Warm And Fuzzy

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, private eye Carrie Love and her ex-husband, homicide dick Bernie Keko discover Carrie's neighbor Kip Slobotnik with his head blown off, much to their disgust, but the shit really hits the fan when they discover they're both working the same case ... and will have to work together ...


INT. ASSHOLE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE - DAY
Bernie stands in front
of an old, worn sofa bed.

Opened up, revealing a
very dead KIP SLOBOTNIK.
Half his head, gone.

We hear RETCHING
in the next room.

BERNIE
(to someone off-camera)
Are you okay in there?

Carrie comes out.
Wiping her face
with a hand towel.

CARRIE
Too early in the day
for brain chunks.

BERNIE
Or are you still with the
Bushmill’s for breakfast?

CARRIE
Dangle, bub.
Put a sock in it.
(nods at the couch)
Think it was the bloody toupee.
The blast knocked it
clear across the room.
Disgusting.

BERNIE
So that’s definitely him.

CARRIE
Yeah.
I’d know that rug anywhere.

BERNIE
So what about his roommate?
Where is he?

CARRIE
Martune travels alot on business,
he’s a cigar rep, always
smoking those stinky fucks.

BERNIE
Well, I’m gonna
have one of my boys
stake this place out
until he comes home.
I’ve got bigger fish to fuck.
(boasting)
You see on the news
about that movie producer
who was shot in the face
and left on the
Hollywood Walk of Fame?

CARRIE
No.
But his wife just hired me.

BERNIE
What the fuck?
That’s MY case.

Carrie goes
to the front door.

Opens it.
Turns.

CARRIE
Looks like we’re
working together again, bucko.
See you on the set.

EXT. CARRIE’S CAR - MOVING - DAY
On the car stereo,
Divinyl’s BULLET spits
shards of broken glass over Carrie.

Hot in leather.
Cool in shades.

The car cruises the
Main Street strip
in Santa Monica.

CARRIE (V.O.)
My father taught me
how to be tough.
How to make it
on your own
in the world.
He taught me
that life sucks,
and that sometimes
you have to shake off the shit
that gets shoved in your face
and move on.
Like the day my mother
packed her bags and left.
He said it was
just us now,
us against the world.
(beat)
Until that morning
he blew his brains out
with his service revolver.
Carrie stops at a light.
Lights up a smoke.

CARRIE (V.O.)
That’s what Slobotnik looked like.
Like half my father’s head
sprayed across his barcalounger.

The light changes.
Carrie HITS the gas.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Enough warm, fuzzy
childhood memories.
I’ve got to get ready
for my close-up --