Better Latent Than Never

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of FULL BODY, Israeli homicide dick Ben Fleck finishes his interrogations by questioning Portuguese masseuse Catalina Gil about her illicit tryst with French/African temptress Ayanna Prouxl. Meanwhile, Croatian gangster Yuri Vlaovic warns his daughter Etya that her mother is on the rampage and wants to kill both of them ...


INT. POLICE PRECINCT - INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT
Nassour drinks in Catalina.
Smiles.

NASSOUR
Lovely name.
What does it mean?

CATALINA
Apparently in this country,
some kind of salad dressing.

A loud BUZZING in her purse.
She pulls out her cell.

Reads the number.
Scowls. Silently curses.

NASSOUR
Would you PLEASE
turn off your
cell phone, Ms. Gil?
This is IMPORTANT.

CATALINA
(fingers buttons)
I am -- I will.
I’m sorry --

NASSOUR
Are you a lesbian, Ms. Gil?

CATALINA
No.
I’m married, I have --

NASSOUR
Horseshit.
Many marriages are a ruse
for latent homosexuality.

CATALINA
I love my husband --

NASSOUR
Did you enjoy making love
with Ms. Prouxl?

CATALINA
Excuse me?

NASSOUR
In your -- session.

CATALINA
(blushes)
I don’t understand
how this --

NASSOUR
You ENJOYED IT,
DIDN’T you.

CATALINA
NO.

NASSOUR
What were you doing
on or about 10:45, Ms. Gil?

CATALINA
I was finishing
the session with Ay --
Ms. Prouxl, and --

NASSOUR
(whispers)
Did you come?

CATALINA
Excuse me?

NASSOUR
It’s not a
hard question, Ms. Gil,
you either had an orgasm,
or you didn’t.

EXT. POLICE PRECINCT - PARKING LOT - AT THAT MOMENT
The doors BANG open.
Etya BARRELS down the steps.

FLIPS out a smoke.
FIRES it up.
FLIPS open her cell phone.

ETYA
Hello, Poppa?

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

EXT. CROATIAN EMBASSY - VALET PARKING STAND - CONTINUOUS
Yuri GRABS his keys from a tiny,
AFGHANI VALET.

Holding open the door
to his smokin’ hot
gold Lamborgini.

YURI
(into the phone, getting in)
Etya!
Momma got away!
(slams the door)
Fucking girl scout --

ETYA
Poppa!
You have to come
and get us,
the fucking cops --
(beat)
She did?
I thought that --

YURI
(starts the car, PEELS OUT)
The cops vat?
Vhere are you,
vat happened?

The Lamborgini SHOOTS
down the street.
Tires SCREECH.

ETYA
At the fucking COP SHOP.
Someone shot Reynolds Tan!

YURI
Vhat?!
Who shot her?

ETYA
I don’t know!
That’s vhy they qvestioned -

YURI
Did YOU kill her?!
Am I going to have to
GROUND YOU?

ETYA
No, I just met her!
Vhy would I --

YURI
Your TEMPER?
A SPURNED ADVANCE, maybe?
I told you to
keep your hands off --

ETYA
I DIDN’T FUCKING SHOOT HER.
(low)
She vasn’t my type.

Yuri DOWNSHIFTS with a vengeance.
Stops a light.

YURI
Enough of this shit.
You have to get to salon, NOW.
Momma’s on her way --
and she has her
boyfriend vith her.

ETYA
That fucking perv SILKE?
But we’re all here.
The girls, Rod --

YURI
Call a cab and
get the fuck
over there, NOW!

ETYA
Okay.
Meet you back at raunch --