Greed Is Good

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 34 of FULL BODY, Croatian crime boss Yuri Vlaovic and his long-lost wife Mavra bask in the glow of post-coital bliss, but get interrupted when wannabe night club singer Summer Donovan shows up and announces she wants to quit her job as an erotic masseuse at his spa ...


INT. THE INTERNATIONAL - YURI’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Yuri and Mavra lie on the floor.
A tangled mess of spent passion.

Listening to soft music
playing on the stereo.

Yuri gets up.
Offers his hand.

MAVRA
Stay with me.
Is like we are
losing virginities.

YURI
Need smoke --
(pulls her up)
C’mere -- lubavnik.

She rises.
Gestures. Dips.

MAVRA
I like -- American remix.

YURI
Satellite radio.
Only the best
in land of opportunity.

MAVRA
(embraces him)
Opportunity knocks -- me up.

YURI
Opportunity had
fucking multiple orgasm.

The glittering syncopated intrigue
of Thievery Corporation’s
KILLER’S WALTZ starts, percolates over --

Yuri grabs his smokes from the desk.
Pulls out a pair.

Pops them in his mouth.
Lights up.

Hands her one.
She SNATCHES it.

YURI
Do you know
how to whistle?

MAVRA
(exhales luxuriously)
Darling.
Put lips together
and blow job.

YURI
We need to --
wait a bit.

MAVRA
Silly boy.
Who said anything about you?

They laugh. Nuzzle. Smoke.
Years of pain washing away.

YURI
Remember that summer in Zagreb,
after gimnazija dance?

MAVRA
When I gave you
hand job in vijecnica?

YURI
You said it more fun
than milking cow.

Oogie pops his head out
of Yuri’s jacket
lying on a chair.

YURI
Oogie.
There you are --

MAVRA
You still bring home
stray animals?

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hello?
Is anybody here?

SUMMER appears in the doorway.
With Lindsey.

LINDSEY
Oh.
Sorry to -- interrupt --

SUMMER
Mr. Vlaovic.
Sorry to --

YURI
MR. VLAOVIC?
Yuri, please --
you must call me YURI.

The girls fidget.
Awkward. Staring at Mavra.

And the couple’s
state of near undress.

YURI
Ach.
I forget manners.
Summer, Lindsey --
I’d like you to
meet my wife, Mavra.

MAVRA
(bows)
Enchanted.

The girls exchange glances.

LINDSEY
But I thought -- your wife --

SUMMER
She -- passed away?

YURI
Was white lie
to hide pain and loss.
And now is miracle,
we are reunited.

MAVRA
(takes Yuri’s hand, kisses it)
Like vilderbeast
in Dalmatian forest.

Pause.

SUMMER
So, uh -- Yuri --

LINDSEY
Don’t let her do it, Yuri.
You can’t let her quit.

YURI
(to Summer)
You want to quit?
After only first day?

SUMMER
I’m sorry, but
I’m just not --
I can’t --

ETYA walks in.
Hands on hips.

ETYA
You cannot quit!
You are already most popular!
All your clients have
booked for you again.
And you made most money.
(beat)
Sorry.
Was eavesdropping.

SUMMER
They did?
I did? But --

YURI
Is ridiculous.
You not give us chance.
This is respectable
family business.
Sure, there is
occasional kinkiness,
but we perform valuable service --
helping movers and
shakers release tension.
We are doing duty
for seat of nation’s capitol --
in seat of pants.

Etya hands envelopes
to Summer and Lindsey.

ETYA
Go ahead.
Count it.
You made five thousand
fifty dollars, Ms. Donovan.

SUMMER
(looks)
Five thousand -- ?

LINDSEY
(looks)
That’s more than
twice what I --

YURI
I understand you might
find some of what you do
here to be a little -- unseemly.
But this is American way.
Greed is good.
Sometimes you have to get
down and dirty
in name of capitalism.
Look at Iraq war,
Haliburton, hello?
They fucking cleaned up.
And look at Madison Avenue.
Sex sells.
How else you explain
Doublemint Twins?
What we do isn’t
illegal or immoral,
is just -- business.
Profitable business.

MAVRA
Family business.

LINDSEY
Which could allow you
to follow your dream --

Pause.

SUMMER
Okay, you win.
Alright? Happy?
(beat)
But I’m taking tomorrow off --