywood Hills hostage's trophy wife ... until Bel Air Security arrives at the door. Meanwhile, stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and Silverlake hipster Peeler Mardo hide out in a nearby estate's pool house, until they're interrupted by Homeland Security agent April Street smashing through the door on a Vespa scooter ...
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - NIGHT
The squad car makes its way
down the long, long driveway.
INT. SECURITY SQUAD CAR - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The guys check out the lux digs.
DRIVER
Shit, look at this joint.
It’s bigger than my high school.
RENNY
Hurry up and park.
I gotta take a piss.
INT. MANSION - MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT
Unbelievably opulent. Huge.
With a giant circular bed.
Trophy’s wrists have been
tied to the bedposts with rope.
Hamad is on top of her,
slowly humping away.
Her face is streaked with tears.
Eyes closed, softly whimpering.
HAMAD
(grunts)
American pussy --
(beat)
Smells like STRAWBERRIES.
Downstairs, the doorbell RINGS.
HAMAD
Go away.
He moves faster,
really goes at it.
HAMAD
You need to MOVE HIPS.
He SLAPS her.
She CRIES out.
Starts humping him.
HAMAD
That’s more LIKE it.
Kamal comes to the door.
Averts his eyes.
KAMAL
Hamad.
Hamad keeps humping,
reaching his crescendo.
HAMAD
Ah -- ah -- ah --
KAMAL
HAMAD.
Sorry to interrupt, but --
Hamad COMES like a bull on steroids.
ROARS like a tiger.
HAMAD
Praise ALLAH!
Fuck AMERICAN PUSSY!
The doorbell RINGS again.
KAMAL
There is someone at the door.
Private Bel Air security.
What should we do?
Hamad gets off Trophy Wife.
Pads over to Kamal.
HAMAD
Let them in.
Take husband with you.
Tell him we hurt wife
unless he cooperates.
KAMAL
Okay.
(beat)
How was she?
HAMAD
No pubic hair.
Outrageous.
(beat)
But incredible turn-on.
INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and Peeler sit on the couch
watching the rain coming down outside.
It’s letting up a bit.
PEELER
So what next.
CHERRY
Well, since our tour guide
got his fucking HEAD blown up,
I think I better call the dude
and get directions.
Cherry pulls out her cell phone.
Tries to dial the number.
But the battery is DEAD.
CHERRY
SHIT.
She FLINGS it against
the wall -- CRACK.
CHERRY
MOTHER-FUCKER!
PEELER
Hey, calm down. It’s okay.
(pulls out his phone)
You can use mine.
CHERRY
I can’t TAKE THIS ANYMORE.
Just then, the side door
BURSTS OPEN with a CRUNCH.
Splintered wood goes FLYING --
And April FLIES IN on the Vespa.
PEELER
Holy shit!
CHERRY
NOOOOOO!
Cherry SCRAMBLES to get her gun,
but April is TOO FAST.
She JUMPS off the scooter,
races over and TACKLES her.
Pins her arms to the floor.
Peeler JUMPS on top of April,
tries to pull her off Cherry.
April HEAD-BUTTS Peeler --
and he FLIES backwards,
blood POURING out of this nose.
April sits astride Cherry.
APRIL
I’m a federal officer.
You’re under arrest.
CHERRY
FUCK you.
APRIL
(SLAPS her)
What the FUCK were you DOING?
Did you really think you
could get AWAY with it?
It’s a fucking NUKE.
CHERRY
Go fuck yourself, BITCH.
April takes out her gun.
Points it in Cherry’s face.
APRIL
Don’t fucking move.
She pulls out keys,
unlocks Cherry’s cuffs.
Looks at her.
CHERRY
Incredible.
You could be my twin.
Peeler goes to the bar.
Gets a towel for his nose.
PEELER
So I guess we’re
in a lot of trouble.
APRIL
Unlawful flight with a
concealed nuclear device?
I would say so.
Peeler inches over to
Cherry’s handbag on the bar.
PEELER
I would imagine that’s --
a lot of time in prison.
APRIL
Try life without parole.
(beat)
If not the death penalty for TREASON.
April gets off of Cherry. Stands.
APRIL
Roll over. On your stomach.
CHERRY
Fuck you.
April KICKS cherry in the side.
CHERRY
OW!
APRIL
DO IT. NOW!
A gun safety CLICKS.
PEELER
Stands behind April.
Pressing it into the back of her head.
PEELER
I’m really sorry to do this,
but we’re not going to prison.
APRIL
Do you have any idea
what you’re doing?
You’re just gonna make it
a hell of a lot WORSE.
Drop the gun, and I promise
you won’t get hurt.
PEELER
(JAMS it into her head)
SHUT UP.
Cherry gets up.
Goes to April.
GRABS her gun.
CHERRY
Okay, bitch -- give me your cuffs.
April does a slow burn.
Takes them out.
Cherry SNATCHES them.
CHERRY
Hands behind your back.
Peeler steps away.
Still aiming.
Cherry walks over,
CLICKS the cuffs on April.
SHOVES her on the couch.
CHERRY
THAT’S for fucking KICKING
me, fucking BITCH.
APRIL
You’ll never get away with this.
The area is swarming with agents.
CHERRY
We’ll take our chances.
(to Peeler)
Ready to go?
PEELER
Yeah.
He goes over and gets the case.
Hefts it.
PEELER
Heavy.
CHERRY
It’s a fucking NUKE.
Of course it’s HEAVY.
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