Half-Cocked

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, private eye Carrie Love races to meet with her client Gay Flender about her missing movie producer husband Harvey ... just as the cops find his dead body on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame. Meanwhile, Christian producer Ken Rice meets with his 'agent' at a chickenhawk bar to pitch 'his latest project' ...


EXT. CARRIE’S CAR - MOVING - DAY
Carrie’s monster '68 Olds cruises north
through a tunnel of palm trees.

Passes lux beach joints.
Ivy at the Shore --

CARRIE (V.O.)
Ah. Smoggy, muggy Los Angeles.
Like a sauna, blanketing this
godforsaken burg like a warm, damp shroud.
Just the thing for a hangover.

The car stops at a light.
The sign reads MONTANA AVE.

Carrie signals.
Turns right.
Starts heading east.

CARRIE (V.O.)
My mouth was dry.
Heart, pounding. Head, throbbing.
Muscles aching from my tryst
with the Empress of the Damned.

CAMERA flies by a series of trendy boutiques.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Maybe this would help take my mind off
being left at the dog collar.
An easy, simple missing husband --
who’s probably sleeping off a bender
in some sleazy motel room
with a high-priced call girl.

The car turns left onto 26th Street.
Passes by beautiful multi-million dollar homes.

Luxury SUV’s.
Luxury nannies with luxury strollers
pushing luxury heiresses and future CEO’s.

CARRIE (V.O.)
This neighborhood always makes me feel like
Ray Milland in ‘Sunset Boulevard.’
(beat)
Hungry. Desperate. Doesn’t belong.

Carrie’s car pulls over to the curb.
Stops.

She inspects herself in the rear view.
Sniffs an armpit.

CARRIE (V.O.)
Not too bad.
But I probably should have
jumped in the shower.
(beat)
Nah. Never stopped Sam Spade --

EXT. VINE STREET - AT THAT MOMENT
A couple blocks south of Hollywood Boulevard,
where the celebrity stars end.

An old hotel, ‘The Grand,’
now not-so.

A small CROWD OF ONLOOKERS is cordoned off
behind yellow police tape.

A uniformed COP ON HORSEBACK
pushes them back.

COP ON HORSEBACK
Behind the BARRICADE --

Another OFFICER, this one a beefy,
plainclothes HOMICIDE DICK,
leans against the hotel steps.
Hung-over. He pukes.

BEEFY HUNG-OVER DICK
GAAA.

ANGLE ON --

The bug-eyed dog walker we saw earlier.
Now a corpse lying on a star.

Shot in the mouth.
The eyes. Crotch.

The name reads --
'Don Simpson.'

BEEFY
walks over. Takes a look.

His PARTNER, a tall, lanky string-bean,
searches through Bug-Eye’s billfold.

BEEFY HUNG-OVER DICK
Whattawe got?

STRING BEAN DICK
Name’s Flender.
Some movie producer.

EXT. WEST HOLLYWOOD - SCANDALS - DUSK
A restaurant on the second floor,
above a gay video store.

INT. SCANDALS - CONTINUOUS
Connie Francis’ SECOND HAND LOVE
plays on a jukebox over --

Dark, very old school.
BARTENDERS in shirt and tie.

Cute, buff WAITERS strut about.
The patrons are all men.

Very old. Or very young.
Ambiance heavy and quiet
with lust and money.

Welcome to a ‘chicken-hawk’ bar.

Ken sits at the bar with DAVID NANCE (50’s),
gender-fuck clone from another planet.

Stick thin.
Fashion a’la ‘85.

Spiky hair teased with blond tips.
Eyes bright with makeup.

He raises a pink cocktail
with an umbrella.

DAVID
Here’s to the demise of the
biggest fucking thief in Hollywood.

Ken grins.
Raises his glass.

KEN
And -- to my pet project.

They sip.
Eyes twinkling.

DAVID
And just why doesn’t your AGENT
know about this ‘pet’ project? Hmmm?

KEN
I’ve been keeping it to myself for a bit.
I didn't want to go off half-cocked.

DAVID
Who does?
(winks)
So spill it.

KEN
Okay.
Did you see on the news
about that teacher
that had an affair
with one of the students?

DAVID
I saw it on Perez Hilton.
The boy is what, 13?
Talk about prime rib.
(sips his drink)
Shame on that teacher,
seducing a young boy like that.
Old enough to be his mother.

KEN
This is another one.
The teacher, a man,
had an affair with a student,
a sixteen-year-old BOY --
(dramatic pause)
Who turns out to be his SON.

DAVID
Kinky.
But I can’t sell that to a network.

KEN
I have a plan.
(sips his drink)
The Lord works in mysterious ways, my boy.

Ken notices someone
at the other end of the bar.

His eyes light up.
He leans over to the bartender.

KEN
You see that great, big
bear of a man down there?
Would you please send him
another drink? On me --

ANGLE ON --

A large, hulking freak of a guy.
A 300-pounder.

Massive, misshapen head
like something out of FREAKS.

He finishes his drink.
Starts CRUNCHING ice.
Dim bulb flickering.

KEN
And be sure to tell him
who its from --