Wednesday, February 19, 2014
The Silence Of The Clams
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 10 of WILSHIRE BOULEVARD, private eye Carrie Love arrives at Yavo/Flender Films, a production company that makes shitty TV movies to question all five employees, all suspects in the murder of producer Harvey Flender. But first, Carrie needs to get through the pearly gates ...
EXT. WILSHIRE BOULEVARD - BANK - AFTERNOON
The big-band swoon of The Brian Setzer Orchestra’s
bourbon-drenched TOWN WITHOUT PITY
blares its seedy swing over --
A FAT, HOMELESS WOMAN in a wheelchair
festooned with a flag,
pinwheel whirling in the breeze.
Giant lobster-red legs scuttling
crab-like movements down the sidewalk past --
A 70’s-era red brick bank
in the no-man’s land just west of Bundy.
The SIGN reads ‘FI ST NATIONAL PHILIPPINES B_NK.’
CAMERA glides up the path
to the front entrance. Doors OPEN.
PIGGY SECURITY GUARD
sits at the desk, a human hog.
Shakes his jowls.
Let’s loose a HORRIFYING SNEEZE.
PIGGY SECURITY GUARD
He HAWKS UP a big glob of phlegm.
SPITS behind the desk.
It hits the bottom
of the wastebasket with a PING.
CAMERA moves left, revealing a GLASS DOOR.
YAVO/FLENDER FILMS, LTD
stenciled in plain black lettering.
Underneath, a small, hand-lettered sign
in all caps reads
‘JUAN, PLEASE COME SEE ME.
I HAVE YOUR CHANGE.’
The right door OPENS.
CAMERA glides in.
isn’t much to look at.
More like the front room.
Cheesy TV-movie posters abound.
We ZOOM IN on one.
A FADED TV-ACTRESS in a Santa hat
brandishes a gun.
DEATH TAKES A HOLIDAY.
CAMERA glides by --
In the corner, desk against the plate glass,
a HARRIED WOMAN, (30’s).
Winsome, dark-haired. Sleepy-eyed.
Cute in denim mini and red Ramones T-shirt.
She murmurs into her headset.
Stretch limo, smoking, with DVD player,
first priority hair and makeup?
CAMERA continues its journey, glides past --
AN OPEN DOORWAY
where we see a red-faced INTENSE GUY (30’s).
Persian good looks. Shaved head.
Bloodshot eyes burning with
self-important, bipolar rage.
MODI FARAHT, head of legal.
He POUNDS on his keyboard.
BARKS into the phone.
Go fuck yourself!
We paid Marsha Day Wallace
and she’s an OSCAR WINNER.
CAMERA CONTINUES down a narrow hallway.
On the walls, FRAMED ONE-SHEETS
of Yavo/Flender’s TV movie masterpieces --
MURDER ON THE BELTWAY: FOR THE LOVE OF A SNIPER
BILLY! THE BILLY JOHN STORY
GUYS AND DOLLS: THE NEXT CHAPTER
CAMERA reaches the end, turns right,
where we see --
A HORRIBLE, PIG-FACED WOMAN
sitting at a large work area.
Furiously CLACK-CLACKING on her keyboard.
A dead ringer for Anne Ramsey
from THROW MOMMA FROM THE TRAIN.
She speaks into her headset.
HORRIBLE PIG-FACED WOMAN
There’s more beer in the garage, Larry.
But I thought you were working today --
CAMERA MOVES past her, to another workstation.
Behind a computer sits an
ODD-LOOKING SAD-FACED MAN reading Variety.
I brought that margarine
in the squeeze-top bottle
I was telling you about.
HORRIBLE PIG-FACED WOMAN (O.C.)
That’s convenient --
A tiny, wild-eyed cigar-smoking FURIOUS MAN (60’s)
appears in his office doorway.
Meet ROLAND YAVO, the senior partner,
a bundle of manic energy. Bluster. Bravado.
And right now, 'last producer standing.'
Where THE FUCK is my conference call?
Pig-Face turns her head. Looks.
It got cancelled on account of --
WHAT? I’ve GOT to close this FUCKING DEAL.
We’ve had cops and media all over the place,
and nothing’s getting done!
I’ll see if I can get Izzy on the line.
You do that.
He storms back into his office.
The phone RINGS.
Odd-Looking answers it.
This is Fleming.
SPLIT SCREEN WITH:
EXT. WILSHIRE BLVD. - CARRIE’S CAR - MOVING - AT THAT MOMENT
Carrie drives, talks on her cell.
Wind WHIPPING her hair.
Hi. My name is Carrie Love,
I’m a private eye.
Gay Flender hired me.
Fleming looks at Betty.
Mouths ‘it’s a private detective.’
I’d like to swing by and talk to you.
All of you, actually.
Well, we’ve had a lot of visitors today.
Right now isn’t such a good time.
What if I gave you a hundred clams?
Come around six-o’clock.