The Gift That Keeps Killing

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of LEGS, private eye Carrie Love, homicide dick Bernie Keko and stripper Jonna James arrive at the apartment where Carrie's clients missing daughter is hiding, and get a most violent surprise ...


EXT. SHITTY APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT
One of those pre-war jobs common in Hollywood.
Up on stilts. Parking below.

But hey, it has a pool.
'The Starlet,' indeed.

Carrie’s Porsche convertible pulls up and parks.

INT. CARRIE’S PORSCHE - NIGHT
Carrie shuts off the engine.
Looks in the rearview.

JONNA
So how we gonna do this?

CARRIE
Very carefully.
(off her look)
I’m a new friend of yours.
If she knows who I really am,
she’ll clam up. Got it?

JONNA
Okay. Where did we meet?
We need a cover story, right?

CARRIE
We met at the Cheetah --
(meaningfully)
And we’re going to your place.

JONNA
Oh. OH.
(beat)
I can do that.
I’ve -- been with girls.

CARRIE
Don’t worry.
It’s just a ruse.

Jonna stares at her appraisingly.
Faint smile.

JONNA
It doesn’t necessarily have to be.

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK on the window.
It’s BERNIE. Carrie nods. Opens the door.
Gets out. Jonna piles out. Joins them.

CARRIE
The two of us will go up.
You stay here and back us up.

BERNIE
No way. I’m coming with you.

CARRIE
Bernie, if you come, it’ll spook her.
(nods at Jonna)
We’re gonna pretend to be hooked up,
so she won’t suspect why I’m there.

BERNIE
(looks at Jonna, nods)
Good idea.
But I should be closer,
like right behind you.

CARRIE
You’re not gonna budge on this, are you?

BERNIE
Cops don’t have to budge.

JONNA
(looks at Bernie, then Carrie)
You two used to be together.

CARRIE
(off Bernie’s look)
She was a pysch major --

EXT. THE STARLET - SECOND FLOOR CORRIDOR - NIGHT
An open walkway with a row of apartment doors on the wall.
Jonna leads Carrie down to the end.

Jiggles her keys in the door to her apartment.
Bernie watches from a few feet away.

JONNA
The lock sticks.
Hold on a sec --

The door CLICKS open.
Jonna opens the door. Looks in.

JONNA
Holy SHIT.

CARRIE
What?

Carrie brushes her aside, walks into --

INT. JONNA’S APARTMENT - NIGHT
Small and cluttered, and right now COMPLETELY TRASHED.
Tables overturned. Pictures RIPPED. Furniture SLASHED OPEN.

Carrie pulls out her pistol.
Whispers over her shoulder to Jonna.

CARRIE
Go get Bernie.

Jonna nods. Hustles out.
Then a loud CRASH from down the hallway.
Carrie tiptoes toward it.

INT. JONNA’S APARTMENT - HALLWAY - NIGHT
Carrie moves quietly in the darkness.
Pointing her gun with both hands.

She reaches a doorway.
Light spilling out.
We hear the sound of fabric being RIPPED.

She takes a deep breath,
then WHIRLS into the doorway --

INT. DINA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Tiny. Cute and girly, and now also completely TRASHED.

A LARGE, BEARDED GOON (30’s) holds up the mattress,
which he’s right now GUTTING with a HUGE KNIFE.
Carrie LEAPS into the doorway. Gun aimed.

CARRIE
Drop the knife or I SHOOT.

Bearded turns his head. Sees Carrie.
WHIRLS the mattress around so it’s between them.

LARGE, BEARDED GOON
Fuck you, BITCH.

And he CHARGES at her.
SHOVING the mattress toward her.

Carrie KICKS it,
stopping Bearded in his tracks.

He ROARS like an animal.
FLINGS it to the side.

It hits the mirrored wall with a CRASH.
Glass goes FLYING.

Bearded JUMPS at Carrie.
GRABS her around the throat
with big, meaty paws.

She PISTOL-WHIPS him on the head.
But it’s like a flea-bite on an elephant.

He squeezes HARDER.
Carrie’s face starts turning red.

With all her strength,
she POUNDS on his back, but it’s no use.

A large BANG.
His head EXPLODES like a watermelon.

Blood, skull and brains go FLYING.
Carrie rolls out from under him.

BERNIE
Stands in the doorway.
Puts his giant 44 Magnum back in his holster.
Smiles grimly.

BERNIE
Dum-dum hollow-points.
The gift that keeps killing.

Carrie grabs a towel hanging on a chair.
Wipes her face.

Shakes her head.
Stares at him with disgust.

CARRIE
Thanks for saving my life,
but now we can’t question him, can we?

BERNIE
You always have to nitpick --